Variation in Discipline Methods

When you count to 3, you are training her to delay obeying you, so I strongly agree with the immediate obedience method that your husband prefers. The parenting classes I have taken have suggested that as well.

Along those lines, I HIGHLY recommend taking Love and Logic Parenting classes. I am seeing remarkable positive changes in my toddler's behavior since applying the principles/ideas I've learned through attending Love and Logic classes. They are actually based out of Colorado. You can call the Love and Logic company at 800-588-5644 to get the contact info for people who teach classes in your area (I just called and a real person answered right away and was very helpful).

The Love and Logic approach is all about tough love--being firm and consistent in letting children suffer the natural (logical) consequences of their actions, while doing so in a very gentle and loving way, having true empathy in your heart. My mom parented this way, and I really appreciate my upbringing. I feel she was a very effective and loving parent who helped prepare us for the real world.

If classes aren't available near you, check out some Love and Logic materials at the local library for free or buy them at www.loveandlogic.com. Here are some I recommend: a seminar on DVD "Painless Parenting for the Preschool Years," the book "Parenting with Love and Logic." They also have some great CDs full of wonderful advice and real-life applications that you can listen to in the car while driving.

Uhmm...i'm with your husband on this one. you are teaching her to be defiant to you during the time you allow her "free time", and that is pure rebellion. she will expect the same treatment from teachers and other adults in the future. and she won't get it from them, they are not there to coddle her, so she'll have discipline problems throughout her life because she will want to "push the envelope", because that's what she learned from your method.
if she respects daddy don't take that away from him. or her. his method is working. sorry to be blunt, but you have to look at the long term effect of what you may be doing to her. discipline is not for sissies, but you know what? it is worth it.

First of all, I think that you and your husband really need to agree on a plan. If you are using both methods your poor daughter is probably confused. There is no one that can tell you which method is going to work for your daughter that is up to you and your husband. I know that the 1,2,3 one works for us, and the other method worked great for my brothers children. Since she is 19 months I would definetly have your method figured out cause Terrible 2's is just right around the corner! Good Luck!

Hi S.,

I tend to like (as much as I hate to admit it ;P) your husabands style better. I can see doing the 1,2,3 thing when they are little but having a 4 year old myself, when they hit 2 and 3 years old then it becomes a delayed consequence. I think that they need to know that no is no and after 1 warning they get punished. I think most kids as they get older know that they can push it right up until you are about to say 3 then quit whatever it is they are doing. Good luck but I would get both of you on the same page for sure. :)
K.

Definitely agree with the "Parenting With Love and Logic" books by Jim Faye. Well worth the read. Strangely, the author was actually my Husband's school principal years ago. We are amazed at how easy it is to use and how effective it really is.
Good Luck!

I used to argue with my kids father about the same thing. He had a point about the 1,2, 3 method, that while a child is young, they will know you will count to three, so in a situation like them running out in the street, you would not want to count to three to get them to respond, make sense? In other words, early on they need to learn they need to listen right away to stay out of danger until they understand the whole concept of dangerous situations. I think maybe with dangerous situations have a tone/raise your voice a bit and don't count, but for every day things maybe try it.