The Crying It Out Method

I don't know if this meshes with your method, but I've found that if we follow a short routine - one book, one song, one kiss, a binky, and turn on some soft music - my 5-month old will go right to sleep. On a bad day he'll fuss - not cry - for maybe 10 minutes. He's gotten to where he knows what's coming next and will wait for it to happen. As long as we follow this routine he's a happy camper; if not, we'd better watch out! Anyway, I hope that's somewhat helpful. We've done it since he was about 2 months old and he took to it right away. Good luck! :)

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The first time I used the cry it out method my daughter cried for just under an hour. It was the longest, hardest hour of my life! I had to keep reminding myself that it was in her best interest to learn to comfort/calm herself and that it's my JOB as her parent to teach her this. The next time, she only cried for about half an hour. Again, a very tough 30 minutes. I stuck to my guns, though, and the next night she only cried for about 15 minutes. That was 6 months ago, she's just over a year old now. Currently, fifteen minutes is about her limit of crying before she dozes off and it's rare that cries at all any more. It was very difficult for me because no one wants their baby to cry for any amount of time, but again, it's not about me or even you, it's about what's best for the child. Just keep reminding yourself of this and hang tough! It will get better!

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It was the hardest and longest 40 minutes of my entire life that first night. I was on the phone with my mom the entire time getting support. The next night, it was about 20 minutes (and yes I called her again). The next, five or so minutes. The fourth night, barely a wimper. As long as you go in to check on him so he knows you aren't abandoning him, you both will be fine. Long-term psychological issues? Not with my boy! He knows he can count on me when he needs me. (And now he knows he doesn't need me to get to sleep.) I believe I gave my son the gift of self-reliance, as it would be impossible for me to be there for each and every second for every step of his entire life. He needs to learn to get to sleep alone at that age so he isn't in my bedroom at four or five years because he can't get to - or back to - sleep. Everyone wakes during the night, but he learned to get himself back to sleep without me needing to go back in anymore. Pray about it. You know your son better than anybody. Good luck and God Bless!

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I did this as well with my son when he was younger. It took about two weeks before he finally got it. I would put him down for bed/nap and he would start crying. I then would leave the room and I had the baby monitors on low in whatever room I was in so I could still hear him. After about 15 min or so I would crack the door to see if he was still laying down, sitting up etc... If he was laying down then I would leave him, if he was sitting up I would make sure he has his pacifier, blanket, no dirty diaper etc... and then lay him back down. Now my son is almost 16 months old and he is the best sleeper ever. At home when it is bed time I lay him down and tuck him in and he just goes to sleep. He also sleeps at other peoples houses in the pack and play really well. So it will be frustrating at first but you just have to be consistent and don't give in. They will eventually get the picture. As long as the baby is in no danger and everything is alright ( diaper, feeding etc...) I see no problem with letting your baby cry it out. Hope this helps.

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I, personally, do not go along with the crying it out method. What I would do is look into some information on attachment parenting to see what some of the experts there suggest.

K.

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If you give in, it will take years. Do a routine for bedtime - bat, story, kisses, bed. Even at this young age. then try every 5 min. Go in hush and leave. It could take 30 - 45 the first few times. I know it is hard. Read a book or do something else you enjoy. Do this for naps too. After 1 - 3 days it will get shorted and easier. I know it's hard. With my first, my husband was on the road in the evenings and I was on my own. I would call him crying. With my second one, I had to go in every 10 minute because he could cry for an hour - he got too much stimulation when I came in. now I have a 4 and 1 yr old who sleep through the night. If they wake up at night they an roll over and put themselves back to sleep. At bed time, I put them in bed and still check every 5 - 10 minutes but they go right to sleep. Trust me - it is worth the couple of days of crying to get a llifetime of peace! Good luck!

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If you are letting him cry and then giving in, you are making it harder on both of you in the long run. When I did it with my son it took 3 nights, the first night was terrible, the second night was a lot better, and the third night was a few minutes and that was it. However, if you make him cry for a while and then go get him, it teaches him that as long as he doesn't give up then eventually you will. You are actually training him to cry longer, because he knows if he can just keep it up you will eventually come get him. I know it is SO hard and heartbreaking to just listen to your baby cry without fixing everything for them, but if you can really stick with it it will be so worth it. Good luck!

