This Has My Feathers Ruffled... EDITED

I'd be ticked too. I think I'd probably approach her in person at drop off or pick up. And I'd make it clear that his cough is from allergies. (REALLY clear!)
Oddly, my son has this too. I remember in K, his teacher put the box of Kleenex on his table in front of him and a garbage can next to his chair b/c his nose was running so much. And when he would have this "thing" it would last for weeks. You can't keep a kid out of school for weeks! I made it clear to her that it was allergy related and she seemed to unbunch her panties a bit!

Yes, she should have spoken with you. But honestly, I think you should be the bigger person here and start the conversation with an apology. You know that your son has allergies - if you didn't tell her, she's right to assume that your kid was sick. If you want teachers to do their best job taking care of your kid, you have to give them all of the information that you possibly can.

Also, I bet that the conversation will go a lot better if you start with an apology because a) she'll be less defensive and b) you'll be less on the offense.

Finally, when my daughter started kindergarten, the principle said this "You believe half of what they say happens here, and we'll believe half of what they say happens at home." I think that is a good attitude to have when you approach the teacher too. She probably did say something to your son, but his interpretation of the events might not be the same as the teacher's interpretation. Again, not saying that you shouldn't have the conversation, but if you go in expecting a fight, you will end up with one.

If I were you, I would probably send the email, but only write about your sons allergies/related cough...and apologize for having 'forgotten' to inform her until now. Tell her that you realize this is important information for her, as his teacher, to have and you hope this information helps her to help him have the best school experience possible :)

I think from this completely non confrontational email, the teacher will probably be able to read between the lines that you are less than pleased with the comment made to your son, while at the same time taking some responsibility for the statement...I do think you should probably have given the teacher some advance notice about the situation-how was she to KNOW it was just allergies?

When my son's allergies kick in, I always send a note in to his teacher explaining that his allergies are really acting up, and I apologize in advance for any distractions this may cause, but he is stocked up with tissues, hand sanitizer, etc, to hold in his pockets/desk.

You are completely justified in addressing this. I'm sure teachers sometimes feel overwhelmed, but her response to your son's coughing was unproffessional and potentially damaging to the relationship between herself and your son and you. However, I would not communicate this only through email. If he's at home today, and you intend to email her today, be sure to request a few min. of her time tomorrow morning and ask to see her before school starts. This will clear the air and allow you to deal with this and feel more comfortable before entrusting him to her care for the day.

the teacher should have addressed the issue with you, not your child. (I was a teacher for 15 years.) I would speak to her on the phone or in person rather than an e-mail. E-mails can be misinterpreted as snooty or hostile when your intention is just to convey information. I would start out by telling her that what she said hurt his feelings or embarrassed him and then go on to explain about his allergies. The key is to be kind but firm. I encourage you not to go above her to the director/principal until you've given her a chance to fix the problem.

I would talk to her. You need to let her know about his allergies since they are pretty prevalent and especially since he is allergic to peanuts.
She would have no way of knowing that he's not contageous.
I totally agree that if she was concerned your son was "sick", she should have contacted you and given you the option of picking him up, at which time you could have explained the situation more thoroughly.
Your son is only 4 so he has no control over whether you take him to school or not.
The teacher doesn't know about his allergies.
The key will be some nonconfrontational communication from you.
I would talk to her in person though.
Just my opinion.

yes, you need to meet with her in person and meet with the director. They should also be well aware of his allergies and symptoms. You should also talk to the teacher when you drop him off and tell her your son's allergies are acting up and if has a coughing fit to not let him feel like an outcast but to be nurturing and ask him if he needs anything a sip of water or something. Poor thing a teacher like that can be tramatizing to a kid.

I have allergies and allergy induced asthma (sounds like what your son may have). For that cough that likes to linger, ask your doctor if Singulair is safe for someone his age. If it is, you may find it more effective than the inhaler.

Given your son's allergies and possible asthma, I would say that you should have already told the teacher about it ahead of time and you woulnd't have an issue now. Since you missed that window and you are upset that she said something to your son, I think an email would be not be the best course of action (emails, although effective, can be misunderstood).

Give yourself a chance to calm down if necessary and when you drop off the next time, as if she has a minute or email her in advance asking if you could schedule 5 minutes of her time when you come in to drop off or pick up next.

Then tell her that "I am sorry I didn't convey this sooner but wanted you to know that Johnny has severe allergies to many triggers such as....." . Tell her that due to the allergies, he has asthma like symptoms including a cough. Let her know that although he is coughing, he is not sick and does not have any other symptoms. Then let her know that your son did pass along that he needs to stay home if he is sick, which you completely agree with. Then ask her that due to his age, that issues like that be addressed with you going forward. Be completely straight-forward but super nice about this.

