Too Many Sports?

Sounds like you have what works for you all figured out. But before you solve my problems you should also be aware that even ONE sport can sometimes take over a day. I have three kids, one that didn't play sports, one that plays select soccer and another one that is taking a break from select soccer because of injuries. Even with 3 kids and one sport- we spend most of every Saturday at that one soccer game. She has to be there an hour ahead of time. Fields are usually 45 minutes- 1 hour away. Games last about 1 1/2 hours. Add it up. That ONE sport (among 3 children) takes 4 1/2 hours minimum- usually in the middle of the day. Oh! And we need to eat in there. When both girls played select it was a tag team of parents and kids and the entire day was usually devoted to soccer. Forget a tournament weekend- that is soccer, soccer, soccer. My girls LOVE soccer- no way I would keep them from playing. But instead of worrying about others, enjoy that you have worked out a solution for your family. Our family works for us, too.

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I want the kids to have the best variety of things to do so they can experience many different things then choose what they want to continue. We have our 6 yr old in dance on Monday, soccer practice on tues, tumbling and then gymnastics on wednesday, free on thursday and friday then socder games on Saturday and BMX on Sunday.

The 3 year old has been going to Buddy and Me gymanstics since he was 18 months old on saturday mornings and we just enrolled him in a soccer workshop designed for just turned 3 year old kids. It is so fun watching them learn how to stop the ball and kick it back.

We do all these things as a family and really enjoy them. I work at the gym/dance studio a few hours a week to help pay for the classes and the kids just can't seem to get enough of them. These kids will never have to worry about a sedentary life.

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What an interesting question. I expect you'll get all sorts of answers, because there are all sorts of family circumstances and parenting styles. I hope you're not asking because you are worried you don't compare well to other parents. If you have thought through what feels right for your kids, and have found a balance that works for all of you, congratulations! That is the essence of conscious parenting.

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Each family is different and it depends on the kids. My kids are extremely the active type. They each played 3 sports in high school because that is who they are and what they love. My daughter even went on to compete in college. Now, out of college, she trains with a trainer 3 days a week for almost 2 hours. My son plays on intramural teams in college. They would have been bored silly to go to the beach. In fact, they would have looked for other kids to have a pick up game of football. Almost all of their birthday parties included games with balls of some sort. But they always had to keep up their academics or we would cut back on their sports. They also were involved in student government or Nat'l Honor Society, volunteer work, etc.

We have always been extremely close to our kids and some of our best memories are road trips to different competitions or summer camps. We went to almost every game they ever played and talked about the highs and lows on the way home. They learned so many life skills dealing with coaches as well as other kids that were better than them, or not as talented, those that had opposite personalities, those that had special needs, etc. They have stayed in touch with many from those grade school years of rec sports.

I worked hard during the week to get chores done at home so on the weekends we could enjoy the kids' sports activities. It was fun. Sure, it was busy, but we made sure it was fun for the kids. If they weren't having fun, we would definitely have not continued.

The most important thing is to spend the time with your kids and get them involved with whatever passions they have. And be there as a cheerleader for them and support for their coaches.

Just ask your kids what they would like to do and enjoy it with them.

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Are you really asking a question because you need help? Sounds like you have everything all worked out for yourself. Don't worry about what choices others make for their children. Some children are very interested in multiple sports, and if a parent chooses to allow them to explore that, that is their choice. You may make your own choice. You are not in a minority, nor are they. Some kids do multiple activities, some do not. Doing multiple activities is difficult to schedule, but if a parent feels their child deserves to explore multiple activities and they are willing to set aside the time to do so, I think that's great.

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I don't understand why, in your book, having kids involved in sports and other activities does not equal good family time. Having my son involved in these things gives us a chance to do things together be it an organized practice or practicing at home together one on one or leading/coaching.

Some people feel life is too competitive these days to not have their children involved in as many things as possible. I see both sides of this. I want my son to be well rounded.

He plays soccer in the fall and baseball in the spring. He also participates in Cub Scouts. This year he has found a new interest, choir productions at his school (he's a 2nd grader and loves it). For the choir productions he goes to school at 7am 3 days a week while they are practicing. If he didn't want to do this, I wouldn't make him.

