Trying to Stick to a Budget

Hi M.,

Good for you guys that you are beginning to take control of your money! I highly recommend Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. We did it when I started staying home and it's really opened our eyes to what our money should be doing for us.

The biggest thing is to use cash. Put away the credit/debit cards and solely use cash. That way, when it's gone, it's gone.

Good luck!
C.

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I give my husband (with his approval) a weekly allowance. He can spend it on whatever he chooses but once it is gone, its gone. I was giving him a monthly allowance and giving it to him all at once but he said that if he has that much cash in his pocket at one time he feels the need to spend it. And he would. You and your husband really need to sit down together and figure up what an appropriate and realistic budget is for the both of you. There is no point in having a budget if everyone is not on board. It wont work, obviously. Stay away from the credit cards!!

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Luckily I take care off all the checkbooks and all the bills and my husband calls and asks me if we have the money for him to get such and such. The less my husband knows tho, the better he feels. He likes thinking we are broke. Whatever works.
On the saving part... gift cards. Walmart and ToysRUs for sure have the cards and they don't go down in value. That is a good way to stash money. Everytime you get paid take a little (even just $20) and put it on the card. Don't tell hubby if you don't want to. Then when you NEED it for baby stuffs or for whatever, it will be there.
Have you sat him down with no distractions and shown him your exact budget plan?
Other than that, you could just cry a lot and hope it gets to him that way. I know it's a form of trickery but if it saves you from bankruptcy or a repo or the baby doing without...it is worth it!

Dave Ramsey all the way. Get his book. It has changed our lives and spending habits.

Yet another vote for Dave Ramsey. We've been doing his plan for a while, and have paid off $15,000 worth of debt, and paid cash for me to finish college. All on a teacher's salary.

My husband has a habit of overspending, too; he'd nickel and dime us right into the poor house if I didn't keep up on the finances!

What I've found that helps is that I request all his receipts weekly (that way I don't get any 'oh, I forgot about that one), and I do a weekly budget update. I find that if I don't do this, he forgets what money he's already spent. If we have a quick weekly update (or I post what we've spent and how much we have left for the month on the fridge), we stay in budget.

You may have to go to counseling. Guys don't like reading books, but if there is a Pastor or someone at your church who he can be accountable to it will help him. He's been spending while someone else has been paying the bill, it's time he learns to grow up.
He also needs to respect you; do you have family in the area that you can go to? You have been given some good advise, but if reading someones book doesn't work you need another plan to fall back on, including going to parents or a Pastor to ask for advise.

Getting your husband on board for a budget can be hard (I have a friend who has the same problem, and has for the last 5 years or so - they have 2 kids and one on the way now.) The only way a budget will work is for you to do it together. Several people have already given you good ideas for that. Without him on board, the best thing for YOU to do (since you really CAN'T control his actions, no matter how much you may want to) is to do what you can to lower the part YOU can control. Bargain shop, use coupons, use the adds you get and take them to Wal-mart to get them to match prices. I have a friend with a blog dedicated entirely to saving money when you go shopping. She can get (and I don't understand how completely, but she does) a $75-100 shopping bill down to around $25-30. It may help you out. It's www.groceries4less.blogspot.com

Good luck

Dave Ramsey has excellent information. You can find out about him at DaveRamsey.com

Take away his cards and give him a cash allowance.

Sticking to a budget is really hard. My husband and I have been trying to do it as well and sometimes have better success than others. He is sort of the opposite of your husband. He was the oldest of 7 children so they didn't have alot. So, now he says if he sees something he wants he's going to buy it. Anyway, debit cards are really dangerous. It's so easy to spend money with them and not realize how much you're spending. If you can, take them out of your wallet altogether. If you've already created your budget, they you know how much you've alloted each month for discretionary purposes. Give this to your husband in cash and when it's gone, it's gone. I would also recommend visiting www.daveramsey.com. He's a financial expert who really focuses on teaching people how to budget and get out of debt. There's alot of good information on his site. Good luck!!

M.:

My suggestion:Sit down and list each monthly expense/amount and total outgo for the month (include your food and fuel for automobile in this). Then figure what your monthly income is. Anything left over, then you and your husband figure out what to do with it. I always have a "Miscellaneous" category for unexpected expenses and I put $ into this category weekly also just as I put funds into all the other categories (Mortgage, Utilities, Car Insurance, Taxes, Tithe, Medical, etc.) ALWAYS GIVE!

