Terrible Two's ..... HELP!

Read the book Love and Logic by Jim Fey. Seriously, it works. I have used it for years with special-ed preschoolers and it will make life less frustrating for you and for them. It is simple, and they catch on quickly. Essentially, you set them up to make the right choice.

Happiest Todder on The Block is a great DVD on this very subject. You may be able to find it at the library or amazon. I HIGHLY recommend it. It is a loving way to deal with tantrums and it works!!!

Hang in there!!

Hang in there and be CONSISTENT. I promise, it will pay off. You have to do what you say and stick to consequences. It is a phase - as long as you do what you say you will do.

Hi J. and Alexandra,

I can only tell you, what works for me after many trials and errors. I'm a parent to 3 children for about 30 years, and a full-time nanny. First of all, no matter how bad your child behaves in public, ladies, please don't feel embarrassed, as it stops you from reacting appropriately to the situation. Kids are kids and they will occasionally do or say things that can be embarrassing to us parents, teachers or childcare givers. In a time of crisis such as this, my approach is to stay as calm as possible, speak little (at that point, they don’t really hear you anyway), be patient, loving, but firm and consistent. No giving in, even if it hurts you! This all will help you to be in control without allowing the situation to control you. Nothing else is more important than your child at this moment. Even if it means you will run behind schedule! Your child has an emotional crisis and needs your help. I see it as an opportunity to teach them boundaries and what is and isn't acceptable. They need to know that they can’t get away with bad behavior. They will learn that bad behavior has consequences and good behavior will be rewarded. But it’s also a good opportunity to teach them how to forgive, to forget and to assure the child that we love them, regardless of their actions. After all is said and done I start with a clean sheet and carry on with my normal routine or activity. And, so what, if it happens on the floors of Target or in a restaurant; you will be surprised to know, how many people will admire you for taking a positive approach to your child’s tantrum. Another way I have dealt with tamper tantrums is to leave the store, restaurant, etc. (yes, with the child :-)) and go back to the car and deal with the situation there in privacy. Again, I explain to them what is and is not acceptable for me, and that we will return to the store etc once they calmed down. This may not work on the first go and you may have to repeat the whole steps. Patience and consistency is the key. And once the child has calmed down, I give them hugs and kisses to reassure them that it's not about them, but about their bad behavior. In any case, I will try to return back to my original routine or activity. Oh, and btw, I will go out of my way to find a ‘good’ reason to give them a small reward for their good behavior after the situation is back to normal (but not too close to the incident) and make sure that the day finishes on a positive note. Good luck and I would appreciate your feed back. E.

Go to your library and get the book "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Foster Cline, M.D. and Jim Fay. Start parenting with love and logic now before your 2 year old gets set in his way. He's testing you and testing his boundries. Good Luck. I've raised 8 children 6 with love and logic and 2 without, big difference. With it you raise confident, wonderful, honest, caring children. Parenting is alot easier when you have a plan and this book is must. They have a book for children and teens.
N.

Two resources have been great for us:

The DVD "Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp--can find it on Amazon now. The book is okay...hard to 'see' what he is describing...the DVD was very understandable.

and

Love and Logic...we bought the Early Childhood package, have taken a class, and also watched the DVD "Painless Parenting". This stuff is great and helpful in learning when you are not taking care of you. Imagine that....we have to take care of ourselves...it will tell you how.

I have a list of instructors in texas if you are interested...just email me and I will attach it to you.

____@____.com

I am glad you asked this question as I am going to keep watch for the advice you receive. My 2 yr old threw the most embarrassing tantrum at Target today b/c I took the box of crayons away from him to put on the checkout belt. He started screaming and making a scene and the people behind me were thinking I had a brat child for sure. He even started throwing items out of the cart and onto the floor! I was beside myself with embarrasment. He is normally a very good boy. I don't know what to do in these situations and I need advice as well. Do I give in and give him the damn crayons back so he stops screaming,or is that just teaching him that tantrums get his way? Do I scold him right then and there in the middle of the line? Spank him? Time out? WHAT?
We were supposed to go to brunch but I am not in the mood after the Target incident.