My husband and I coached our son's team both years he played TBall and continue to help now. I am also a den mother in his cub scout pack. My husband volunteered and built sets for last Christmas' choir production. This child is our life. We still go to the beach for the day with all of our friends about once a month. We go to the park, zoo, etc. at other times as well. I don't feel that our life is "less family" because our son is involved in activities. I feel that it has only enhanced our lives.

As he gets older, he may change his interests. If he does, I will support him in those endeavors. He knows that if his grades ever begin to slip, that the outside activities will be gone.

I agree with Roberta D. below, kids can't get out an play in the neighborhood they way we did. The perception of it being unsafe is too great. Therefore, we have to find other ways for our children to be active.

Oh, and BTW, my husband and I both work full time. We don't have the luxury of one of us being stay-at-homes. Yes, our life is busy and full. But, I think that is the way life should be with children. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

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I completely agree with you. (I'm a FT working mom) My girls aren't into sports, but my husband and I both feel they should be involved but not go overboard. They do Girl Scouts, school band, community band, and community service. They have lots of time for friends, and we have lots of quality family time.

We once went over 6 months without seeing our closest friends because every weekend their kids schedules were jammed backed and they were completely stressed out.

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Society has changed because we can't just send the kids out to play with the neighborhood kids for 3 hours after school. So we have to put them in activities.
Looking back, (18 & 14 yo daughters now), I am glad I signed them up for things. They are both good kids, stay out of trouble, have made lifelong friends, have learned how to meet new people by going to group activities in other cities.
One person posted about college-this is true. Schools no longer look at just grades but at activities. You have to get them used to being in activities at a young age because when they hit the teen years you have to push them way too much and nothing is "cool". My daughter had 2 pages worth to list and GPA of 91. Not the highest but not low either.
We dropped the dance/gym in Jr. HI but kept church, school, Scouts, 4H and then they joined school groups like UIL, plays, band. Every year, we would meet and decide if we could continue or drop out of something.
But you do have to do what is good for your family and if you can only handle 1 activity, that is acceptable also.

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I think that some of it's based upon competition among parents. Have you ever had a friend who could not wait to tell you how busy she is with everything she has going on? It wore me out--and I started wondering if it was complaining or competing.

Another theory regarding the busy-ness that is self imposed: some of the SAHMs may have come from challenging careers...so now, since things are so different being a fulltime mom, they tend to micromanage everything to do with parenting their kids. Just my own observations!

Sounds like you have it together to me.

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I"m with one of the other mom's - 1 sport at a time. My 2 are both in baseball. During the break between fall & spring ball we tend to do basketball. So far they haven't been interested in learning any musical instruments. If they do, we will try adding that. But this way it gives time for family, church, and friends. It was just very important to us that our kids have time to play and be kids.

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I suspect I'm the minority... because our kiddo is in LOADS of sports and activities... but we lead a really laid back/ relaxed life with tons of family time.

We do Swimming, Gymnastics, Music, Art, & Drama year round, and then have Soccer, Snowboarding, Basketball, Baseball, & Sailing/Surfing seasonally.

Except for snowboarding and the water sports that we do as a family... kiddo is gone 1-3 hours a day, TOTAL. But we homeschool... so it's not 1-3 hours on top of being gone for 8 hours.

We have totally lazy weekends. A game on saturday, and then donuts and playing at the park/backyard/movie marathon (depending on the weather). Sunday is another lazy playday, often with a potluck.

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I've seen this situation myself, among some of my very best friends. For some reason, parents these days (not all of them) think their child can't possibly be happy if they're not on the go-go-go every minute of every day.
Some moms think they aren't being good moms unless they basically live in their car 24/7 ferrying kids around. One of my friends' husbands put his foot down and said, "NO MORE!" He's not a pushy or controlling husband by any means but he could see that running around all the time had taken over the kids' lives. Plus his wife's. And for what? Half the time they were late, grouchy, this one forgot his shin pads, that one forgot his shorts, she took kid A to kid B's practice or vice versa. It was shear hullaballoo.
I know another lady whose son is never home on the weekends. He leaves Friday night and doesn't even come home until Sunday night. She sees nothing wrong with it because he wants to be with his friends. He's 12! And, every Monday, she ends up having to pick him up from school because he's "sick". He's not sick. He's tired from staying up late and playing all weekend and not being home.
I personally think there's nothing wrong with being at home and having some down time.
My son's done swimming, baseball, basketball, etc and he's been very good at all of them, but I only let him do one at a time. Same with musical instruments. It's either or for each.
I don't see the sense in spreading yourself or your kids too thin. That's just my opinion.
My kids are very well rounded and we're very close.
Sometimes, you have to stop and smell the roses.
I prefer to go fishing and blackberry picking and looking for rocks and treasures. You know.....the simple things.