I agree with the other posts about Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University! My husband and I have taught the class four times and that helps us stay on track. It really helps get hubby and wife on the same page and working together towards a financial goal. Go to Daveramsey.com, click on Financial Peace University on the left, and type in your zipcode in the spot where it says "Find a Class." The materials cost about $95, but it will be the BEST MONEY you have ever spent. Stick with it!

first of all, your husband needs to grow up and face reality, financial security and a safety net so to speak is FAR more important than this and that, but it IS very difficult to change habits.

my husband and i have a VERY strict cash budget. i have a large binder type thing that's about 6 inches by 14 inches and it is divided into 15 or 20 sections. i keep one or two business sized envelopes in each section and they have labels such as:

my money - gas, etc.
husband's money - gas, etc.
kids allowance
dog expenses
household expenses
groceries
friends birthdays
christmas
vacation
eating out and entertainment
there's an envelope for each one of our birthday's

there are several more, but you get the idea. i put a set amount in each envelope each month. my husband gets paid on the 1st and the 15th of each month - some envelopes are filled on the 1st, some on the 15th. now, there is typically a little extra in each envelope, but it's a little more tricky when you first start. give it a shot and see how it does. congrats on the new baby!

M.

My husband is also not great with money, but he knows it and lets me handle it. If your husband will come to that point, you can make it work. The cash thing is a great idea, but for us it doesn't work too well because he tends to give cash away. He is very generous (something I admire), and if someone needs something, he will give away all his money. Or he loses it sometimes. So I got him a credit card with a limit for the amount of money he will need each month (for gas, lunch at work, his personal whatever, a pre-set budgeted amount), and then I pay it off every month. If you don't want to get a credit card, a visa gift card would work the same way. Sometimes, he runs out of money and his card won't work. I just tell him maybe he should fill out some of those forms to be reimbursed for all the stuff he has bought for work! I don't expect him to use the card to buy groceries, pay when we go out to eat or anything. It's all fair. Maybe it would work for you.

To save money on food, we get Angel Food most months. You don't have to qualify for it or anything, it's kind of like a co-op. It's about $60 worth of groceries for $30. If you don't have to eat organic, and aren't a vegetarian, it saves you money.

I could go on and on with ways to save money. If you want me to, send me a note. If this is enough, I'll be quiet now!

A.
www.greenbabydiaperservice.com

My husband and I give each other an allowance. He gets more than I do because he has to buy lunch during the week, but we both get $20 a paycheck to spend on whatever we want. We laid out what that money was for and what he could use the money for and we always discuss purchases with that money before hand. If he wants to buy some computer thingy, he has to use his money for it and save up every paycheck until he has enough. Same for me. If I want to get a manicure or pedicure, that's what my allowance is for. Purchases with that money, we don't have to consult each other on.

Hopefully you will get better ideas to start out with, but when my husband and I first got married and money was tight he couldn't even tell me where the $20 he had Monday went by Wed. So, I had to put him on an allowance so he would have to keep track of where his money was going and if he wanted a snack at work he couldn't always get a snack on the way home because he didn't have enough for that.

It also taught him that when the allowance so to speak was gone... there wasn't a Mom or Dad giving him more (which was his background).

An allowance sounds harsh, but it is really just a tool. Once he really understood where his money went and could conceive of the working budget I gave him more and more money to carry around. Until it wasn't an issue any more.

Another thing you might consider is taking the credit away if that is how he is spending.

Another suggestion I have heard before is putting the gas money for the week in an envelope, the grocery money in an envelope, the money for the bills too. Than, take $5 - $10 and put that in an envelope that you two decide to rent a movie or buy an ice cream. That way, when you need money for the weekly expenses you both go to one place and get the money for that one purpose and when the money is gone it's gone. It helps to know I only have $100 for groceries...maybe looking at the sale ads would help or using coupons to stretch the money out.

Another thing to consider (which I mentioned above)... Basically, all the advice I have ever received regarding budgeting is to set something aside to spend on you or with the baby coming IF spending on the baby is FUN than occationally you can put some of your FUN money in on something for your little one to be. But sticking to a budget is better if you can budget in some entertainment or hobby that you both like. It helps to eliminate the feeling that when your budgeting you don't get to go out to dinner or movies or play at all. Which can lead to splurging and totally blowing your budget.

