Vegetarian Christmas Question - Who's Responsibility

I became a vegetarian in September. For Xmas, I took my own dish which was leftovers from a previous meal. I also ate sides and desserts which were provided. Told my mom (who hosted and bought/made the majority of the meal) not to worry. I was good. This is also how I would suggest someone handle it.

I am a vegetarian and normally bring a dish to share type of thing so I know there is at least one thing I can eat. I normally get along just fine with that normally find a misc. side that I can eat like veggie/dip ap etc. I have a friend whose vegetables are not even vegetarian (think green beans with bacon lol). I never feel bad because the world does not revolve around me and my preferences :-)

There may be more to the story than we know. However, it's pretty common misconception that vegetarians can just "fill up on the side dishes." I think it's sort of a 2-way street: As a good hostess, it is always a good idea to ask about food sensitivities/allergies/etc., particularly for new guests or ones who don't come often. However, I think that the final responsibility is for her to take care of. If she has a concern, she should ask what's on the menu. If she doesn't think that will meet her needs, she should offer to bring a vegetarian dish (to share) or offer to share a (simple, not complicated & w/o crazy ingredients) recipe for the MIL to make. That would be the classy thing to do.

...and let's not forget self-centered!

I'm with you.

While it's awesome, courteous, generous, gracious and totally awesome when you're the hostess, to cater to every special dietary request of every single guest, it's just plain unrealistic.

She made herself look like even more of a spoiled, self-righteous idiot by sending her husband out for food! Five will get you ten, she will be the butt of comments about that for YEARS to come. What a nice way to "get used to" your new family, huh? LOL

Come on, people! It's hard enough to get someone to step up to host a holiday dinner without expecting the designated cook to make separate gluten-free, dye-free, free-range, organic vegetarian, kosher, pesticide-free fare!

I didn't eat meat for several years, and, believe me, if someone is a vegetarian, they get REALLY used to either a.) eating the sides only or b.) bringing something you CAN eat!

I think the problem is how she handled it. And as a vegetarian, I think she is in the minority of how most of us handle this (maybe I'm biased!!). We usually eat something before we go anywhere. We never expect anyone to have anything special for us, and just do our best. We also offer for family functions to bring something vegetarian. For parties and such, we don't, it feels sort of imposing to us- because the logical thing for the hostess to do is to say 'oh no, I'll have something for you' and then if she hadn't already planned on it, she is put out.

I think either eating before and/or not making a stink about things makes people more willing to make an extra dish. But if this lady is going to be disappointed every time someone forgets about her dietary needs, she is going to drive herself crazy.

Turning the tables, I have a cousin who can't do gluten or dairy, and spends a lot of time talking about these issues. I have gone out of my way to make a special dish and dessert that she can have. She never eats it, never thanks me for the effort. And I mean she doesn't even do the pretend thing where she moves it around on the plate or mashes it up. She hands me the plate back with the item fully in-tact. This to me is so very rude, so I don't bother anymore. She's on her own! If she even pretended to be appreciative, I would gladly continue to make the effort.

I hope this lady doesn't give us veggies a bad rap. Everyone I know just makes due, and is not surprised or upset by anything. It's up to us to have our own needs met, and if someone is gracious enough to make something we can have, we are SO appreciative.

My husband and youngest DD are vegetarian. No one else in his family or mine is vegetarian. If we are invited to a holiday meal or family gathering, we always bring a vegetarian dish, unless someone specifically tells us they are making one. We do NOT expect anyone to provide a special dish for just 2 people from our family. My MIL often stresses out about what her vegetarian son will eat, but HE is the one to say, "chill Mom, I can always find something to eat." He is flexible, and has no problem (actually enjoys) filling up on side dishes. This woman sounds very self-centered. No excuse not to bring your own dish if you choose a special diet and you're in the minority. Really, her DH ran out to get her something special to eat? How awful! For one meal, she couldn't have enough bread and sides to make it through the gathering? I think you responded totally appropriately. I mean, it was Christmas, not HER birthday.

