T sayNeed Ways to Encourage and Uplift My Son

I know this goes beyond sports and I really can't help you much, but does he watch baseball? I've recently started and have you seen the mistakes the Rangers/Cardinals are making and they are the top two teams this year? It really puts it into perspective! I have an 11 year old that plays baseball and although he doesn't get down about a missed ball/strike out, etc there are so many parents (me included) that yell at the kids (not overly bad, but upset that they could make such a mistake :). Watching the pros make mistakes has really opened my eyes! They/We are human and all make mistakes. He does need to understand what it does to his team though, one child can affect the entire game as you stated. Good luck, but it is most likely his personality that you are just going to have to work around.

I had a daughter exactly like you describe. I had to address this problem almost daily. She was a perfectionist and I worked against it in small ways. I told her God is the only one who is perfect. The Chinese people who create the marvelous oriental rugs have a belief that only "God" is perfect and to create something that is perfect will "offend" their god. So they intentionally sew in a mistake in very rug so as not to offend. I probably told that story to my daughter a million times while she was growing up. Today she says I saved her from becoming a complete nut by working against her perfectionism. She's still a nit-picker, but accepts her limitations graciously. What you don't want is for this to escalate into OCD behavior.

One of my Son's is very much like this. If you can afford to get him some (Excellent!!) counseling, Jill H. Nichols, Ph.D has been a incredible for him & our family. She is in Dallas & you can contact her @: ###-###-####. Jill is warm, dependable, & will not "string you along" for longer than you need to go. I wish we had known abt Jill when our son was younger; Perfectionism is tough to deal with, & the sooner you really deal with this issue, the better. A saying in our house is: Strive for Excellence, Not Perfection. It's a saying worth printing out & placing in several areas of the house where your Son will regularly see it. Hugs to all of you.

It is okay to talk to him, but sometimes kids get down on themselves bad so that people will tell them how great they are. They make themselves look pitaful to get attention.

Maybe that isn't what your son is doing. But just tell him that no one is perfect and then change the subject. Give him lots of attention for other stuff that he doesn't get upset about.

He sounds like a "blue" personality... they're perfectionists. They're super self-critical and become critical of others. They're also typically very loyal and loving.

Check out the book "The People Code." I think it will help you understand him and his motivation. If you can help him understand his own behavior, he'll be able to cope much better.

Seriously, this book and way of understanding myself and others changed.my.life.

You may have him look up things like who has the best batting average in MLB and stuff like that. It will show him that "perfection" is not all that it's cracked up to be. Another thing is to maybe look at some of Einstein's life. He sounds like a pretty smart boy and this maybe will show him that imperfection is the road to innovation.

I'm reading this great book called "Raising Happiness" by Christine Carter. It's all about how to raise happy kids and parents. One of the chapters is about fixed vs growth mindset. Kids who develop fiixed mindsets about themselves and their abilities see any failures (big or small) as proof of that they themselves are failures. Kids who have growth mindsets see failures as opportunities to learn and improve through hard work. The awesome thing is that we as parents can shape their thinking to be more growth vs. fixed (it has to do witht he kind of praise and encouragement we give them, among other things). She also has some other great advice throughout, all based on scientific research on kids. And it's a really happy, positive book. Thought it might give you some good ideas! :) Blessings.

Well, my son is very much the same but he is not into any sports and has a medical condition that he lately has used as an excuse. For us lately, this is affecting his graes. And of course we talk to him about that and he gets upset and puts himself down. He has been this way for a long time though. I had taken him to counseling for a few weeks and the therapist thought it had more to do with maturity than anything else. He used to hit himself and stopped but sometimes calls himself stupid or takes a criticism very personally rather than as a way to change something. We try to encourage him as much as possible, not point out every mistake he makes as we have found he takes this to the extreme ,and remind him that he can do things but does not have to be perfect. I also try not to say that if he did something this way he would be better to make it seem my way is better. My husband is not so good at that one.