Hey J.,
First know that you do not have an anomoly in your household! Little ones his age start asserting independence and can be very vocal about it. It is kind of like establishing a pecking order in the house. He wants to see if he can be the dominate force. This is where you have to stand your ground. You can give simple reasons as to why you want him to do..., but stand firm in being the mom and sometimes an "I said so" is appropriate if they will not listen to your reason. He is asoreqalizing that he can get a reaction out of you when he throws the fit. If you are at home, you can tell him that he 'can do that in his room, but not out here' or you can pick him up and place him on his bed telling him 'we will talk after you are done being angry.' In public is another story...take him to the restroom until he settles down. Bring a book for yourself! =)

Offer him choices, since he is trying to be independent. Give a choice of two pairs of clothes, ask which he prefers between two choices for breakfast or lunch. Offer him a choice of an hour nap or hour quiet time reading books on his bed. Just give two choices, and tell him if he won't choose, mom will choose for him. Tell him he cannot whine after the choice is made. Make a sticker chart and set it up for each hour of the bad or each activity of the day. Offer things like longer bath times, playing outside longer, going on a walk, reading TWO books before bed instead of one as incintive for getting say -8- stickers in the day. Sometimes you might have to start with a sticker and then he looses it if he throws a tantrum.

I know that it is hard to stay calm and 'non-frustrated', on days when you are at wit's end, call a friend or get someone to sit with him for an hour while you go walk, go to the store or go get a frosty at Wendy's. You will survive - I have 'survived' 3 set of 'terrible twos' myself and my kids (age 18, 16 and 12) are really neat young adults!

One thing that I have noticed with my youngest is that she has always gone through behavioral phases. And every time, I will notice that the bad behavior severely decreases immediately after a significant developmental milestone. The behavior problems will sometimes last three to four weeks before suddenly stopping.

I don't know if this is what your son is going through or not. Since he is your first, you will be able to watch for this kind of thing. My other two never really had significant mood and behavior changes so it took me a wile to figure out what was going on with the youngest. I hate to tell you that she is almost seven and it still happens.

You really have to stick to your guns about what kind of behavior is acceptable. At two and a half, he can understand simple behavior requests. Make sure that your requests stay very simple, no more than one request at a time, and that you try to stay as calm as possible during his outbursts. Not easy, but it does help.

My daughter can be quite relentless when she is "on a tear." I have had to resort to the "at least I'm still bigger than she is" mentality many times. Just pick her up and walk away from the situation. I have also found that a lot of times, sitting down and snuggling her will quiet her down when nothing else will. She sometimes has difficulty calming herself down when she is in the middle of a meltdown. The cuddling and holding distracts her and gives her something else to focus on.

Sorry, this is kind of rambling. I hope it is helpful. Good luck.

J.

Run don't walk to Half Price Books and look for Dr Dobson's books. He has great ideas. Your sweet boy needs structure and discipline. I personally believe the microwave timer was invented for time out. You sit in the chair for the amount of time you are old. So 2:30 for your boy. Even if you have to hold him as he screams and yells. He needs to know you are in charge. Not him. It's too much responsibility for a 2 year old. This too shall pass.

G.

My son started that too, at about the same age, I tried everything, but nothing was working and we were all miserable. It turned out that he had an ear infection. There was no other symptoms to indicate it, and it was discovered on an unrealted trip to the doctor. Once we got that cleared up he went back to being his sweet self. So my advice is, that if this is all of the sudden and not charicteristic, you may want to take him in for a check up before you try anything else. I hope that helps, good luck.

Have you tried the 5 minute countdown or setting a timer to let him know when activity "x" will be over. My son didn't handle transitions well and this helped a lot.

Hi J.

My children are much older but one thing I found when they were going through this stage was to give them choices. What I mean by this is, he has to take a bath and brush his teeth before bed. Let him choose which one he does first and second. This gives him the opportunity to feel like he has some control and it achieves your goal of getting him to do what you need him to do. It also presents decision making at an early age.

I don't know if it will work for you but it worked wonders for us. It may take a couple of days to kick in by try it and see if it helps you.

Hi there. I too am the mother of a 2 1/2 year old. About 2 months ago, a bit earlier than your son, I thought the same thing...where has my angel gone and who is this child?! I have since figured out that he too goes in spells of "off" or worse behavior for about 7-10 days, then 3-4 weeks of normal, then off again. Everyone is right that consistency is the key. I've definitely had my days of being at my wits end and responding in a way that is not as calm as I'd like to remain. However, choices are a huge help with my particular child. I use to teach 2 year olds in child care, and I can tell you that giving them choices, both of which are acceptable to you, works really well because it gives them an element of control over their lives. They think they are in some control of situations when, in reality, you are just putting different twists on it. I don't mean it to sound devious, it just helps if they don't think they are being told what to do all the time. They fight it less when they feel a part of things.
A book that has been a huge help to me is Boundaries for Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I had also read their Boundaries book prior to this one as a basis. It give a clear picture of how to put the issue back in the kids ball park to make it their decision so they are responsible for the consequences of their choices.
Good luck! And know you are not the only one on those rough days that wants to run and hide!

