Video Games and DS Thingies...

Hi!
So know the feeling. My daughter loves to play games when she goes to her friends. We have no TV, but do let her watch some cartoons and play with her webkinz on the computer. She is 8. Last Christmas I bought her a DS. My husband and I are not "gamers" at all, so we dont quite understand the facination. We had to do some traveling via airplane and "boring" dinners etc with our kids (my son is 4) and the DS was a life saver. We bought my son the leapster and he loves it. After our trips however I did have to take the games away for awhile so they would remember to pick up their rooms, feed their pets and play outside. Lazy afternoons, hot days or really yucky ones the games find there way out and they enjoy them so much. Helps with buying new games too, because they forget they were bored with a game and they are expensive. We travel alot, so it has been a life saver for us. The DS they can put headphones on or turn the volume down. We got her an acessory kit and a special bag to hold all her stuff just for the DS that way it is all together. When we go out to dinners that are with adults only and boring for her that she has to be at, we let her play quietly. We still have rules...like when dinner comes the games get put away and we all eat dinner. It saves alot of fighting and interuptions and keeps my kids in their chairs.
I actually tried playing a few of her games and they are pretty hard. I think it really works their brains, eye hand cordination and they helps them make a quick decision. Those games move fast. I would much rather her spend an hour or two playing games then mindlessly watching cartoons although a little of everything is keeping her well rounded.

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C.,

I don't think your boys are missing out. There is too much technology around anyway. This is coming from someone that has a PS1 that is gathering dust, a Game Cube, a PS2, and two gameboy advanced that are gathering dust. Our playing, my hubby and I, is sporadic. We'll play for a few weeks, get sick of it and ignore the games for a while, then repeat cycle.

My son is 4 1/2 and the only system we have for him is the LeapFrog Leapster with 3 games. Now that he's taught himself to read, he's reading his books more than playing the game system. That's fine by me. He wants to learn how to play our video games (Burnout, Mario Sunshine, Paper Mario, Zelda: Windwaker), but I keep telling him he's not old enough yet. I plan on playing that card as long as I can.

I think you're doing just fine with the outdoor activities, they're way healthier than hours in front of a machine anyway.

Hope this helps,
M.

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C.-

I have a 5-yr-old who would play video games all day long if I let them. It's not the kids... it's the addictive nature of the games (instant gratification, instant feedback on progress, nearly effortless entertainment, etc)

The best thing I've found is just to let him know off the bat that he has only a limited amount of time per day to play. I set the timer and when it goes off, he has to finish whatever part of the game he's on, then it gets shut off. And disobedience with our house rules about video games results in them being taken away.

And in the face of whining, pleading and begging I just tell him no.

You seem to have a fair handle on things, giving your sons the idea that there are lots of fun things to do with friends besides play video games. Great job there, Mom!

Another thing you'll want to do is to be "up to speed" on the video games that are out, and what systems their friends are playing on. It's a lot to keep up with, but showing your sons that you are not ignorant of the things they're interested in is important.

So set limits, and be aware of what they're playing and you're well on your way.

Good luck!
-B. M.-

p.s. It may be worth your while to get a DS and a game that you'd like. I have Brain Age, myself and I'm thinking of geting a copy of Sudoku for DS... (just a thought!)

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Personally - I really don't care for many video games and gaming units. I didn't grow up with atari and such. We rented a nintendo gaming unit from Albertsons for a certain amount of time during the winter months (we were farmers and kinda poor). My husband on the other hand grew up with gaming systems and is really into them. I believe that you will follow a lot of what and how your were raised. In America now - the pediatricians and doctors are all worried about our children being obese and looking at us the parents and basing that our children are going to turn out just like us. I am a little overweight - but I didn't get this way until after I turned 21. I kept telling my sons ped. that and he was all concerned. I felt like taking pictures of my mom (who is barely 100lbs.) and family. My upbringing is because of our lifestyle being farmers - during the summer months we would work the fields and such. We did camping trips and such. Now, the farm is mostly hay instead of fruits and veggies. We have trails all over the property for the ATV's.

