When Is a Vacation Not a Vacation

You sound like my mother - it never mattered what my father set up for us or how well we behaved - she was always unhappy and said vacation was more work than being at home with us...

I am a single mom - my kids are 17, 12, 7 and 5 - and I enjoy every single vacation... I spend just a bit more on the hotel rooms(so we don't get to go as often) - so that I can have at least one extra room and or a kitchenette - Embassy Suites and Marriot RESIDENCE inns are both worth the little extra money because you get the extra room - FREE breakfast -

I get in the pool and PLAY with the kids - - - The last time we went a few weeks ago for an overnight vacation - we needed a break and I couldn't afford two nights - - - my 12yo noticed that I was the only mother actually IN the pool - all the others were sunbathing on the sides while the kids were alone or dad was in the pool with them... My 5yo cannot swim yet - he had a lifevest, a floaty suit and a kickboard that he take turns with - - - I was looking around at all the other women and wondering what it was like to sit and do nothing - - - then my son came up to me, kissed me and said, "You're the bestest mommy in the world because you play with me!"

Now that's a vacation - he will always remember playing with mommy and I felt like the most special mother on earth...

I encourage you to look at your vacations differently - relish the children and the experiences - savor their excitment - whether it's collecting brochures in the lobby - writing with the note pads and pens in the drawers - taking 5 baths a day (no water bill) - - - watch their faces - embrace what they are enjoying and look at the work as an opportunity to bond with the children and realize just how much you mean to them... Look at trying to find food they will eat as an adventure - make it a treasure hunt and have them play along - - - make it a game - it's vacation after all....

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We don't usually take vacations in the traditional sense. Usually we do lots of day trips to museums, Disneyland, the zoo, Sea World, etc. throughout the year with the kids and take a weekend to Vegas or something without them. I do know people who bring a responsible (older) teenager to watch their kids so that they have an extra set of eyes during the day and someone to stay in the hotel with them so mom and dad can experience the night life...The usual arrangement as I have understood it is that they pay for the teen to do all the fun stuff and meals etc. in exchange for help with the kids. This way the teenager gets a trip to say Disneyland (or the beach or whatever) all expenses paid and the parents have a (relatively) reasonable nanny for the week.

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I do a ton of research about an area before we get there. We take a cooler, order take out, and my husband and I switch back and forth taking care of our six-month-old. Also, it helps to go places that have a mini-kitchen to prepare meals. I'm tired before we leave and kick back (as much as possible) while we're whereever we want to be. We've traveled three times in six months and I have had to adjust my former version of R & R.
J.

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Yes, I agree! Mom's on the job! When I travel with my 6 & 3 yr olds it is twice as much work as being home...the only relaxing vacation, is traveling without them...then I worry about them at home with whoever is watching them!! Maybe when they're 30 I'll be able to relax! :)

Seriously, I think there are two different vacations, with kids & without, and as long as you know which one you're on & set your own expectations correctly each can be fun in it's own way.

J.
www.workathomeunited.com/jillman

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Dear M.,

You are right that vacations with children are not really vacations for Mom, or even Dad. BUT they are golden memories and they are chances for you to widen your children's world view. NOW that is settled, you and Dad need a weekend to yourselves several times a year. My husband and I did that.

Noooo the Moms who read are either neglecting their children, or they are getting someone else to take care of them. These years with the children are hard and constant with demands on us, but they do end, and you want them to end happily, so keep on reading when the kids are napping ???? or when they are in bed for the night or at school or what? But it doesn't pay to wonder about other moms, you need to make your own world and do it your way.

I am so proud and happy and relieved that my children and grandchildren take such good care of my great grandchildren. I just feel so happy that they are getting the attention, care, and constant discipline and gooood fooood, education and fun experiences that you are giving to your children right now. It works out. Don't listen to other people they always leave out the bad parts.

No kidding, C. N.

