Weaning - Arvada, CO

C., My first question is why are you trying to wean? Is it because you have to or because you have been told that it's time and you feel some pressure? Babies need something to suck on for a long time to give them comfort and not only is breastfeeding a source of nutrition it is also a source of comfort. They need it to go to sleep, they need it when they get hurt, they just need it when you come home from work to reconnect and know you are still there and they are still safe. And they need it to keep the muscles in their mouth developing right so their teeth come in straight. And sucking on a bottle or pacifier is not the same as sucking on the breast.

American Culture looks at breastfeeding with lots of disgust and so lots of mommies are forced to stop when neither them or the baby is ready. In all other cultures babies nurse until they are 4 or 5. If you stop now she will find something else and you see it everywhere. They either need a blanket which they carry everywhere or a doll or teddy bear, they suck their thumb, their fingers, they feel their hair or yours or they cry and are very unhappy little children and usually start to smoke cigarettes by the time they are nine.

Do yourself and your baby a big favor and settle back into nursing until she is ready to quit herself. You will both be much happier now and the rest of your lives. And if your family or your mother or your friends or TV is frowning at you, smile and tell them to leave you alone.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi C.--
I didn't read any other responses, but I'll tell you my story. My little one was very attached to breast feeding and so was I. So I did some research. It turns out that breast milk is perfectly tailored nutritionally until the child wean's itself. It's the best thing they can eat. The World health organization recommends breast feeding for at least the first 2 years. The average age a child will self-wean (don't offer, don't refuse method) is between the ages of 3 and 4 worldwide. We are one of the only countries in the world that wean's a child on doctor advice at age one. There is no reason whatsoever that your daughter should be weaned unless she doesn't want to anymore, or unless you don't want to anymore. The health benefits of breast feeding for both mother and child are far greater then the health benefits of weaning to formula or soy. My son was also allergic to milk. We went with the don't offer, don't refuse method. My son weaned at 3 1/2--by that time he was down to one feeding a day just before nap. I know he got what he needed so I had no problem with it because he was happy, so so was I. I am grateful that I listened to him and myself and not what doctor's, family members, or friends said. Breast feeding is a personal choice for you to make. Do what feels best for you and your daughter and everyone will be happy.
Good luck!
J.
Oh, and if you start allowing her to breast feed a lot your milk will come back. Also, there are supplements you can take to get it going again if you needs to--fenugreek, mother's milk tea, blessed thistle, goat's rue, alfalfa.

I don't have any great advice on weaning--I weaned mine at 27 months, and I think techniques at that age are a bit different than at 13 months. I would just like to encourage you that breast milk is really a great and helpful thing. I remember at least two times when my 15 and later my 18 month old was sick, and nursing kept her from getting dehydrated, as that was all she wanted to drink. Especially with you working part time, I would keep that morning feeding for awhile. Many times, kids will naturally wean around 15 months if they are really interested in solids, and enjoying eating them. I realize that this is your decision, but I would encourage you to hang in there for a few more month--even if it is just once a day in the morning. It is such a great bonding time with baby.

Also, I would encourage you to try rice milk or some other non-soy based dairy replacement. That much soy at this age is not a good idea. I would also try just water as a liquid replacement and see how that goes, and add a little natural apple juice, if needed.

Good luck!

A one year old child does not need to drink lots of milk or soy milk to be healthy. She does need to be eating a sufficient amount of calories and she needs plenty of calcium, but children who down bottle after bottle or too many sippy cups of milk are acctually not getting proper nutrition. As long as she is drinking enough to stay hydrated she will be fine. She does not need infant formula either, besides it tastes really gross to a baby who is used to breastmilk. You can go to mypyramid.gov to find out more about a proper diet for your baby. Congratulations on sucessfully breastfeeding your baby! And don't worry about getting rid of that last feeding too quickly, you will miss it almost as much as your baby will.

Is there a particular reason why you are weaning her now? If it's stressful for her to be weaning, maybe she's just not ready. I nursed my son until he was 20 months, when my milk ran completely out. (I had emergency surgery when he was 5 months old, and had to work hard to get even some of my milk back.)

After about 14 months, he only nursed once or twice a day. He was a very good eater and drinker, so it was more for the emotional side -- it was our snuggly thing to do at the end of a long day away from each other.

My son is 23 months now and still wants to nurse once in a while -- when he doesn't get any milk, he just sighs and says "All gone," and it's no big deal.

You shouldn't feel pressure to continue nursing if it's difficult for you to manage, but if it's not a burden on you, I would wait a while and try to let your daughter set her own timetable for weaning. I know some kids would keep nursing til they were 30 -- but I think most kids drop off when they're ready. In the meantime, it's good for her and good for you. (I really miss being able to not have to watch calories like did when I was nursing ;-)

You do know it's ok if you do NOT wean at this piont, right? I mean, it's still of significant value. Just because our society doesn't value breastfeeding doesn' make you wrong for doing it, or for doing it until she's 2 or even 3.

