When Do You Know Is the Right Time to Have Another Child

I think a lot of moms wonder the same thing. I know that I did! I took the same approach you did and asked every mom I knew what their experiences were. I got lots of different opinions on what they liked about the age differences and what they might have done differently.
Ultimately, my husband and I decided to have baby #2 sooner than later because we'd like them to go through similar stages of life together. Plus, I'm over 30 and can't see myself having the energy to keep up with a toddler in another five years! This hasn't been the ideal year for me to be pregnant (lots of travel and career stuff going on) but I couldn't be happier that I'm about to have another baby this October. My daughter is 25 months now. Everybody says having them this close is tough the first year, but pays off after awhile because they really do take care of each other. Good luck!

All you can do is be prayerful and ask God's wisdom, guidance and peace. Don't let others push you one way or another. It isn't up to anyone else. My family wasn't exactly thrilled when I became pregnant with my second child as I had been extremely ill with my first baby and became pregnant right after her first birthday. But, they al warmed up to the idea. I am getting the same comments all over again. "You're done, right?" "You have a boy and girl, you don't need any more." "You got so sick with both kids, there's no reason to put yourself through that again." But, it's not their call. My husbad and I have decided that we want more and will probably start 'trying' in about 6 months or so. We want a large family and don't want to be 'old' parents, lol.

I hope that helps a little. Babies are a blessing andI hope you are able to find peace in whatever you decide.

God bless,
A.

Hi J.,
i just found out that I am pregnant with my 4th child. It was an agonizing decision for us because I miscarried my last pregnancy at 4 months. my children were devistated, and it took me a long time to heal. I finally decided that I knew deep down that I wanted one more and nomatter how much time goes by, your still going to have to go through it again, so why not just get it over with? You'll know in your heart when the time is right. Good luck.
M.. OH
PS- I am a SAHM of three, and my husband is a Police Officer too!

Both of my pregnancies were planned - had to be because we were going through IVF. Our daughters are right at about 3 years apart. Both were planned c-sections. Our oldesst (4.5 years old) has been a real champ helping with her baby sister, who is now 20 months.

But - the timing issue - only you guys can answer that question really. Like when I met my husband - I knew that he was it. It wasn't "love at first sight" or anything - I just knew. When we were looking at having #2 - we just knew.

Good luck!

I got pregnant with my second child the month my first turned 2. I was very ready. I'm now pregnant with my 3rd and I understand your ambiguous feelings. I knew I wanted another, but wasn't (and still am not) certain about the timing or how I'm going to (or am) handling it. I'm near the end of the first trimester and am starting to feel a little more confident about our decision. This one will be born just after my second child turns 4.

My advice is that only two opinions really count in this decision, yours and your husband's. Nobody else really has a say. I would recommend talking to your OB/Gyn about your concerns about delivery. I had a rough, but relatively uncomplicated delivery of my first, and a perfect delivery of my second, so I can't offer any advice in that department. You doctor may recommend that you plan a c-section ahead of time so you don't end up in an emergency situation. My sister's third child was scheduled for a c-section delivery 2 weeks before her due date to avoid the possibility of her going into labor (due to previous c-sections).

As far as knowing when you're ready - I really don't think any of us know for sure. There's always a reason to wait, potty training, bed transitions, work, house...but in reality I have found that we always adapt. I just suggest that you take everything into consideration, if you're concerned about the spacing of the kids then consider that, but consider yourself most - you're the one who has to endure the stress of pregnancy and delivery.

Good luck - I hope this helps a little!

You'll know you're ready when you no longer have reservations. If you aren't sure then don't rush it. Personally, I plan on waiting until my little one is fully potty trained. 3/4 years between siblings. You can explain easier to a 4 year old that the baby needs you and that they need to wait, they can also actually help out with things. Getting you a diaper or blanket simple things that make them feel like they are helping and not forgotten.

I hope this helps.

Hi J.! Only you can decide when the time is right to start trying to get pregnant. If you don't want there to be a big age difference between your children, then now wouldn't be too soon to start trying to get pregnant. Just because you start trying doesn't mean you will get pregnant right away. Only God can determine the time for you to have another child. Your feelings when you see a newborn may be God's way of telling you it's time. On the other hand, I wouldn't rush into trying to get pregnant out of envy over your friends having newborns or being pregnant, especially if you're not sure whether or not you want to be pregnant and go through the delivery. You didn't say why the birth of your son was so complicated that you had to have an emergency c-section. It may be that everything will go perfectly smooth with another child unless there is a medical reason for it to be difficult like the birth of your son. You might want to discuss with your doctor what the chances are that you would have another difficult delivery. This might help you to decide.