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whay doesn't your 5 year old swim?!!! ours was competing by that age, one of many other 5 year olds--only novice, but a better swimmer than her dad. i would say first priority is get that kid swimming! especially w/ an older sister to chase, it shouldn't be to hard--our first one took a long time to teach, but the second one was so fast since she didnt want to be left behind. about the food, what is the dad doing? why isn't he helping, either w/ the non-swimmer or the food? mine is not terribly helpful, but one thing he does is spend time w/ the kids on vacation & keep the younger non-swimmers from drowning. vacation is all about the dad taking care of the kids i would think (unless that's his regular job). But then even with help and swimming kids, I don't get to read on vacation, unless it's on the plane, train, or in the car. although I love to read, it's more fun playing with the kids, enjoying the scenery/activities/culture of the new place. only thing i don't like is kids getting behind on all their sports & lessons. Think that, if you're going to stress about stuff on vacation, the educational part & if they are in sports--that's what i worry about. they don't like getting behind either. if you are in europe, it's super-easy to find cheap healthy food--fruit, bread, cheese, the local specialty meat or fish. i am so grateful not to step inside a kitchen!!! oh my goodness! that's what makes it a real vacation!

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Hi M.,

I am new to this sight but would like to share a story with you. My husband works alot and so since my kids (ages 6 and 8) are off track, I decided to take them on a little vacation to San Diego, just us three,to visit my brother and his family. My sister in law is also a stay at home mom and has 3 kids (3,6 &8). I spent most of my week watching over her kids and my own because it turns out she was needing a vacation of her own. Although I didn't expect to...I had so much fun and the kids look forward to visiting their cousins again! Soon our little ones will be asking to take vacations from us, I hold onto these days I can still enjoy the silly things they do. =)

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Well, M., you've probably gotten an earful by now, but I'd just like to add my 2 cents worth! First of all, if at all possible, PLEASE get your 5 year old pool-safe. Both of my girls, now 18 and 13, started swim lessons at age 22 months and by age 3 were jumping into deep water and "birdy-winging" (floating on their backs and paddling) to the side of the pool, much to the surprise of onlookers. I got a lot of reading done pool-side while they were swimming. I also recommend renting a condo rather than staying in a hotel. Even with teenagers, eating from a hotel menu is ridiculously expensive and not worth it. Finally, GET YOUR HUSBAND TO DO HIS JOB!! He needs to step up and give you a break. Have him play with the kids while you take a nap or read. Then you'll be rested and ready to prepare dinner or do whatever else you need to do. Forget about sightseeing for awhile...just pick somewhere relaxing, and encourage your girls to READ themselves. When we go to Hawaii, we always visit the local public library and check out a ton of books. Even when my girls were younger, we always had quiet time between 1 and 3PM...sometimes I allowed them to watch a movie (nothing too exciting...Mary Poppins, Winnie-the-Pooh, some mild Disney fare, etc.),and now that they are older, they just read. Then everyone is rested and ready for another activity and dinner. Good luck, and remember...you're entering the golden age of childhood now, before the dreaded teen years! ;0) P.S. I had my first child at 36 and the 2nd at 40, so I know what it's like to be tired!!

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A vacation will be a vacation when you leave the kids (maybe even the hubby) and hit a white beach, margarita in hand!

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I am sooooo with you on this!! "vacations" are not relaxing with small children! Before I had kids, I never understood why cruises or staying at big expensive resorts were good ideas. Now I get it. If you can just stay in one place and have everything brought to you when you have little kids, that is the best that anyone can hope for. My family just spent 4 days in a resort, and it was nice because of the above reasons, but EXPENSIVE!!! And 4 days was way enough for me. I was ready for the comforts of home. I constantly tell my kids (age 5 and 2) that we will not go to Disneyland (or anything like that) until they are 12 and 9. Maybe someday it will be fun!!

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We just figured out the key to a good vacation this year....Bring Grandma! We recently went on a little weekend trip to Disneyland with the whole crew. We had a great time during the day as a family and then at night, Grandma stayed with the little one while we went to dinner and had some alone time. My husband is less than helpful with our daughter, so it was great to have an extra set of hands/eyes...I was actually able to enjoy.

