Weaning a Toddler

My best friend weened her daughter at 26 months, now she's 30 months old and still talks about breastfeeding. I'm pregnant and she asks if she can have boobie once the baby is born. She was nursing like an infant again when her mother decided to start the weening process. Now, her mother and I think it might have been too early. I've heard that when two year molars come in, nursing is very soothing for the child. My own mother told me that from 24 mo to 30 mo I nursed like a newborn and then I just stopped on my own. I feel for my friend's daughter since she still hasn't "gotten over" weening. I hope this helps you make the decision on if now is a good time to ween.

1 mom found this helpful

N.,
I don't have any advice but wanted you to know you are nit alone. i would love some help to wean my 23 month old. She would nurse 24/7 if I let her. I do know that i would enlist the help of your husband. that has helped us some. He went in to her all last week because i was sick with the flu. She started sleeping through the night.

1 mom found this helpful

Dear N., congratulations on nursing your toddler. In this culture that is quite an accomplishment, and you are to be commended for your loving and responsive mothering! Nursing, just like other aspects of parenting, can be challenging, and it is tempting to focus on breastfeeding as a source of problems, especially as our children get older. Ambivalent, or even negative, feelings about nursing a child of any age are perfectly normal.I would strongly urge you to move slowly with the weaning process, for the sake of you and your child in the short and long run. I do not think it is feasible to gently wean a child in this short of a time. To your toddler, nursing means love and security, and she will be bewildered and heartbroken if this intimate bond with you is broken quickly without giving you both time to develop alternataive ways to care for her and meet her intense emotional needs. And yes, she needs you! There is nothing wrong with that, contrary to our cultural emphasis on independence in children. You will not make her more independent by weaning abruptly; you will make her feel and act insecure and clingy. It seems that you have already set boundaries with nursing, and that she can accept this (although somewhat reluctantly!). You can continue to gradaully cut back on nursing, if this is what you think is best for you. It is generally recommended to drop no more than one nursing a week. When a child is weaned, mom has to think of other ways to meet the child's needs, and often upon reflection (or experience!) moms learn it is really easier for both to continue nursing until the child olutgrows the need. And they do outgrow it! COntrary to popular belief, meeting a child's needs does not make them more dependent, it helps them to feel safe and secure and frees them to put their energy into growing and developing in a healthy normal way! It would be such a shame to end a relationship in a way that causes pain to your child, after all the love and effort you have invested in this relationship. You don't want to undo the loving foundation that you have worked to create with her! I urge you to find support with other moms who are nursing toddlers. The best source is a local la leche league group. They have excellent books on weaning gently in ways that will not emotionally damage a child or mother. These titles include "Thoughts on weaning", How weaning happens" and "Mothering your Nursing Toddler."

Talk with your daughter about what to expect when you are away. Let her help you decide what will be the best way to help her go to sleep. Does she want songs? a backrub? Explain to her that she can nurse again when you come back home. perhaps a 'dry run" with grandma putting her to bed one night before the trip (if this is feasible) woudl be a good idea.

Good luck and feel free to email me privately to discuss this in more detail.

J. (who has nursed five toddlers who grew up to be very independent young adults)

My son nursed right up to his 3rd birthday. I weaned him when his father took him up North for a long weekend and when he came back I told him there was no more milk. He was okay with this. I think the break allowed us to establish new routines and associations at bedtime. At that point he was only nursing to get to sleep.

Hi N. T,

Heard of one mom who put vinegar on her nipples. Her son said sour, sour. But she found it a heartbreak and a regret (she & husband in their 50's) but it worked.

I let them all wean on their own. I am a wife of same husband since 1984 (met in 1982--after about baby #3 we realized an older couple matchmaked us as they had only us over for Christmas dinner LOL). Now we have 7--2 girls & 5 boys + a surprise in heaven, 20 yrs to 5.

Many times toddlers would take up nursing after mom was in hospital for a few days. Read of many tandem nursing and experienced that myself a couple of times. I share this so in case you may consider nursing after you come home from vacation. I noticed the children behaved fine for dad and grandparents. They and the kids have their 'feeding' and bonding relationship. For the older nursers, I did limit to similar times as you did and definitely not at night. They grow fast. You are welcomed to email me if you would like more info or talk. Hope this helps.

Smiles,
N. H

P.S. Reading the other responses reminded me how I handled an older nurser that was sleeping through until newborn sibling. I told him that my body was making new milk for the morning for him plus I was nice but firm as well as making the wee hours time as boring as possible. We had gotten down to just morning and evening. I see I somewhat incorporated the LLL tips as well by instinct.