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First of all, if you 'give in' at any time, he will learn that persistance pays. The longer you wait to teach them to soothe themselves to sleep, the longer it takes for them the learn it. We ran out of bedrooms when I had child #4 so my son was in our room for a year before I moved him (big mistake). I didn't want him waking my husband so I would nurse him whenever he made a sound, "Big Mistake". He learned to need me through the night so when I moved him into my daughter's room, I tried not to go get him with every whine and it was hard. Finally, I moved my daughter out and let him LEARN TO SOOTHE HIMSELF TO SLEEP. Which meant, he had to CRY IT OUT. I don't like to hear constant crying so it was hard for me so I had to get earplugs and put the soundspa near my bed to drowned it out too. My husband didn't mind hearing the cries (across the hall) so he could still listen in case the cries changed (you know in case there was another problem). With a 1 yr old, it took probably 10 days or so. I'm so weak, if I didn't have earplugs I would probably have gone and picked him up and nursed him and then the cycle would have to start all over again. He is now 16 months old and a great sleeper. He and my daughter are in the same room. He in the crib and my 3 yr old daughter in the bed. We can even put them down at the same time and they fall asleep easy.

The key to those first time Moms out there is to always put the babies down AWAKE. Even if they nurse themselves to sleep. I would still either change a diaper or hold them up and say goodnight and then lay them down. They need to learn to do it themselves. Basically, if you rock them to sleep, they will always need to be rocked to sleep - even if they wake in the middle of the night.

I was much better with my first three. But they went to their own room at around 8 weeks too. Good Luck!

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He is only 6 months old...enjoy him while you can. I know all too well how working and having a baby up in the night is hard. I have and am living it. I personally feel that this time goes by way to quick to not take advantage of every moment you can to cuddle and comfort them, especially if you work. Although I get very tired, I love my middle of the night time with my daughter. I don't encourage it, but if she is upset, she needs me and I spend that time with her. We usually go to the couch and both go to sleep there for a while, then I put her back in her bed and all is well.

Ultimately the decision is yours, and only you can judge what is best for you and your child. I have 3 much older children and can tell you from experience that this time goes by way to fast to miss any of it.

Good Luck

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We started the "cry it out" method when our daughter was 11 months old and it worked wonders. Of course, we coupled the method with a very good bedtime routine of bath, books, and rocking until sleepy (didn't take long after reading). We started with 5 minutes of crying and then comfort with a pat on the back and say something short and sweet for comfort as well; I usually said "I love you, sweetie. It's okay. Go night night." Then we'd wait 10 minutes, do the exact same thing and say the same thing. We would rarely have to get to 15 minutes before she was out for the night. It only took 3-4 nights of this routine and now she only cries occasionally for less than 5 minutes. I was a wreck the entire time we were implementing this method, but I had my husband there to step-in and help and be an emotional support for me. I hope it works for you! Good luck.

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http://naturalchild.org/guest/pinky_mckay.html

Here's an article on CIO.

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Trust your instincts. There's a reason you can't let him go longer than 7 minutes! Have you ever read the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley? I found it very helpful. 6 months olds aren't made to be independent. I hope your nights get better soon!

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I could never do the "cry it out" routine with my girls. It was heart breaking and only made them cry harder the longer I let them cry. They obviously are wanting or needing something for them to cry out. I love rocking my children to sleep and I noticed that that is all they wanted...some love and cuddling before they went to sleep. Go with your instint, if it's breaking your heart try rocking or just a little more milk sometimes does the trick too. Good luck!

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T.,
The first night that we tried it, my son cried for almost an hour. We went to check on him every 15 minutes. But the next night, I think he only cried for 5 mins and then the next night, he did not cry at all. It is very hard to listen to them cry, but it makes a world of difference at night, when they are able to get themselves back to sleep. Good luck...