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I think there are a few things at work here:
1) Schools have cut back so much that no sports are offered until high school in many districts (not even PE class), so if you want your child to have any kind of fitness level, you need to sign them up for outside activities.
2) College is so ridiculously expensive that if you don't have athletic ability, you'd better have a big trust fund.

And from there, it has spiraled out of control. My older daughter (7) does ballet and all-star cheer, but even with just those two things, the schedule still gets pretty crazy. My younger daughter (4) just takes dance (on the same day as big sister, and at the same location, otherwise she wouldn't be taking anything at this age). There are moms there whose kids are on 2 soccer teams, take dance twice a week, and are also in church youth groups etc. I have no idea how or why people take on quite that much. And I think your observation is correct - the SAHM crowd seems to feel the need to take on WAY more activities for their kids than the WAHMs. Maybe this is because WAHMs are at work when most of these practices are happening, and it's not easy to beg friends and neighbors to haul your kids around to every practice under the sun! I don't know. I am a WAHM and I often worry that my kids don't have all these experiences that their friends seem to have, however I am proud to help them with their homework every night, and we sit down and eat dinner as a family every night no matter what. I hope it's enough and that the sports/activities that they have picked will be sufficient for them to get into good colleges and maybe (?) qualify for scholarships.

I am curious to see what other responses you get - this is an interesting question!

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You are in the minority unfortunately. So am I. These people coomplain and complain but never put 2 and 2 together that they are the ones doing it to themselves. I don't know if it's a competition for the busiest mom of the year award or think that their kids are going to be smarter or more talented when all they get is kids who's grades are dropping and are so stressed out that they are not themselves anymore. My kids are allowed one thing. We eat dinner together every night and Sundays are family days. what we are teaching our kids ( or trying to) is that family is the most important thing you have and if they crave more we do it as a family. For example this summer each month I am going to teach them one sport they want to learn. Easy enough because I have 4 kids. We have set goals for reaching them as they want to. My oldest wants to be able to do a backflip by the end of summer. I am going to help him reach his goal, not pawn him off on someone else especially because I am a stay at home mom. Their dad is teaching them tai chi etc.
So many people just want to pawn their kids off on other people and it drives me nuts. I know a SAHM who puts her little ones in full time daycare si she can have "me" time. I hate it when I can't spend time with my kids and their are all these people who "can't wait for them to go back to school"! What the hell??? Why have kids??
Anyway I understand what you are saying and agree wholeheartedly!

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I'm a single, working mom and I have a 1-thing rule. Right now DS is in TaeKwonDo two afternoons a week, but he'll be taking a break from that in the fall to play soccer (also just one practice plus one game each week max). In the summer we will double up to do morning swim lessons while he still has TKD in the afternoons, but that's the only exception (and I'm off of work then, so I feel like swimming will just be our activity for those days).

I don't have a problem with other families doing more, but I know it's not for us, and if I chose to sign him up for a million things, I sure wouldn't expect my friends to listen to me complain about how much of a hassle it is.

:-)
T.

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My sister does this with my niece. She is signed up for everything - cheer leading, soccer, ice skating, Girl Scouts and more. Their schedule is a frazzle. They have to constantly choose between conflicts.
Not me. My son takes taekwondo and that's it. Next year when he goes into middle school we'll be adding band. No more than 2 activities at a time, and if he wants to try something different, he's going to have to drop something.

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I have to agree with you. Both my kids are also limited to one sport and my oldest who is now in middle school also plays in the orchestra. I have always told my kids to find what they like, choose one and give 100 percent. I have seen kids run ragged with too many activities and they never give 100 percent.

Good luck and stick to your guns,
DH

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No you are NOT the minority... I sympathize with you and feel like that too.

But yes, if they ask to join or participate in SO many activities... we as parents also have to gauge it... and their ability to juggle everything, per their age and school work and grades etc.
AND... sometimes we can't let them join everything, because of budget or something... so a kid has to learn that too. Not in a punitive way... but that is just the FAMILY ability and money budget and that the Parents ALSO HAVE obligations/functions too... and sometimes, many times, just doing nothing or not rushing around is just as important.
It really depends on the family situation and the child's ability to juggle everything too, but to do well and enjoy them all. Or not. And if school suffers and their grades... then something has to be given up.

