Too Much Music?

I too loved music when I was your daughter's age. I now have a 12yo son and he is really in to music as well. I agree with the other posts regarding limits and making sure there is other interaction with the family. I would also set limits as to what type of music she is allowed to listen to. I would reccommend that you look up the lyrics on the internet and see if they fit the values you have in place for your family. Since you have two younger children, this is a good time to establish the boundaries you want to have around this influence on your children individually and your family as a whole. I don't like everything my son likes. There is some I just won't allow him to listen to but we have discussed why. We talk about the lyrics and the message and I ask him what he thinks about it. I ask him if he agrees with it or if he thinks it is either evil or sexist or racist, etc. I ask him if the language is something he should be feeding his mind with. I remind him that what he puts in his mind, becomes thoughts and actions. Is this the kind of thing he wants in it? Most of the time he chooses wisely. Sometimes I have to over-rule and I can because I am the parent :). He has even come to me and said "This song is great Mom, but it has one bad word in it. Can I listen to it anyway?" I like having that type of connection with him. When he is away from me with his friends, I realize I have little control about what he listens to. But he has no doubt what I believe is appropriate for him and the reason I want him to think about what he feeds his mind. I love him too much to let him make these type of decisons on his own, but I respect him enough to give him some freedom to find the way that works for him. I applaud you for reaching out for guidance.

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Let her listen to music, I think it is there way to express who they are and what they like. I have a 17 year old daughter, she has been listening to music since i conceived her. Her love for music is great, she listens to everthing not just one type, she is in choir and sings through the house. Freedom of expression, do not tkae that from them. I could not even imagine not having some kind of music playing in my house. I fyou take her music away she will find something not productive to do, I think you let them express there feelings.

I recommend getting a portable music device and a stack of blank journals. Sitting on the computer watching videos seems like it may be 'wasting' time, but if she has an outlet for her own creativity, it will be very valuable to her psychological development and identity.

And, many people never grow out of the need for constant music immersion. My husband and I always have sound on, and own upwards of 15 instruments in aiding us produce our own. I think the key is to learn to have normal functioning lives and let the music be the background comfort. The only thing I would regulate is dedicated music time.

I think listening to the music is just fine. As the other mothers have said, it's normal and there is no harm in it. It may be a good idea to set time limits on her computer use. If she knows how long she has up front she will know what is expected and although she will still not be happy about the limitations, knowing exactly what they are helps. Let her be involved in the decision as to how much time she is allowed to spend and tell her why you don't want her on the computer for so long. If she doesn't know why she is having limitations put on her she will really resist.

I haven't read through all the responses, but in case nobody else brought it up, there is a danger of hearing loss if one listens to loud music for many hours a day. The damage occurs pretty slowly and may not start to be annoying until they're older, but with the prevalence of ipods many more people may be causing themselves hearing loss.

One example I saw was that if you were mowing the lawn and the ipod was turned loud enough to hear over the mower, a safe listening time would be about 15 minutes.

So while you're making agreements with your daughter, you might bring up the issue of volume control.

It is normal for teens and preteens to want to listen to music. My advice to you would be to talk to her about the music she listens to and have her (or you) get the words to the music so, since you can't hear it, you will at least know the messages she is getting. Watch her moods and talk to her about how the music makes her feel. Some of the music my kids were listening to was depressing or moody and the songs weren't doing anything to promote good feelings. If she wants to be on the computer are listening all the time, set some boundaries. Her room should be clean, homework should be done and she should at least help at around the house. She could even listen while she cleans! You are still the parent so don't cave in to the begging. If she hasn't held up her end of the bargain then she doesn't get the music. I'm not a perfect parent, by any means, but I do know that music can play a huge roll in a teenagers life.

I have a 13 year old girl and she is the same way. Music is a way that kids in the teenage years deal with creating their own identity. Music has been proven to help kids multi-task and helps with memory. I think it is much better to have a music hungry teen than a couch potato.

Hope this helps.

H. M

you can go and read the lyrics , that will give you a little insight as to the type of music she listens to..
our 13 yr is just now getting into music and we have always kept that watchful eye and did put stops to some music as for ,in our household its not acceptable...time limits and follow through when you say thats enough...