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Hi T.-
Reading all of the responses makes me feel like a bad mom as I did the cry it out method (or baby bootcamp as i call it) with both of my kids, at 6 weeks old for my first child and at 4 weeks old for my second child. They both hated their bassinets and would only sleep snuggled up with me on my recliner. Both are now very good sleepers (which is good for working parents). With my first child it was harder on me, he cried for a long time the first night and cried less and less everynight. With my second, she cried for about 20 minutes and then zonked out. My son (the older child, he is now 2) now falls asleep all on his own and knows that if he gets scared in the middle of the night mommy or daddy will be there to give him a snuggle and a kiss to help him fall back asleep but he also knows how to settle himself down nd fall back asleep if he just wakes up for no reason. My children's pediatrician always tells me that as long as your child is fed, dry, and is in no harm a little crying is not going to hurt them. I truely believe this. Do what you feel is best for you and your child. It is a very hard method to choose and you have to be strong and know that your child will still know that you love him. Bedtimes are hard but just know whatever method you choose will be the right one because you feel comfortable with it (that is the most important thing).

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I wish I could help you on this. My little man is 7 1/2 mths and while he goes to sleep with no problems getting him to stay asleep is a whole other game. He is still up 3-5 times a night! So all I can say is I sympathize and if you just need support I'm right there with you. :)

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The cry out method works,I gave in too it is hard not to but after so many sleeples nites I had to do something especially if everything was fine with my children.Hang in there it's a rough road ahead but loving your children will guide you through.Tonite aim for 10 min. and then extend it,don't pick him up pat his tummy rub his feet head etc. even offer him a paci but picking him up will land you back to square 1.Like I said it is hard not to pick up sweet cuddly baby but he is yours and only you know what he needs or if he is just crying to cry,listen to your babies cues he will let you know!!!Sahm of 2 kiddos

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well i have never been one for that. they have to be crying from teething or pain or because of gas or something try soothing until they fall asleep. I hummed to mine and bam out. Good Luck!

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i never actually read or knew about the "cry it out" method, as a first time mom i didn't know mamasource existed until my son was a little older, but i guess i kind of used the theory in my own way because MY little man went through the phase of waking up, not being wet/dirty, hungry, or anything, and i was out of my mind with exhaustion. i simply didn't know what else to do. i too spent a couple nights on the phone with my mom, and shed some exasperated, nearly hysterical tears over it! she was great and assured me that if there was truly nothing he needed, there was nothing else for me to do, unless i just wanted to sit with him and lose even more sleep trying to make him happy, when all he needed was to spend some energy crying, till he was ready to konk out. we got through it and so will you. i don't understand how rocking, cuddling, or "hanging out" with them does them any favors, when all they really need is sleep. and i don't see how, if you are there for them when they actually need something, loving and supporting and caring for them, that not killing yourself losing sleep when they don't actually need you, can possibly traumatize them for life. you know your baby, and you know if he needed you you would take care of whatever it was. part of our jobs as a mom is to teach them self reliance and independance, and unfortunately this is one of those things they do need to learn - how to self-soothe and go to sleep on their own. it's one of the first of many things you'll teach him! no one would ever suggest "abandoning" your child and just letting them cry hysterically.

like i said i didn't use the "cry out" method, but i did reach my limit of sleep deprivation. i remember sitting anxiously by the monitor praying for the silence i hoped would come, being physically nauseaus at the sound of his crying...and it was only a couple nights before my son's whole sleep habits changed and we were ALL a lot happier. i wasn't much of a mom exhausted and frustrated. so for us it was totally worth it. good luck!

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It can take a long time, but long bouts of crying will be over within a few days to two weeks, depending on how consistent you are and your child's temperment and age. I would go in and comfort at seven minutes if it makes you feel better. Just keep leaving and checking on him. Be sure to pay attention to just fussing/complaining and all-out crying. I say that because my baby (5.5) months still complains for 2-5 minutes before almost every nap/bedtime, but I know it is just his way of getting to sleep. He is tired and does want me to put him down so he can work it out. So I don't check on him when he sounds like that. For mine, when they were winding down, it just riled them up if I went in. It is very hard on mommy and baby, but the sleep is so good for their brain development. Good luck.