I've been there and can understand. Everyone is different so I don't know if these suggestions will help or not. But any way Good Luck and congraduations!

D

Something my husband and I do that seems a little different than everyone else is that we don't combine our income. We don't have any joint accounts. We do finances like roomates, in a sense. He makes more money than I do, so he pays more of the bills.. mainly he covers the house, car, utilities,groceries, etc and I take care of the kids.. daycare, clothes, extracurricular activities, birthdays. That way, he is doing the bills that make him feel like a man in providing for our families basic needs, and it is his responsibility to buget and plan for them. While, I on the other hand, take responsibility in bugeting for the kids. Then, whatever each of us has left over (after savings too (he saves for us to have a safety cushion if we lose our job, I save for christmas, vacations, and medical expenses), we can put towards going out or buying extras. We have been together over 10years and married for over 6 and we have never had one argument over money... and we have 3 kids, one with a disability with very expensive therapy, and I just finished grad school so we live pretty darn close to paycheck to paycheck. We discuss money all the time and we know how much each other has, and where it's going.

I remember with my first husband I controlled the finances because that's what my mother did with my dad and I thought that's the way married people did things...the husband makes the money and the wife allocates the spending. It was awful. I would give my ex husband and I both an allowance and he would run out of his and then swipe my credit cards or from our savings and spend more than we had. Even though I told him the buget and we decided it together, because he wasn't physically paying any of the bills he didn't have any sense of responsibility for it. None of the bills were even in his name.

If you're not working, maybe you and he can decide how to divide his paycheck so part of it is considered your income to manage for expenses for the baby, groceries..whatever, and then he can buget the other portion for rent/mortgage, utilities, etc..

Best wishes to you figuring this out.

Maybe if the two of you agreed on an amount of cash you would each get to spend each week on whatever you choose. That way when the cash is gone so is your spending for the week. Only use bank cards and checks for bills, groceries and things that are necessary. From my experience, you can never know how much a baby costs until you have one, so I would try to put aside some money for unexpected expenses. Hope this helps. We are on a budget, too. Good luck!!!

It's a mindset. I think a lot of us begin shopping for recreation and then we're addicted. But truly, there are a lot more worthwhile things in life that money doesn't buy and that are irreplaceable... i.e. time with family or friends, finding your spirutual center, improving your home, learning something new, spending time doing something you used to love to that you no longer have time to do, etc. I've found actually limiting my shopping "expeditions" helps (same concept that if the sweets aren't in the house you don't eat them). Make a list when you have to go to the store. Stick to it as much as humanly possible. There are quite a few articles and news stories about how to cut back and reading those eventually helps reorient one toward more responsible, and less, spending. Don't let up.
Credit card balances paid off two years ago... big sigh of relief! Best wishes for your family.
D. N.

A couple of ladies have already mentioned Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. I wholeheartedly agree. I highly recommend you get it on audio & listen to it together if possible or check with your local church, some of them might have his videos to lend. Many churches are taking this up as a ministry. There is also a Financial Peace University put on by many churches, his website might have more information. A second book or audio book is the Millionaire Mindset. It is an eye opening look into how the wealthy make & keep their money.This second book is more of an academic study.

Anyway, the reason this will resonate with him is that it's from the man's point of view. He talks about his experience of making a bunch of money & losing it and having to deal with his pride issues and how he viewed himself as a man. It is very straight forward and honest.

My husband would often spend money on big things, TV, computer, etc. No matter how I scrimped, couponed and did without, it hardly made a dent. We had bought a big house, more than we could really afford, not hard to do in California where in the early 2000's the cheapest house was 00k. In order to keep up the house we got into the snowball of buying furniture, car, and "things" to keep up with the life as befitted our house. We quickly got up over our head in credit debt so between the house & other stuff we owed over 550K. Our salvation came two years ago when we moved to TX. We discovered Dave Ramsey on the radio & it made sense to both of us. We sold our house in CA, bought a much smaller, modest house here & paid off all our debts (minus the 150K house) and have refrained from using credit at all. We're much happier despite not having new cars, nice furniture, etc. Even my husband hates to shop unless it is to replace something that has broken, such a change from before.

