The Terrible Two's Are Here!

L., right? I can't believe it - she's always so sweet at the park with her daddy. Does she only do this with you and is perfect with daddy or is this way with both of you?

My DD, Danica is also 2 and very much wants control. I handle things two ways. Most of the time, I let her whine and then change the focus. So she doesn't want the sweatshirt but it's already on, so I say look at the fish on the sweatshirt or it's time for sesame street and waffles, or let's wake up daddy. Then she forgets all about the sweatshirt.

Other times, I let her take the lead - ok, no sweatshirt. I've even driven her to school without a jacket b/c it's not worth the argument if I warm up the car and run her into the school. She has the same thing for breakfast and dinner everyday. I can't prepare something, have her not eat it and prepare her usual. So, I just let her tell me what she wants. Some moms might say that's terrible - but she's a wonderful eater - tastes new foods, loves fruits and veggies, so I'm not going to argue with her about it. She tells me what she wants, I give it to her and she feels like she has a little bit more control over her life.

Basically, I'm suggesting don't battle - don't engage. Be happy and cheery and amenable and maybe she feel more in control. That's what it's really about - she's starting to assert her independence. Open the cabinet and say "which cup do you want"? Yes things take a little longer, but she'll feel good and so will you. Hope this helps.

BTW, we should get the girls together for a playdate on the weekends - especially in winter - it's tough not being able to go to the park. Good luck!

G.,

One I wouldn't scream at her, like you said it only makes things worse. Two don't try and stop any temper trantrum. Walk away! My daughters are to go into downward dog and bang her head on the floor. We have hardwood floors thru out and tile in the kitchen. Needless to say she has had a lot of bruises on her forehead. The doctor told me to throw her a pillow and walk away. The more you pay attention to her the long it will last and putting them in time out won't change it.

Maybe 3 choices is too many but maybe not. That I would keep trying, but generally speaking giving choices is the way to stop temper trantrums.

Something else to investigate is if she is teething, coming down with a cold or fever or having any other emotionaly issues, ie. sparation or a new situation she has to deal with - daycare or whatever.

Good luck and take a deep breath, as they say this to shall pass,
L. M

All I can say is hang in there. It seems to me that you are doing all the right things. Unfortunately, it can take up to 6 months for this to end (it did for me). Obviously it's always wise to decide which battles are worth it, and those that aren't, but I do think some battles are worth it. You have to stay strong, and stay the boss, otherwise it turns into Tyrranical Threes!

The thing I found most helpful was 1.) Setting expectations, for everything, even as simple as "We're going to get dressed now, and THEN eat breakfast right after" and 2.) Consistency. I know, easier said than done when life gets in the way, and in the heat of the moment it's really hard to take a step back and breathe and think about how to handle the situation. If it makes you feel any better, your not the only mother who has lost it and ended up screaming. Yet even this can be a learning experience for your child, when you come to her later and apologize to her for yelling. You'll get better at handling the tantrums, really. You'll start to recognize your breaking point is coming and learn to take a deep breath, and it will all start becoming easier and less frequent.

Hello G.,

Oh dear. Sorry you are having such a tough time. I recommend giving her 2 choices, not 3 and also perhaps reading the book Happiest Toddler on the Block. It is also a dvd. it is for parents. Instead of yelling, try whispering. It makes children listen harder. Also you might try distraction. A silly song or a book you know she likes to read.

Best of luck. :)

Oh yes, it's a tough time, I know!
My son is 5 months older and we are still going through it, though I think it's getting better now that his speech has taken off.
We have fits over getting clothes off and on, getting in the car seat when he doesn't want to, those are just the usual things. He can have tantrums that last over a half hour. The last one was recently at Nordstrom's and finally ended when a stranger (the shoe salesman) intervened and offered him a stuffed animal. He was upset b/c we couldn't stay with santa after he had his picture taken! Oh boy!

The little darlings just want to have more control now.

Basically I've sided with the "he's strong-willed child" theory and there's really nothing I can do about it except not lose it myself. Yes, there have been a handful of times where I pretty much felt like screaming back at him but we all know that isn't good, at all, ever.

Put in some earplugs (keep some handy in the car;D), leave the room and let her have a fit, saying that "when you're ready, let me know".
Or sometimes it is just necessary to hold their writhing little hyperventilating bodies until they "come back to earth". This has happened and in the end at least he feels loved and secure.
Above all, it's just having patience.
I would limit the choices to two things, not three, and don't offer choices whenever possible.

You know your child best and how you want to discipline, I say, try less battling with her and just let her have her two year old fits.
Try to grin and bear it and have a sense of humor for her nonsense behavior.
I think the worst thing is to feel bad or get mad about it yourself. These feelings are easily passed on to the child and I am pretty sure exacerbates the situation.

My parents remind me that it's payback time & I was no treat at this age! LOL!