Welcome to toddler hood! At this age there starting to find more independance, and want to do things on there own. The best thing to help them get along is to keep a schedule so they always know what going to happen next, also on your disipline stay consistant that means you and hubby on the same page example if he throws a fit give it no attention, any attention is good attention. With rules you have to be consistant so they know whats going to happen if they do something, children are always testing boundries so they know where the are. And it may get worse when the new baby comes. Now is the time to get him involved and find things he can help you with and feel like a big boy. When you do see him doing things good tell him give him praise and attention then. Good Luck remember its a phase and they do grow out of it, so enjoy it because there only little once!

J., I know what you are going through and am bracing for it again myself with our second son. My only advice is to set limits and be consistent with them. Prepare to be embarrassed!! Just remain consistent. I remeber when my 6 year old went through this phase, it was a bigger problem in public because he was not sure we would have the same ways of dealing with his behavior. Once at a restaurant, my husband told him to sit down until we were ready to go. Well, the 2 year old decided he did not want to wait (typical for children at this age) and that he wanted to leave right then (again typical) so he ran through the restaurant. Thankfully, it was a small, family owned place, so my husband was able to catch him easily. Then when my husband picked him up to carry him to the bathroom, he began screaming "Don't beat me daddy!" We were mortified. Our plan of action in public was always to take him to a confined space like the restaurant or the car and give him time to get a grip while talking to him about how we behave. Now everyone in the restaurant was staring at my husband and once he disappeared into the restroom, they were staring at me. But my mom told me once, people who have had children have all experienced this and so while they may look, usually they are looking out of understanding. Only once in public did we have another older adult come over and "critique" how we had handled a situation. Which we chose to ignore the adult - none of their business. The important thing is to have a plan that you and your husband both agree on, and stick to it regardless of the setting. Consistency and time will bring him out of the phase.

A little about me: mother of 2 beautiful boys - 6 and 19 months, and happily married to my husband of 11 years.

Hi J.

A little word of encouragement.....IT GETS BETTER. My son is a little over 3 years old and I had the exact same problem with him and to this day he will argue with a fence post. Except now it has gotten to the point where I ignore him and he stops. My advice to you would be one of two things. When he tells you no, ignore him and go on doing what you were doing. The other thing is put him on a "quiet" mat and make him sit there for about 3 minutes until he stops his tantrum or stops telling you no and everytime he tries to get up, sit him back down or everytime he says no or throw a tantrum, even if it is right after he gets off the mat, set him back down again. He will eventually learn and realize that he is the child and you are the parent. It worked for my terrible two year old. By the way, I have one on the way too, due in August. What day are you due?

The only thing I can say is just try to remember it is normal at that age. A two year old can't speak well enough to tell you how he feels so screaming and throwing a fit is the only way he can express how unhappy he is. Some things that I have noticed that helped my three kids is, letting them help more. Like the comment from the woman who's kid had a fit in Target at the line. Just doing something as simple as letting him give it to the cashier or even let him scan it and then hold onto it helps to avoid the opportunity for fits altogether.

Also, try to give them a choice instead of just saying you need to do this. For example, if your son usually says no to eating dinner, instead of telling him to come eat you could say " Would you rather come eat dinner with mommy and daddy or would you rather go to your room and be hungry?" He may not be saying no to the idea, he just wants to say no so he feels like he has some control over what happens. By giving him a choice he can still feel in control of what he can do or not do. There may even be times when he will choose to go to his room and be hungry, but when he realizes he is alone and hungry you will see him make a different choice.

Try not to give a lot of attention to the fit or he will continue to do it for the attention. Also, try to avoid situations that could blow up. If you notice he is getting tired or hungry, don't put him in a situation where he will get stressed easily. Again, he only knows one way to release the stress and express he is unhappy. I hope this helps.