YUCK. I'm glad I don't know her. She does sound immature and entitled. That would make me want to do LESS for her.

*sigh*

If I know someone has a dietary thing I always try to accomodate them.

HOWEVER - I think anyone who goes against the status quo is responsible for themselves and the consequences of bucking the system.
If I were her, I would bring my own meal everywhere I went unless I was sure there would be stuff for me to eat. I was raised not to "put anyone out" though.

I'm so done with picky eaters and self-proclaimed vegetarians, Vegans, and lactose intolerant, and WW (Weight Watchers), and alcoholics, at least Diabetics have a medical condition...

My vote: BRING YOUR OWN FOOD if you have a personally chosen special diet. Period.....don't ever expect a hostess to cater to your individual dietary needs....even if they are family. Bring your own food and share it....maybe you'll even find a convert or someone to share recipes with.

Well...

we ate Christmas dinner at my in-laws. My youngest child has Celiac disease and because I am still breastfeeding her, I am also on a gluten free diet.

My mother in law made four casseroles and two desserts...none of which we could eat. Did I complain? No. I knew the situation ahead of time, and I brought our own food to eat.

Does it suck? Sure...all the food looks and smells so good, and we're eating non-special leftovers. But that's life...I don't expect her to cook a gluten free meal, which can be difficult and expensive if you aren't used to it...and I wouldn't trust it anyhow because I didn't prepare it myself.

I think your coworker was way out of line. If there were vegetable side dishes, and she's a vegetarian...well, what ELSE does she want to eat? I'm curious to know what her husband went out to get her.

I used to be a vegetarian & my sister still is.
We never too the chance & ALWAYS took our own main dish (veggie burger, veggie tamales etc) AND a side dish.
No way was I going to go hungry. Ha :)
Worked like a charm.
I strongly recommend you never leave home w/o your own favorite vegetarian food!
I don't like to be hungry! :)

One of my DILs was raised vegetarian and is raising their daughter the same way. (Her husband, my son, is non-vegetarian but doesn't mind having his meat at a place other than home.) She is very easy to get along with; she says, "I can always find something to eat!"

She does do dairy and eggs, which is helpful, and all we have to do is make sure there are several side dishes at Christmas dinner - which we would do anyhow. Everybody gets enough to eat of whatever he/she likes.

They come for Christmas from out of town, and will bring a covered dish when (or if) they can, but my DIL is so mellow about all this that we don't any problem accommodating her.

This sounds more like a mother-in-law vent than a no-food vent to me.

I think a lot of young couples go through the issues with the fact that in-laws don't do things the way their family always has. I see so many posts here about MIL problems and I assume that most are from young wives. Let's face it there are in-laws who are nightmares - but they can't all be!

Holidays are when we spend more time with them and when our traditions have to be merged with those our spouse brings in to the marriage. It's tough when you don't get things the way you want, or the way you're used to.

Definitely if a person is vegetarian they should bring a dish they can eat. How would her MIL even know how to cook for her? As a future MIL I would try to go online and find a recipe I could make - to help her feel welcome. But I could see how that might backfire if I made a mistake. Also, in the crazy days of holiday preparation it's tough to get everything done that you want to do. And if my dish was a horrible failure. Then what? would my DIL consider me to be a dolt? The DIL really should have called ahead of time and offered to make her own dish to bring. If you have special food needs it is your responsibility to ask the host if it's OK to bring a dish. But I have to say, the MIL could have reached out to her new DIL and asked for a recipe or advice and they could have gotten a little closer over it - you expect a MIL to try to make her son's wife feel welcome. But I think the great obligation is to the person with the special needs.

For the last 2 Christmas' my nephew had brought his vegan girlfriend to our big gamily post-Christmas gathering. She was one person out of 28 who had food restrictions. I didn't even know where to start with a vegan dish - I was too afraid I'd add something that she couldn't eat - no dairy, no eggs... There was a huge salad (feta cheese on the side) there was pasta - both of which didn't have any animal products in them from what I could tell. I have no idea what she ate. But since everyone brought a dish I hoped she would have brought something she liked. She didn't. A few months ago my nephew broke up with her. He said she was a really nice girl but he could not see having to deal with the vegan thing for the the rest of his life. It was just too much of an accomodation forever. She was a really sweet girl so I hope she finds another vegan to spend her life with.

