Weaning a Toddler/Preschooler from Breastfeeding

Seriously, just stop. Of course, he's going to throw a fit!! It worked int he past. He knows, if he throws a fit you will give in. You've given in every time he throws a fit and he's smart enough, to do what works. Take it away, say no, and don't respond to his fits. YOU are the adult and parent and will have to put your foot down. This shouldn't be a control struggle. YOU control what happens with your body, not him.

Just stop. You don't have to wean gradually, especially under the circumstances. Don't give in, don't beat yourself up, just shut down "the shop". He's using you as a pacifier, which isn't really developmentally appropriate either.

You should also consider having him sleep in his own room b/c of the simple fact that he's getting bigger and it seems like he's very reliant on you for comfort and soothing.

My suggestion... make this about "becoming a big boy"... big boy bed, big boy sheets (let him pick it out), big boy bed time. This is going to be a very difficult process for you b/c he doesn't know how to settle himself, so you will be sleep training at the same time.

Pick a "start date" and just do it. He's going to scream, he's going to tantrum and he may refuse to eat for a day or so... he won't starve and he will eventually get into the new routine, but hold on... it's going to be a long and challenging week.

Good luck-

I have friends, who weaned their kids (2+ years old), by putting Band-Aids on their nipples and telling their kid "Mommy's milk doesn't work anymore..." or, "Mommy has a boo-boo..." and they said it worked for them, real well. They just kept the band-aids on/reapplying until it was forgotten.

He also needs a comfort item... does he have a lovey???

You also have to explain to him.... and tell him your boobs are YOURS. And there are 'rules' about it.

At this point he is using you as his comfort item.

Give him a sippy cup.... of water.... and tell him he can have that. He is a 'big boy".....

My kids self-weaned.... which was my choice. My daughter self-weaned at about 2.5 years old, and my son at about 1 year old.
On their own.

You need to go cold turkey at this point. Yes he may throw a fit, but do not give in. You just have to hold out for a couple of days and he will get over it. And he should not be allowed to throw a fit without consequences. If he wants to breast feed, tell him no and offer him an alternative like a glass of milk. If he throws a fit either ignore him and walk away, or put him in time out. My boys get time out if they tantrum, that is not acceptable behavior. He is using his crying to control you, and you are the one who is supposed to be in control.

Most drugs that are not 'ideal' to take while nursing are usually geared toward the infants, not older nurslings. I would really like you to personal message me so I can look up the medication in my Medications and Mother's Milk Drug Guide.

My daughter only JUST weaned herself after 4 and 3/4 years. They WILL wean when they are ready, some may need longer than others... but it will happen. When it does happen, it's peacefully and wonderfully just let go. When you force it, it usually causes some trauma.

I think it's great you have been able to nurse this long, and now it's time. It will be tough on both of you. Someone made a great point - he's using you for comfort (which isn't all bad) and now he needs to be able to find that comfort in a different way (snuggling, blanket etc). I would tell him that he will no longer be nursing (your word for it) a day before and explain you will still cuddle him, give him a sippy (maybe get a special one?) and a new teddy to cuddle. Then start the next day and don't back down. If you need to - as much as you can, walk away from the trantrum and calmly say I will be back when you can calm down. Once I told my kids I needed a time out - and went to the bathroom for 5 minutes... they were baffled, but quieted down pretty quick. Good luck!

I would assume he's pretty verbal at this point. Why not just explain to him that you need to stop nursing him, and the two of you can think of something else you can do to feel close like that. Just talk to him. He probably knows more about what will make the transition easy for him than any of us do.

HTH
T.

Hi there, I bottle fed my sons and had to go cold turkey with bottles. My youngest would get some mad he would throw his cup back at me. He finally got over it after a couple of days. Now he drinks his cup like a champ. Good luck I know it is hard!

I think he's old enough to understand if you explain to him that since he's not a baby anymore he doesn't need to nurse (or whatever he calls it). I know it will be tough for you to put up with the tantrum and crying but it won't get any easier I don't think. You could try substituting a 'lovey' like a special teddy bear, blanket, etc for nursing but he's probably not going to be easily swayed no matter what you do. Once you tell him no more nursing just stick to it otherwise he'll figure out tantrums get him what he wants. Good luck!