I hope I have been some help to you. Whatever your decision is I wish you the best of luck!

J.,
My son is 5 years old and my other son is 7 months old. People place a lot of concern over the age difference of siblings. I LOVE the age difference! (I can share that later if you want to know). When you are ready, you'll know. And even then, it doesn't mean you'll just get pregnant right away. But allow your first one to get the attention that he needs. Getting him potty trained will be a lot less stressful if your not dealing with morning sickness, etc. And when the second arrives, you'll have less sibling rivarly if your first feels secure in his journey. Also you need to make sure your body is strong enough and healed from the last pregnancy. Get your hormones back in place before mixing them up again. ha ha
I'm debating on pursing a 3rd b/c I'm 38 and not getting younger. But my 7 mos old needs me so I'm holding on a little longer before pursuing it. Hey, lots of people still have babies at 40! ha

This is an age old question and everyone has an opinion about it! LOL I'm sure you'll get a large range of answers. My opinion is that there is never really a "right" time. But, people often don't think about the coming changes when the second (or third, etc) comes along. Since you had such a hard time with the first pregnancy, I'd give yourself a little more time before attempting another. This is just my opinion. My mother wisely told me that two kids take way more work that just twice the work of one. You still have to attend to the older one, and yet keep up with the baby.

Having kids far apart is not as horrible as most people think. My sister and I are 9 years....my own two girls are 5 years. I was able to really care for both of them personally and it was very enjoyable. Just having one in diapers at a time was wonderful!! They are still very close emotionally, as my sister and I are. It's not so bad having a few years between them, plus, it will give you time to really recouperate from the first pregnancy. Stress gets Moms down anyway...why add to that??

However, the bottom line is you are the only one who will know. If the pregnancy is holding you back, that's ok! It's a tough job and you don't want to compromise your health! Whatever you do decide, don't let anyone tell you differently. It really is a decision between you and hubby.

I wish you well! Take care of yourself!

If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans, timeline and all!! I once did that when my firstborn was 20mos old and I was ready to try for Baby #2. I wanted an age difference between 2 1/2 and 3, yeah that seemed juuusssttt riiight for me.

Still in my 20s, thought I was a fertility goddess w/ that first one, but 3 miscarriages and 4yrs of TRYING (diagnosed w/ secondary infertility)...God's plan was for my daughter to be SIX by the time her baby sister AND brother arrived.

I wanted to have all 3 children by the time I was 30 never thought I would by the way things were going, but those twins came 4mos shy of my big 3-0.

If you know you want more children someday, anyday, don't delay.

If you think age 2 will be terrible, wait to see what age 3 has in store, lol!

Peace,
K. OH

The right time to have another child is when you and your husband are ready. I say 2-3 yrs. apart is good. My kids are all a little over 3 yrs. apart. I would suggest trying a VBAC unless they know why you had to have the c-section. My last 2 were both c-sections. None of my kids were planned and it worked out great being that they are only a little over 3 yrs. apart. You may want to start discussing another baby now and see what your husband has to say as well. I still feel envious to this day when I see girls that are pregnant or who have just had a baby. My days are over for having kids. The labor and delivery will be an issue for you because of the trouble you had with your first child. The next time around it will be different and you may not have any complications.
Talk to your husband and start making plans and you two decide what age gap you want between your kids D.

I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7, and 4.

Another issue to consider is whether you have the space for another child. I'm sure you don't want to be moving while you're pregnant or just recovering, and if you're not co-sleeping, I'd bet your current son won't be too happy being woken up by the new little one. It's one big reason we're holding off (being in a small 2-bedroom apartment) child #2.

I also had an unplanned first pregnancy and was able to plan my second. I was hoping they would be not more than three years apart, but once I stopped birth control (depo shot) I had nine months of no period and had to take hormones to get that started again. I was able to get pregnant as soon as I ovulated, but it was something I hadn't anticipated- the wait to get pregnant! And your next pregnancy will most likely be very different from your first. Different feelings (emotionally) different feelings physically and a different delivery. The "right time" is when it happens. As long as you know you definitely want a second child, the "right time" is as soon as your body lets you become pregnant! As far as your family nagging you is concerned, you can just respond "we're working on that" and give no further details- it's private stuff! Good luck and enjoy every moment.

1. First and foremost......the decision should be one that you and your husband make REGARDLESS of what they think or want. If either one of you have any reservations right now....it's NOT the time. Remind them to respect your decisions as a couple.

2. Do you want to divide your time, energy, etc. one more time to take care of another child.....less time with the husband, less time w/ the current child?

3. Can you handle financially?

When you feel excited, comfortable and at peace with a decision to have another one.......THEN you're ready.