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I was the same way with my daughter. I tried it for one night and although it was making me crazy I tried to let her cry for more than five minutes and she got herself so worked up that she started throwing up. I never tried crying it out again. It is doesn't feel right to you you absolutely do not have to let them cry it out. Other than that one night my daughter has never had to cry long. If she had a hard time falling asleep I would sit with her and rub her back or head until she was calm and relaxed enough to put herself to sleep. She is now 21 months and puts herself to sleep for nap and bed and I feel a lot more comfortable with the route we took to get to this point. Good luck with whatever you decide to do

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My only advice is that you should trust your instincts. If it doesn't feel right to you, don't listen to what anyone else says. You are the best judge of what will work for your family. I never tried crying it out with my daughter because hearing her cry made me feel sick and like there was a boulder crushing my chest. I had to ignore a lot advice to let her cry and soothe herself, but it was clearly something that was not going to work for us. You have to do what feels right to you.

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It took us one night and 20 minutes but Emme was quite a bit younger so just give it some time. Don't worry and STAY CONSISTENT! You are doing the best thing for your family! It will be SO worth it in the long run.

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I would second the one who said not to use the CIO method. I think that some children may respond fine, say if they fall asleep after 2 minutes when you know they are fine and tired. And others will scream for 4 hours, and would be traumatized (and you may be as well) because it just would feel like abandonment to them. The child that had more will than I did, is still very loving and affectionate, and is easily wounded emotionally. I am glad we did not use the CIO method for her. It would have broken her spirit. I never had to use the CIO method for my first three, and the fourth wouldn't do it. So, we never tried again. And, my children go to bed fine now.

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The most rewarding thing in parenting that I have done thus far is uninterrupted nights of sleep on a consistant basis. Without sleep, I am a complete mess. I'll share my stories with you, but my disclaimer is that you have to do what is right for your family. If crying it out isn't right for you and bed sharing is what makes you feel best, then go for it and share your success stories with everyone.

My daughter did WONDERFUL straight out of the hospital. The first few months or so she was waking every hour or two but after that I'd put her down at 9pm and she'd sleep until 7am. She'd only nap about an hour a day, but I had my sleep at night so that was WONDERFUL!

Anyway, she ended up with her very first fever and virus at 10 months old. Roseola, which caused a high fever so of course she was waking every couple of hours crying. Each time she cried, I went in and gave her as much fluid she'd drink, and go back to bed. Once the virus was gone she was STILL waking every couple of hours. I tried sitting next to her bed putting my hand on her back and humming,but this made her even more ANGRY!! (It's like she was insulted that I wasn't picking her up and holding her) Tried doing this daily for about 4 or 5 days and it became worse and worse. So I thought about crying it out (CIO). The first night we let her cio she cried for TWO HOURS!!! It broke my heart into a million pieces and yes I was laying in my bed crying crying and crying some more. The second night she cried for about an hour again I was still crying too. The third night she cried for about 15 minutes and after that she was just fine. She is now 3 and we never have a problem with her getting out of her bed at night or waking and needing assistance. She is a wonderful sleeper!

*Also, with CIO, if she even heard my husband or I talking or sneezing she'd cry even louder. Think of a toddler who is having a tantrum and is playing it up for an audience. It was awful if she heard us*

I have a son who I didn't sleep well at all so around 6 months I just had to let him CIO. He wasn't as strong willed as my first. It only took a a few minutes (10 minutes maybe) a day several days in row. He's now 14 months old and so far so good. He's doing well at night and rarely wakes up crying. If he's really crying hard, I go in to check on him and normally it's something that can be easily fixed within seconds and he's back to sleep right away. *Last night he had rolled over to his back and couldn't get back on his tummy, he's in a body cast. Once I rolled him back to his tummy he was out until 8am!*

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Hi T., well I never used the cry it out method I could never stand the sound of my lil man's crying known they just wanted me near. And still to this day my oldest never ever has or still never comes to my room after waking up to get back to sleep. I started a little later when they was going on two on just going in and reading a bed time story and pat my lil guys back tell he is asleep. I keep a dime lit on for them which is out side there door so if they wake up they are not in complete darkness. My lil one at 28mths still wakes once in awhile but gettin him a drink and takin him back to bed w/ a patt always works. They are so use to being near mom hearing moms voice even b4 entering the world to sooth them. But what you decide to do is up to you and hope it does not take to long to for baby to figure it out for you, peacful sleep and good luck.