And yes, MANY of my friends have their kids in SO many things... because later, when applying for college, they are going for the scholarships etc. But then, on the flip side, the Teacher's tell me that they see so many kids just BURNT out... from the activities they do, or have to do, and even if they enjoy it... it gets to be just too much juggling and rushing around. So. many sides to it.

all the best,
Susan

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dont worry about being in the minority. your right. your raising your family the way you (and i ) see fit. prehaps they dont want to spend one on one time because there kids are ill mannered. this sounds like they want to spend as little time with them as possible. when other parents say something to you instead of writing on here. tell them what your doing. you dont have to be catty about it just calmly say " we keep extras to a minimum so we can spend actual time together". Keep up the good work S.. you dont need that rat race.

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I too say 1 thing at a time, but don't count church activites in that 1 thing. My daughter's 16 now and can take herself to whatever she needs to be at. But she also needs time for homework and family. I think how much they do depends on kids, parents, community, school and age. It's a personal choice and there's no reason to judge someone else - it's their life. I'm not sure why you asked the question to begin with - you're not alone - but why do you care what others do? Are your kids wanting to do more? Or having a hard time just choosing one thing?

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I think a big issue is that we don't 'have the neighborhoods that my parents had growing up... There is NO way i would send my kids down the street to play and not accompany them, If i sign them up for activites ( and we do limit it to one per kid) they have somethign to do and it with a hopefully qualified adult, undersupervision.

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I don't like being over-scheduled. I have each of my kids in 1 sport - in fact I enrolled them in the same class so I only have a one hour per week commitment. They also attend preschool 3 and 4 days a week. They attend Sunday School and church on Sunday. I don't care for any commitments beyond that so I fill in gaps with special library programs, craft workshops at Michaels, etc - things that we do occassionally when we feel up to it. I think unscheduled time is important for relaxation, spending time as a family, teaching kids how to entertain themselves, and letting kids see that there are plenty of opportunities to do things without paying an instructor. I know I won't have the money for them to pursue anything and everything they want. They will have to learn to pick and choose.

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You are correct in your thinking and as long as you are doing well don't worry about the others. They will pay the price. I know one of my own daughters recently has started changing her and her children's lifestyle for this very reason. She finally got fed up with never being home, her children acting up and starting to have problems in school and she decided to set out on a mission to find out why. Constant running, eating out, not going to bed at a reasonable hour, to much competition etc. so she has put on the brakes. No more McDonald's, chicken fingers, pizza etc. all the time. She learned that eating healthy is the way to go and she is now going back to cooking at home using fresh veggies and fruits etc. She bought the book by Jessica Seinfield on recipes for kids using veggies and her children don't even know the difference. They now read at night or just play in the yard like you should. She takes them to a park, goes fishing or a picnic and they are loving it. Sure they are still involved but with one sport or activity and are active in their church. We have seen a huge difference in the children and they seem more rested and happy. Kids get tired of all that running as well and they do most of this to please their parents as it is the parents who are wanting these hectic schedules. In respect to parents though, there are some who want to keep their children busy so they will not get in to any trouble, will learn to play with others, will learn that winning isn't everything however some may differs. It is hard raising children today, but I can only think back when I was young, we played outside, our mothers cooked 3 meals a day and we all sat down together for dinner where we would discuss the happenings of the day. Sure we played sports but maybe only one and sometimes that was not through school or some type of club. I can remember the neighborhood baseball team (what fun that was) We really need to get back to basics. Your children should only be doing a sport or event that they truly want to do and not one you want them to do. But again each family and parent has to come to this on their own. I don't understand what is wrong with staying home and having dinner together, watching a movie or TV together or just sitting at the kitchen table and working on school work. That is more bonding time than sports. We wonder today why are children are so hyper and have some of the issues they do have today. We set it in motion ourselves. We all need to stop and smell the roses.

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My niece and nephew are amazing athletes. They participate in every sport possible and are good at all of them. Quarterback, team captains, short stop, pitcher, Tennis, it goes on and on.

They are the ones that ask to continue to participate. Now that they are in middle school and High school, they are once again the ones signing up for sports, arts, music and community clubs. They just love it and it seems to work for all of them as a family.. The good news? We always know where the kids are and now they get grades for some of these activities..