It is very normal, so relax.
I don't know why, but it seems that from a young age these kids need music.
And some studies have proven that it actually helps their concentration when doing homework.
I am 59 and can tell you that I loved music and it was on all the time.
In my day it was Elvis Presley and the Beatles.
Good luck and tell her just because you and your husband are deaf doesn't mean she can blast the neighbors out. LOL
Good luck

As a parent it is part of our responsibility to ensure that our children's pursuits of the things they love are done in a healthy and balanced way. If our children have a passion for sports we make sure they practice an appropriate amount of time-but don't over do it, they eat right, but don't go on crazy diets--things like that. Those same principles can be applied to anything our children choose to pursue with a passion.

Having a love for something like music is healthy, but when it becomes and obsession that pushes other things out of your life then it is no longer healthy. If she is doing this despite your asking her to limit it, instead of spending healthy amounts of time with family and friends, instead of doing school work, or time in physical activities, then it has become to much. There is nothing wrong with her desire to want to listen to music and watch the videos, but if she is not living a rounded life--then she has taken it too far.

Some of the suggestions already made are great. Look into what she is listening to and so on, and then sit down and talk to her. Make sure you let her know that you think having a passion for something like music is great-don't squash her spirit. Let her know that you are concerned that she is spending all her time on one thing, and that you want her to continue pursuing that passion, but in a balanced way. Set some reasonable limits, and come to an agreement.

Set up some consequences in regards to the agreement you come to. Like-If she goes over the limit one day, she loses twice that time the next day. You are in control of what she does--not her--you can unplug things, block websites with parental controls on your computer and so on. You can take away Cd's Ipods and such.

Most likely if you sit with her she will be willing to work with you rather then lose her ability to fill her "need"!

Hi: There is a great book called Backtalk, it provides 4 steps to achieve what you need from your kids. Don't know the author right off. I am a negotiator. Set time limits PERIOD! Music is earned, after homework, chores, etc are done. You're lucky, you won't have to hear the whining, but I highly recommend that you create an appropriate consequence, so that when she is 16 and set in her ways that are harder to break, you have set a foundation. There is certainly something addicting about music and computers. The fact that you cannot hear may create a place where she has her privacy. This can be dangerous without proper supervision. Perhaps getting in touch with other deaf parents on the situation would also be supportive. But definitely get the book. Good Luck. B.

wow! your situation is almost like mine...a12yr old girl that seems to live for the pc and the music.. she has it on her phone, and a mp3 player! even when she's doing house work t computer is onwith music playing.. and she always seems to be hooked up to something. I think its a coping thing to deal with some of the peer presures of jrhigh, it's aplace they can either escape to so they don't feel out of place,(like on the bus)or to feel in place.. something to have in common with other kids.
It seems to me like research so they can be prepard if anyone asks them anything. But I do limit her, I tell her I miss her and she needs to come back to the real world and be an active part of the family, evenif it is just sitting around with us. I am a mother of three 12, 10, 8 2girls and a boy.. If you don't have time to entertain them or just plain to tired give them some work even if it is washing door knobs, without the music, tell her she has to do a puzzle or mop the kitchen floor. good luck

Hi there, I dont know much about those specific bands, my daughter is 16 and is very into Christian and classic music. She is a band student and honor roll student. I have to say it is my and my husbands firm belief that music is healing, healthy and improves many skills. I would encourage her to get into a music program, choir, band or otherwise, it could keep her busy with a passion she has and keep her out of trouble! I also have a 13 month old son who we have had enrolled in kindermusic. I saw immediate results with communication and other skills. If I were you, I'd try to get the words to the music she is listening to, provide her with thought provoking, encouraging and loving music and allow her to fill her young world with it. Wishing you the best, T.

Hi there,
I'm a musician, so I think that there is a place for music.
And silence is wonderful as well. There is a thing with too much music, especially if it is being used to avoid other things, thoughts, emotions, dilemas, family, homework. There is much to be learned in being with oneself in silence like who we are for example. I think that your daughter listening to music is great, and if you give her a time frame and set a boundry for her to be on the computer thats great. If she is pleading, beging to stay on longer after you set the boundry thats not okay. Thats manipulation and as sweet as may seem at first, it will probally get out of hand and turn ugly. By your query it sounds like it is a boundry issue and not so much a music issue. I've counseled adolesent teens for a long time, and music is generally isn't the culprit. Strong boundries make strong relationships.