I breastfed for 2 years. When I was ready to wean, I just did cold turkey. My kids never seemed to notice. If your son throws a fit because he wants to nurse, let him know that there is "no more milk" and try to redirect him. If this doesn't work, treat this like you would any other tantrum. He'll get over it. Good luck and congratulations for breastfeeding for so long! =)

well, first of all, there is usually always a medication that nursing moms CAN take. find a book called "medications and mothers milk" - a local la leche league group should have it, otherwise, try a library or amazon. you should be able to find someting to take that doesnt affect your nursing.

also, btw; breastfeeding IS beneficial at all ages. it gives immunity and milk specifically formulated by nature for the age of your kid.

other than that, also contact the local la leche league for tips on weaning. moms who are leaders of la leche league groups have nursed for one year or longer. so they will have real advice for you. my son self weaned at 20 months while we were on a trip. im wondering if the business of the holiday helped you and your son drop some nursing here or there.

dont ask dont refuse is a good method.
the other thing is to rearrange the furnature. put him to bed in a separate bed (nothing against co-sleeping or bedsharing - i love both! just to put him down in a different location to not "remind" him to nurse). just try to distract him during times that you would nurse. read a book, watch a movie, whatever. when you "graduate" from one form of attachment, you should always replace it with another form of attachment. this way your son is still bonded to you, and knows you arent rejecting him, but doesnt have to do it in the same way

ive heard moms using the "its broken" method too. just say "mommy's milk is broken" or something. after a few times, this might work.

either way, unfortunatly, its probably not going to be fast. its gonna take some time. though i havent seen if you updated this.

anyway. good luck!

First of all, the fact that your son is still nursing at this age suggests that he is more of an intense child that needs help with regulating himself. People that don't have this type of child can be so judgemental. My son nurses right before bed and he is your son's age. He has some sensory issues and he is more sensitive and nervous than the average child. The co-sleeping thing definetly complicates things. I think the easiest thing to do would be to try to get him to sleep in his own bed since sleeping with you is too tempting. I would stay with him in bed until he falls asleep and do ANYTHING except nurse him. Make sure he is VERY sleepy and too tired to fight you. Rub his back, hug, I let my son sleep with a boppy pillow that hugs him and that helps him stay in his crib. And if he needs to come to your bed do the same thing and DO NOT nurse him. At this age, he should not be nursing at night. He can not be getting a good night's sleep. Good Luck!

I weaned much much much earlier than you - also because of a medical reason - but here is my 2 cents idea. I didn't see your original post and suggestions so I apologize if I'm repeating someone. My son is a similar age and we still do "bedtime milk" together before naps and night bedtime. I give him a sippy of milk and cradle him in my lap. He calls it "being mommie's baby" and I know it is not at all about the milk and totally about the cradling and the calm attention while he gets to suck on something. Of course, we have been doing this for years now so it may be harder to transition an older child to a different bedtime calming routine but your son may also be old enough to understand that even though mommy's breasts "aren't available" or "have an owie" he can still have some time with mom. If you suggest a substitution to fulfill his emotional need to breastfeed he may be a little more cooperative. Good luck! I know this can be a struggle.

I like the cabbage leaves idea. My thought was to do something to make nursing slightly unpleasant for him. It worked for my daughter when she was about your son's age- I went away for a week and when I got home, she said my milk tasted different, not as good. I was ready to wean her, so every time she asked to nurse after that, I reminded her that it didn't taste good any more and offered something else. It worked well for us.

I do know mamas who nursed longer than I did, and if you were to find out that the medication is ok for nursing, and if you wanted to continue, don't let anyone tell you that you need to wean.

Also, don't let anyone tell you he "shouldn't" be co-sleeping. You know what's best for you and your son. My daughter slept with me (I was also single) until she decided she was too old. She then told me she was going to wean me off of co-sleeping. She came up with a schedule where she would sleep in her own bed just once or twice a week at first, and gradually more often, so it wouldn't be so h*** o* me!

Good luck! :)

you need to go cold turkey just like you would if you had a child this age that was still taking a bottle. You will just have to walk away and let him have his tantrum it may take a few days but he will realize he can't have it anymore.

We weaned our son at 4 1/2. I just cuddled him and didn't let him nurse and it helped, that's a bit older, I know and you are probably doing that anyway. Would it help to use a pacifier? Mostly what he probably wants is the closeness.

Good luck and congrats to you for being able to nurse as long as you have!
S.

I just weaned my 25 mo old because I'm in my 3rd trimester and can't tandem nurse because of supply issues. It was easier for her/harder on me! All I did (and it might sound mean, but I promise it wasn't), was to talk to DD about how my milk was all gone, "Babas are empty" periodicaly throughout the day. Then right before we got ready for bed, I used a cotton ball to wipe apple cider vinegar on my nipples. I took her into our nursing chair and rocked her and explained that the milk was all gone. She was curious and then smelled the vinegar, briefly tried to latch and said "all gone." And that was it! No tears, it was easy-peasy - except I was heartbroken!