R.M.
answers from
San Francisco
on
Yes, I think your husband can go on his own.
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Hello to all you wonderful moms, My mother-in-law is in a rehab center after having surgery. She has been in there since August. She could have been home months ago. She is not doing her therapy, she would say she can't. she's afraid she is going to fall, just something all the time. I dont want to sound ugly but I am kind of getting tired of going to see her up there. My mother seems to think that she is enjoying all the attention and is taking her time. Mind you, we didn't visit her this much when she was at home because we tend to get busy with the kids and work and didn't think about visiting as much. I would rather see her at home. Am I being mean if I send my husband by himself alot? IS maybe once every two weeks enough for me.
Yes, I think your husband can go on his own.
Yeah, he can go, it's his mom, you don't need to feel bad not going all the time. But shouldn't the rehab center be working with her to recover? How can she be skrimping on her therapy when she is actually living there? It sounds like the therapists need to be more proactive with her, unless they are simply enjoying cashing in on her staying for such a prolonged amount of time.
Yes, hubby can go alone, but I think you should go more than once every other week. Maybe weekly would be good.
I read another post that said for you to tell her you'd prefer to visit her at home. But in your post, you admit you didn't visit very often. So I would refrain of saying things like that because she'll be thinking yeah, right. You never came over when I was at home! She may be enjoying the attention and the company since you and hubby are visiting a lot more than you did when she was at home.
The one thought I had is who is paying for this rehab center. Insurances will only pay for so long so unless she is wealthy, the center itself will take care of "evicting" her once her insurance stops paying. At that point, I think you and hubby should make a real effort to visit her on a regular basis.
I have to say that one day it may be US in your MIL's shoes. We will either buck up, do the therapy and go home, OR we will give up, live out the rest of our lives in a nursing home, and hope that someone will love us enough to come see us.
You have no idea how lonely life is in a nursing home. Rather than enjoying the attention, she is scared and frustrated and probably depressed. She is giving up, and her life as she knew it pre-surgery will be over. When the body screams "I can't", it doesn't take long before it really can't do what it did for all of our earlier lives.
What you can do is go over a set amount of time once that every two weeks. Tell her that you wish she could come home so that you could see her more often. Tell her the kids would like her to come home so that they could see her more often. Tell her now before it gets too late and she cannot come home no matter what.
Therapy is HARD. It hurts. It's scary for an old person. And older people's heads don't always work right after surgery - they can't always put things together like you and I can.
And again, I say, one day, that may be US.
Dawn
I think that you can send your DH and not go every time.
