The Christmas Outfit

I will be taking DD in 2 outfits - the fancy one and then something she can play in and sleep in. I would put her in the one outfit to start and then swap her out into what you want and tell MIL that since you already had an outfit, you wanted DD to wear both and the 2nd she could play in.

I guess I would look at it with joy and thanksgiving rather than looking for a reason to question her motives. I think it is a wonderful gift, one that spares you from having to spend money (if you felt you needed to) on an outfit. Why do people so often assume bad motives from other people? Why is it always stealing their thunder? Why can't we love each other more? Especially at Christmas.

I frequently buy my grandchildren clothes and love seeing them in them. I do this because it brings me joy, not for any ulterior motive. If seeing her grandchild in a nice outfit for Christmas gives your mil pleasure why not give her that gift?

Your mil honored your wish to not have a fru fru dress. Realize that she's not working against you but trying to work with you.

I suggest that the real issue here is that you want to dress her in your choice. Acknowledge that. You don't need to criticize your mil in order to do what you want. If you can't give your mil the gift of wearing her gift then dress your daughter in your choice and thank your mil for her outfit and tell her when your daughter will be wearing it. Hopefully there will be more than one event so that she can wear it one of the times.

If you "suck it up" you're not letting her steal the glory. You're giving her a gift. You will be seen as a gracious and caring dil.

Granted, we don't know what has gone on before, but I really think you are reading too much into it.....

She may have seen the outfit and thought that it was just a nice thing to do, to buy her the outfit.

Does it really matter WHO'S outfit she is wearing? And.. I don't know how old your daughter is, but how about giving HER the choice? And... don't couch it in any hidden meaning..... Just show her the two outfits and let her choose.

And... as others have suggested, take a picture of your daughter wearing the outfit so she can see how it looks on her.

Either should be fine.. It seems that your MIL at least was thoughtful enough to get something she would be comfy in. You can do one outfit christmas eve and the other christmas day?

Would you feel the same way if it was your mother that bought the outfit and not your mother in law?

I have 5 children....all grown and married with children. This makes me a MIL to 5 also. My 3 daughters come to me often for advise, to vent, for help, etc. They would have no problem if I bought their children outfits. But my 2 daughter in laws are a different story. They go to their mothers. Understandable. Why wouldn't they? I'm not their mother! But I sometimes feel left out because of it. I get 2nd place! Oh sure, they call me once in a while for advise, help etc. But that's usually only when the problem/subject is their husband (my son), not the grand children.

Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter in laws and they love me. To me they are also my children. But in reality I know I am just the MIL. Not their mother. And that puts me in 2nd place.

Please don't think your MIL is trying to run your life, she may just be trying to move up to 1st place once in a while. Dress your daughter in the outfit MIL gave her and be sure to mention to others who bought it for her. And if some where during the day you feel a need to change her clothes, that's fine. MIL had her 15 minutes of fame. LOL

She gave her granddaughter an outfit. All the rest of it is white noise. Try not to assign intentions to it or see it as a competition or power play.

When someone gives an outfit for a child, I believe they want to see the child in it. If you can find a way to work the outfit in, that would be nice of you. I appreciate when my mil buys my kids Christmas outfits. That's one less expenditure for me. I can't see buying an outfit to be worn one time, so if they want to blow cash on it, let em.

First of try to quit taking it as a personal offense. She probably just loved it and could envision your child in it.

This happened to us a lot and so I would dress our daughter in that outfit for the first part of the visit and then change her into the outfit I purchased to actually play in. . Using the idea. "I did not want her to ruin or stain this good outfit. "

Take lots of photos and give copies to MIL so she can show all of her friends.

I promise you, eventually they get tired of giving the expensive things.. Indulge her every once in a while.

On this day, you should be grateful you have a MIL who loves and cares
for your daughter. So many people would give anything for this. In the
scheme of life, does it really matter who buys what and what she wears.
Can't your daughter wear what you have Christmas day. Your MIL bought
something that was appropriate since you do not like fru fru dresses and
you are still upset. Let it go.

I was one of those active kids also. My mom let me wear what was comfy for me. They when everyone got there and was taking pics my mom would take me in bathroom to freshin up and do my hair for pics (and presents ) within a hour of being dressed. I would make a make a stink and mom would change me back. Both won i was comfy and everyone got there pics of me dressed up like "a girl"

When I was growing up my parents had a saying that accompanied the opening of any present (actually they said it when I was buying one too). It was : "It's the thought that counts". And I totally agree.

You're lucky to have a MIL who loves your daughter so much and was so thoughtful and generous. They are NOT all like that!

My kids are pretty much grown now and believe me, you will have MANY opportunities to spend a lot of money dressing your kids up yourself for years to come.