I think it would be a problem if she was upset that everyone else was eating meat in front of her. That would be entitled. Like the whole world has to change to accommodate her personal choices. However, I don't think it's wrong to expect some accommodations by family at the holidays. Both my sister and my husband's step-mother don't drink alcohol. I always make a point of providing fun and festive non-alcoholic drinks for them when we host, like sparkling apple cider served in champagne glasses. We also have a good friend who is allergic to scallops. We hosted a dinner party for the holidays and my husband found a great scallop dish he wanted to prepare bu he skipped it since our friend was one of the guests. To me, part of entertaining successfully is making sure each and every person attending enjoys themselves and feels welcome. It would be one thing if no one knew she was a vegetarian. But clearly they know. A good host would be sure there were satisfying foods there fr her to enjoy as well. Just my opinion.

VERY assuming. Many members of my husbands family are vegetarian including my husband and daughter. We ALWAYS offer to bring something unless the host is insistant that we don't. I've noticed some vegetarians have an "attitude" about it. I never assume there will be vegetarian food for functions my daughter is involved in. I always ask and offer to provide it, enough for all that might be vegetarian. There usually are vegetarian options because there is a substantial number of vegetarians in our community, though.

IF we've forgotten or something has come up and there aren't vegetarian options we don't make a fuss about it. The people are more important that the food, we can always get something later and eat what we can.

We just hosted Christmas and had both vegetarian and meat options. Different for us because of our family make up. Lucky those of us who will eat both :-) .

I also don't understand not offering to bring anything, vegetarian or not. Wow, she probably looked REALLY bad to her husbands family. You're right, immature and entitled.

I have a friend who is a vegetarian and when she and her husband come for dinner I prepare a meat-free meal that everyone will enjoy, a pot of soup and fresh bread, or a vegetarian pizza for example. However, if this couple came for a holiday, with many other people I would not make the entire meal vegetarian, nor would I be likely to provide a separate entree. I would just be sure there were plenty of side dishes that were meatless so my friend would have plenty to eat.

I agree with you that your co-worker should bring a dish to eat and share, it is one thing to accommodate her diet when she and hubby come alone for dinner, but she should never expect that the entire holiday (or any other large get-together) should revolve around what she chooses to eat. Sounds like she is looking for trouble with her new MIL.

It can be a hard one, the 'veggie person'. I know this myself. What I wonder, though, is if some attempt toward balance can be made on both sides? Perhaps the veg person can come with a dish to share? That's great.

The problem I run into with my family is that there is ZERO concession for me. I am not vegan, but am a pescatarian who is lactose intolerant. So at Thanksgiving, for example, I bring a nice asparagus salad and a couple hard-boiled eggs for myself (sometimes a cold tofu dish) because A. the hosts want everything to be made in advance and B. I need a protein. The problem I run into is that *everything* the host makes has either meat or dairy in it. Mashed potatoes? Chicken broth. No stuffing is made without meat and chicken broth. Lots of creamy casseroles on the table. I've been eating the same diet for over ten years and still, other than the relish plate and what I bring and a roll, there's really nothing else I can eat at the table. Eating before we go (which I usually do) isn't an option as the gathering is three hours away.

Now imagine sitting down at the table with everyone around you, plates piled high, two kinds of turkey, a ham, loads of dairy and gravy everywhere--- and you have NOTHING HOT ON YOUR PLATE. Because I'm not supposed to bring anything that needs to be cooked, remember?