In addition, if the pregnancy was difficult, there is ALWAYS adoption. There are MILLIONS of kids out there who need good solid parents. Trust me.....you end up loving them just like your own!

Hi, I had horrible pregnancies and ended up having two c-sections. I would never advise a VBAC so the good thing about this one is you could schedule the c-section. You would know exactly when you are going to have the baby and not have to worry about a horrible delivery.
You are the only person who can decide that you are ready. Remember that you may not get pregnant the first month you try and you will be pregnant 9 months. That gives you time to potty train your son and allow him to get through the terrible 2s. My children are 2-1/2 years a part and I think it's perfect. My brother's children are six years a part and although it seems like his daughter is more of a second mom to their son, it works for them. You have to do what is best for you. Good luck.

Unlike other posters I would definitely advise a VBAC! Unless they are 100% sure what caused a need for a c-section the first time will happen again! I think you are probably ready but fearing the birth and all. I was in labor with my son for 38.5 hours and his heart rate kept dropping so they did and emergency c-section. I decided to attempt a VBAC with my daughters delivery and she was conceived 19 months after mys on was born. I was in labor with ehr for 60 hours and they decided after I stalled at 6cm for hours to go ahead witha nother c-section. I had a midwife the second time and ever natural method was attempted. They now know my pelvis can not birth a child. Most VBACs are very successful however, and you really should be educated on the truth of them and the much easier recovery than from a c-section. Not being ablet to old my son who was 27 months when his sister was born or pick him up was awful! Look into the options out there for you.

Also, my son was not potty trained when we found out we were pregnant, but I was determined he would be before baby came, Right after his 2nd birthday we tried but his dad was inconsistent and not on the same page with me. He would give up while I was at work after one mess in the pants. Finally at 26 months about two months to the day his lil sister was to arrive I made him wear big boy poants and go on the potty no matter what! By the time his sister was here diapers were long gone! Hope this helps! Pleae message me about the VBAC and c-section! I would love to help you learn about your options. I STILL DO NOT REGRET for one minute my decision to try for a natural delivery.

Planning a child is up to you and your husband. If you don't feel ready to go through another pregnancy at this time maybe you aren't ready to do so. Do remember all pregnancies are not the same.
Having a family is not up to anyone but you and your husband. If you both feel the time is right then you are ready.

IMO...I don't know if the time is ever 'right!' If I had waited till the perfect time to have my daughter, she wouldn't even be here! We weren't financially stable and were planning a move to another city in another state. Not the best time to have a baby! But, I wouldn't have it any other way. Only you know if you're ready to have another child. Also, keep in mind, that your second labor won't be nearly as hard, especially if you plan another c-section. We've kind of adopted the policy that if it happens it happens and God must think we're ready. Good luck to you!

Hi J.,

I hate to say this, but your ready. If your looking at other friends, who are pregnant, or have new babies, and your envious, your ready. This is what is holding you back. You're scared. Because of your first pregnancy. Every pregnancy is different. IF you were sick with the first, you'll likely be sick with the second. But, you will be better prepared for the delivery. You will know what to expect. As for your family, they are not the ones raising your children. That is between you and your husband. This is only a choice between the two of you. Although it is hard listening to them, you have to kindly remind them, that this is a decision that you and your husband have to make. Also, you said that you didn't want a big age gap. Your son is 21 months old. You have to add another 9 months to that. You are already looking at 3 years. I just didn't know if you thought of that or not. At any rate, this again, is a decision between the two of you. Pray about it. You will know when it is right. Good Luck.

T.

i like to think about the age difference as they grow up. there was a good discussion about this a few months ago, you might try to find it.

think about how they'll interact as they grow up-- will they go to school together? will they be interested in the same things at the same time or will they have enough difference in age to have different interests? will they be friends or too far apart to play together?

i think it's good for toddlers to play together before the school age. if you waited and had 4-5 years in between, then they'd never really know each other since the older one would be in kindergarten by the time the baby is old enough to play. so i personally like 2-3 years apart for that reason. and they'd be in high school together.

Thinking about having another baby really means choosing between what is most important to you. If you envision your children being close enough in age to eventually be playmates then now would be the time. But, if you prefer for the older to be a bit more self-sufficient during your pregancy and after the birth, then waiting a couple years would be good.

Truth be told, I'm sure you're ever TOTALLY ready, especially if the first was traumatic. I would urge you to read a couple books with stories of "normal" births to help get in a better mind set. The whole "What the mind believes the body achieves" thing really does help or hinder in cases like yours. You don't want to go in to it assuming the worst will happen again. VBAC is a safer option in most cases but it can seem daunting when the first was problematic. PM me for a list of great books.

J. what is upper case living not that I have the funds to buy anything just curious.