For those who say you can't change your husband, I agree YOU can't change him. But he CAN change his habbits. Let him learn from Dave on his own. Don't force it down his throat. Maybe put in a CD while in the car together...

My best to you,
K.
Mom of 3, ages 6, 5 & 3

I highly highly HIGHLY reccomend reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and checking into his Financial Peace University. My husband and I went through the course and it saved our marriage. We both have a tendency to spend money and this helped us SO much!

Definitely use the envelope system. I would also suggest giving each other an "allowance". Only use the debit cards if you HAVE to, don't carry your checkbook with you places. ALWAYS have cash.

Hope this helps!

We are on a budget and things are very tight here too. We do the envelope system where we get his check direct deposit and pull it out when it hits. All of our money gets placed in the envelopes for the bills. One is marked rent, water, TXU, etc. I usually put the bill with my marked envelope to help out. I then get a money order and pay the bill. Any left over money should roll over into the emergency envelope, (hint: there usually isn't any left over money but the envelope is there just in case). :-) For the kids clothes and mine I shop resale unless there is a great sale on at the mall or somewhere else. My husband carries maybe $5 on him at all times, if he is lucky. I like the allowance idea that some of the other mom's mentioned. I hope things go well and congrats on the baby!

My husband and I read the Dave Ramsey book, Total Money Makeover, and we also attended the Financial Peace University seminar that he does. It completely changed our lives. Dave Ramsey has a way to get you motivated. The budget you create is truely a collaboration between you and your husband so he shouldn't feel like this is something you are doing to him.
Good Luck on the budget and Congrats on the baby!

Create the budget and then have a "meeting" about it. Make the little tweeks together. Each of you should sign every page of it that you agree to stick with it.

Be sure to give him a CASH allowance (and yourself), but agree to put up the debit cards (freeze them in an emptied butter tub with water if you have to) and do not carry the checkbook. This will make you have to come home and think about the buy before making it (and hopefully discuss it).

Use pre-paid gas cards when you can. Use cash when buying groceries (and sale shop) only buying what is on the grocery list (eat before shopping to prevent impulse food buying).

Check out Financial Peace University with Dave Ramsey (Google it if you want more info). They offer a class for couples that is awesome and has a little something for every stage of life. Some of it may not apply to you and your husband now, but it will later. It is a Christian-based program that is taught with humor. It is definately worth looking into.

Blessings and good luck.

P. <><

Try Reading Dave Ramsey's Totoal Money Makeover. His stuff is good. When I got my husband on board it has stopped most of our money fights.

I'm a huge Dave Ramsey fan also and we're currently members of his Total Money Makeover website and are working the babysteps. Check out his book and with all honesty, Dave would tell your husband to grow up already with his money because it has to stop. On the one hand, make sure in your budget that you have some "blow" money that he can blow on whatever. That may help. Good luck!

How is he getting ahold of the money he is spending?

If it is credit card or checking account, take them away and only alot a certain amount of cash per week, PERIOD! ie: He gets "paid" $200 on each Monday for the week, and that is all-no credit card, ATM, check book, etc! And do it to both you and him so it doesn't seem like a punishment, just a learning lesson for the both of you! We did it and it really makes you aware of what you spend on a normal day!

Best of luck!
T.

Good for you! I would suggest 3 seperate bank accounts. One for the house. You will have to decide how much you have to pay yourself. This account is just for paying bills, taxes, groceries etc. A second and third account that are seperate for each of you. This basically is your allowance account...if you want new shoes and a pedicure and the $ is there then great...if he wants another gadget or wings with guys and the $ is there then great. No bulking at each other on what you each spend from your own accounts. If save all of your funds to fly away to visit aunt b then so be it. I would recommend you also think about christmas. It will babies first christmas and we new moms tend to go crazy. My trick for saving for tmas with 3 girls is to buy gift cards all year long...walmart, toysrus, old navy where ever i klike and at christmas i buy their gift with the gift cards and i am not out any direct cash. A 25.00 gift card here and there really adds up and i don't feel the pinch at christmas. Good luck in your planning and new baby. I'm usre some of the spendign will settle down once the baby is here. Men tend to react different once the talked about human is actually in their arms. The whole future flashes before their eyes...activites, cars, prom, college, wedding. That usually settles them down.