How do you get your husband to accept help with yardwork and who do you ask? My husband recently had a minor accident with the chainsaw and won't be able to do any yardwork for probably another 3 to 4 weeks (it was very minor considering what it could have been like). Meanwhile our yard is overgrown, shrubs need trimmed, some limbs still need to be hauled away, and the gardens need to be tilled and covered as we didn't plant this year. I have 4 children and can get very little accomplished outside during the day and when he is home he will accept very little outside help from me (with the exception of flowerbed weeding, spraying etc). He's a guy that has a certain way he likes things done and wants to provide a nice place for his family but insists on doing it himself. As is though, we are so far behind that when he is feeling better it's going to take so much work on his part to catch up we won't have a summer left to enjoy together. He just absolutely won't accept help, especially paid help. I don't know what to do. He is very forgiving so maybe I should just hire out and then say sorry. I hate to do that though. Any suggestions? Thanks so much! Did I mention he is super picky about how things are done? He would want whoever does it to do it a certain way and this makes him feel guilty if a friend or family member offers and he has to ask them to do it a certain way.
Thank you all for your suggestions. I know what needs to be done and have some great ideas on how to approach the situation now. I've asked him in the past about hiring out or gifting it to him for father's day and he absolutely refused. He said it is kind of like how I don't like other people helping me with the laundry. Touche. Anyway, I've decided that getting someone to babysit while I help him with the stuff that I am able to and having him tell me how to do what he can't do right now and letting go of the rest is going to be the best solution for us. Thanks again!!
We all sympathize with you! I would hire a landscaping service to do it all nice once so it's easier to him to maintain later, or maybe he'll realize how nice it is not to have to do it and have them come back!
My old boss did something similar once, he tried doing his deck himself but gave up halfway through, saw how much quicker and better it got done by someone else and never tried anything too hard again by himself!
You say that your husband doesn't want to pay for help, but what about if you found someone that needs some help financially (today there are lots of people) maybe a family or some teenagers, that you could hire to "help out" but they would be helping you out as well. Then they wouldn't just be friends over to help you out, you would actually be paying them and so your husband could then feel better about telling them to do exactly what he wants. And you could maybe hire a babysitter while you help as well. And your 8 and even 5 year old could help do some of the work. I hope you get it figured out!
Our church has a group that does that sort of thing when people are ill or unable to do it themselves - does yours? We also have members that own or work at garden nurseys- they are helpful, too. Good luck!
maybe you could have someone babysit the youngest 2 and have the older ones help you a little in the yard. especially the 8 year old. you might now get everything done but im sure it would help a little.
Hon, if you value your husband's feelings, just let it go. The yard can stay over-grown. He wants to do it himself, and I, personally, can relate to that. Plus, it's a little bit of a pride thing. He's a guy and he's hurt. They hate that. They're supposed to be the big strong protectors and do the tough physical labor stuff. It probably really bothers him that he can't right now.
The other option you have is to hire a sitter and do it yourself when he's at work. I mean, if it's totally driving you nuts and you have to do something. When he finds out that it was YOU, he may not complain at all. He might think it was really sweet. But you have to tell him that you did it for HIM.
Be glad this is the least of your problems. It sounds like you have a great hubby and family.
Take care!
I got a "gift" of yard service for my husband. He was a little grumbly about it at first because it tweaked at his pride a little bit, but I played it all wide eyed and excited over getting him something special. He didn't want to hurt my feelings so he "graciously" accepted the gift. It actually turned out that he really liked the service.
Hi S.,
I was going to suggest what Karen did--present a landscaping service for a day as a gift(no pun intended).
I'd get him a card, some balloons, and either that morning, or evening, make him a special meal.
I'd say something like: "you work so hard and make the yard look so nice. I wanted you to not have to worry about it, to be able to focus on getting well, so I called so and so to come out for you just this once. This way, it won't get away from you while you're getting better, and will be easier for you to tackle when you're able." Something along those lines.
Someone getting so thoughtful a gift would be hard pressed to get angry about it, even if it's not done to their standards.
I'm the same way when it comes to housecleaning. I like things done a certain way, but if my hubs called a housecleaning service to do it for me just one time even, I'd be so grateful for the help(and I'm not recuperating lol)!
Maybe when your hubs *is* better and back to doing the yard himself, you could go out with him and ask him to show you how he does things, and why he likes them a certain way so you can understand. If you want to help him in the future.
Best of luck to you both, and I hope your hubs gets better soon!
K. W
I have a friend whose hubby was recently laid up with a knee injury and faced the exact same problem with their backyard. So, they had a Garden Party!!! They sent out evites and invites to come over for a yummy breakfast and told everyone to bring a couple garden tools. Kids were welcome to come "help" too! They provided cold drinks throughout the morning and fun music and snacks. I guess folks had a great time, their yard was all cleaned up when they were done! I thought it was a fabulous idea! Oh, and her injured hubby gave cheerful orders from his "captains" chair :)
I can understand how he feels. I wouldn't go behind his back. I assume you've talked with him about your feelings? I'd just express your concern about having time to enjoy summer together, and maybe you can come up with some ideas together. And maybe just accept that things will be overgrown for a while!
You should know how he likes the looks of the yard as im sure you have been together for sometime. So, hire somebody and just say "Honey you have been working so hard I wanted to help you out but, since i have SOO many kids i wanted to do it professionaly and make you REAL HAPPY"
Make it on a sunday so he can have saturday by himself. Dont let him know though till they almost show up. He will be grumpy until they get there but when they get there he will change his mode. He will thank you in the end. I would call it a happy belated fathers day gift. Good Luck and have a great weekend
This may seem underhanded but, You could go to a professional landscape company and hire them in cash to do the work when you know he won't be there. Have them leave a handwriiten (THEIR handwritten as he would recognize yours or a family members) note saying his hard working efforts have been noticed, and that this "Guardian Angel" wanted to repay the kindness once showed to them. Be sure that the company knows they are to only say that they have no record of who paid them, just that is was a cash sale, and no remembers whether it was a female or male (as it is their busy season!). He'll gripe for a while but you can tell him that someone must think he hung the moon and stars to go to that length to do something nice for him. And of course you can only agree!
Could you maybe contact a boy scout troop in your area and see if they can offer some help? I know they get credit for helping people in their community, and for doing things outside. Maybe you could get them to come spend a day doing some of the little things... clean up, weeding, etc. that won't matter so much to your husband.
There are two ways you could do it... suprise him, by having it done without him knowing, while he is gone. Or, explain that some things need to be done and that it would be helping out the troop by allowing them to come help... and ask him to please help direct what needs to be done. This way, it would be done as close to "his way" as possible.
S.,
Do you have any teenage neighbors looking for some pocket money? That may be the way to go, have your husband supervise so that things are done the way he wants, and you get the help needed.
Or just say to your hubby, "honey, our yard is out of control and we need help getting it back under control while you are convalescing". Then make absolutely sure that whoever helps out knows that your hubby is *particular* about how things are done.
Another thought, have someone babysit for an hour or two everyday while you and hubby work together. If he doesn't like it, tell him to stow it, that he *needs* the help.
Hope this helps,
Melissa
Ask him if he is willing to hire out and supervise the work.
Then call around and ask the companies and them them you have a slightly over grown yard and a picky husband that wants to supervise.
I've read some of these responses that say do it as a gift or present it done. Don't do that. He is picky. A man like that will be mad for a long time and every time he looks at the job he will get mad again.