Anyway - I think that later on you kids will value your time together and all the trips you take. I have more memories of our trips to the coast and staying in the campers playing uno with my sisters and my brother bugging us. Making smores on the campfire and the views of the country side and the ocean from where were up high in the mountains. Then riding our bikes along Diamond and Crater Lake. There are a lot more to these trips too....you will pass on the true family values onto your children and hopefully your children will pass on and so forth.

One last thing that came to mind...One of the things that I absolutely LOVED when I was a kid. My dad has this record collection....we would have Bake Night. We kids would pick out a recipe that we wanted to make (cookies,pie,cakes, or even the old ice cream (hand churned style)). Us kids would go choose our favorite records, turn off the tv, and dance and sing. All of us would do that including mom. We would help in the kitchen. I hope that I can pass on that type of memeory when my son gets older. It was a family tradition. Maybe make a family tradition and then your children may want to do them more often and you will build better memories than sitting in front of tv and playing video games. Have fun.

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C., I have one daughter in kindergarten. We have a Wii game system, but she only plays it maybe once a month. I have seen the affects on kids whom play video games at an early age. One classmate played video games from 3 years old until this year and during writing time(I volunteer) he would not hold a pencil and refused to write. After a few weeks the teacher realized he had no dexterity and couldn't write his name. When kids draw, paint and do crafts they are learning the beginnings of writing and holding a pencil. When they focus on art projects they are able to in turn focus at school when asked to write. Of course kids attention spans in kindergarten are short, but there was a difference.

Second I have a dear friend whom her family used the computer frequently to play video games, etc... Her and her husband realized they were becoming addicted to their computers and had to put time limits on themselves. When their 4 1/2 year son started playing kid games online he became addicted. Attitude, anger, whining and asking endlessly to use the computer. My daughter is allowed to use these things, but only with rules. Computer twice a week and only for 20 minutes. I take her outside gardening, walking or to the park. She does a lot of crafts,etc... Now we have to work on cleaning up after oneself.

You are definitely doing the right thing and having your kids do things other than video games. My daughter now is more interested in getting into gymnastics and soccer and that is exciting! Keep up the good work.

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You are right on, and I don't allow those things in my home. My husband is addicted to computer strategy games, though, which the kids love to watch him play. Don't let what other people do influence your wise intuition. It's not good parenting to let kids play those things by the hour. I wouldn't let my kids be more than an hour at someone's home if all they were doing was playing those games. They are so mentally destructive. I've learned that from reading John Rosemond. He advocates no more than 5 hours a week of TV and such. They are wasting their childhoods and losing out on opportunities for learning and imagination when they are glued to that garbage. There is so much more to life, as you know!

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I have an eight year old son. He has phases of what he is "into". He has a play station, but doesn't play it. He likes his DS and usually likes to play it in the car. His favorite thing lately is the computer. I think that the most important thing is to have "balance". Some kids definitely have too much screen time and not enough outside time. The thing I dislike the most about any games is that it is hard for kids to stop playing because they in the middle of a level or whatever. Anyhow, I'm sure your kids are going to remember and appreciate your activities together. It's unlikely they would grow up and say "remember when I beat that game"!! They will remember the camping, boating, etc. Anyhow, I hope this helps in some way!

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I think that society in general has become too dependent on technology. And it's not limited to kids! I've put my foot down that we won't have a game system attached to our TV. But I'm holding out against my HUSBAND, as my baby is only 10 months. But he will play for hours on his computer and/or DS/PSP, and I know it would be the same with a WII or whatever. It's a constant battle, but one I feel strongly about. I probably WILL let my kids play LIMITED times on the computer or a handheld video game, or use them for car trips or something. Same with TV--very limited usage.

Bottom line, your kids are no different than many people, and yes, some people let their kids (or themselves!) play for hours. I feel that limits are healthier and plan to fight the TV game system as long as I can! Good luck!

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Everything in moderation. We have Nintendo, Nintendo 64, XBox, XBox 360, every version of Gameboy, portable DVD player, 3 computers, 4 iPods, and 4 DS "thingies".