He is testing you. Whatever you do be consistent! You and your husband have to be a united front! For now, avoid embarrasing situations such as restaurants and let him tantrum at home. When he throws a fit just walk around him and ignore it - completely!! This works! Trust me! Step over him and talk to your husband, cook clean etc... When he is done act like it never happened. When he handles a situation well without a tantrum - make a big deal and tell him what a big boy he is becoming. Also, have a time out chair. One minute for each year that they are old - so two minute time outs. Always explain what you expect from him at eye level (calmly) and ask for an apology when the time out is over - then give big hugs. He is SOOOOOO smart!!! If you nip this in the bud now - you'll be glad!

Another great motivator I did with my kids. Get a clear pitcher. Mark even levels on it with tape or something. Have your son pour in a glass of water each time he is good. He picks up some toys - go pour some water...etc... When he gets to the next "level" he gets a prize. He can rent a movie at the store, go feed the ducks, etc.... (no food rewards). Add food dye to the water for fun. After a while, when he isn't looking, switch to a smaller glass. So he will have to be good more often to get the prize. This works SO well.
Good luck!
E.

If you really want to nip this in the bud, the best thing you can do is to not back down when you tell him to do something. He will push back, but if you give in just to keep the peace, it will only get worse. I went through the same thing with my daughter. She was a good kid, but then started testing me and having outbursts the way all kids at that age do. But she quickly realized that in our house that kind of behavior isn't acceptable and that she never got what she wanted when she acted that way. Now she's gotten back to her normal pleasant self again once she realized that she wouldn't beneift from her tantrums.

On the flipside, my niece who is the same age has parents with no backbone or discipline, and now she is a terror and totally runs the show in their house. It's really sad to have watched her turn from a sweet little girl into the kid that you don't want in your home. That may sound harsh but they are a perfect example of doing whatever the child wants just so she won't get upset, and they're all miserable.

I totally agree with the strategies that KarenB and KerryP outlined for you. They worked for us twice now with my daughter and son. I know it's easier said that done, but believe me, it's well worth the effort so you can come out the other side of this phase with a well-behaved child that people still enjoy being around. Good luck!

J., I too am going through this right now with my 26 month-old. She just turned 26 months yesterday and she has been increasingly more difficult to please for the past two weeks. I went to the bookstore yesterday and bought the book, The Happiest Toddler on the Block. And, I love it! I'm only about halfway through the book, but I already tried some of the "Toddler-ese" on my daughter this morning and she calmed down immediately. There are many great technics in this book that address the toddler years of ages one through four. And, it is done without spanking (which I'm very opposed to, as it teaches children that it's ok for adults to hurt them physically, and it tears away at their self-esteem). Toddlers want to be understood and have a voice and this book teaches you how to talk and empathize with your toddler during these years as their brains are quickly growing and learning. I also really like the "Love and Logic" series of parenting books. They use choices and I think at this stage choices are an easy way for you to make your child feel as if they are in control of a situation that gets you the outcome you want. For instance, this morning my daughter didn't want to put her socks on for school. I decided to try a choice. I asked her if she wanted to put the right one or the left one on first. She, of course still didn't want to put either on, but i kept repeating, "do you want mommy to put the right sock or the left one on first?". Eventually she told me "the right one" and we proceeded through to finishing dressing so we could get out the door. I don't think there is only one way to parent. I believe you should read many different ways to help raise your child, all while nurturing the differences your child have that make her unique and special to the world. For now, my husband and I make sure our daughter gets plenty of love and attention, set safety limits for her, give her some say over what she does during the day and try to empathize with the world as she might see it - even when it's at the most inopportune moments. Good luck!!

COMPLETELY ignore the tantrum/outburst. Put him in safe place and walk away. Only give him attention when he behaves correctly. It's hard to do but is the fastest remedy. Good luck.
J.

Read "To train up a child" by Michael Pearl.
Short book to read.
I also have a 2 1/2 yr old son.
Your son is battling you for authority and the number one thing to remember is you ALWAYS have to WIN!

I think at that age "time out" is a good idea. Find a spot and put a chair there for time out. Time out is a minute per year of life. Since your son will be three I think three minutes will do. First of all stoop all the way down to his eye level and explain to him why the "time out". Make him sit and set a timer for him.