So why not enjoy the freebie this year and take the money you would have spent on her outfit and buy for the food pantry instead? Take your daughter with you to deliver it and show her the true meaning of Christmas!
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Its hard for those of us who don't know your MIL to understand. She bought your DD an outfit (like many relatives do) so you feel she doesnt trust you to dress the child appropriately? This seems like paranoid assumption but perhaps there is a background there?? Has she come right out and criticized your choices? and this outfit seems to show your MIL is trying to please you? If the outfit you bought your daughter is dressier or nicer, choose that one, tell MIL you used her Christmas outfit for a party or church or Christmas eve, and take a picture of your DD in the other one. Why would it cramp your daughters style to dress up for Christmas, unless people are telling her to be careful not to get dirty or rip her dress.? I would not allow that!
When you say inlaws will drive all over to see family I hear that they feel family is important. Do they have an attitude?Of course I dont know these people/
I am reminded of my SIL who still complains that my mother (her MIL) called her toddler "sturdy" We think at one or two being chubby is cute, this child didnt make "chubby" but was not skinny. Most people think chubby, sturdy, chunky etc is healthy at that age and it is a compliment! My SIL says she had to dress her child in black to stop my mother from saying this (again we're talking about a toddler not a school age child who could get a "weight issue" She is still complaining about this "slight" 24 years later! I really think she wanted MIL's approval so badly that this PERCEIVED insult cut her deeply. Meanwhile my mom has no idea this was an insult. I just wanted to point out that MAYBE MIL is just trying to be nice??? Unless she actually has said "I cant believe you dressed her in that!"

I agree w/ Maureen...one Christmas Eve and the other on Christmas Day should work...pics in each. Another alternative is, especially if travelling, put her in one and then let her "freshen up" into the other.

At least she bought something practical, but I agree with the others and she can wear it one day and wear yours the next.

Maybe in the future, if your MIL wants to buy your DD an outfit, maybe you and her can both go shopping for something that you both think your DD will look wonderful in.

Bring her in MIL's outfit, then when it gets dirty or something spilled on it, or ______ (she naps and it gets wrinkled, lol)... change her into what you bought. I agree that if Christmas Eve and Christmas Day can be done that would be ideal. And also, how grand that MIL actually gave some thought to how active your daughter is and bought a pants outfit!! :))

I think as long as you get a picture of your DD in the dress & send it to your MIL, it doesn't matter when or if she wears it for Christmas.

I, too, am not a fan of the whole "dress the kid up for Christmas" thing either, because my DD is not a fru fru type of kid & I don't want to have to worry about her ruining a nice outfit.

Dress her in it BEFORE dinner... obviously she won't be able to wear it once all that food's all over it... then change her into what YOU bought.

Works every time ;)

I know a Grandma that bought her granddaughter a dress at a second hand store. I have no problems with this...but the dress looked like it was from when I was a child, it was that type of era.

Just be glad you got a modern outfit. :)

Since you admitted to dressing her casually, I would not be offended. However, if you are going to dress her a bit fru-fru this year, then use the outfit you get if you don't like what MIL picked out.

How old is your daughter? Is she a toddler?
How about you compromise. Dress DD in the outfit your MIL purchased, and then once you're there, arrange for DD to spill a cup of milk on herself, or have a diaper accident if she's young enough not to be toilet trained yet. Then change her into the nice outfit you picked out.
For next year, buy your daughter her Christmas outfit and tell MIL that you've done so. Work it into conversation, "Today I bought Isabella the most precious outfit for Christmas, I can't wait for you to see her in it!" That should give her the clue not to buy one.
While no one ever took it upon themselves to buy holiday clothes for my kids when they were little, I remember a friend telling me a few years ago that her MIL bought her baby a dress for Christmas. The friend was blatant with MIL, who I guess had bought the Christmas dresses and such for her daughters' children, that she (the new mom) had waited 42 years to have a little girl to buy Christmas and Easter dresses for, and that the baby would only be wearing what she chose herself, sorry and please don't be offended MIL. MIL got over it.
Good luck! Remember that the important things about the holiday have nothing to do with what outfit your little girlie wears :)

My MIL has done the same for the past three years. First year, I put the dress on my DD (7 months at the time), took some pictures. Cute. Second year, not jazzed about the outfit, but felt somewhat obligated. Took pictures and looking at them now, my DD doesn't look like herself in the outfit. This year, at age 3.5, my little fasionista is going to pick out her own outfit, and part of me hopes she puts together one of her crazy, mismatched, unique and wonderful creations! Good intentions from MIL, but you've got to do your own thing!

It's YOUR decision, of what YOU want, with YOUR daughter, that counts first, so YOU dress YOUR daughter, the way YOU want on Christmas! It's a matter of who will be 'training' who? Your MIL 'training' you? or YOU 'training' your MIL? Whatever you decide is what will continue to happen as the years go on and on.