Too Much Princess?

i agree w/ saying something to your parents. you don't necessarily have to rule out princess stuff altogether, but just let them know she has other interests as well.

my daughter was 2 in august, and she has her fair share of play jewelry, princess stuff, dolls and teddy bears. but my husband also has strong feelings (stronger than mine) about her being directed to only "girly" things. so she also has match box cars, mega blocks and he wrestles and tumbles around with her, and she's know the redsox/patriots logo's since about 18 mos.... but when she's with me, she wants to have her purse and sunglasses "just like mommy"... but she stuffs her purse with her match box cars/golf balls/diego animals. etc. and when i'm feeding her 3 month old brother a bottle. she's sitting right next to me on the couch feeding her dolly too.

you're not going to completely be able to shield her from the "girly" things... you just have to be able to provider her with alternatives as well..... so maybe just explaining that to your parents, they will understand where you are coming from and help expose her to other things as well.

you parents do these things to see the joy on your childs face... so by letting them know that she gets exicted about other things too, i'm sure they will broaden their horizons.

Hi,

I agree that other people have responded surprisingly harshly about this.

I completely understand where you are coming from. When I was pregnant I knew it was a girl, but I almost didn't want to tell people because I just don't like pink and frilly. I tried to let people know I preferred not to get girly things, and some people respected it and others didn't. I have been fortunate to get many hand-me-downs from friends and whenever I open a bag of clothes it is overwhelmingly pink. So I pick out the things that are just way too cutesy but does wear plenty of pink.

I know that chances are good that my daughter will be a girly girl at some point, but while she is little and doesn't know any different why not dress her the way I like for now. And let me tell you, it can be really hard to find things for girls that aren't pink! I think that is my main problem with the pink and princess is that is just what we are told girls are going to like and it feels like too much marketing.

My opinion would be to gently mention to the grandparents that you'd like to keep the princess to a minimum, and for Christmas (or Hanukah or birthdays) you'd prefer more educational toys. Maybe you could direct them to a website or a store that has the types of things you'd prefer. Could you suggest that they keep the princess stuff at the grandparents house so she is only surrounded by it two days a week?

Now that being said, if she is the one who is going for the girly stuff consistently, then I think there is a point where you just have to accept it and continue to offer other types of activities like sports and nature (OOH, maybe then she could be a fairy instead of a princess, because fairies live in the woods!)

And if she does love the princess stuff then make up bedtime stories with strong independent princesses!

Good luck

Hears a thought...If you and your husband do the other role model stuff then why cant her grandparents do the princess stuff??? Have you ever watched the movies that have the princesses in them??? its not all about being pretty. If you watch Shrek, you will realize that she is not a pretty princess, but she can defend herself. Now thats a good roll model. A strong female that can stand on her own two feet, whats wrong with that? If your daughter gets to involved with being pretty then you just need to remind her that its not whats on the outside but whats on the inside of a person that makes then beautiful. Its sounds like you and your husband have more of a problem with someone looking pretty. Your daughter could end up being a well rounded person with sports and everything that you, your husband and her grandparents have to offer.

Just a couple of words of advice. First, try as you might, you will not really be able to dictate whether you will have a "girly" princess kind of girl, or one who is not. They just are the way they are. Some girls will be attracted to this, others may pay attention for a day and then move on to something else. I heard an excellent piece of advice on the radio last week - "You must raise the child you have, not the child you WISH you had." So, if your daughter likes princesses - let her. On the other hand - I think that if you TRULY look at the "new" Disney Princesses - you'll see that Disney has had this concern from many parents - and the princesses are no longer "meek, mild, and pretty". Look at Mulan - she is a warrior. Look at Pocohontas. Even the newer Cinderella movies - she is a take-charge person (granted, not in the original movie). Even the old movies are a learning tool - I taught my girls how silly the "love at first sight" thing is - and they'll repeat that on their own now. To the extent that in the beginning of the Enchanted Movie - when the Prince declares "We shall marry in the morning" - they laughed SO HARD and truly understood how silly and stupid that was. In fact, the Enchanted Movie is an EXCELLENT learning tool. The heroine figures out that the cartoon fantasy life is ridiculous, that you can't marry someone you just met, and decides to stay in New York and start a business. Perfect lessons for your two-year old!