All of our children watch TV, ride bikes and skateboards, play with friends, do crafts, and are involved in many activities. Our oldest plays volleyball. Our son plays baseball and football and is in Cub Scouts. Our youngest has the wildest imagination and loves to read and is also in Daisy Scouts.

None of us are overweight. All of us still have an imagination and use it. We went camping this weekend and the kids didn't peep about the lack of electronics because they did outdoor things: rode bikes, kicked balls, ran around, roasted marshmallows and hot dogs.

Because they are so active, I don't complain about how much they play on the computer or video games. We still play, get this, board games and card games with our kids. We will turn off the tv and get out the family games and enjoy the family time together. The kids' favorites include Monopoly JR, Cranium, and Doodle Dice. Incidentally, they LOVE watching Jeopardy with us, especially when it is the Kids tournaments. And Wheel of Fortune is another favorite.

Stay active. If you and your husband aren't into the video games, continue to use that as a platform. We, as a family, enjoy the video games, so it works for us. Everything in moderation.

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Your boys are lucky to have you for a mom. You're on exactly the right track. I am a grandmother raising my now 11-year-old granddaughter. I've had her since she was 2. Her friends have all the techno stuff, and she plays with it when she's at their home. I, however, allow her to use the computer for her age appropriate things (Tamogotchi, Webkins World, Big Idea, etc.), and she's allowed to sometimes watch something on TV or one of her DVDs. Many days she is not on the computer at all, nor is the TV ever turned on. The reason kids get bored, in my opinion, is that they have not learned how to entertain themselves, as my generation did. She sews (in 4-H, takes piano lessons, knits, crochets, embroiders -- and reads, reads, reads. She also rides her bike, takes long walks with me, helps around the house, etc. Also, she will never be overweight from vegging in front of the TV or video games. Keep on doing what you're doing. Your boys will be the winners in the long run.

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Trust your instincts, and remember, that you have the American Academy of Pediatrics on your side--which suggests no more than 2 hours of total screen time a day for kids over 2. If you ever feel discouraged or unsure that you are doing the right thing by limiting their access to the bombardment of technology that we face, visit the online gamers anonymous website to see what can happen. Our kids do need the skills to function with computers and other technology, but these can definitely be acquired withing the limits set by the AAP.

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You are smart not to give them tons of teck stuff. Boys never grow out of the teck addiction. Games are designed more for males and they get addited to them. My husband is 45 and still can't stop playing. One lady posted something about how much her husband played and ask for ideas and got over 65 responses from other women with the same problem. They are even less sociable if you let them play games all the time. Don't give in you are doing the right thing. Games are fantasy have them live in the real world with you.

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I have a 10 year old who has very limited access to his PS2 and PSP. When he goes to friends houses they also play lots of video games. I don't think that your kids are techno junkies, I think that it is the novelty since they don't get them all the time. I think that it is very wise to limit TV and video game time - I usually make my son earn his video game time. I've also noticed that he has friends that don't know what to do with themselves when I insist that they go outside and play - a very sad thing in my opinion. Keep doing what you're doing, I'm convinced that some day all of our efforts and limits will be appreciated.

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I would limit them as much as you can at home. I think children should be outside. Whatever happened to riding your bike, or playing at the park? You know? Maybe you could talk to your kids, friends parents? Just a suggestion. Good Luck!

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My son is ten and when he goes to certain friend's homes that is all the boys want to do. I am the "mean mom" because I don't allow it here at my house.
If he had his way he would watch TV or be on the computer the entire day. I can't allow that. Just because a child wants something does not mean they should have it. He has one hour on the computer each day. We do not have a game system. He does have a gameboy, but has grown bored with all the games.
You are doing the right thing to limit them. They may even complain, but it is best that they spend time riding bikes, walking with the family around the lake, reading, etc.
Get their minds and bodies on the right track now, before they turn into teenagers.