If your child ever joins Marching band in school, you will notice the kids that do the best are the kids that have a past that was filled with activities and keeping up with their grades. They have learned to schedule their time very well...

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Nope! I am with you on this!! I refuse to be running around with my head cut off!! We (my family) needs rest on the weekends. At first I thought I was just a boring parent but I am now coming to realize that family time and rest is so much better for us!

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Parents who complain that there isn't enough time for family time aren't MAKING the time for it. We all have control over our schedules and it sounds like those whose complaints you're hearing are over extended but only they can change that. Kudos to you for carving out time to spend with your family, thus you're forging those close family ties that are so important!

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I wish this was a problem that I had. But my husband and my son are completely not interested in sports. My son(who has Aspergers/ADHD) has never had the coordination or attention to play sports. He doesn't understand all the rules and gets frustrated easily. He would be the kid off on the edge, digging in the dirt, playing with tape, kicking over someone else's water bottle, etc.
However, we do spend plenty of time as a family doing activities such as hiking, scouts, museums, etc.

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My inalws, who do work, have only one child consistently in sports (the two others are in one sport here and there, but not all the time.) Even with only one child in one sport, they never have time for anything but work and sports. For years when asked if we can get together they say 'sorry, no time!' They have games every Saturday and Sunday. We finally got together for the first time in years to celebrate the birthdays and my SIL and niece left half an hour after I got there...for a game!

When reading my niece's bucket list, it didn't say anything about being in sports the rest of her life (although she was hoping for a sports scholarship for college.) It had very basic things that I had experienced MOST of it by the time I graduated from highschool. But the poor girl probably won't until she graduates college...if ever.

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Amen! My 3 boys each have only one activity. But even with that, we can sometimes have crazy evenings because none of them are in the same sport. I did know a family once where weekends were sacred and they would only do family things on the weekend.

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Do what is best for YOUR family. I tend to agree with you. Right now my son is doing soccer AND baseball (they are overlapping) and it's NUTS! I don't think this will happen again next spring.

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No, you are not the only one. In fact, it must just be the people you are around or the age of the kids (which I probably haven't gotten to yet). My almost 6 year old begged me to play soccer this year. He's not that into it. I won't let him quit, but once it's over, we are finished with soccer! I don't think sports is his thing but we will continue to allow him to try new things. One at a time, however!! I agree with you; I don't think "over-doing it" is good but to each his own.

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You're preaching to the choir here. I definitely agree with ytou. My child plays one to two sports each year and he has one instrument that he takes lessons on a couple of times a week. Namely that is due to finances. We can't afford for him to play year round and I'm a musician and can therefore teach him the instrument he's learning. Plus he's only 4 years old and that is PLENTY for him at that age.
The only thing I can think of is that the parents who are running themselves ragged are doing so because their parents did not. In other words, their parents did not offer these extra-curricular activities and they wish that they had them while growing up.
Plus kids have so much more energy than adults do. I think part of that is diet/exercise for the adults. The more kids you have, the more activities there will be each week for the parents to worry about. We have one child so we don't experience an overwhelming number of activities each week.
I have no idea how parents who have F/T jobs manage it all, do you? I suppose they think that one day it will all be worth it, especially if their child gets that baseball or football or music scholarship and college is thusly paid for, eh? :)

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Not me :) I am a SAHM, i did not sign my four up for softball this season. Too much... i wanted to open time to do whatever i wanted with them. I do see what you are saying...but know that there are still mom's out there that enjoy the unscheduled time :)

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You're correct that too much structure and overly scheduled days for children take the fun out of it for them as well as parents. Here's some interesting points about the importance of play and a link for more details:
http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/02/17/...

For young children, play is a lot more than entertainment. It is central to their development. A wonderful way to play with and teach children is to bring them into your world, where ‘real-life’ happens. Children love to do ‘grown-up’ things and to imitate you. And when they contribute, they see themselves as players and get a well-earned self-esteem boost!

Children also learn about important values and concepts from watching you. They see the result of practice and perseverance, and they come to know that learning is a lifelong process. They see that everyone, even a grown-up, can make mistakes and can learn from them.

There are two easy and enjoyable ways for your children to play in the grown-up world: you can let them help with your chores and you can include them in your favorite pastimes.