Weaning a Toddler

I just wanted to say good job on nursing for so long! I know that this isn't easy and sometimes hard. There is nothing wrong with nursing for this long! GO MOM! First, I would ask you to ask yourself why you are wanting to stop nursing right now? I know that in our society it isn't really looked upon as something you should be doing after a certain age for the child, but than again nursing period isn't really looked on that highly. There are many ignorant people out there who do not understand nor care about the benifits of nursing. So I would make sure that you are weaning now for the reasons that are for You and not because you feel pressure from society. I would of loved to of been able to continue nursing my daughter until she was 3 or maybe even 4 (but again this nursing would of been only in the early morning when she first woke up or nap time). Here is my story and how I did it with my daughter (my son doesn't count since he woke up one day at 15 1/2 months old and decided that he no longer wanted to nurse.) I think he weaned himself because the taste of the milk changed since I was pregnant at the time. Yet, now he is 24 months old and he will nurse on and off for about 10 seconds because he sees my 8 month old nursing. I let him because I feel there is nothing wrong with it and because it is his comfort and letting him know that I still love him.

I nursed all three of my children. My daughter was nursed until 28 months old and I decided that I had to wean her because I was nursing my son as well (tandem nursing) and I was 8 months pregnant. I felt I just couldn't do it any more with her. So at 28 months I weaned her. I had weaned her off and 2 weeks later my son weaned, and 2 weeks later I gave birth! This is how.

I too had gone down to nursing her only at nap, bedtime and early in the morning (when she first woke up and it was just here and I). The morning was our time, it was our special time. The other times her brother was usually nursing along side of her. One thing that I would do first is stop the night nursing. That would probably be the first to go, not even for a little bit. She just needs to know that she should be sleeping through the night and you should not be getting up. Instead give her a sippy cup of water, or leave a cup of water by the bed. When she wakes up she can grab it and drink it and you will never have to get up to help her out.

What I did was I let Antonella Marie, my daughter nurse, when she wanted to during our designated times. Yet, I would pick a number, or have her pick a number, like 20 or 10 or 30, and I would tell her that when I got to that number she would be finished. So she would latch on I would count and then say DONE. She eventually stopped nursing, it took probably about a month, maybe less, I can't really remember because I had so much going on, but I do know that I let her wean basically on her own. Remember you are taking her comfort away, her special time with mommy away. So you might want to do the counting and then go and read a book or just cuddle her. I would let her nurse and then lay with me with her head near my breast for a little bit. The important thing to remember is that she wants to still feel like she is wanted and needed. I feel, just like the potty training (which my 3 years old was day trained at 20 months-no more accidents-and my 2 year old son started on his own at 17 months and is almost completely day trained at 25 months) that it is important not to make it a power struggle, instead a way for them to feel empowered. I feel that if you help your child feel that they are the ones in control (of the things they really can control, like going to the bathroom, eating, ect.) than there isn't really a battle between you two and things go smoothly. Good luck and I hope that this helps.

My best friend weened her daughter at 26 months, now she's 30 months old and still talks about breastfeeding. I'm pregnant and she asks if she can have boobie once the baby is born. She was nursing like an infant again when her mother decided to start the weening process. Now, her mother and I think it might have been too early. I've heard that when two year molars come in, nursing is very soothing for the child. My own mother told me that from 24 mo to 30 mo I nursed like a newborn and then I just stopped on my own. I feel for my friend's daughter since she still hasn't "gotten over" weening. I hope this helps you make the decision on if now is a good time to ween.

N.,
I don't have any advice but wanted you to know you are nit alone. i would love some help to wean my 23 month old. She would nurse 24/7 if I let her. I do know that i would enlist the help of your husband. that has helped us some. He went in to her all last week because i was sick with the flu. She started sleeping through the night.

