Teenage Son

Hi E., sounds like you have a lot on your plate!
It also sounds like both of you are trying tactics that are not working/not acceptable. Soooooooo...

More information - what are you grounding your son for?

Obviously this tactic is not working. And your son running away is a message that he thinks your consequences are unreasonable. (I can't speak to whether they are or not since you didn't include enough info)

so he, in his young and youthful stage is escalating things but still the root problem is not getting addressed.

2nd - bad language. Where is he getting this from? Do you ever use it on him? Does anyone else? If you don't, maybe someone else is and he is trying to verbalize it to you (unpleasant as it is). Regardless, it is still unacceptable. I would, if you could, plan a special trip with him and you and your husband. Plan on it as a time to get away from the house and things that trigger these bouts.

Make it special, and figure out a way to talk to him about these issues when everyone is in a good mood. If he doesn't talk to you, figure out a mentor person older adult who he might and ask him/her to intervene for you and have the conversation.

Figure out solutions you both can live with and agree to. It does take being firm. You need to stand up for your values so that he will respect them. My guess is, on his part, he does not feel respected himself so he is running away. But if you continue to let him do this, you will teach hiim that running away from his problems is a viable solution.

One book i've been reading is "How to talk so your teen will listen, how to listen so your teen will talk". It's got a lot of real-life situations and solutions.

wow, Barbara has hit the nail on the head. when i was in my rebellious teen years i threatened to run away and my mom told me that i could go ahead, and take everything i owned. which was nothing. no cloths, no shoes, no walkman (yeah cuz ipods were still years away then, i had a walkman.) i was horrified that they would let me leave with nothing. also, why don't you want to call the cops? most local police departments wont charge your son with anything, but they will make him think they will. scare him, and let him know how serious the situation is.

Hi E.,

Has your son ever had a mental exam? No offense, just a thought.
Where is your son going when he runs away? And what is he taking with him? I would go to the house he is running off to and inform them that they need to be sending his butt right back home.
And, while there is an age difference, when one of my son's were 12 and did not get his way, he threatened to run away.
We told him to go ahead but he was not taking anything with him because it all belonged to us, we bought it not him. When he asked us what we meant, we said, leave the ipod, we bought it it belongs to us, and so do your coat, jeans, shoes, shirt, etc etc etc, your body belongs to you so if you leave, that is all you are taking with you! He stared at us for a second, turned around, marched back upstairs and slammed his bedroom door, he came down 2 hours later and apologized asking if he could have the ipod back :)

This seems pretty serious to me, esp if you don't know where he is going when he leaves. Do you know where he is going when he runs away? You might want to think about calling the parents of the friend whose house he runs to. Have them turn him away... Or follow him, hunt him down, and take him back home yourself. Without anywhere else to go, he will come back home. The longer you let him walk all over you, the more of a problem you have and it will not get better on its own- it typically just gets worse. I have a lot of experience with teenagers like this. Be very firm and mean what you say, and do what you say you are going to do if he crosses the line-no exceptions. Don't be afraid or embarrassed. He is your minor child after all, and YOU are the parent, not the other way around. How else is he going to learn to be accountable for his own actions without you there to enforce that?
Good luck and I hope things get better.

Eckerd Family Youth Alternatives OR Strap some on and call the police next time. I work with special needs students and sometimes all the kids need are parents who are not afraid to piss them off. Grounding isn't working well does he have a car?-take it away-cell phone-GONE, computer-unplugged. Drive him to and from school and then don't let him leave the house. If he runs away call all his friends parents and tell them he is grounded and you will come pick him up if he shows up at their house. Google Eckerd Family Youth Alternatives- I know it seems extreme but just check it out. Good luck.

Hi E.,

Wow, this is extremely serious and you need to seek some help quickly. Dawn is right, you do not need to be embarrassed. Next time he does that please call the police and let them know what he is doing. They will start making a record of all the times that he is doing this, and then once they have a strong enough record you can do what Amy recommended and send him to Eckerd Youth camp. I had to send my stepdaughter there, and yes it is going to be very hard but it will work!! Trust me, that program is no joke and the team there will get him on the right track. My stepdaughter is an angel now thanks to that place. Also, one of the other moms recommended that you find out where he is going and get with that child's parent and tell them that they need to contact you when he comes over and stays for several days. Good luck and I'll keep your family in my prayers.