Unless you have a serious reason other than "fitting" in with "everyone else", I'd just stick with it until you actually feel the strong separation...that real sense inside you that this is over.

Until you are truly done inside and out, this is going to be difficult for you.

Something to think about; generally speaking, when a child resists weaning there's a good chance s/he has a food allergy or sensitivity s/he waiting to out grow it--or better said, build up stronger tolerance before being soley dependent upon that food.

I do want to echo what DEB said. You don't need to feel bad for desiring to wean. My response is simply to encourage you. At the same time as I'm not wishing for you to feel guilty about wanting to wean, I also desire for you to ok to continue because just as some feel there's a lot of pressure to breastfeed, there is likewise and enormous push to STOP after the first few month that only gets more and more intense the longer you go.

I'd also like to ditto the response that tells you to only nurse when it's asked and avoid offering if you have absolutely reached your finish line. Take it very slow because mastitis and clogged ducts are painful.

Whichever you choose, be patient with yourself and your wee one. It'll all work out.

Hi C.!
I was just wondering your reasons for weaning. If you still have milk and it is enjoyable for you and your daughter you shouldn't "have" to wean until you just want to for whatever reason.
At 13 months, children should be able to use a sippy cup just fine. I would most definitely give up the bottle (as also recommended by pediatricians).
Don't worry! If your daughter is happy, healthy and having wet diapers than she IS getting enough liquid.
I hope this was helpful.
S.

I really suggest you contact your local La Leche League Leader (find her at www.llli.org)and attend a LLL meeting. There will be lots of experienced moms there who can share their weaning experiences and strategies. Part of LLL philosophy is gentle and respectful parenting, so you'll get ideas that are not rough on either of you emotionally and also don't set you up for mastitis or plugged ducts, as abrupt weaning can.
Is there a reason you feel you need to wean? The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends continued breastfeeding until baby reaches at least one year of age, but to continue as long as is mutually desired. The World Health Organization and UNICEF both recommend breastfeeding until baby is two years old. and the last Surgeon General of the U.S. said "it's the lucky baby who continues to nurse until he's two." That's so unfamiliar in our culture, but it is healthy, normal and natural.
It's OK to gradually cut back over time--the only timetable you really need to observe is your baby's. You sound like a responsive and respectful mom; I've learned a lot by watching my children's cues for clues about what to do next.
In my personal experience, continuing to nurse into toddlerhood saved us all a lot of grief with tantrums and meltdowns over bonks and developmental frustrations--I always had a sure-fire way to fix any problem. I was glad to teach them to turn to people they love when they have a hard time, not candy or toys. I was also glad to be giving my babies an extra dose of antibodies during the winter months when RSV was rampant. The two kids I've weaned were done in the spring and early summer, which felt more seasonally appropriate to me. My first child also had a pretty severe dairy allergy, and I felt like giving him that much more human milk would help his intestinal tract grow strong and healthy and safeguard him against other allergies. Now six, he can eat dairy in small quantities without a reaction. I mostly offered him water in a cup to drink besides my milk, and if he was genuinely thirsty, he'd have some.
It can be reassuring to remember weaning is a process and not an event. From the moment your baby took her first bite of food, she has been weaning. Yes, you can step up a the process a bit if you want to, but you really are doing it already.
A very wise mother of six I know told me the word "wean" comes from the same Latin root as the word "ripen." So, she compared mom to a tree and says baby is the fruit--if the fruit is truly ripe, it will come right off the tree with a gentle nudge (and baby will wean). But, if you find yourself tugging and tugging but the fruit still stays stuck to the tree, perhaps this is a sign that the fruit is not "ripe," and baby still has legitimate needs that are best met through continued nursing, even if you choose to cut back. After all, babies can't read calendars. ;) Breastfeeding is not some kind of bad habit--it's a healthy, normal way to meet needs for both nutrition and closeness. The attitude of "I can turn to mom for comfort" will stay with her as she grows, and that's lovely. It's wonderful she has this simple way to reconnect with you, especially if you need to spend some time away from her at work.
It was pretty easy to wean my toddlers because I could negotiate with them. I would say, "Just nurse until I count to 10," or "Just until I sing Eensy Weensy Spider." Then they could have a little "check-in" nursing without me feeling like we were going to spend the afternoon in the recliner. The "don't offer, don't refuse" method is time-honored. I realized I needed to consciously wean TO something, such as extra time reading books or eating a healthy snack together or going for a walk or something else that was appealing. I also noticed I was nursing a lot when I was on the phone, and I think asking to nurse was a way for my child to be connected with me even if I was pretty much ignoring him. Weaning means your child will need that much more of your complete attention.
I highly recommend two books on this topic---"Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" and "How Weaning Happens." Both are excellent and offer many gentle weaning strategies. They are both in paperback and you could find them cheap online or borrow them for free from your local LLL's group library.
Good for you for being a sensitive, responsive, intuitive mom. Your daughter is lucky to have you! Best wishes!