I would just see what your daughter likes. I,myself, am VERY girly and princessy and I'm 30! However my daughter as much as she loves princesses and being "pretty" she also loves dinosaurs, Science, BAsketball, mountain climbing etc, things she came up with all on her own. On the other hand, my sister-in-law is not girly at all and my niece is very girly and into Princesses etc even though my brother and his wife are not fond of the princess thing. In the end your daughter will want what she wants and if she has a mind of her own (which most 2 year olds do) she'll tell your parents when she doesn't want something...

I would talk to your parents and let them know how you feel. they might be thinking, dress up, play, use your imagination and exposure and not that you do not like them. Give your parents ideas of what you want your daughter to play with. The holidays are coming up fast, and if you dont want more princess stuff, you should act fast..Good luck.

I think we give princesses and barbie way to much thought. Little girls just want to play with them. Most little girls just love pretty things. I was a barbie girl as a child. Did I grow up and want to be her? No. Princesses and barbies are a phase that little girls grow out of. As parents we teach them what is fantasy and what is real - as they get a little older. We should let them enjoy the pretend and fantasy when they are children. That is what childhood is all about. My 10 year old used to LOVE princesses - her bedroom was all princess. Now the princesses are gone and she loves panda bears and horses. She also has replaced her princess pictures with Zac Efron and the Jonas Bros. Sometimes I wish for those princess days back! Just enjoy all the phases she will go through - they grow so quick.

I would tell your parents that you all love the princess stuff, but you don't need to keep buying her things. If you keep it general and not directly princes, your parents probably won't get mad and tone it down. If your parents are the only ones giving her princess stuff and you and your husband are getting her other characters and sports things, then she should be well rounded. Good luck S. G

I have a similar situation with my Mother in law, however, we only see her one or two times per week and I've had to make it so that her visits are moderated (for a variety of safety reasons as she is showing signs of alzheimers beginning). Something that really helped was sitting down with her an explaining that we enjoy that she sees our children and we want her to have a role in their life, but that she also must respect our wishes. She buys our kids toys EVERY time we go to see her, so our first act was "if your presents for them won't fit in my house, they must stay in yours". This really helped a lot! Perhaps you could twist it with... as grandparents you have some spoiling rights, however, we prefer that all things princess stay at your home as we don't want princess to be her only role model.

My parents only see my kids every few months because they live further away. They are much better at respecting our wishes, however, I did have to bring up with them that I prefer they do the spoiling rather than ask me to do it for them. They are understanding why more and more. I find it is OK to get a lot of special treats from grandparents in the right context, but if it overflows into my parenting then my children begin to think that they are entitled to certain things that really are only meant to be treats. My husband and I treat our girls, but we try to make it in different ways than how our parents treat them. It helps our children to understand that there are different roles within the context of family and they are learning that they must respect parents and grandparents alike, but that the roles are different.

Setting up boundaries with your parents can be a little rough at first, especially if its your first child, but the sooner it is done the easier it becomes. (ESPECIALLY if you show that you love and respect them an that you want them to have a positive role in your child's life).

Hi J.,
You should definitely talk to your parents (especially if this is bothering you so much). I wouldn't make a big deal when you have the conversation with them; just mention that your daughter likes all types of things & encourage them to buy some of the other characters/interests that she has. They may actually be happy about the conversation (rather than insulted) because this gives them a whole lot of other things to choose from!
Good luck,
R.

I think she can have both. You spend the most time with her and will therefore be her main support and influence. As she gets older she will decide what she likes more sports, princell clothes, makeup, girly things, cars, trucks, etc. Just expose her to everything. If a little girl wants to feel like a princess for a day or a week then let her be. It is imaginative, fantasy play, and fun. Just expose her to everything and she will be a well-rounded little girl.

Grandparent are made for spoiling!
I would suggest they give gifts for special occasions only (not just because its their day of the week to watch her)
stress the fact that she needs educational toys?

Just say she has so much already and you don't wnant to have to throw away nearly new toys to make room for more.

I'm sure it will help tone things down but not eliminate the gift giving.

There are probably bigger things to worry about in life, let her be spoiled and let her enjoy being a little girl, she sounds very lucky to me!

I totally understand about not wanting the princess things- before my daughter was born, I made the declaration to my family- "hey, no princess gifts, and no toys with flashing lights/electronic sounds!" But of course, I have received both types of items as gifts from extended family and we are grateful for whatever things people have been thoughtful enough to give us. And you know what- she loves those toys. I just don't buy anymore. In fact, right now- my daughter is gleefully pushing around a little pink barbie stroller someone handed down to us from a friend because their daughter loved it.