This is why I wish there was a little, wee bit of concession made for me. Like, put a few boiled potatoes aside and I'll mash them up with a little soy butter. Literally, that's all I'm asking. One warm food on my plate. One. If it's family, make a small concession. Like, don't put meat in everything (I've been to gatherings where *everything* including the salads and the breads had meat in them!) . Hold out a little of that pasta salad before adding the prosciutto. Make sure there's a veg dish and plenty of bread on the table. It's family, right? If great grandma Myrtle couldn't eat the meat but needed soup, someone would make sure she got soup,right? No one would gripe that she's asking for a special concession.

This is my one, really bad example of why people can get upset, but I have to do this every other year, drive all day and have pretty much nothing to eat, so I do get kind of grumpy about it, however, I don't make an issue out of it to my family (I don't say *anything* about it to my family except "Thanks for Hosting, Great to see you"). This post isn't likely to get any 'flowers', but it's worth explaining why some people do get upset, like your coworker. Still, yes, she should have brought a dish...

I understand pescatarian/vegetarian eating isn't for everyone. Many of us who practice it do so as part of our spiritual path. If your religion forbade you to eat pork or beef, chances are I would offer you another choice, too, no matter how I ate. When we gather together at the table, to me it's about welcoming my guests, not setting boundaries. Just me...

MY BIL and SIL are vegetarians and always bring something. They were burned BADLY when they flew back from their honeymoon in Paris and they had NOTHING to eat on the plane. She had made arrangements and double checked and they still had nothing for them. She now says "live and learn."

99% of the time we end of loving what they brought and it all gets eaten. Some stuff I thought I'd NEVER like I now LOVE! :)

If there were a few small vegetable things, I would say her MIL already did more than she had to to provide something edible for her DIL. This is your coworker's problem.

And for what it's worth, I totally disagree with A M. It's one thing to say someone can't/won't eat peanuts and keep that off the menu.but to get upset because the main dish, meat, is on the menu? Unreasonable! The majority are meat eaters and I wouldn't change my main dish to suit one person (or in her case, two) who actually, in reality, DID have something to eat, and with her attitude, I wouldn't feel compelled to accomedate her or even want her at my table! I may not *want* to bring my own meal, but cetainly wouldn't expect more than a few small things to accomedate my tastes.

My son has celiac and can have no gluten. I make sure that I have plenty of food that he can eat with me wherever I go. I don't make it anyone's responsibility. If someone asks me about making a gluten free dish or what they can do I will gladly tell them. But I don't make everyone else responsible for his food.

My sister-in-law and her family are all vegetarians. Whenever we get together for family gatherings, they always bring something that they can eat. This Christmas they made a vegetarian lasagna because the main meal is turkey. They do not feel put out and don't expect something special to be prepared by the host for them. Your coworker should bring something that she likes to eat.

She is going to be a family favorite for sure!! She sent her husband out, yikes.

I don't eat mammals at all, some birds and some seafood.....totally my issue since 1988. I would NEVER expect special treatment: I could eat sides or bring my own, very simple.

Yes, she sounds immature and entitled. If her MIL knew lobster was her favorite meal (just an example), is she expected to prepare that for everyone?? You were absolutely right in your suggestion

My DD cannot have apples. I make sure that there is a non-apple pie option and non-apple juice option for her. I recognize that it is my responsibility to provide something for her and there are plenty of other things she can have. My sister can't have chocolate, so this year whoever made the marshmallow and fruit salad with tiny little chocolate chips cut her off that dish. Rather than being angry about it, I think anybody with any dietary concerns needs to take responsibility for him/herself. It is likely that if the in-laws are all non-vegetarians, that they may not understand what a vegetarian meal is all about and thought that having sides was acceptable. I think she should have ponied up a dish and/or spoken to MIL and/or her DH could have asked about the menu. I think that sending her DH off to get something was dramatic.

Edit to add, that while I would hold back pasta as suggested by another poster, our kosher friends either bring their own food (and eat off paper plates) or they eat in advance. I don't offer their kids ham, but they know that if they eat here, they're likely getting some weird combo of what I have in the pantry with the right symbols on it. If I had serious restrictions, I'd bring something in a cooler to pop in the microwave. We brought cold juice in our cooler this year and had a 2+hour drive.