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M., believe me, I know how you feel. Recently, my husband and I took our son to Disneyland with a group of my husband's family members. I did not feel like I was on vacation until after we had dinner. I had my son all day pretty much. At the time he was barely 1 1/2 and wanted to run everywhere. My husband took off a lot of the time with his brother and nephew to go on the rides leaving me with the little one and my brother in laws girlfriend (due to the fact that she was pregnant and couldn't get on the rides). Not until right before dinner did my husband's aunt take my son for a walk in his stroller did I get a chance to relax and go on a couple of rides. I think that's what it takes for us to get a rest, a helping hand from a family member willing to watch the children for just a little bit of time for us to get some relaxing time in. Maybe next time if you guys have family with you, they might lend that little bit of relaxation time to you and watch the kids. Good luck.

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A vacation is a vacation when you leave the tots at home with Grandma! I didn't have my first child until I was 40, so I had tons of vacations before that. Now I've resigned myself to NOT getting relaxing pool time for myself, or time to read, or dance into the night. At least not for several years. Relax and enjoy your kids and see the joy in their faces while "on vacation" and know it's their time. Hopefully once in a while you can slip off to the spa for a facial or a massage while hubby watches the kids for a couple hours. Happy Summer. :-)

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You know for me, bringing Grandma would just make things worse. My mother is not helpful; I'd just be taking care of her, too. (Example: I was 38 weeks pregnant when my mom came to help. I came downstairs one morning and said, "Mom, did you have breakfast? She said, "I'll have pancakes, please.") Vacations are definitely more work than being home. The idea of a kitchenette of vaca is not so good for me. Then, you have to cook, too. You get NO break. I think a lot of the women who get to read just ignore their kids. We've all seen them, the kids who are running amok with no parents anywhere to stop them. Those parents get lots of reading done on vacation. The rest of us are watching our kids and theirs! I usually insist on some "me" time. My husband is very cooperative. Even if it's just sitting on a bench at Disney eating a Toll House cookie while they do something else, or shopping by myself, I make sure I get that time. It's not just having the few minutes that makes me feel good, it's the fact that my husband is acknowledging my needs and trying to do something about it. Talk to your hubby!

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Yes, I definitely agree with bringing someone with you. Also, you should stay in a room with a kitchenette. We always have a fridge and mini stove in our room. Also, next time go to the beach. Go somewhere where there aren't museums and sights where all you can do is lounge around. If my husband and I travel without friends or family, we take turns with our daughter. If you skip all the attractions and skip eating out 3 times a day, you can afford a much nicer room. We've even stayed in 2 bedroom facilities. There is traveling and then there is vacationing. We love them both, but when you need some R & R you have to skip all of the activites and go for the scenery. Bring games and movies for the girls to play and just veg out. Everyone needs a break every now and then.

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I agree watching kids during a vacation may be a vacation for them but not for Mom. What helps me when I travel with my son is to have some quiet activities that he can do alone. Movies, games, even books and we set aside a certain amount of time that we do our activities, and for me that is reading my book that way I get to relax some as well. I have learned to tune out some of the external noises while I read, such as movie but I hear him and so can read while he is watching a movie. Also if we happen to travel by car we use audio books instead of the radio because with the radio it means finding a suitable station in an area we are not necessarily familiar with. I take him to the library and let him choose the book so and then we are able to talk about it when we stop for whatever reason (gas, food, rest).

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I didn't read all teh responses, and though it seems liek you got what you were looking for... I woudl have to say that the vacations where the women just read and relax the whole time, well those are the vacations when they go with no kids. I am teh same way.. when we go on a trip its more exhausting that being at home! But I liek that, I like being the sight see'er and up first thing in teh morning going all day. If you really want one of THOSE vacations, maybe you and your husband or best friend can take a weekend trip. It doesn't even have to be far if your looking for a weekend of laying around by the pool reading. good luck

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My five yr old can't swim either, yet. Even before him, my older ones could swim and I still couldn't relax with them around, not completely anyway. I am always looking to see what they are doing. When they go to bed, that's when I read.

Enjoy your kids. Before you know it they will be moving out and you will have wished you would have enjoyed them a little more.

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