Our first one weaned herself at 7 mo. because my milk dried up because of extreme fatigue--#1 reason for milk drying up. The ones that weaned on own because my milk changed (not as interesting) because of pregnancy (20 mo., 12 mo., 15 mo.) stopped using pacifier on own in their fifth year. Only let them use it during nap times (always check its firmness), night (but took out) and in car while running errands (always kept in mind how miserable that can be to a child). The older nursers would not take the pacifier.

The oldest that weaned at 7 mo. I would not let use the pacifier which we paid for that 'purist' ideal as she took up sucking her thumb at one month old. I nursed her bunches but found out later that some babies have extra sucking need as she did. We fell asleep with our pinkies in her mouth. Ignorantly, we were happy when she took up thumb sucking. She is the only one that could use braces out of the seven. Years later when she saw one of her younger brothers (an older nurser) stick his thumb in his mouth sucking it. She nicely but quickly pulled that thumb out however he would not take the pacifier (binkie we would call it). Firstborns are parents' 'expermential' child. Perhaps part of the reason why in the O.T. the firstborns received double honor of inheritance.

N.,

I nurse both my kids for long durations of time. My son for 2 years and my daughter 3. Both times I just went cold turkey. It was the hardest thing to do to them. My son ripped at my clothes and cried. My daughter was a little easier. I suggest you keep busy and cut most daytime nursing. I was down to night time and after any time we were apart and reconnecting for nursing. Then I would be firm at night to not nurse. Don't give in either or you lose the battle. I would hold my kids tight and cuddle them until they fell asleep. It took less then a week for them to get over it. I would also try and pull on their empathetic string and tell them mommy can't anymore or the milk is all gone. GOOD LUCK!!!!

I had some of the same problems weaning my daughter. For the right before bed nursing, I started nursing her before her nighttime routine (brushing teeth, story, prayers and song). I did that for a few weeks and then eliminated the nursing at that time. At night I gave her a sippy cup of water in her crib and if she cried she woulg get that. The one that was the hardest for us to eliminate was nap time and I made sure for about a week that we were always in the car for her to far asleep. Hope this helps.

B.

I know the feeling with the nursing but I never get to that feeling until about the age of 3. But I still don't wean.. I find that I stay on my feet more. Find things to do. It's not a concious choice, habit after all these many many years. They only seem to want to nurse if you're on your butt *lol*

As for weaning.. La Leche League, the world's sole authority on breastfeeding, states that you should not say "no". It's "don't offer; don't refuse". (Maybe that's where I got the staying on my feet habit? lol) "Cold turkey" will be emotionally traumatic. I've watched people make this mistake and their kids turn into an emotional mess. I would go to their site to get weaning info or call your local LLL leader.

As for tips on how?? I don't have any. I've never weaned a child in 22 years :-P

u should of been taking her off now for somme time you need to take her off before it is later get her a cup that dont leak every time she wants a drink give her the cup with juice or water

I weaned my son at 26 months.
All I had to say was "We don't do that anymore." He really loved to nurse, but I was pregnant with our twins and had to stop. He only asked for it two more times after that. It took less than a week. I was even able to rock him at night without any problem.
I found nursing was more for me than it was for him.
Hope this helps,
L.

The Breastfeeding Answer Book (from La Leche League) offers several approaches to planned weaning. Whatever you choose, it's important to compensate for the lack of nursing with extra physical closeness and comfort.

Don't Offer/Don't Refuse (sounds like you're doing this already) The BAB suggests using this method in conjunction with one or more of the others:
Changing Daily Routines...try to avoid those "cues" that might remind her that she wants to nurse (like try to avoid sitting on the couch if that's a favorite nursing spot.)
Have dad get up with her first thing and give her breakfast so she doesn't feel the need to nurse first thing in morning. The first few times you do this you might make it a special breakfast with daddy and have daddy make her favorite breakfast--or even better have her help daddy make breakfast.
Anticipate nursings and offer distractions and substitutions: for instance, if you know when to expect her to ask to nurse, you might head it off with a healthy snack and juice and a short trip to the playground.
Postponement: only effective with a child old enough to accept waiting
Shortening the length of the nursings: allow child to nurse, but not for as long. Gradually get shorter and shorter.
Planned, gradual weaning can be a positive experience for both of you. Please know that the La Leche League in your area is there for you and can help you with all your breastfeeding questions, even weaning! It is a wonderful resource--and free! You can find your local group at www.lalecheleague.org.

Good luck, and well done on 26 months of breastfeeding!