Good luck!
Shannon

There are actually a couple of issues going on here -- one is the music, and the other seems to be the amount of time your daughter is spending on the computer. For someone interested in music, I think her behavior is pretty age appropriate; when I first began discovering music of my own, I was around 11 or 12 and that's the age that young girls tend to really obsess on things. So in terms of just listening to the actual music, she's probably okay as long as listening to it isn't distracting her from school work or chores or anything else. Personally, as someone who loves rock music and listens to it all day long, I think it's possible to concentrate on other tasks with the music on, and I don't feel it's necessary to limit the amount your daughter actually just listens to. The main rule in my house growing up was that the volume had to be kept to a level that didn't disturb anyone else in the household.

Music on the internet is a different thing entirely. While there's nothing inherently wrong with her looking up music videos online, you have to absolutely limit the time she spends on the computer for anything unrelated to school. The guideline in our own house is that first, school work gets done, then we can have screen time -- our pediatrician's office recommends that ANYTHING involving a screen be included in this time with no exceptions, and this has worked really well for us, because our son wants to play on the computer, watch television, and play with his Nintendo. He can do all of that, as long as he crams it into one hour (he's only 6, so that's age-appropriate). You can come up with a time limit for her that seems reasonable to your family, and then stick to it. Like anything else, it's going to cause some friction at first, but once she sees you're sticking to it, she'll move on.

You really want to make sure that she isn't using the computer as a substitute for making real live friendships. And you also want to make sure that any music she's listening to or downloading online is from a reputable, legal download site. A lot of kids don't understand that just because music or videos or movies are out there, available for download, that doesn't mean that it's legal to download them. And the person who owns the computer will be held legally liable if the downloaded items are the target of a lawsuit.

Also, make sure you know what she's listening to. Make it your business -- even though you can't hear the music, you can read the lyrics in the cd cases, or find them online if she doesn't buy cds. There's a lot of music out there marketed to children who are way too young for some of the themes presented in the lyrics. The bands you listed are probably okay, depending on her maturity level, which only you can really gauge.

Also, just so you know, she isn't even old enough to be on MySpace, so I would check out her profile and make sure she didn't lie about her age to get an account.

Hi! I have kids similar in ages to yours, and this is very normal. I myself loved music when I was young and still do, and these days with the technology they have (Ipods etc) it makes it easier for kids to keep in touch with their music. I think with the stresses of everyday life, our kids find refuge in music, it can inspire them (hopefully in good ways) The only thing you should worry about is that she is listening to the clean versions of songs. If she has a ipod or mp3 and is downloading music from Itunes, just make sure she is not getting any of the songs that say Explicit next to them.
If your worried she's listening way to much, encourage her on nice days to get outside and play or find other things to do that don't involve music, just to give her a break and show her other things in life.
Good luck!

I don't have kids that age yet, but just a few suggestions. If she loves music that much... is she intrested in learning an instrument? Writing music? Foster this into a talent.

Other than that I would just keep an eye on the lyrics. If the music gets in the way of school or duties at home then you may have to shut it down.

Good luck in the teen years!

Music is the breath of life! It's the cacaphony of love. Music is living with one's heart. Why limit her music time? It's such a beautiful blessing that she loves it! Ask her what she likes and what it is about it that pulls her toward it. Get involved in her passion, any way that you can. Share it however you can. Does she enjoy the tune, the words? What messages is she getting from it? Does she prefer women singers to men, or vice versa? I think that attempting to pull her away from what she truly loves is a mistake. Does she want to take singing lessons and learn how to sing? My daughter has always sung and she is a vocal major in her high school of the arts. She is pure joy, to us. There is nothing like music. Life would be empty without it. Aloha.

I have this problem at school with students (high school kids) who want to listen to their iPods all the time. I tell them that "Life doesn't HAVE a soundtrack" and that they can listen to music at another time.