When my son started that, I did a couple of things that seemed to work. The first was to give him a choice. He could get dressed (eat, take a nap, whatever) or he could lose his favorite blankie. I didn't let him see how much he annoyed me and I followed through on taking his blaket and putting it away until he was dressed. The first couple of times he tried throwing an even bigger tantrum, but I held my ground and after that just the threat of taking his cherished item was enough to get him hopping without argument.

The second thing was to put him in his room on his bed when he was obviously very upset. I would tell him that he is entitled to his anger, but I didn't have to hear or see it. I'd shut the door and when he tried to get out I'd walk him right back to his bed and tell him that he could come out when he was calm. Now when he feels himself get upset, he'll tell me that he has to go to his room. He'll throw his tantrum and then come out with a sniffle and say "I calm now Mama."

Don't know if that will help your child, but it seemed to work for us.

Good luck!

Try "Love and Logic for Preschoolers" book. Great tips and Works wonders!! They also have a web site Loveandlogic.org, you can get the book at most book stores or try your library.

I have a son 12, a daughter 10, and a son 8. Both of my sons had terrible meltdowns. I acutally went to a child psychlogoist and she recommended the following to me. 1)Wrap your whole body around them and hold them until they are finished with the tantrum. It is called a body wrap or hold. You can also take your child's arms and criss cross them and hold there legs down until the tantrum is finished. Let me tell you my husband and I have literally broke out in a sweat after holding our sons down. It seemed as though there was a battle of the wills going on. This method really worked for us, and it is gentle enought that your son will know you love him but will know that mommy means business. Let him know what he did wrong, and help him count or say abc's until calm. 2)Take your child to a corner and have them sit there. While they are in timeout, you sit in front of them in a diagonal position. So, you are basically creating a Triangle postiion. Your kid will have a hard time getting out of this position. Be frim and let them know you mean business. Count to ten or say the ABC's with them. You can either face them and gently talk to them or you can face the other way if they are trying to hurt you in the face. 3)This is extreme, because my last kid was an extreme case. He would throw things and get very ugly due to the fact he had a severe speech delay and could not communicate his feelings to us. The extreme measure is, take your child to his room and lock him in there. Make sure he cannot hurt himslef. That nothing can fall on him, such as a dresser etc. You get a hook lock on the outside of his door. That way you can actually open and peak in and check on him. You only do this for a small amount of time. We would tell our son what was going on. We would give him a choice, you can either calm down or mommy is going to pick you up and carry you to your room for alone time. This methd really worked for our family. After awhile your child will stop crying and will start reading a book or playing with a favorite toy. Make sure they cannot hurt themselves or dump powder all over the floor. (Experience is priceless). If you do not want to try the lock method then just close his door and put a gate up that he cannot cross over. Unfortuanley my children were very athletic and could climb over anything put in front of them. Also, if you are a believer in God, I recommend that you daily pray over your child and his room and ask God to come and bring peace over him and your home. I also would pray outloud over my child during the tantrums. It was amazaing how God showed up in the heat of the moment. It calmed my kids down and mommy too. Good luck and remember that sin starts early in a child. If your child is having bad trantrums it probalby is a very big indication that your child has a huge destiny on their life for God. Parenting the hard kids means that good fruit will come about later in our grey hair years.

Has there been a recent change in his life? Potty training? New Baby? Something out of him control? He may be testing boundies and feeling insecure. you need to stay firm and CONSISTENT!!!!!. Be sure and tell him What you would like him to do and not what you don't want him to do. When my children where small, I gave their "Bad twin" a name I didn't like. I would say " I sure wish my james was here I dont like the way Roy acts sometimes and I need a big hug from James." I would say i will roy would go away and boy the mood would change lighting fast.

H., Rn OB/Nsy

My son is 2 1/2, too, and he is doing the same things you are describing. I use time-outs for serious things, like hitting or kicking me, or throwing his toys, anything where he might hurt himself or someone else. As for the tantrums and screaming, I try my best to not lose my cool, and just walk into another room and ignore it. When he's finished, with time outs or tantrums, I will calmly explain to him that instead of throwing a fit, he needs to use his words to tell me what he wants or needs, because when he is screaming and crying, I can't understand him and can't do anything to help him. I think he gets what I'm saying, and he'll apologize and give me a hug, but of course, he always does it again, and we I just repeat the same thing the next time. I figure, and hope, that if I repeat it enough it will finally sink in; and I keep my fingers crossed that he'll grow out of this phase soon!
Good luck!