I think it less about the toys, then about how you respond to them. I think if we reinforce that we love all the amazing things are daughters can do, not just focusing on the dressing up and looking pretty parts, then they will be comfortable developing into who they are, "girly" or not.

You know what- I bet your daughter must really enjoy being spoiled by grandma and grandpa- that's what they're supposed to do! She might enjoy getting to do different things there than she does at home- playing dress up, etc. And, have you ever SEEN a grandma shopping for and buying something frilly for her granddaughter? (your mom or someone else's?) Frilly things are like catnip to them, they can't help themselves! Next time you are in the store- look at those expressions of sheer bliss and excitement, and pride!

I share your point of view- but I think we should also let them have their fun, within reason. I don't think a few princess-y items are going to necessarily force our daughter's onto the lifetime princess path. In fact, even my sister-in-law's little toddler boy enjoys playing with the Barbie kitchen- I guess marketed as a "girlie" toy- but then there is nothing wrong with a grown man who knows his way around the kitchen!

Children grow quickly and change their tastes. My daughter, now 11, was into everything pink and pricess at that age as well. But it all changed. Enjoy her little girl stage as much as possible, it won't last forever. As far as your parents are concerned, it is certainly worth discussing and asking them to limit the princess items and perhaps to mix it up a bit. good luck. L. R

I am going to be blunt...Get over it! I felt the same way, but the reality is, she is a girl! All her life she will be exposed to these girly things and when she gets to the age where she starts to discover who she is, none of it will matter. I have a teenage step-daughter and a 3 yo daughter. My StepD was such a girly-girl when she was growing up, she hated everything dirty and loved everything pretty. Now that she is 15, she plays contact sports, goes on backpacking trips where she has not had access to running water for 10 days,loves the outdoors, camping and all that dirty, not so girly stuff. No worries, your children are going to be who they are going to be by watching you and how you influence them with your character and your lifestyle. When it all comes down to it, they look to you to guide them. You will look back at this some day and laugh that you ever worried about it, because chances are...she will be just like you if you are involved in her life and have a close relationship with her. I too was a Barbie, princess lover as a child and you would not know it now!! They are just toys, no more, no less! PEACE and BE WELL!

I wouldn't worry much about it she will outgrow it. You are also exposing her to lots of other things.. she won't go off to colleg with a cinderella sleepingbWhen she is done withe princesses she will tell Grammy and Grampy she likes Pac-Man now... he is so much cooler than [princesses.. or whatever she decides to like better... My Nephew was HEAVY into ELMO and mt sister and her husband indulged him init to the point of almost overdoing it.. he has since moved on to other things..he is 8&1/2 now..

You know, I could have written this post a year or two ago :) Like you, I really don't like princesses: the idea that being pretty is the ideal, that a man will save you from a dilemma, and that all bad situations can be cured (and by a knight in shining armour, not by your own doing). Furthermore, I hate the tiny waistlines and huge busts, the frilly dresses, and the overdose of pink.

However, my daughter really loves princesses, much to my dismay. Like you we exposed her to PBS, Noggin, and other characters. We listen to Laurie Berkner, do sports (gymnastics and swimming), do lots of puzzles and reading, and have avoided princesses like the plague. Guess what, despite our attempts at avoidance, she found them on her own (no grandparents needed!). She doesn't watch the movies but she loves dress up, talking to her 3.5 year old friends about them, and plans to be Cinderella for Halloween. The more I bucked the system, the more interested she became in them. Since giving in, she still likes them but has moved past the "obsessed" stage.

My compromise was to accept the inevitable, allowing her to be what she enjoys, but to shield her from the old fashioned stories with ridiculous morals/endings. Maybe this is what you want to talk to your parents about. There is nothing wrong with them making her feel like queen for a day every now and then, encouraging her imagination with dress up and pretend, and doing girly tea parties and the like. Start with the positive (as in "I like how you love to make her feel and these kinds of things are okay") and then move onto the things you'd like them to avoid. Also mention that you might seem to them like a paranoid new parent but that you appreciate their support and help. Just so you know, you will get the ole head shaking "there was nothing wrong with it when you were a kid" reaction. Don't get into a power struggle, just keep positive and continue to calmly ask for their help with this self esteem piece. Reiterate that both you and your husband really want this for your child and maybe even throw them a bone with "maybe some day we'll look back at this and think it's a silly cause but for now it's what we really want and need." You probably won't change your stance but all parents like to feel like they know more than their kids and challenging them makes them feel like you think you're a better parent than they were. You don't think that so let them know it's not a judgement call on them, just your own personal feeling.