My son nursed right up to his 3rd birthday. I weaned him when his father took him up North for a long weekend and when he came back I told him there was no more milk. He was okay with this. I think the break allowed us to establish new routines and associations at bedtime. At that point he was only nursing to get to sleep.

u should of been taking her off now for somme time you need to take her off before it is later get her a cup that dont leak every time she wants a drink give her the cup with juice or water

Dear N., congratulations on nursing your toddler. In this culture that is quite an accomplishment, and you are to be commended for your loving and responsive mothering! Nursing, just like other aspects of parenting, can be challenging, and it is tempting to focus on breastfeeding as a source of problems, especially as our children get older. Ambivalent, or even negative, feelings about nursing a child of any age are perfectly normal.I would strongly urge you to move slowly with the weaning process, for the sake of you and your child in the short and long run. I do not think it is feasible to gently wean a child in this short of a time. To your toddler, nursing means love and security, and she will be bewildered and heartbroken if this intimate bond with you is broken quickly without giving you both time to develop alternataive ways to care for her and meet her intense emotional needs. And yes, she needs you! There is nothing wrong with that, contrary to our cultural emphasis on independence in children. You will not make her more independent by weaning abruptly; you will make her feel and act insecure and clingy. It seems that you have already set boundaries with nursing, and that she can accept this (although somewhat reluctantly!). You can continue to gradaully cut back on nursing, if this is what you think is best for you. It is generally recommended to drop no more than one nursing a week. When a child is weaned, mom has to think of other ways to meet the child's needs, and often upon reflection (or experience!) moms learn it is really easier for both to continue nursing until the child olutgrows the need. And they do outgrow it! COntrary to popular belief, meeting a child's needs does not make them more dependent, it helps them to feel safe and secure and frees them to put their energy into growing and developing in a healthy normal way! It would be such a shame to end a relationship in a way that causes pain to your child, after all the love and effort you have invested in this relationship. You don't want to undo the loving foundation that you have worked to create with her! I urge you to find support with other moms who are nursing toddlers. The best source is a local la leche league group. They have excellent books on weaning gently in ways that will not emotionally damage a child or mother. These titles include "Thoughts on weaning", How weaning happens" and "Mothering your Nursing Toddler."

Talk with your daughter about what to expect when you are away. Let her help you decide what will be the best way to help her go to sleep. Does she want songs? a backrub? Explain to her that she can nurse again when you come back home. perhaps a 'dry run" with grandma putting her to bed one night before the trip (if this is feasible) woudl be a good idea.

Good luck and feel free to email me privately to discuss this in more detail.

J. (who has nursed five toddlers who grew up to be very independent young adults)

Hi N. T,

Heard of one mom who put vinegar on her nipples. Her son said sour, sour. But she found it a heartbreak and a regret (she & husband in their 50's) but it worked.

I let them all wean on their own. I am a wife of same husband since 1984 (met in 1982--after about baby #3 we realized an older couple matchmaked us as they had only us over for Christmas dinner LOL). Now we have 7--2 girls & 5 boys + a surprise in heaven, 20 yrs to 5.

Many times toddlers would take up nursing after mom was in hospital for a few days. Read of many tandem nursing and experienced that myself a couple of times. I share this so in case you may consider nursing after you come home from vacation. I noticed the children behaved fine for dad and grandparents. They and the kids have their 'feeding' and bonding relationship. For the older nursers, I did limit to similar times as you did and definitely not at night. They grow fast. You are welcomed to email me if you would like more info or talk. Hope this helps.

Smiles,
N. H

P.S. Reading the other responses reminded me how I handled an older nurser that was sleeping through until newborn sibling. I told him that my body was making new milk for the morning for him plus I was nice but firm as well as making the wee hours time as boring as possible. We had gotten down to just morning and evening. I see I somewhat incorporated the LLL tips as well by instinct.