I tell my son that sometimes his brain just needs a rest from all the noise so it can filter and enjoy silence. There's great beauty in silence and in being able to just be yourself without someone else's noise ALL the time.

I don't have teenagers, but I have a sister struggling with this issue and her daughter, 15 yrs. old is in trouble. She started listening to that kind of music and it bacame harder and harder. She started cutting herself and becoming depressed, even suicidal. The music our children listen to definately influences them. My neice is now drinking and who knows what else. It's a difficult situation and much of it started with the music her "friends" introduced her to. I would suggest finding filters for your computer. You can put your own passwords on there so she cannot access those sites. You can specify sites you want as well. I would also talk with her about why she is listening to that kind of music and how it makes her feel. She may be going through something she is trying to avoid by turning off her feelings with music. Good luck!

I don't have teenagers, but I have a 2 yr old who loves music all day. I don't mind it as long as it doesn't interfere with his ability to pay attention to things he needs to do. For instance, the music goes off during dinner so he won't get up and dance instead of eating, and during toy cleanup time so he'll focus on his job. Those don't apply to your teenager, but you get the idea. If your other children are hearing, you need to keep in mind that they might not want to listen to as much music as your daughter, which can be frustrating to them if she gets her way a lot on this issue. Everyone has a different level of noise they can tolerate or are most comfortable with. My 2 yr old has to learn to cooperate with his brother on how much music is played and what kind. I agree with the other moms that you definitely need to find out the lyrics of the music your children listen to, as well as the images in the videos and set limits. Be strong!

I remember when I was a teenager, I would be in my room for hours at a time listening to music and loving every minute of it. My girls are the same way, although now they have ipods, so their music goes everywhere they do, but I don't restrict their music listening unless it interferes with other things they need to be doing at the time. My daughters listen to music all the time - while doing the dishes, while doing homework, etc. My kids know that the ipods need to take a rest during family activities, social activities, etc. because I just think it's rude to be listening to music by yourself when others are around. I would be more concerned with the possibility of your daughter isolating herself because of being on the computer too much - she needs social contact, family connection, etc., so time limitations may be in order if she's spending all her time on the computer. However, I believe that music is a good thing and if she's passionate about it. Everything in moderation, they say, and I think it holds true for this situation as well...

it is completely normal for them to listen to music. my 14 yr old does to. i feel that is how they can express thier selves without hurting them selves.

There can never be too much music in a childrens lives. My 7 year old always has her music (Green Day, Paramore, Panic at the Disco) on. As long as it isn't too loud, it dosen't hurt anything. Music enriches lives. If she loves it, encourage it, mabey she would like to play an insturment? At her age, it is perfectly normal to be into music. In my parents house, we always had music on and now in my home, we do too. I would let her listen to it as often as she wants, as long as it dosen't interfer with other activities. You can't judge music by the title of the band. You can not choose what music your child listens to, that is part of letting them be who they are. Let her be who she is.

If she's doing well in school, gets her chores done and has no other issues I don't see the problem as long as it's music that's not to graphic. I have 3 teenagers that "seem" to be listening to music all the time, if they don't have Ipods in their ears they have the stereo on and yet they seem to still get all their stuff done and pull in good grades.

A.

Dear Minnie,
I would limit your child's time on the computer to one hour a day during the week - after homework is done. The weekend it could go two hours each day. This is a privilege - not a right. The computer should NOT be in her room but in a common area of the house where it can be monitored.

Computer time is addictive and isolating. She should be interacting with family and friends, doing chores, shooting hoops (or some physical activity), drawing, reading. She won't like it but stick to your guns on this. She is setting an example for the younger children and you don't want to fight this battle with each child.

You are not alone in this fight. Hang in there!