You've gotten lots of advice already... but I'll put my 2 cents in as well.
Good luck on your weaning, I know it's hard. I'm still breastfeeding my 2 year old. At a year we were planning on weaning.. and honestly neither one of us was ready. It literally made me cry to think of weaning him. and truly his system was not ready.
If you are ready to wean, then you've definitly given her a wonderful start so don't feel quilty. However, if you are not ready... don't feel like you have to! It's good for our society, (not to mention your precious little one) to see continued nursing and it truly is still beneficial to your daughters health and emotions.
Here's a couple sources you might check out for more advice..
kellymom.org or com (can't remember)
la leche league international (just search for it)
both of these sites are very pro breastfeeding but will give you good advice on weaning. you might also check out the forums on mothering.com they are really great too.
Good luck.
S.

We did yogurt or just a touch of chocolate in the milk to replace the breast milk. Since they're a little sweeter, it helped for us. You might also try different cups. You could go back to nursing, but my friends who've gone longer only say its harder the older the baby gets. If it helps, they're not all this hard to wean. Our second caught on to the plan right away and quit on his own and never missed it.

My 14 1/2 month old is still on 3 feedings/day. The first one is both of our favorites. With my first one I stopped the morning feeding when he was 20 months old and we both cried that morning. With my 2nd he decided to drop the last feeding on his own at 15 months. My baby now went for about a month where I wasn't sure that he was getting enough to drink. We have persisted with a sippy cup - sometimes trying different kinds in one day or even helping him get a drink out of a cup without a top on it. I'm in no hurry to wean him of his 3 feedings that are left. So it depends on where you are at mentally with it all. If you're sick of bf, then just keep the one you're doing until either she's done with it or your emotionally done with it. Or if you feel like you wish you hadn't dropeed another feeding then just pick 1 or 2 back up. Your milk supply probably won't be that great - she'll either stick with it or be done with it since you don't have much milk at those other times of the day.
I would suggest though that you don't need to stick with a bottle at this point. If your pediatrician recommended it due to growth issues (as we did until 18 months old with my 1st son), then follow their advice. Otherwise this is a good age to be one step ahead of the baby and switch to a sippy cup before they really miss it or are harder to wean from it. It may take about a month but she will drink enough eventually. Just offer the cup at each meal and snack times. She'll get liquids through cereal in the morning, apples/applesauce, etc...
I hope it goes well for you. Weaning my first was really emotional for me. The last feedings with my last son now will probably be a little bit the same since he is for sure my last baby.

sounds like neither you nor baby girl are ready for this. you could try waiting a few months and starting again. "how weaning happens" is a great book you might want to check out. is there a particular reason that you'd like to wean baby? the world health organization recommends 2 years for ALL children of the world. . . there's nothing wrong with going a little longer, or a lot longer. . .until you're both more ready. check out a la leche league meeting in your area. if you're in the salt lake area. . . lllofmurray.blogspot.com or lllofsandy.blogspot.com. .. if not llli.org to find a meeting in your area to be with some like-minded nursing mamas and hear some successful weaning (or not) information. good luck.

Nobody should question your needing to wean, it is perfectly fine at the year mark and it is a very personal decision! At 13 mos you did great!!!! Do not let anyone make you feel badly about YOUR choices.
You have provided your daugther a great deal of nutrition and if she is allergic to dairy I know that is hard as you have to be careful with whatever you eat.

If want to stop then I say continue with weaning and don't drag it out, a few weeks is a long time. Breaking her of the bottle is crucial at this age too so it isn't harder later. Just give her sippy cups. Try and find dairy free drinks for her and serve them in a sippy (not sure if they make pediasure in dairy free). Even try flavored powders to add to the soy milk. They have toddler formulas too and you could add flavor to those too. Even adding Nestle quick (don't know if there is dairy in it). Get her in the habit of just having a cup several times a day.

She should be having six to eight pee diapers a day, if she is then she is getting enough hydration. What makes weaning hard is she can still smell you, I suggest giving it up all together (maybe pump and store a months worth if you want her to have breast milk for a while longer) but let your breasts dry up so it isn't and additional struggle with her smelling you too. Not fun but it will make it easier.