Our first one weaned herself at 7 mo. because my milk dried up because of extreme fatigue--#1 reason for milk drying up. The ones that weaned on own because my milk changed (not as interesting) because of pregnancy (20 mo., 12 mo., 15 mo.) stopped using pacifier on own in their fifth year. Only let them use it during nap times (always check its firmness), night (but took out) and in car while running errands (always kept in mind how miserable that can be to a child). The older nursers would not take the pacifier.

The oldest that weaned at 7 mo. I would not let use the pacifier which we paid for that 'purist' ideal as she took up sucking her thumb at one month old. I nursed her bunches but found out later that some babies have extra sucking need as she did. We fell asleep with our pinkies in her mouth. Ignorantly, we were happy when she took up thumb sucking. She is the only one that could use braces out of the seven. Years later when she saw one of her younger brothers (an older nurser) stick his thumb in his mouth sucking it. She nicely but quickly pulled that thumb out however he would not take the pacifier (binkie we would call it). Firstborns are parents' 'expermential' child. Perhaps part of the reason why in the O.T. the firstborns received double honor of inheritance.

I know the feeling with the nursing but I never get to that feeling until about the age of 3. But I still don't wean.. I find that I stay on my feet more. Find things to do. It's not a concious choice, habit after all these many many years. They only seem to want to nurse if you're on your butt *lol*

As for weaning.. La Leche League, the world's sole authority on breastfeeding, states that you should not say "no". It's "don't offer; don't refuse". (Maybe that's where I got the staying on my feet habit? lol) "Cold turkey" will be emotionally traumatic. I've watched people make this mistake and their kids turn into an emotional mess. I would go to their site to get weaning info or call your local LLL leader.

As for tips on how?? I don't have any. I've never weaned a child in 22 years :-P

N.,

I nurse both my kids for long durations of time. My son for 2 years and my daughter 3. Both times I just went cold turkey. It was the hardest thing to do to them. My son ripped at my clothes and cried. My daughter was a little easier. I suggest you keep busy and cut most daytime nursing. I was down to night time and after any time we were apart and reconnecting for nursing. Then I would be firm at night to not nurse. Don't give in either or you lose the battle. I would hold my kids tight and cuddle them until they fell asleep. It took less then a week for them to get over it. I would also try and pull on their empathetic string and tell them mommy can't anymore or the milk is all gone. GOOD LUCK!!!!

I weaned my son at 26 months.
All I had to say was "We don't do that anymore." He really loved to nurse, but I was pregnant with our twins and had to stop. He only asked for it two more times after that. It took less than a week. I was even able to rock him at night without any problem.
I found nursing was more for me than it was for him.
Hope this helps,
L.

I had some of the same problems weaning my daughter. For the right before bed nursing, I started nursing her before her nighttime routine (brushing teeth, story, prayers and song). I did that for a few weeks and then eliminated the nursing at that time. At night I gave her a sippy cup of water in her crib and if she cried she woulg get that. The one that was the hardest for us to eliminate was nap time and I made sure for about a week that we were always in the car for her to far asleep. Hope this helps.

B.

I weaned my daugher (who is now 14) at 2 1/2. I loved nursing...I kept thinking that she would tire of it. I decided that we would stop when one of us got tired of it. Guess what! I got tired first. In fact, I think I was the pacifier she never liked. I bought a book on weaning that had no real advice once you got beyond 18 months. I finally decided that, over a period of several nights, I would rock her to our lullaby tape (regular ritual), but I wouldn't nurse her. We rocked, she wanted to nurse (and as a verbal child, she could ask for it explicitly), and I rocked and held her and told her that she was a big girl now and that we couldn't do that anymore. She cried and fussed...it took about 3 nights. It's going to be harder on you than it will be on her, I promise. Maybe if your husband is out of town, you can tell her that she has to be a "big girl" now to help mommy out while she's by herself. Give her extra time and attention at bedtime, but tell her that, with daddy not home, you need to get as much sleep as you can. If she wakes you, don't give in. I can promise you no long term damage done. My fourteen year old daughter is a beautiful, well-adjusted, young lady. But please do Nana and her Auntie a favor and get this over with ASAP. She may be unhappy for a few nights, but she'll be fine in the long run.