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C.,
My husband and I have had Nintendo since before we had kids. Once we had them, the novelty wore off. My sister has two older boys who are MAJOR vidiots (Video Idiots). Ever since the first Game Boy / Nintendo system came out they have been addicted. They got our boys into it too. Then my husband and I no longer had our Game Boys, our boys took them over. For Christmas a few years ago, our boys got Leapster from Santa. We thought this would be more educational. Well, that didn't last very long. They got bored and went right back to the Game Boy. Then along came the Nintendo DS. Our boys were sucked into the comercials and that Christmas they each purchased their own. Our oldest had to have the Red one because it was; at the time, and unlimited version. Well, we have gone through it all. Temper tantrums and frustration from both boys. They are now 5 & 7. Our youngest got frustrated with his game and threw his at our new TV. (Out of anger and frustration he had thrown his many times. Our TV screen was broken and he got TV and ALL games taken away.
Since that incident our boys only get 2hrs of entertainment each day. They have a choice; and must agree, TV, DVD or video games. Any combo or one, but only for 2hrs. Our boys are finally getting used to it, but it was worse than difficult in the beginning.
What made the issues with the DS so bad is that there is almost 3yrs between our boys and our youngest expects his skill level to be at his brothers level, but it's not. That is where the throwing and frustration comes in. Plus he demands to play the same games as his brother.
All in all, we and our children with Christmas money, have spent HUNDREDS of dollars on DS games and components and nothing seems to ever satisfy them. I REFUSE to "Buy" into "keeping up with the Jone's" anymore. Our oldest son wants the new "Blue" DS like his friend. I refuse!
With all the overwhelming stimulation that kids get from TV and video games, they become mean and disrespectful. Limit this and they are wonderful, plus they actually get plenty of sleep. (These were two direct effects of the TV and Games)Also, my boys have begun to play more imaginary play outside and actual board games and Legos inside. They show more interest in cooking, laundry and cleaning the house with me.
I know what it's like to have your kids begging for what their friends have and I just refuse now. I have been going through this for three years now and I have finally put my foot down. Enough is enough.
Good luck.

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Hi C. -

I think as long as you have them doing other things as well - riding bikes and reading, etc. - they should be fine. I do think limiting it does tend to make them want it more. My 10-year-old has game boys and a DS (from his grandparents) and after the first few months of playing maybe 30 minutes every few days, the novelty has worn off and he does not play much at all. I do know friends of his who never stop wanting to play simply because they do not have access to these things in their life. I recommend letting them play with their friends (just tell the mom that you want your kids to stop after a certain time) once in a while. Ads for them missing out, my son knows kids who have many systems and no systems. I just remind him of those who have none and he gets the picture. Good luck!

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Honestly I think your kids are just too young for games at home. We just got our girls DS this year and they are 11 and 13 and their time is limited and it is considered screen time. They can have a choice between computer, video games and TV. Spending time being creative to keep the mind busy and learning is important as well as playing outside. Good Luck
~H

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Good Morning C.,
I understand exactly what you are going through. My daughters, who are now 17 & 15, thought I was the meanest Mom ever. I did not allow any of those games in the house. We did have one gameboy for road trips only, without violent games. The huge fight is now cell-phones. We don't even have television.
But let me tell you, I have heard incredible things come out of their mouths over the years. Mom, so & so can't talk about anything but getting the high score on a game, Mom, every time we go over to their house all they want to do is play games. Even my 17 year old will still go outside and play. They have learned so much more about "life" than their friends. Most of them don't have any nice things to say about their home life. They can't figure out a check book and wouldn't know what it took to fill the cupboards with groceries, they just aren't involved with their homes.
My oldest had trouble learning and I had arguments, even form the school, that those kind of games might help. But she has learned to enjoy a good adventure through a book, we have played endless board games(without violence). We can communicate about all things, something that video games rob parents of. And we have spontenanity in our lives. My kids will say, hey Mom lets go to the lake, which their friends won't even dream of.
Look at the rate of obesity in our nation. No excercise and quick food that can be consumed while playing in front of the T.V. How many of those games include anything except fighting??? So, what is consumming their thoughts even while they are asleep??? I just have never seen moderation able to be enforced, they are all consumming. Besides someday you will not have them supervised, what will they do while you are gone?? Play endless games!!
Sorry, I just know that my children were a gift from God and it is my and my Husbands responsibility for their values, for their desire to be contributers to the world.
Annie G

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