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T.~ Hello- i know how hard the cry-it out method can be. I have a 10 month-old girl and we had to do the same thing around 5 months. Literally- when i finally just made myself wait it out, after two nights or so- we were good to go. The 1st night was pretty brutal- i know it feels like an eternity....i think she may have cried for 15-20 mintues. I used the Ferber method though and went into her room every 5 to 10 minutes and just rubbed her back and told her it was okay and soothed her for just a few minutes- but i never picked her up- then i would leave again and come back in 5 to 10 minutes if i needed to.....until she finally went to sleep. I know how hard it is to listen to your baby cry- but it is so important that they learn to self-soothe and trust me - it takes only a few nights and the 2nd night- they cry a little less than the 1st night- and it gets better and soon- she will cry for about 30 seconds or not at all. You will have the occasional night here and there- but it so worth it! You can do it- even if you have to cry in the other room. =) You will be so glad you did it- i have a friend who has a baby aout my age and doesn't believe in letting her baby cry it out and she is still getting up at night- and i don't know how she does it! Good luck!

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T.,

I have 8 children and did not use the cio method until baby #7!! I am a very strong (maybe a little stupid, HA) person. My first child was a horrible sleeper and even though she was a thumb sucker, she wanted to be held and rocked to sleep until she was 4 years old!! My next two were boys and they quit wanting to be held and rocked once they were weaned from the breast. The middle three were some combination of the first 3. Baby 7 was a boy and very attached to Mama. He wanted to nurse every 2 hours as a 3 or 4 month old!! I decided I had no choice. I don't remember the amount of time it took to get him to sleep on his own, but I do remember the stress it caused for me. I guess I thought it was worth it, as with our 8th child, I did the cio method as well. One result, which ended up being a bit of a problem, was that both these children would ONLY fall asleep in their OWN beds!! That got to be tiresome when we were out and about in the evening and it was bed time. They would fuss and we could not comfort them because they wanted to be in their OWN bed! The nights that we got a full night's sleep overrode this annoyance, however. Each child has their own personality and their own timetable of how stubborn they can be. You and your husband have to come to a decision and back each other up no matter what. Your dear little boy will not be emotionally damaged--just be consistent whatever you do and he will know you love him!!

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talk to your pediatrician. see what she or he says. I would also consider reading some books on this. I personally think the "Cry it out method" is like using Love and Logic room time on children less than three years old. but I think you need more infromation. you child does not seem to be responding to the method. it makes me wonder.

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Hi T.,
If letting him cry it out just doesn't seem to be the right fit for your family, here's another (maybe wacky, but interesting) idea...
Have you heard of the book "Baby Whisperer?" I haven't read it, but I heard the author talk about her method on a talk show--when your baby cries, go to him and pick him up. The second he stops crying, lay him back down. Of course he will cry again, then you immediately pick him back up. As soon as he stops crying, lay him down again. Basically, you repeat this cycle until he finally stops crying after laying him down. It could take 150 times in a row, but baby will learn that if he is scared, lonely, or misses you and he cries, you will be there, but he's on his own for falling back asleep.
I didn't know about this method when my daughter was a baby, and we let her cry it out (it only took one night and she caught on). I wish we could have another baby so I could try this out--it seems to give such a healthy message to baby without leaving guilt on the parents. I don't see how it could hurt to try, but just be ready to lift your cuddly bundle over and over (have pain killers on standby for your back!! LOL!)
Good luck!
Angie

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