Most people wouldnt agree, but for our children which we have three, we gave them little spats on their bottom or top thigh and with a stern voice and you also need to lower yourself to their level so you make eye contact with your child, and say with a stern voice, you do not speak to mommy like that ( after his spat)that is disrepectful to me and you will not act or talk to me or anyone else like that. I love you very much but i will not allow a good boy like you to behave like this. When you calm down i would like you to come over here and sit in my lap so i can give you a hug and a kiss because mommy loves you. While he's in your lap gently talk into his ear and explain what he did wrong and you arent going to allow him to act that way anymore, and this is what will happen when he acts like that. You have given him a consequence that he will remember for now on, and yet he knows "hay this is wrong, and i shouldnt be doing this" but yet he knows he is still loved,just that his actions are wrong and you will correct these problems. As far as tantrums they can be done in his room. Just tell him that he will not get anything acting this way, and if he wants something he needs to just ask like a big boy, and mommy might say yes or she might say no, but you will not tolerate any bad behavior no matter what the answer is. He can out when he is willing to talk. Saying no is healthy for all children and some parents feel guilty to say it, but this is a word they need to get familar with or they will grow into spoiled adults and you will be the one to litterally pay for this attitude along with tax payers. You and your husband are a team so ya'll need to take control of your son or your son will take control of ya'll. Did you know that you only have till the age of six to shape your children into the person you see fit for when they are adults. After that time, they are set. ( with their personality ). Your son loves you and you love him, so take the reins now while you have the chance. I wish you the very best. A.

Well, he's becoming a little independent adult (ha ha); so you have to treat him that way. Try telling him the schedule at night, when he's ready to go to sleep..."Now, in the morning we're going to get dressed, clean up, go to the store, then....and say OK". Then in the morning, say" remember last night what we are going to do today?" and then repeat the entire schedule. Also say "and I need you to help mommy because you're getting to be a big boy. You're just growing up and getting so big".

I have an austic child with other issues and he cannot speak because of the rest of the brain damage. He also has major outbursts (of which even the hospital called security on us --another long story). Children very closely watch your facial expressions; and even though you want to take them and shake them sometimes; just put on your fake smile and keep talking to them and REPEATING the agenda, in a soft voice. Also, tell them they are not acting nice, so you don't want to be around them when they are not acting nice, and leave the room.

If you stand your ground, they will change. Don't give in if he throws a tantrum (just watch The Nanny). If he knows he cannot "get to you" he'll stop (and usually try it on Daddy).

Their little minds are like sponges now and they want to feel some control. If you involve them in the process (telling them the schedule) they feel like they had a part in the decisions. Now, he may keep telling you "No" back, so then break it down by asking about specific events. Say "you want to go the the store, right? You know we're going to eat next, right? "

You get the point. When he agrees to each individual step, then REPEAT the agenda by saying "OK, now we're going to get dressed, and then eat, and then ....."

Try that for about 2 weeks and see.

This is a normal phase, but it doesn't make it any less embarrassing! I always tried to remember to set firm boundaries, leave the store if needed. I have left a cart full of groceries before. Once you do this you must keep telling yourself that things will get better. A kid does this to test boundaries. Much like a teenager will. There's a lot of similarities between these two stages. I have often prayed in these times just to avoid taking my frustrations out on my kid. Good luck.

Hi J.,
Man, your post reminded me of my son's first meltdown in Kohl's. I too was pregnant with my second child. He had a fit over a toy, ran from me and got way under a rack of clothes. I couldn't get to him b/c I was 8 months pregnant. I was hot, embarrased and frustrated. When I finally got a hold of him, I carried him out of the store like a sack of potatoes under my arm. From that point on, whenever we had meltdown, I take them to a quite place like the store bathroom and we have a time out. If it's bad, we leave and when we get home he will have a timeout. I also use LOTS of positive reinforcement when he is good in the store. I will say that I'm proud of him for not crying, for being a big boy or listening. I do reward when we get home with something small. This phase lasted till he was 3. So hang in there, be consistent, and also show him who is the parent, teacher, whatever. My mom said it best...Decide at two years old how you want him to treat you when he is 10, 16 and 18 years old. D.

