This Is a Weird Problem

Dear D.,

I just wanted you to know that I recently went through a similar situation with my 3 1/2 year old (potty trained) son. He would go to the bathroom every 10 minutes while he was awake but then sleep through the night without a problem. We finally started telling him to just to wait 5 minutes when he told us that he had to go and we tried to distract him to get him to stop thinking about it. It seemed to happen mostly at home. After a few weeks the problem just went away on its own. I think that as his body is growing he is just becoming more aware of it. I have another friend whose son also went through this. I think that it is fairly common for boys. I hope this helps!

I know you've already got a solution from your Dr. which sounds great! But I wanted to share an experience to see if it helps. My son was completely potty trained when we got him from a Russian orphanage. But he would use the toilet quite often, especially just before bed. He had very few accidents. Then, after we were home with him, he began to regress until he was full out in diapers. We were told that that was common. He wasn't potty trained again until well after his 4th birthday. Looking back, I believe that he thought that if he had an accident, we wouldn't want him, so he was extra careful. Then, when we got home, as he felt more comfortable, he wanted to be the baby he never had a chance to be. Coming from this experience, and reading your post, it occurred to me that maybe your son somehow connected his father's love and attention with his potty training and was being extra careful not to have any accidents. Young children think so much differently than we do. They often believe that things are their fault which they actually have no control over. Being recently potty trained, he may believe that his dad is not coming because he is disappointed in him for having accidents. If you are at all still concerned, I'd talk to your son about it and make sure he understands that his father not being there has nothing to do with him. Anyways, just a thought.

Hi,
I would say that perhaps it has to do with the trauma of dealing with the divorce. That's a big deal for him. If I were you, I would make sure to give him lots of quality time with you (and his dad, if possible) and if this continues take him to talk with a counselor. They might be able to help him through the tough time. Good Luck! M.

Dear D.,

I also experienced this with my son last year when he was 3. He was fully potty trained at 2 and a half, but he started needing to go to the bathroom every 15-20 minutes. Like in your situation, most of the time he had a little bit of urine, but not that much. He was also sleeping through the night without having to go to the bathroom. I took him to see his dr as I was also concerned about a possible bladder infection. All the tests the dr took came back negative, and he concluded that this behavior was due to some sort of stress, changes in our daily pattern or a big event that just took place ino our lives. This was during the holiday season, and my sister and her family were in town. We were driving up to my parents house to see them everyday and he was out of daycare. I figured this was probably the factor that was causing additional "stress" in his life. This went on for about a week, and shortly after my sister left and we were back in our routine, all was fine again. I would wait it out for a bit to see if this goes away by itself considering your circumstances. Otherwise, try and find alternative activities to do with your son in lieu of your ex not being able to see him at Xmas.

Good luck,
T.

ask for a referral to a pediatric mental health proffessional. he may beggining to show signs of a compulsive disorder. but then on the other hand he is probably trying to be strong because his dad isnt coming home and this is one thing that he does have control over . and at this age they are obsessed with the genitals so that may also be something he is going through. even so it would be a good idea to have him seen by a psychiatrist just to help him get over this hump and if you catch it early and maybe get him some counsleing maybe it wont be as bad afterwards. not to scare you but i wish i had seen ANY sign that my son was in trouble when he was at that age. he isnow 17 and he has had major depression for a long time diagnosed when he was 14 after a suicide attempt. i thought it was just that he was a quiet kid. he has never told anyone what really happened but last night i found out and i am having all kinds of feelings. he had a major crisi last week wehn he found his girlfirend cheated on him with an older man. we have been trying to manage it at home with the doctor calling in frequently because psych hospitals are awful. so last night he finally breaks down and he starts crying and telling me that he is sick in the head becasue he father beat him sometimes until he was unconcious when he would go visit him. he stopped going when he was 9 by his choice. i know that his father is capable of doing this because he used to do it to me. he would hit me so that there were no marks that anyone could see or he would choke me until i passed out but i never thought he would do it to his own flesh and blood. right now im stuggling with wether or not to report it or maybe not. it has taken him8 yrs to finally get it out and i dont know if i should put him through having to talk to anyone else again. and i dont know that CPS woudl actually do anything after all these years. but please dont let your son get ths bad. i live in fear everyday not knowing when he is going to cut himslef or when he actually might commit suicide. we have narrowed it down to april and october that he has major crises but this year ocotber came and went and we let our breath out because we thought he wasnt going to have one, then in november this thing happens.

Hi! I would give yourself a little time limit...just for you, and try to "sort of" ignore it for a week or so. I say 'sort of', because i would still try to keep watch or at least listen, but i would not let him know. When he says he needs to go, just say "Ok!" and let him go, but don't give him any attention about it. Let him wash his own hands, and dilute the soap or use a bar soap instead because the liquid ones really dry out your hands more. After a week if he is still doing this, you may want to something else...but I would be very surprised if he does not just return to "normal" potty behavior. Let me know!!
I have 5 children, 3 still at home and 2 grown and married. Best wishes to you!!

When kids are this age, things that you and I take as small aggrivations are earth shattering for the kids. The fact that your ex isn't going to be there is a HUGE thing for your son. Routine is so important in kids lives, and his routine has been changed. So, if this were my son, I would see if we could figure out how to deal with this in another way. When kids have changes they react oddly - and the things they CAN control are SO much more important for them.

Imagine if your life was not controlled by you - how would you feel if plans that you were counting on were changed for you? I would think this is more the issue for your son. If your doc has found no cause for concern, then I would see if you can find a way to put the routine security back in place for him.

Maybe if your ex could come for "Christmas" on another day that might help. No way at all that Christmas can be done with his Dad? Ask hom for some ideas about what to do - "I know it's going to be hard that Daddy won't be here for Christmas, but that doesn't mean we aren't going to have Christmas and we can talk with Daddy" - something like that. You'll have to supply ideas that will have to seem like they are his. Ask leading questions - "Will it be ok if we talk to Daddy on Christmas - then it will almost be like he's here". Something like that.

As for the hands - if the has this urge to continue with this behavior, get him a little thing of lotion and after each trip to potty, tell him he needs lotion. That will help his poor little hands.

Good luck.

Although I only have girls, I know that boys bladders are designed alittle different then girls and it takes them a little longer to mature(the bladder). I think I would try going back to the doctor again. You might want see another doctor in the practice and see if they have anything else to offer.