For most kids, music is a way to vent. Teens (and even tweens, like your daughter) need a way to vent with what they consider to be stress with school work and friends even though it may seem minor to you, it is a VERY big deal to them. Some listen to sad songs and it makes them cry and then they can let it out and they feel better. I'm sure your daughter is like every other girl...she just chooses a different type of music. The music she listens to isn't bad as a whole. I would suggest that if she is downloading music that you try to make sure it is the edited version. If you let her buy CDs, take her to WalMart...they only sell edited versions. Times haven't really changed in that department, even since I was a teen myself. Music was my "out" so to speak. Some people use books or movies and some use music. I would not worry so much now. Just monitor her selections as best you can. If she starts listening to what they call "death metal" or hard core rap I would sit her down for a chat to find out what peaks her interest for that sort. If you need to ease your mind some, you may want to talk with her anyway to find out why she likes that particular type of music. At her age it is probably a stage. My niece has gone from listening to only R&B to now liking a little bit of everything, to include country. People change as they grow. Let her listen now and she will eventually choose the new music fad. Stop her completely and she will rebel and hide it behind your back. If she thinks she has to hide her music... what else will she hide from you as she gets older?

Dear Minnie,

At times I feel like my teenagers will need hearing aids when they're 30! They are always plugged in. My kids love music! My son has a band and is a very talented guitarist. My daughter is 15 and happily her tastes have improved - they've both grown out of Linkin Park. One thing I do is listen to music with them. I like to know what they're hearing. I have a few rules. I regulate the volume. No ipods during family time/dinner/church, etc. No music after bedtime - even in headphones. I got my kids some relaxing CD's (ocean sounds, etc.)instead. And no screamo within my earshot.

I think just the fact that I will listen with them most of the time makes it possible to regulate the other times.

That is completely normal. Music is very emotional to people and they feel a connection to it in times where they feel lonely, or happy, or many other moods. People with creative minds tend to have an even stronger connection to it. If she is spending more time online than you would like, however, you might want to suggest that she start taking guitar lessons or something similar. It helps create complex connections in her brain and can give her something to do besides wasting away in front of the computer. Also, she might like writing poetry, you could put her in a poetry class.

My younger sisters do stuff like that all the time. They heven take their head sets on 15 min car rides. I would only do that if we were on a LONG car ride. If you feel she needs grounded from it put a password on the computer for a week or 2. When you say get off the computer she should do what she's told. Put a timer on or something and when her time is up she is to save and close what she has. If she doen't do what she is told then password the computer again!

Dear Minnie,
It's not just the lyrics of the groups you mention that are very distasteful and destructive, it's the beat and the way the music is presented. There is a reason your daughter is "addicted" to music. It is made that way to "hook" children and adolescence so they won't want to do anything else.

I am a musician. I even started a small orchestra in my town. I play all sorts of music, classical, jazz, blues, celtic and I am insistent that my children listen to wholesome music... I thought I was careful, but my son, 18, has a similar addiction to music. Many of the music is from the same groups you mentioned. I didn't realize until he moved out how bad is was. I went through his downloads the other day and was surprised- 1. at the volume of music 2. the poor choices he had made- especially since I have gone over his music before, making him throw out the "bad" and taught him the effects of bad music on him/us spiritually and emotionally.

I know from study that there are, as I mentioned, "hooks" in music. I know the damage it can do. But I must have let go with regard to my son and I wasn't as insistent as I should have been about developing other interests. He is very active, but I still should have just said, "no!" to hours on myspace, facebook and youtube.

I can't encourage you enough to be in her face about the music and don't back down. She is only 12! I wouldn't consider even having my 12 year old have her own radio in her room. My grown children have chosen music that I don't care for, but they have other interests as well and they are more mature, so I hope that the music won't influence them like it does when they are young.

Another very sad note. After my friend's son committed suicide and we looked at his time spent months and years before he made the choice to end his life, the common thread through his experience was his ugly music. We could all see the effects, but we never realized what it would "do to him". Other young friends since have made the same choice to end their lives and often poor music is the common thread. Will all youth do that? No, but it is clear unless they make better use of their time, it brings them lower if we, as parents, are not more vigilant.

Michael Ballam is a music artist that has presentations on music and it's effects, positive and negative. Music can be incredibly soothing and spiritually lift it's listeners. It's just important to know the difference. My family and I were listening to youtube last night and we listened to great music, it's all a matter of choice.