Then maybe follow up with a friendly email (this way you have back up that they know the situation) that says something like:

Thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me. I really appreciate the time you took to discuss Johnny's allergies and asthma symptoms. I know how bad his cough sounds so rest assured I will not send him to school sick but if you should ever have any concerns, please let me know.

The teacher should have spoken with you directly. It was not appropriate for her to say something to your son the way she did - what is he supposed to do, realize on his own that he is sick and keep himself home from school? On the other hand, it could just be the way he heard it - my stepsons would say stuff to their mom all the time about something I did or said and what they told her was so far off base from what really happened that after a while she got smart and learned to talk to their dad first or me and suss out that truth before getting all upset.

One day there was a little boy in my daughter's preschool class that was coughing like crazy - the teacher just mentioned to his mom, and she took him straight to the doctor because he had been coughing just a little bit before and had gotten obviously worse in just a short period of time (turned out he had pneumonia and then was fine).

On the other hand, I'm surprised that the school was not aware of his allergies, especially the peanuts. What if a snack had been given that contained peanut butter without anyone knowing any better? When my daughter got signed up, we had to fill out a whole thing about their medical history, including allergies and asthma. There is another little boy in her class with a mild peanut allergy and we all know to bring "safe snacks".

I would agree that maybe the best way to handle it is apologize for not informing them ahead of time about your son's allergies and make them aware that they can cause him to have a cough that is not contagious. I would also let them know that in the future you would appreciate it if they would address their concerns with you directly rather than saying anything to your son - it's not as if he has any control or ownership of the situation.

I just wanted to echo what the other moms are saying about trying to meet with her in person to allay her fears that your son is "sick". NO, she should not be reproaching your child for his attendance at school. Totally out of his control, and any concerns about that should be directed to YOU, not a 4 yr old. I get very irritated by this sort of thing. Something similar happened to my 8 yr old daughter last year. One of the ladies who "help" the kids out of the cars in teh drop-off lane told her she should get out of the other side of the car. (My other child sits on the 'close' side of the car because when HE is dropped off, there are other cars passing around the far side of the car; where my daughter is dropped off- different school- there is no traffic passing on the left side). Anyway... she begged not to go to her challenge class (it was at her one-day-a week challenge class school where this occurred) for a MONTH because of it. It took me 4 weeks to figure out what the underlying reason was for her to start suddenly begging not to go to challenge every week.
She is a very non-assertive child, even at 8. But at 8 she is a little better equipped to deal with this sort of passive/aggressive behavior on the part of the teacher than your son at age 4! I told my daughter, in no uncertain terms, that she did NOTHING WRONG. That if anyone EVER told her something like that again, that was not in her control, then she was to tell them that they needed to talk to ME. That it was not something she needed to deal with. I would take care of it. Once she was armed with that, she had no more problems/issues with going to her challenge class. None. Even this year. It's all fine now. Because SHE knows what to say should anyone say anything to her.
So, in addition to talking to the teacher/staff about what happened. You might take a few minutes and explain to your son, that if a teacher (or other authority figure) tells him something like that in the future, that he doesn't need to answer/respond to it, except to say: "You should talk to my mom about that." It's like anything else... give him the proper way to respond, and he will be armed to defend himself. :)

btw, I also have a son who started displaying tons of nasal allergies in K4. His nose ran and he sneezed umpteen times in a row multiple times a day. He is 12 now, gets allergy/immunotherapy (shots) to try to get them reduced, and daily Zyrtec. Even in 7th grade, I still go into Open House night at the beginning of school explaining to EACH of his myriad teachers that he has allergies and that he is "runny" almost year round. That sometimes it is hard to tell when he is sick or just allergies run amock, but I keep him home if he is sick every time. I also send in (or take in myself) Kleenex boxes to his teachers a few times a year.
Take deep breaths. She probably just is paranoid this time of year, had a long day, and didn't really MEAN to say that to a child. She probably was thinking out loud. Give her the benefit of the doubt, but talk to her so it doesn't happen again, and arm your child with a proper response.

<<hugs>>

Hi, L.:

First of all, I would ask her a simple question about how was your son's day and then let her tell you how his day unfolded.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions from what your son said.

But you do what you want.
Good luck.
D.

P. S. Consider some digestive sprinkles for his allergies
at

www.enzymedica.com

Try not to be too emotional when you email her. Be straight forward and to the point about his allergies. Let her know you would not send him to school sick and risk getting her and the other children sick. If there is anything that she can do to help out your son then let her know this also. I know it is fustrating but at least you realize that this is something that you will have to deal with when you child goes to school. Best of luck.

I would talk to her face to face or on the phone so you can hear each other's tone so there is no misunderstandings on what your son said and what you both mean. Emails leave to much to the imagination and misunderstandings.

Your 4 year old is not going to be the best judge of tone. He may have taken what she said as wrong or there may have been more to the conversation, hence talk to her first. She is the adult here and should hear her side.