Just you hanging tough and doing it completely and being okay with it she will be. At this age habits are easy to form and easy to break. I would just go straight to fun sippies or even cool strawed cups to encourage her to drink. Show excitement when you give her a cool new cup and call it a big girl cup! My kids LOVED the strawed cups!
Good luck.

Weaning can be tough, no matter when you do it. I can remember thinking it would be so much easier if I could read my kids' minds - true of a lot of things when it comes to parenting!

Is there a reason to be weaning now, other than that many people in this country do wean at around a year? It sounds like you and your daughter may not be quite ready for total weaning. Would a middle ground be possible - fewer, more scheduled feedings than before, but more than one? I weaned my kids very slowly, and I found that even cutting to 2 or 3 scheduled feedings and getting rid of the middle-of-the-night ones made a huge difference in freeing me up a bit while still providing them nourishment and comfort. Going very slowly also eased the anxiety that can come from the process. No matter when and how you wean, I found that providing dedicated snuggle time helped. I think some little ones resist because they fear losing their "mommy time."

And would your daughter take water to slake her thirst when you can't breastfeed her? Her refusal to take formula or soy milk may simply mean she doesn't like them. What about rice or almond milk? Can she handle goat's milk? Also, is she more likely to drink other things when you're not there? Both of my kids resisted taking anything other than breast milk from me, but would accept substitutes from other caregivers. Yes, mom, sometimes it really IS all about you! :-)

Hope this helps a little. Whether you finish weaning now, or wait awhile, know that by breastfeeding your daughter you have given her a valuable gift that has helped her start her life healthier and happier.

Hi C. I am also in the process with my 17 month old little girl. I have been doing it for a couple of weeks and we went from probably 10/12 times a day to 5 then I did that for 4 or 5 days then I went to 3 time and that is where I am at. What has worked well for me is to explain it too her, they understand so much now so I say things like we will nurse after lunch and then after lunch I try really hard to keep her entertained for as long as possible. Now she is doing really well with it. Also all of my girlfriends including two midwives is to leave for two days when you are really ready and that does the trick. Good luck

B.

I had a tough time weaning too, I tried to replace nursing with milk @ 12 months and that was not at all good. I ended up going back to nursing for a short time while I figured out a better way for me and my son. When I tried again I did not offer milk as a substitute, instead I offered it at other times of the day. I only nursed upon request - don't offer, don't refuse. I also increased the amount of calcium filled foods because my son has never been a big milk drinker. We also did a little chocolaty milk to make it more appealing. Our last nursing was the morning one and we finished that when he was 15 months. I felt like we would never be done, and when it was over it felt like it went too fast.

Above all else do what feels right.

There is nothing wrong with continuing that one feeding for several more months. I don't wean my kids completely until they are almost two. If they aren't ready to give it up by then I help them 'decide' to give it up for themselves by making it taste yucky. A little dab of mustard when they aren't looking does the trick. Sounds funny but works great!

Sometimes weaning is downright hard, but stick with it. Usually it takes them awhile before they get the hang of a bottle of sippy cup. We swtiched my 10 month old over to a sippy cup at 10 months and surpassed the whole bottle dilemma. It is hard, but stick with it. She'll be fine.

A 13 month old can drink from a sippy cup. If you have been breastfeding don't start with a bottle now! Maybee just keep this last feeding for a few more months!In the grand scheme of thing's it won't be that big of a deal! Good luck!

Hey C.! I started to wean my daughter (18 mos now) when she was a year and took my time. She was fully weaned at 14.5 months and I haven't had an issue since.

How slow are you taking it? I waited 2-3 weeks at least between my five feedings before dropping another. I would give her a sippy with some milk, but it took her a while to understand that, if she wants milk, she'd have to take it from the sippy. It didn't happen overnight for her. The night time feeding was hard to drop and I took that and the morning one really slow. I started at 12 mins and began decreasing her time on me by one minute every night until we were down to one minute. I would then give her some milk in a sippy afterward. At times she'd take some and other times, she wouldn't take any. Eventually, she did start taking more and more out of the sippy. Same thing with the morning feeding. I took it slowly and kept giving her the sippy afterward. I think b/c I took it so slow, she didn't really put up a fuss or even miss the boob when it was all gone. The first few nights after I dropped the night feeding, she'd cry for a minute or so, but nothing major.

You may want to back track a tad and take it slowly, while introducing the sippy after each feeding, to get your LO used to the sippy. I think "slowly" is the operative word. Maybe breast feed her in the morning and at night and practice with the sippy during the day and after your feedings at night/morning. Decrease your LO's time on your at night and in the morning by a minute each night, until your down to one minute and then use only the sippy. I think going in small steps will prove to be helpful in the end.

Good luck and let me know how things go. You can always email me at ____@____.com if you want to chat. I know how frustrating it can be, so please don't hesitate in contacting me =-)

Ciao,
P.