I also spoke to someone yesterday who seemed bitter that after 20+ years she's not in the family photos because she's not invited - but she even admits she's the one waiting on the sidelines, not that they don't want her there. She excludes herself and complains to a virtual stranger rather than tell her common-law husband and the kids "Hey, wait for me!" or "That hurts my feelings". Sometimes you also need to be your own advocate at family functions.

Well, maybe it's not the same, but I have to come up with some menu to include my vegetarian daughter this weekend. We are waiting our Christmas until then. It's been about 14 months I think since we seen her, maybe 16. I am not thrilled with the extra dollars and time I know we need to put into this. She's flying in. It's hard enough for her to get time off work, pay for 1/2 her ticket, and now there are bagage charges too. I don't expect her to come here and buy groceries. We will shop together, on my dime, and then cook together.

It's life. We do what we can. Maybe this mother-in-law feels like me.... CLUELESS. I wish I could entice my daughter to eat meat again!

It's similar to the fact that we have several dietary issues in my family. No MSG, a daughter with Celiac so somethings need to be gluten free, an autistic granddaughter so limit gluten and some things dairy free and a grandson allergic to eggs. As a family we are able to work out a menu that works for everyone.
I feel that her in-laws should have dishes she can eat. If I invite someone I make sure the food I offer is okay for them.

What if she or one of her kids had a peanut allergy? They would make sure some of the food was peanut free.

A gracious host wants EVERYONE to feel comfortable and welcome.

Since MIL was doing the cooking and knows about her diet, then the polite thing would've been to either consult her on what type of dish she would like, or ask her to provide her own main dish so that it was cooked correctly.

If her MIL invited her over, MIL should have made sure that the menu was accomodating. Would she invite Jewish friends over and serve ham?

My sister is a vegetarian and has never asked me to prepare a dish for her but as her sister and the hostess I want all my guests to have a nice time and eat. I usually try to find a main vegetable that everyone can eat but this year I made "the perfect baked tofu"! (we ate prime rib) I also hosted a party and served a cake a friend of mine was allergic to, so I bought my friend a special cupcake. If you know, I think a good hostess should accommodate. Just my two cents!

Should someone with a dietary restriction expect the world to accomodate them? No.
But.....
I'm sure there are deeper issues. She is looking at this as a lack of consideration and acceptance of her. She probably is a bit insecure of her place in the family and doesn't think mil approves of her. I'm sure this is a symbol of the bigger issue. In that case, I would like to think that the new in-laws would try to be considerate and make sure there were something she could eat. The fact that they didn't probably does mean they don't care for her and don't respect her.
If a new family member that I was trying to build a relationship with were coming to my house I would make something they like. (or any family member or friend) I would have thier brand of beer. I would hang a stocking for them. I would go out of my way to be considerate of them.

So, maybe this was her barometer of whether they like her or not. Does she expect the office luncheons to provide vegetarian options for her? Is she always a wiener about this? Or were her feelings hurt because no consideration was shown for her by her new family?

I think that, as a host, if you are inviting vegetarians for dinner then you should include enough vegetarian items on your menu to feed them appropriately.

However, if you are going to your MIL's house, and you know she is the kind of person who isn't going to feed you properly, bring your own food items and don't sweat it and have a good time with no resentment.

Your suggestion was AWESOME! I was a vegetarian for many years and I would always contribute something to the table that I knew I could eat.

I agree that she sounded immature and entitled. Her poor MIL probably didn't purpose to offend her. It's hard to know what to prepare for someone with special diets or preferences!

She should take her own or stick with sides! Cooking for a crowd is hard enough without adding an extra entree. I am extremely picky and don't eat a variety of things others enjoy. There have been many dinners featuring lamb, duck amd types of seafood I dislike where I ate apps and sides and just enjoyed the company! Sure, I've been hungry, but you just deal with it instead of asking hosts to cater specifically to you. From now on she should make tofurky or a quinoa loaf and take it as her contribution.