You are so right with not wanting to spread the nonsense and hoping to avoid teaching your daughter the lies we were fed, but you can't fight city hall. Pick a department instead and fight that!

Good luck to you, I feel your pain!!
L. :)

Hi J.,

Here are my thoughts on the matter:

People are interested in different things. We don't know what our children are interested in because they can't read their minds. They don't know everything they are interested in because they haven't had much exposure. They are interested in pleasing others and they respond to enthusiasm. So if your parents are enthusiastic about princess things, your daughter will probably enjoy it too. It is something she can share with her grandparents. You can introduce her to other activities, arts, books, etc. In her life. Don't force anything. You aren't fond of princess things but your parents are. So you might say to your daughter that your parents like it a lot. That's what they like. Different people like different things. As her parent, you want to help her find out what she likes. You can tell her what you like. Ask her if she would like to try what you like. And you can explore things that you both aren't familiar with through books, museums, activities, etc. There's a lot to discover in life. Have fun and show respect for the interests of others. Each person is important and their inner beauty needs to be enhanced not tarnished. That's the problem with the Disneyfied Grimm stories. Cinderella was actually plain and her step-sisters were beautiful. It was her inner beauty that showed through. But who needs to be saved by a prince. Teach your daughter to be self-sufficient, able to save herself. It's important to have respect for herself. There is nothing wrong with trying to look good on the outside. It shows respect for one's self. It's greatly important to be beautiful on the inside though.

Good luck,
: ) M.

I understand your dilemma and think you're right to ask other parents if you should just let it go or if you should say something. I think other people have responded harshly to you.

My opinion is that as she is with your parents only two days a week and with other caregivers the other days (not sure if with you or at a daycare), she's surely getting balanced exposure to the princess stuff and other things like Curious George, Elmo, and the other things you mentioned. So it's probably OK and not overboard.

If you'd like your daughter still to play with other things the days she's at your parents' house, you could get that message across without saying anything. Send some toys with her and say, "Oh she LOVES this Elmo toy," or whatever. Or send books of other themes with her the days she's with your parents. This way you avoid the quasi-confrontation and hopefully still achieve your objective. It doesn't seem like it's worth a talk, though.

Hi J.,
I say this in a loving way....you need to let your daughter be who SHE is, not who you and your husband want her to be. It's good to expose children to all different kinds of toys but ultimately they're going to play with the ones they want to. Maybe her grandparents buy her princess toys because their what SHE wants.
She'll realize when she's older that we don't live in a fantasy world, let her enjoy the magic and innocence now. That 's what childhood's all about:) Be proud of who she is...she's your little princess.
Good luck!

As parents we do influence a lot of our children's likes and dislikes, but a portion of it is out of our control. My daughter was really never exposed to princess things or over girly things until she was three. It was an all of a sudden like for all things girly....but earlier on before the dress up and the dolls, I knew that she was a "girly girl" all the way.....she couldn't have her hands dirty, she hated bugs, and she liked wearing dresses and skirts. What I am trying to say is keep the girly stuff away all you want, but if that is who she is, that is what she'll want. My cousin's daughter is the complete opposite. You couldn't get a dress on her to save her life and she tried to expose to her girl stuff because she is the youngest of 2 older brothers. Dressing up and playing dolls teaches them so much more than just looking pretty. Its all pretend play which is very active for the imagination. Playing with dolls teaches them to be caring and nurturing. Dressing up pretty, teaches them self respect and giving them an opportunity to appreciate themselves as girls, and more importantly women. As for the mirrors, kids just love looking at themselves, again, which I feel helps them learn to love themselves. So many girls end up not liking themselves and I think its important now more than any other time to teach her, her value and to make sure she knows that she is beautiful.

Here's the thing she's a girl. When I was small all we did was dance, play dress up, tea, baby dolls, barbies etc. She's two and princess toys are not going to hurt her you are way overreacting about the princess toys and as long as you are exposing her to other things it really shouldn't be a big deal like you are making it. She's a girl and people are going to buy her girly things the only thing I would keep away from her are those skanked out bratts dolls. My best friends little girl has a dress up disney dress and will wear it while she's playing with her dinosaurs.