Your perceptions of your concern over your daughter are correct. Even though you are deaf, just read the lyrics, feel the speakers, and watch the effect and then help her make the choices you feel are ok. You are very insightful. She is fortunate to have you as parents. Even if you restrict her, she will be exposed to that sort of music sooner or later, better later! Don't be afraid to be the parent. Our children need our leadership. They don't need us to be their best friends, they need us to be their parents. It's a tough job sometimes and thankless to be sure, but later she will realize your influence and appreciate you very much.
God Bless,
H. B. MOM (mother of many-9)

Take it from a mom w/ 4 teenagers and 3 little ones, this is so normal, I am not a big music fan (my kids have converted me over to thier music) and it is the same style as your daughters. But they ALLWAYS have one earbud in thier ear, they must keep one out so that when I am talking to them I do not have to repeat myself cause they didn't hear me the first time. I would however limit the amount of time she gets on the computer, I would keep it to 1 hour of "play" time on a school night, and 2 hours on the weekend, if she needs it for school work I would offer a little more time.

As a side note, my 3 little ones also love music, my 6 year old walks around with the PSP listening to music and playing video games. My 3 year old is a casual listener, but my 17 month old is always stealing the older childrens MP3 players and will sit and listen to thier music for an hour at a time, I since went and bought him his owm MP3 player put out by fisher price, it's not real but he seems to like the music they put on it. So I am in a house of music lovers and can only handle to listen to it for short periods of time, your DD sounds very normal in her music loving.

Hi, I am hearing impared, which means to me that I don't hear the words of the latest stuff, though I'm not sure I'd want to...I think kids should earn the rights to listen to music or watch tv or play on the computer etc...
Say if she does her homework and reads x amount then she earns time for the fun stuff. Now it might be worth taking time to check out lyrics and go over the meanings of these now that you daughter is in the teen angts times. It could open a dialogue to help one express feelings....
A.

In my opinion, My Space is entirely inappropriate for a girl your daughter's age. I would log in to her My Space and see what she's been up to. This might be more of a problem than just the music. Controlling and regulating time on the computer is what's important...maybe she should "earn" computer time?

Buy her the cds so she can listen while doing chores, homework (if she can work and listen at the same time), or just hanging out in her room.

I may be old fashioned but the music she is listening to isn't all that appropriate either.

Kudos to you for noticing the problem and being pro-active!

I think it's great that she is into music. I feel that it is very normal. My nine year old is very into music right now. I do have to set some rules on time spent because she would spend all her time listening to music! The bands you mentioned are good bands, in fact when Linkin Park first came out (I love them) they prided themselves in making a cd with no cuss words. If you are concerned with the quality and lyrics of the music she listens to, the lyrics to the songs are often printed in the cover of the cd. Check them out. ALso, myspace music will often have the lyrics available for you to read also.
I strongly disagree with most of the "rap music" today, but it seems that your daughter has pretty good taste. I think you should allow her the same amount of time (maybe uninterrupted) every night to do her "music stuff". She may not understand why you are concerned with the time she spends doing it. Remember to talk to her about it. Music has a lot to do with feelings and emotions, and if she understands music today, she will understand your feelings about it. Trust me, her music habit could be something a lot worse! Hope this helps a little.

My first response was "Why would a parent allow their 12 year old to listen to that type of music?" I know we allow our children to make choices, but we should also help them make healthy choices. If you look at the names of these groups you are allowing her to listen too, an unhealthy flavor should wet your own pilate. Read between the lines and know what type lyrics she's hearing. I would suggest you ask your child to change her listening habits to be more versatile to other music and other musical artist.

I listened to music non-stop from about 11 years old and into my late 20's. The radio is still on in my home all day long. Some people just really like music... I think that your daughter is perfectly normal. Music is just her main interest right now. You probably would not be quite as concerned if she were investing this much time and interest in sports, right? Music might be helping her explore her creativity; it is also an important connection to her peers. Many kids identify with the music they listen too. If you are concerned, try to find out what the music is about--what the bands portray in their messages. I would only be concerned if she is listening to things that are more "adult" than she can handle. Maybe her ravenous interest is a reaction to the fact that you cannot hear? This could be her teenage "rebellion". If so, it could be worse!