I think she should have had something for her if she knew she was coming. But I also think she could have clarified ahead of time so as not to get worked up.

I always make sure that all bases are covered with my family before the meal.

Christmas Eve is always taco's - whoever hosts does the basics for making taco's. This year it was my parents, so I made bean dip, my sister brought queso and chips, one brother made chili relllanos (I know I spelled that wrong), and the other brother was supposed to bring rice but forgot...not the end of the world.

Christmas Day we did a prime rib roast. My dad did the meat, one brother did the mashed potatoes and gravy, we did the salad and appetizers, and my other brother was supposed to bring the rolls but forgot - again not the end of the world.

My hubby is from the deep south so I always try to make sure he is covered with things he wants for big meals. I have a few special dishes that I have to have on big holidays, and I make those too.

When guests are coming, I make sure to have family pass out the menu ahead of time and they are welcome to bring anything else they would like to :).

Im a vegetarian and i never expect special treatment, i politely inquire about the ingredients of things and if they are meat free i will eat those. Its my decision to not eat meat not theirs.

When people come to my house i certainly dont serve meat. A few people have complained and i find them to be rude, no way do i want to act like that

When people do go out of their way to make sure something is made for me i am truly honored by it

As a host, it is your responsibility to make sure everyone has something to eat and to take care of your guests. Why would anyone want to go to someone's house for dinner if they have to take their own meal along. My husband and kids are vegetarian, so maybe I am biased, but I have had guests who don't eat something and have made an effort to accommodate their needs. Think about it this way, if you or someone in your family had an allergy to something, and you went over to your in-laws/parents friends house and couldn't really eat, even though they knew about you, how would you feel. I do not think it is childish or immature in the least bit!

i do think it's a bit presumptuous (sp?) of her to assume they would cater to her. but then i'm like you, our family always does potluck - i can't imagine putting all that responsibility on one or two people.

her inlaws are not there to cater to her. period. that is NOT what christmas is about. apparently she was raised differently....

She's a jackass. She should have brought something with her. I'll bet her in-laws know her well enough to have an idea of who she is as a person & intentionally didn't go out of their way. Why should they? She's 1 vegetarian out of an entire family of people, for crying out loud!

If she is the only one with special diet needs, she needs to be sure to accommodate that herself, not expect anyone else to. There is already so much to make with a traditional Christmas dinner, the mil should not have to make an extra main dish for that one person, she should bring her own. What you told her to do was the perfect advice.

As a vegetarian, she should be more than used to having to struggle to find a full plate at a family gathering. I was vegetarian for 12 years before baby #1...as a huge surprise to me I craved and ended up eating meat during the last half of that pregnancy...but I've had enough experience to know that if you expect to be full in such a situation, you eat ahead of time and/or bring a hearty vegetarian dish to share. She's acting like a child.

Hi--
My kids have all kinds of food allergies, and we're also very particular about what we eat (all organic, no chemicals, etc) All my friends and family know our little "idiosyncracies"-- some of them try really hard to accommodate us and some of them think we're crazy. We always make sure we have food with us. It's our health choice and I don't feel compelled to push it on other people. I, do, however, really appreciate the people in our lives that try to understand and do their best to work with us. Sometimes people our unwilling to even consider adjusting the menu, because if they learned why we do what we do they'd have to question their own choices--something very few people are willing to do. Also, just like she was hurt that her MIL didn't try to show her caring through making sure she was properly fed, her MIL could be feeling offended that she didn't want her food. It goes both ways. I say take care of yourself--if you don't, who will?
J.