Coughing is not good, whether it's from being "sick" or not. The mouth has germs. So a coughing child even with asthma is going to pass germs around. This is another reason the two adults need to have a conversation so she understands your side but you understand her side. She has a classroom of children to care for and a child hacking is going to concern her hoping not to have a barrage of calls for a dozen parents wanting to know where the germs came from.

Have a nice talk with the teacher and not through email. Good luck!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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Just wanted to add my suppport...i know how you feel. my 1 1/2 year old was constantly sniffling, sneezing, snoring, etc. all the symptoms that make you think he's sick all the time. plus he has allergies too. we were going through asthma treatments, ENT dr's. etc. when we finally found out his adenoids were huge and needed removed. but i got the attitude too when i picked him "well, he coughed all day" or "boy he must be congested because he snores so bad", etc. just keep reminding them politely that he has allergies/asthma. I think talking to her face to face is your best bet too...it gives her the opportunity to ask questions and will give you more piece of mind i think knowing that you can look in her face as you talk and make sure she comprehends what you're telling her :) good luck!

Absolutely let her know that she needs to come to you with her concerns, not your 4 year old! Yikes.

It's good that you realize that you have years of this ahead of you, but think of this...... if you address your concerns, you won't carry them. It's totally okay to say, "This was done such and such way.....I prefer that it be done this way." Nothing wrong with you stating what you expect!

I would be irrate! Saying something like that to a child is completely out-of-line... he didn't drive himself to school!

First, check the "handbook" they gave you when you enrolled. I know that my provider's "sick kid" section is really specific... no temperature, no open "wounds", no "green boogies"... other than that, it's fine to send them.

Second, send her a short email requesting a meeting due to a concern you have. Don't get specific, just let her know that you need to meet and that you would like to do so before the end of the week. She will likely respond with a date and time and probably a request for the topic. I would reply with a "thank you. I'll see you tomorrow at 8:00).

When you meet with her, let her know in very clear language that you expect her to speak with you regarding topics over which your child has no control. You respect that it is her responsibility to help you teach your son to be polite, well-mannered and in control of himself, but it is not her responsibility to address parenting issues with a preschool child. In the future, if she has concerns regarding whether or not your child is "well and able" to attend school, she can reach you at the following numbers ______ (which she alreay has). I'm sure she'll apologize (as she should), but there is no excuse for snapping at a child.

Kids get sick.... kids have allergies... *#)(% happens. When you work with little kids, you expect to be around germs- get over it!

In his future years, just make sure you let the teacher and school nurse know what his "allergy" symptoms look like and reassure them that if he's running a temp or is "sick", he will NOT attend school and that they are ALWAYS welcome to contact you if they have a concern.

I'm angry for you on this one b/c my little guy has terrible seasonal allergies and would be crushed if someone snapped at him for sneezing!

I would definitely confront the teacher and tell her to address all health issues with you and not your son. From what you say, she comes across as unprofessional. Otherwise she would know better and have approached it differently.

I also wanted to add that my daughter also suffers from environmental allergies. About two weeks ago she started with a dry cough. It seemed worse when she would lay down at night. I only give her Claritin and Nasonex as needed so I figured it was one of those times. I started them both but her cough never really went away and started occuring during the day as well. I figured I'd give the medicine more time to work but still figured it was allergies since she had NO other symptoms. On a whim I tried giving her Benadryl also. It would quiet the cough a bit but you could tell when it was wearing off after the 4-5 hours. So I threw in the towel and took her to the pediatrician yesterday.

He examined her and could see the drainage down her throat. He said it was time for an antiobiotic. He also gave her prescription cough syrup. What a difference!! She actually slept last night without coughing and woke up more refreshed.

So the point of my story is that you might want to have your son seen if his cough is persisting. I thought hers was all allergies since she did not have a runny nose or fever but apparently she must have a sinus infection that her body is not clearing on its own. Fortunately her lungs were clear and there were no signs of pneummonia. We did that last year - ugh!

Take it in stride and don't let one teacher paint a negative picture. It sounds like she has the issue not you :-)

You have had a lot of great responses and it sounds like talking to the Teacher is in order. My daughter also has severe peanut allergy and severe asthma and many many environmental allergies, so I know what you are going through. I do keep her home when she is coughing a lot even if she is not sick, since exposure at school actually can make it worse. She gos to a peanut/tree nut free school, but there are many unseen environmental allergies in a school of any kind. So that is something you may want to consider. Our allergist said cat/dog exposure is high at schools as well as dust, grass, trees and other pollens brought in on kids shoes and clothing. And even in a tree-nut/peanut free school there is a risk of exposure if a child(or even a teacher) eats anything with peanut butter on in the morning and doesn't properly wash up after which most kids don't. But other than that it sounds like you are handling it well. It is tough having a kid with so many allergies.