M. -

I think it's totally normal for kids this age and through their teenage years to be totally into music. I know, at least, I was! In my teenage years I was SO into music... I had to have every new cd, and watched videos all the time. And around sixteen, I made a band with a few friends. Of course, now days it's mp3's and YouTube. But, again... I think it's normal. Music is a very strong expression of emotions, and since teenagers (and preteens) are so emotional, I think it goes together well.

I don't remember having time limits on music when I was a teenager, but I think time limits (and volume limits) on the the computer is not only ok, but necessary. Maybe she can get a couple cd's or an mp3 player and down load some music so she can listen off line?

BUT the big thing that I would advise is helping your daughter make good choices in what she is listening to. A couple of the bands you listed can have explicit lyrics. I would ask her to show you the lyrics of the songs she is listening to, or look them up yourself online if she doesn't have the cds. And I would discuss what is ok with you and what is not. I was not allowed to listen to certain artists my parents sisn't approve of, but there are so many other bands out there that it didn't upset me too much.

Also, (and this is just the musician in me), I'd make sure she is not pirating music, which is easy to do online. You can legally buy individual songs on amazon.com or lots of places.

I have a 16-year-old son who is also very into music. I think that's very normal, speaking from experience. When I was that age, music was everything to me. I think it helps teens deal with and process all the pains of growing up. However, my son listens to ICP (Insane Clown Posse) which I do not approve of. I think the bands that your daughter listens to are a little more appropriate. If you have concerns, google some of the bands and read their lyrics. You'll get a feeling right away as to whether or not the bands are sending positive messages. Music is usually a very healthy outlet, unless the messages are about drug use, violence and other disturbing issues. Good luck!

It's totally normal at that age. She could be in to way worse stuff than those bands. As long as it's not cutting into study or homework time and it's not affecting her family relationships, it's probably just fine. Music can be an important outlet for a teen. She's probably just fine.

I was just like your daughter when I was about 14 years old. I don't think the music is what you need to worry about, but I do think you need to be aware of exactly what she is doing on the computer for such long periods of time. Make sure she is aware of the dangers of sharing her information online, especially if she likes to chat. Make sure you do what you can, as the parent, like setting up parental controls and checking the sites she visits. If all she is doing is looking and listening to music then maybe try to encourage her to do other things in her sparetime. If she loves music so much maybe she would like to learn to play an instrument and create her own music.

Hi Minnie,

This is totally normal, but maybe you could divert her attention to playing a musical instrument. My daughter is 17 and was very much like that, so I got guitar lessons for her and she's so into learning it that she's now listening to certain classical and different varieties of music. She still like the usual, but has focused her musical attention to her musical talent.

Best regards,
L.

You and your husband have done a wonderful job of rising to the challenge of raising 3 'near teens'. Been there and done that, but without your additional challenge of hearing impairment. Rest assured, that each child is different, but speaking historically from my own 5, music has always played an integral part in their lives and emotions. it's been an outlet, an inspiration, an aggravation, a pleasure and an established part of their personality development. I personally sang in a rhythm and blues band in my early 20's, but have since pretty much lost my 'passion' for that music, have grown up playing piano, etc. whereas my husband was raised without music in his house and loves his music, all kinds. our children all have different tastes and music has been part of that development. Whereas one daughter is handicapped and cannot walk, it doesn't stop her from enjoying other outlets. What I'm trying to say, is that although you do not personally enjoy this outlet, but other outlets undoubtedly, this is their choice. Ours have woken up to music (unfortunately, we were all forced to do the same), some go to sleep to music, some cannot study without music, some cannot drive a car without music, so be it. I choose silence at times, it's a choice. Good Luck.

I would say look up the lyrics if you cannot listen to the actual music so you know the music is tasteful. At 12 she doesn't need to be hard core rocking out. I can say at her age I listened to a lot of music, it was my escape to go in my room and listen. Nowdays I think everything should be monitored and regulated to a degree with electronics, like a certain time on the computer, playing video games and even listening to music. Kids get a little obsessive these days about this stuff. If she is making good grades, getting socialized with other kids and doing what she should at home I don't think it is a problem. I would be cautious about My Space, she may say she is looking up music but that site has led to a lot of issues with preteens and you don't want her to be exposed to anything more mature then her age group.