My (10 year old) son decided a few months ago that he didn't want to eat anything with a face--his personal decision and I stand by him. Every year for Christmas the whole extended family goes to my dad's and every year they make a beautiful rib roast. This year when we went we volunteered to bring the veggie sides (it is a tradition in my family to include bacon in many veggie dishes and I wanted to make sure the veggies were ones he could eat) instead of the usual dessert and I also brought along a tupperware tofu dish for my son. He had plenty to eat and was just fine. I would not expect my dad to have to cook a special dish for one person, nor do I want someone inexperienced with tofu dishes to try and create one for my son. Much easier all around to provide a dish I know he likes and will eat than to waste a fun family gathering worrying about what he'll have to eat. I know it's only been a few months we've been dealing with this, but he's already used to knowing he may not be able to eat everything when we go out. I would think most vegetarians (and people with dietary restrictions) would be used to it and not throw a fit about it, but that's just me...
P.S.--Just so everyone is aware, people CAN be allergic to meat. When my son was 4 he tested as allergic to: eggs, milk, peanuts, soy, beef and pork. The beef and egg allergies were the worst--he couldn't have anything with them in it at all--including beef broth and egg washes. He has outgrown those allergies, but I just wanted to mention that it does happen (I was shocked at the time having never heart of allergies to meats before) after reading all the responses that say vegetarianism is a choice and not as "important" (for lack of a better word...) as allergies.

I am a vegetarian and never expect there to be a dish for me. I do just as you said, either bring a dish or just eat the sides and there are always enough sides - especially on holidays. I have never gone hungry! She is young and making an issue of it. I wonder if she is an only child. She's acting like one.

I am a vegetarian and when invited to dinner or party, I often offer to bring a dish to save someone the trouble with an extra entree. However, I am cheesed off when someone turns down my offer or just mentions there will be plenty of food without it and then after I get there I realize the choices they have left me with to create a complete meal are:

hot dog buns and chips (like at a cookout - where I could have easily tossed a veggie dog into my bag)

rolls, celery and olives (dinners where other sides have been cooked with meat/animal broth)

plain noodles, maybe with butter (meat or meatballs cooked with the sauce and no olive oil, herbs or veg in sight)

french fries and corn on the cob (ah, summer picnics)

As you can see, most people expect vegetarians to just eat bread or plain carbs and be thrilled. I have a reputation of loving things like bread or fries but it's really because that's all I can eat at most functions and I'm trying to be gracious.

I will say that we are not a potluck people, that is, very few of our family or friend gatherings are assumed to be potluck and most hosts don't want someone to bring a dish. Still, I've started traveling with a frozen something just in case!

I would think that maybe as a new in-law relationship, both sides would have tried a little harder.

EDIT: I'm editing just a bit after reading all of the answers. I'm surprised by the meanness of a lot of you who mock this coworker or act as though making a meatless offering is the hardest thing you've ever heard of. And seriously, don't like cooking for a crowd b/c it's too hard to add or change a dish? Then don't invite a crowd or tell them up front to each bring something to share.

I don't think she was expecting a entire vegan meal or even a lentil loaf that took 3 hours to make. If it was not a potluck, maybe just some more complete sides or a protein for her so she didn't look like the idiot with the empty plate in front of all her new relatives (been there). Or a heads up to know to eat beforehand. (But I'll tell you, when invited to dinner, especially one that is not potluck, it can suck to always have to bring your own and usually it's something precooked or cold so as not to intrude on the other dinner plans and cooking. Eating dinner first and then going to dinner to not eat sometimes wears me out. Why not just invite for dessert or drinks instead? Sure, the company is a treat but you lose some of the communal aspect of enjoying a meal together.)

There are A LOT of foods that are already vegetarian - entrees and sides - that I bet many of you eat every day that would have been no trouble to serve if a little thought (just a fleeting thought!) had been put into it. Yeesh, even my main course at xmas was a Boca patty that my mom microwaved right before so I'd have something hot and more "entree-ish" to eat with the family. Sure, I brought it, but she already had some on hand, too. It took 90 seconds of her life to include my son and I. That's not elaborate and I wholeheartedly appreciate the thought. For Thanksgiving, I did bring my own veg roast to be more festive.

