The Decision to Have Another

I also struggled with having another child. I don't even know where to begin. I had my first child at 22 and my husband (then boyfriend was 27). He was the one who was not supportive of having any more children. Besides my daughter, we are also raising my now 8 year old step-daughter with limited day-to-day involvement from her mother at that time. I knew in my heart that I wanted another child, but for financial reasons and just shear exhaustion, I allowed him to convince me that this was going to be our last. I even got to the point that I looked into getting my tubes tied about 2 years ago.

Well last year we finally got married and our relationship has been great. I have gotten some good promotions at work over the last few years and we are doing better financially...still not where I would like to be (I too am not a homeowner yet), but definitely better. So after we got married, we had what I still sometimes call a "mushy moment of insanity" and decided to have one more child. I still sometimes struggle with our decision since my girls are so grown up and independent now and I still would like the finances to be a little better, but I also realized that there is really never a "perfect" time to have a baby.

But I am really glad that I did wait. When I first had my daughter, I thought everything was wonderful and I should have my next child within 2 or 3 years to keep them close in age. Now I realize that it would not have been a good situation to have a child any sooner than now. Even though there will be a difference of 8 and almost 5 years between my girls and this new baby, they are so excited about her arrival that I think things will be great. I feel like this is the baby that I'm having for "our family" and not just me or my husband. They will have an opportunity to really help and share in her upbringing.

You should try and help your husband realize that waiting another year or 2 or even 3 is not such a horrible idea. When it comes to family, you can't always have this exact timeline. While I agree with him that I wouldn't be having any more kids at like 35 or 40, I do realize that sometimes we need to wait a few years to provide the most stable and welcoming situation for a new addition to the family.

I hope my story helps you...M.

R.,

It should be your decision when and how many children you want to have. My husband and I have a 3 month old lil girl and I wanted to get pregnant again 2 weeks after I had her. Lord did I get some feed back from my mother and my mother in law on that one but quite honestly it is my life and you should do what is right for you. Also tell your husband there is no rush to be having kids as young as he is. My husband and I are planning on having 3 kids and my husband turns 40 next Sunday. As long as you are both happy and healthy age is just a number. If I waited til I was financially stable to have a child I don't know if we ever would have had one. Life is always throwing curveballs my way but you manage and get by the best way you know how.

R., Why not adopt? You can adopt an older child, there are soooo many to be had. Then all your kids can live together and you won't have to quit work. An older child can help you. And then you will have your 3 children!

Hi R., You need to do what is safe for your family. If you are struggeling to make ends meat, it might be best to wait to have your 3rd. My husband and I have 2 beautiful girls (6yrs and 21 months). My husband will be 40 in March. We might have another but want to wait until we are stable again so we can TOTALLY provide for them EVERYTHING they need. Dont just have another because your husband is giving you a time frame. Wait until time is right. Mabeye the miscarriage(i am so sorry about that. thay are tough I know)was a sign that it is not the right time.
Take care and take your time,
K.

HI R.,I think before anyone has a child they should be able to afford them.Like you said you dont own your own home,you struggle to make ends meet.(Not saying alot dont struggle)You are still so young,even your hubby is even if he does'nt think so.I'm a mother of 3 children,we did wait for our last child,my kids are 15,13,9..I love that we waiting to have him.Now that i have 2 teens ,seems like i have a ton of time for our 9yr old.And we did struggle with our first 2 children,we did'nt own our home.We waited then had our last son.We own our home now,we are better off now with money.Since i have 2 older children i went back to work.They help with getting him off the bus if needed.Just was the right thing for us to do.(by the way i'm 35)I wanted all my children by the time i was 27,and did that.Good luck to you and your family!

I think it is you and your husband's decision, and never mind anyone else. I have the opposite problem. I had a stillborn 10 yrs ago, and have a 4 yrs old. We have decided not to have anymore and we get the opposite response. No one else has to agree with you, it is something you and your husband have to decide.

Hi R.,

If you don't mind me asking, who watches your children while you and your husband are at work? I totally understand how you feel. I also love having my children close. My boys are Bobby 3 1/2 and Nicholas 18 months. I would absolutely love to have another child and the difference between you and I is 5 years, I am 30 years old. I would have loved to have had 2 children by the time I was 25, but things went a little different for me. I met my husband when I was 19, we got married when I was 23, he was 24. We chose to spend 4 years with eachother before we had our 1st child. We had no plans to have another right away, but it was a pleasent suprise. The point is, are we ever financially ready. We only have so many child bearing years, but you are still very young. My issue is daycare, I also work full time , but refuse to put my boys in daycare. My mother in law watches them now while I work, but I can't expect her to watch a 3rd child. Besides, even if I did choose daycare, I can't financially afford it. I don't want to be having another child when I'm 35 either. It is a very hard decision, but even if you did have a 3rd, things always work themselvess out,you will make it work. Good Luck