Tantrums - Culpeper,VA

I would let him know who's boss. I had the same issue and I was firm and consistant. They will try to wear you down, but stay strong. If you're not up for a battle then don't demand something from him. If you demand it, be prepared to follow through or he WILL remember the last thing he did to get his way. It will pass. I have used time out, firm voice, tap on the hand, loose a toy, leave the store, what ever worked at the time. The lesson is to not let them win. I have 3 very well behaved children who I disciplined early.

Don't give in - he is testing his limits...if his tantrums get out of control when he doesn't get his way, I would put him in time-out to calm down. Pretty soon he will realize he's not the boss.

Stay cool and dispassionate. Immediately disengage and walk away from him. Ignore the bad behavior and when the fit is over return to him and tell him in simple terms that you won't be treated that way. Help him see (again, on his own level) that his behavior is unacceptable to you and you will not help him if he behaves in that fashion. I take this a step further and whatever my boys threw a fit about got immediately embargoed for one day (initially, longer periods come as they get older). For example, if my 2yo throws a fit about his sandals instead of the shoes I'm putting on him, I let him watch me put the sandals up on top of the kitchen cabinets, I tell him that they are going to stay there for a while, so he better get used to the shoes I chose because we can't go bye-bye until he lets me put them on. Since they're his only remaining choice, he eventually capitulates and we get on with our lives. This was difficult at first and we missed many activities while waiting for him to get over his tantrums, but recently he's learned to anticipate my method and when he sees me put away whatever he's been throwing a fit about, he is much quicker to accept mommy's verdict. Don't forget to talk to him in simple terms he can understand with lots of helpful gestures. He needs those explanations in order to know what he did wrong.

Hang in there and best of luck!!

If you give in to his tantrums he will do it all the more. Children are smarter than we think sometimes. Do not reward poor behavior by giving the child what he wants. For example if the the child is screaming for his milk tell him firmly that he gets no milk until he asks for it quietly. Stick to your word! It will take time but if you are consistent the child will learn that he only gets what he wants when he is kind. Make no exceptions even if you know he is tired or hungry. Otherwise he will grow up being a nasty person. AF

You have to pick your battles, and if taking a stand, be consistant. If you pick out blue shoes and he wants black, does it really matter? If he eats potatoes with ketchup instead of gravy, does it matter?

When my kids won't get dressed, I put them in the car as is, and make them get dressed when we get there. If we only have milk and they want OJ, then they get nothing until they're ready for milk. Usually, if I put the milk back in the fridge, after a few minutes, they are asking for it.

Ex. I was taking my kids on an impromptu Santa picture visit. My 7yr old had just lost his 2 front teeth, and I was taking him to see Santa to ask for them for Christmas. I didn't get them all dressed up becuase I was taking the approach that if I did, either the line would be really long, there'd be a melt down, etc. So I asked my 7 yr old to go put on something nice, we were going to the mall. He came down in a bright orange, Dukes of Hazzard General Lee '01' hoodie. Words were exchanged about whether that was appropriate. He wouldn't budge. So I said fine, its your Christmas pic that's going out to all of the family. He said fine. We went, got the pic taken.

He is super proud of the pic. Most of the family loves it. Says that its so him. The others not so much, because of the Orange hoodie. I picked my battle. If I had argued, I'd still be sitting at the house, without any kind of pic.

M.

As much as you can, you ignore the fit/tantrum and keep a calm voice.
You can tell him he can't have milk but he can have water. Then ask would he rather have water or go to time out for throwing a fit. My kids will usually see the chance to make a decision that is theirs and feel in control by doing so and will choose water. If they continue with the tantrum I remove them and ignore them. I found they hate being ignored which is why they were throwing the tantrum to begin with.

It is easy to get upset and allow a child to bring us to our breaking point, but stay calm and remove him until he behaves appropriately.

Also remember to offer options/choices instead of flat out denying a request. Pick your battles. As long as the shoes are appropriate for the weather/terrain, let him choose his own shoes even if you don't like the choice. They have to start making choices and getting comfortable doing so. That is a part of growing up and becoming less dependent. Maybe you offer 2 shoe choices and explain his are not the best shoes to wear and that one of the other 2 pairs would be a better choice.

Teach by doing. Just ignore his behavior or pick him up and put him in another room if he acts up.

as the adult in the equation it is up to you to prioritize the situations and give him control when it's okay to do so. the 'he must listen to you at all costs' parents tend to end up with kids who don't know how to make decisions because they're never allowed to do so. time-out isn't the best choice for this sort of situation, a 19-month old is melting down from frustration and rarely at this point has the logical skills to link the cause and effect. let him pick when it's not a safety issue or something earth-shattering, and when it's important enough that he must do it your way, be calm, low-key and very very consistent. it may be necessary to put him in his room if he's flinging himself or other objects around, but when possible it's best just to go about your business ignoring the tantrum but there in his sight available to him so he doesn't feel abandoned in his confusion and loss of control. it WILL pass, but how much he learns from this phase depends on how you choose to handle it.
khairete
S.

The best thing you can do right now is be consistent. My daughter started some of that when she was that age as well. Explain to him why you cannot do a certain thing each time you cannot give him 'his way'. There were times that I had to remind myself who is really in charge here...me or her? When I would explain why (it helps with speech skills down the road also) and do the correct thing, whatever that was it would end up fine. They get over it quickly. After a while of this, he will soon stop putting up arguements with you because he knows what you say is what goes so there is no use putting up a fight. Don't give in, he may be unhappy at that moment- but he doesn't know what is best and YOU do.