Oh, great. Nothing like a little self-centered drama at the Christmas table. That sure brings back some memories...of MY behavior! I used to be vegetarian and boy did I just love getting on my high horse about it. I started eating meat again when I found out the real health culprits in my diet are processed foods, simple carbs, sugar and alcohol. Now, I dare ANYONE to find a holiday party that doesn't serve items without at least one of the above ingredients. I handle it by bringing a dish to share and/or a bottle of fizzy water. For example, there was a family dinner last Friday which happened to fall on my birthday. Everyone knows I have "dietary restrictions". Still, my husband's aunt made me a cake. And you know what? I thanked her heartily for doing so. I didn't eat it but I encouraged everyone to enjoy. I brought a big tray of apple crisp and i think it was more of a hit than the cake:^) The dinner was wieners and beans. I politely refused the hot dogs and ate beans and salad instead. Definitely not my first choice of cuisine, but whatever. It would have been very easy to have a pout-fit about not getting what I wanted to eat on my b-day but I am glad I didn't.

Well, I don't think that anyone should be expected to make special accomodations for a lifestyle choice (as opposed to a medical allergy). However, it would be a nice gesture for the hostess to provide a few vegetarian alternatives. Off the top of my head, I would think that there could be some fruit and veggie trays along with some bread.

If she didn't think that the hostess would have anything, she should have eaten beforehand.

If I was the only guest, I might expect my inlaws to make something for me, but if they were making a big holiday meal for 15, 20 or whatever people, then no. I would not expect them to go out of their way to make something that only I needed. I would probably offer to bring along a dish that was to my liking. Now, I will say that when I find out I am having vegetarian guests, I do try to accommodate them - when we have a bbq, I'll get some veggie burgers, and for my daughter's sweet 16, I made sure the buffet included things like cheese-only lasagna for the vegetarian guests.
Here's the thing though, about expecting others to make you something for a special diet. You don't know if it's really to your specifications. I had a friend who was vegetarian, and they'd socialize regularly with another couple, who kept making "vegetarian casseroles" when she'd come for dinner, but they contained things like beef broth, gelatin, etc which are not vegetarian ingredients. They just didn't have pieces of meat in them. She said she'd prefer that they just throw steaks on the grill, because she could make a meal out of corn on the cob, salad, baked potato, bread and fruit salad.

Allergies and religious omissions are not choices, and must be accommodated. Vegetarian and vegan are choices. When certain menu choices are expected (not required) then the guest should indicate to the host or hostess ahead of time, that certain options would be appreciated, and the guest should at least offer to bring something! My nieces entire family is vegetarian (by choice), and she always checks our dinner menu, to be certain that there will be enough variety for their family, and if not, she will bring a main course vegetarian dish, that every will like.

I have a daughter with lactose intolerance. While it would be nice for people to accommodate their meal plans for my daughter, I don't expect it. People are being kind and generous by opening their homes for my entire family when they invite us to dinner. If they're thoughtful enough to provide something that my daughter can eat and actually likes I'm grateful.

However, I almost always bring back-up. When we went to my SIL's for Christmas Eve I knew there would be some foods she could eat and a lot that she couldn't, but that most of the foods she "could" eat were not foods she'd be willing to eat (she self-restricts a lot thanks to autism and sensory processing disorder) and therefore I made a huge double entree of a pasta I knew she loves (spinach pesto). Not only could she eat it, but everyone there ate it and took seconds.

I have a restricted diet as well due to some severe food allergies. Again, it's courtesy for people to avoid the things I'm allergic to in the foods they serve but if they make them anyway then I stay away from them and refrain from touching them. If that means I go hungry and eat later, fine. If that means I don't get dessert, whatever. I'm an adult and can handle it. I'm not going to throw a hissy fit. After nearly 20 years my MIL still doesn't "get" my food allergies and she's not going to change. She's not being inconsiderate, she just doesn't understand. So I bring my own food if I know she's going to cook with oranges or nuts or something else I can't eat, and if I don't know, then I let her feel offended and my husband gets to rip her a new butthole because he feels offended on my behalf.

The problem with your coworker is her self-entitlement issue. She should have brought something to contribute to the family meal because it would have been polite and that's what families do; and because she could have also guaranteed being able to eat something she liked and knew was safe for her chosen diet.