I highly recommend the book Dare to Discipline by Dr. James Dobson.
I too have a 2 1/2 yr old that goes through times like this. I am able to get the outbursts under control quickly by cracking down on time out and swats (if the time-out did not work in that instance.) Within the day, she starts to be very sweet and happy. I think kids really crave the boundaries and loving discipline.

hi-i have 3 boys 17,11,7 yrs old. I will say, i parented much different the 3rd time around than the 1st. the biggest differences. my first i was very concerned with what people thought. i wanted so badly to be a good parent and unfortunately got caught up in thinking having a well behaved child equalled being a good parent.that was a big mistake which only caused more pressure i didn't need. It is perfectly normal, and needed for a child to "test the limits", in order to learn t he limits. it's our job to set them and enforce them. this does not mean your child is bad or that your a bad parent. its just part of the learning process. so don't be worried about what others think, just do what you need to do. give clear, simple expectations, expect them and give him the chance to "obey or not obey". that phrase was heard alot in my house for many years as the younger 2 boys were in their preschool years.we gave them simple directions, and then said, "ok,are you going to obey or not obey?" they chose and will do one or the other. if they obey, great! praise them and go on with what your doing, if they don't obey, right away, not after 2 or 3 rounds of begging them or persuading them to do what you want,immediately give a consequence, and go on with what your doing. at age 2, immediate response is a must. you can't wait until you are home, or when your friends or family leave, or when your not busy, they'll forget and they won't really understand why they're in trouble. all they learn is that whatever they did got them what they wanted.this is where not worrying about what people think comes in to play. Many times i had to sit my child down in the store, sometimes leave the store all together, excuse ourselves from my friends and their kids at mcdonalds or a play date and go deal with them.a friends bathroom or going and putting them in thier car seat worked sometimes for me if they needed a time out or a chance to finish a fit. you can contain them there. whatever you come up with, the bottom line is, they will either learn that they are in control or that you are. I also did not hesitate to give my 3rd child a little swat on his thigh, since he couldn't feel anything on his bottom, if he was deliberately defient. and saying "NO" is being defient. i know at 1st its kinda cute, but its not something that they just outgrow, they have to get the message its not acceptable, or its not ok. some kids a firm look or talk from mom or dad works(that was my middle son), or a time out works,(about A MINUTE/YEAR) but some a quick swat and firm,"it's not ok to tell mommy"NO"is what is needed to get the message through. the other difference i found with how i dealt with my 3rd is I had different expectations of them. By this i mean, with my first, i didn't think he really could understand my expectations, my limits, my rules, whatever you want to call them. I was easily fooled by his manipulitive fits and drama.I didn't want to make him unhappy-another big mistake. i began giving my 3rd time outs at a little over a year for biting and for screaming. it was alot of repetition,all day long, another words, parenting,but you know, by the time he was 2-21/2 he knew what it was and sometimes he would do something he knew he shouldn't, and before I could get to him to talk to him about what he did, and deal with him, he would already go to the time out chair and sit down.:o) the difference was i expected to have to teach him what was ok and what wasn't, i expected him to learn,and then i expected him to obey.I am still dealing with a now 17 who learned, if i just do this????? then i'll get my way, and i really think its because of those first few years he learned that if he could just...scream, run away, hit, spit, kick, push,cry,pout he would end up getting his way. and to this day, just like his preschool years, it centered around having to do something he didn't want to do when he wanted to do it.they learn all the basics the first few years, and then fine tune what they have already learned, when he's throwing a fit, imagine him as a 5 or 10 year old doing the same thing. if you don't like that thought, then don't teach him its ok.i realized after many years that everything i do or don't do teaches my child what he can and can not do. not dealing with something is just as powerful of a lesson to them, just a negative one. So, all that to say, hang in there, keep things proactive, not reactive, keep it simple and clear,and be consistant, like they same time out chair, the 1st time everytime, use the same phrases,etc. Remember he's learning, and so are you, and you have to figure out what works for your family, and there are no perfect parents!!!!!this is the most demanding job in town, but most priveledged job to ever have! good luck!kerryOh also. a portable kitchen timer was my friend for a long time. this gives them a concrete limit they can see and hear.when it goes off, you give them a hug, make sure they know why they had to go to time out, and tell them they need to say they are sorry, then another hug, and on with your day, until thier next learning opportunity!!!:)

Hi J.,

I agree with Angie S and Jill M. I dealt with my son in much the same way. It was very effective. It's hard, but try to remember not to raise your voice. If you talk quietly, he will have to stop to listen to you or quiet down as well. Hope this helps. Best Wishes!