The Breastfeeding Answer Book (from La Leche League) offers several approaches to planned weaning. Whatever you choose, it's important to compensate for the lack of nursing with extra physical closeness and comfort.

Don't Offer/Don't Refuse (sounds like you're doing this already) The BAB suggests using this method in conjunction with one or more of the others:
Changing Daily Routines...try to avoid those "cues" that might remind her that she wants to nurse (like try to avoid sitting on the couch if that's a favorite nursing spot.)
Have dad get up with her first thing and give her breakfast so she doesn't feel the need to nurse first thing in morning. The first few times you do this you might make it a special breakfast with daddy and have daddy make her favorite breakfast--or even better have her help daddy make breakfast.
Anticipate nursings and offer distractions and substitutions: for instance, if you know when to expect her to ask to nurse, you might head it off with a healthy snack and juice and a short trip to the playground.
Postponement: only effective with a child old enough to accept waiting
Shortening the length of the nursings: allow child to nurse, but not for as long. Gradually get shorter and shorter.
Planned, gradual weaning can be a positive experience for both of you. Please know that the La Leche League in your area is there for you and can help you with all your breastfeeding questions, even weaning! It is a wonderful resource--and free! You can find your local group at www.lalecheleague.org.

Good luck, and well done on 26 months of breastfeeding!

N.,

You must find what will work for your daughter and what will be the least traumatic for her.

I nursed my 8 year old until she was 2y 8.5m old. She nursed every one and a half hours to two hours. She was very demanding. She was so attached to nursing and everytime I tried to say no, she would look at me so sad and say "one more time mommy, please?" I struggled with it and finally my opportunity came when I had to have an endoscopy and they said I couldn't nurse for 24 hours. My husband took care of her most of the time during that period of time and I told her I had "no more milk". At that point, I said, if we can do it for this long, than why not just go cold turkey? That's what we did with her and it worked so much better than if I had weaned her since she was so emotionally attached. After a few days, it was much better and then after a few weeks, she rarely said anything about it. Dragging it out was not the way to go for her. She needed a cut and dry solution. I kept telling her the milk was all gone. There were times in the first day or so that I almost caved in, but then I said to myself, if you don't follow through, it will be even harder the next time. I stuck to my guns and it worked. She is a very well-adjusted, secure girl and I am so glad it worked out the way it did.
With my second daughter, who has now just turned 4, I nursed for two years and one month. I just started telling her that mommy's milk was running out. She would say, "Do you have milk right now?" I would tell her yes or not and she would say "Oh, ok." Of course, I "had milk" fewer and fewer times and then one day, after a month of cutting back, All of mommy's milk was gone. She would ask me now and then (about once a month) if I had any milk yet and I would tell her "no, it's all gone forever now". She just said oh, ok.
Both of my girls adjusted very well and have NO trauma from the way I "weaned" them. It was perfect timing with each one and it worked out for the best. We prayed each time that God would lead us to the right time and he did - all in His timing. My girls feel very secure as evidenced by how very independent they are. They also love the "Mommy time" I give them individually as focused attention just for them. Another tip that helped me was to offer something more appealing such as drinking a cup of milk so that we can go for a walk or go outside and swing. In any case, you know your daughter best and what will work for her.
It's never going to be easy. And at times, you may feel as if you are rejecting your child, but you have done your job to nurse her for a good long time, so when you have guilty feelings, just remind yourself that you have done well and now it's time to move on. If you need a good cry, go ahead and have one and then renew your committment. It's hard when this dear child is so dependent on you for her nutrition and then you feel that you are depriving her or rejecting her, but this too will pass. Just hold on, around the corner, you will be fine, too. May God Bless You!