Strongest Willed Child on the Planet!

Set the child down and have a good strong talk with her. If she's excited about going to kindergarten then she should be excited about being a big girl and using the potty like all the other kids. This is what I had to do with my one son. Can't go to school if he can't learn to use the toilet. Worked for me.

And I suggest sticking to it until the kid gets so bored staying at home that she'll get the idea. Meanwhile be prepared to homeschool. And if she insists on acting like a baby and wear diapers, she should be treated accordingly. She'll get tired of taking naps with "I'm too big to take naps". Give her a bottle and not a sippy cup or glass, because she's a baby. Sometimes it takes embarassing them into growing up.

My first daughter was that way too, something about the poop going into the potty scared her or something and I tried everything too, finally I went and got those liquid suppositories from fleet (they have to be the liquid ones) and I put one up her and then stuck her on the toliet, she cried hysterically for about 30 mins cause she immediately had to poop and it took all she had to try not too, after 30 mins it came whether she liked it or not, after that she always went on the toliet and never had an accident again

R., my sister in law is having the exact same issue with her son. It is none of my business, but, I am sure that she would also love to hear any suggestions that people might have. would you mind letting me know if you get any good ideas?

my daughter did this - we told her that "they stopped making diapers that big so she didnt have any more." then we said she could still poop in her baby brothers diaper but since it didnt fit her we could lay it across her potty. we convinced her that this was still pooping in a diaper but once she did it - we made such a huge deal about it that next time she agreed to try it without the diaper. voila. never asked for another diaper.

This doesn't sound like a stubborn child to me. This sounds like a child who is having a real fear of having a BM in the toilet. First off, if she doesn't have it she has to go to the Dr's to have it removed etc. That's scary. She's probably hoping that by holding it it will just go away. Instead of upping the ante on the power struggle, I'd encourage mom to back way off. Explaining that big girls use the potty and go to kindergarten. Maybe lots of reassurance and hand holding when she is using the bathroom. Some things that really help are consistency with using the bathroom. Have the little girl sit on the toilet for 10 minutes or so after breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Also, increasing the fiber (roughage) in her diet will cause softer BMs which as much easier and less painful to pass. IF all else fails, it might be time to see someone who specializes in this. HTH

Tell your neighbor that she is not alone. What her daughter is doing has a medical name. It is called primary nonretentive encopresis or stool toileting refusal. About 1 to 3% of children have it, including my son. His is different then your neighbors but I still want to tear my hair out.

The recommended help is to make sure she doesn't get constipated (the lax will do that) and make her sit on the potty about 20 min. after meals for around 5 min. (or more). Give her a reward to sit there and another one if she goes poop. This website has a case study that sounds JUST LIKE your neighbor... http://www.aafp.org/afp/990415ap/2171.html -- it has the complete steps.

My son should be starting Kindergarten this year also, he turned 5 this month, but will not be able to because of his accidents. We will be homeschooling him until we figure out a solution, medical or other wise. GOD bless and I hope that helps.

hello R.
being a mother of 5 head strong girls i can feel her pain first i i would ask when she potty in the pamper who clean her up? if it the mom i would say that she should be wipeing up her own bottom . when she goes in the pamper other then that there not to much you can do when a little girl make her mind on something they are hard headed

Oh my gosh, this sounds just like my son. He was 5 1/2 years old before we finally broke him of the diaper for going #2...any many thanks to this site since I inquired about it here as well.

The solution...take the diaper away completely! Use up the last one and don't argue with her about going poo in the diapers until they are completely gone...just let her go and be happy. Then annouce that this is the last diaper and that tomorrow she will have to use the potty since you are all out.

Our son did the same thing...didn't go for 4-5 days at a time and on the 5th day we would give him "Fleet" and sit him on the potty and he had no choice because it was coming whether he was ready or not. But he would dance around here on his tippy toes saying his belly hurt for 2 days because he refused to give in to sitting on the potty.

After 2 "Fleet's" he wanted nothing to do with that again and the next time he had to go he crawled on the potty himself and we have been good to go ever since.

Good Luck.

We have a little girl who will be 5 in Nov having the exact same issues. Unfortunatley it is the 1 thing nobody but herself can control. She 1st of all needs to get rid of the diapers and pullups if she is using them. It's a mess but it has to be done. We have been working with one of our daycare girls for over 2 1/2 years on this and she just kept going in her underwear. Finally we came up with putting dresses on her with no underwear. (Long dresses of course so nobody knew) It worked! Sher hasn't had any accidents in over 2 weeks.

**We tried everything prior - rewards, treats, special trips, a few over the counter prescribed meds from the doc and ect. The meds actually made her worse. Even with them she would continue to hold it and then it caused major infections. The doc even said to leave her with the dirty pants on and the girl never cared. She would sit all day at home in it until finally the parents couldn't stand it any longer and would change her.

Try to have her around a bunch of kids this summer, all ages. She will see that kids her age go potty and babies wear diapers. Maybe enlist some slightly older cousin to help show her how cool it is to go potty by yourself? I would say absolutly no way would I buy diapers for my almost 5 yr old! If she holds it, just give her lots of prune juice and fiber. A balanced diet shouldn't really allow her to hold it. Let her pick out a special toy and tell her it will be her reward as soon as she learns to poop on the potty!

This little one is old enough to understand natural and logical consequences. No pooping on the potty=no school or no pool etc. It could be an emotional issue that Mom needs to address with a therapist. Is there any chance she has been abused in any way, possibly by a playmate?

Probably not what she wants to hear. But let her wear diapers. My son was hard to potty train (at 3 going on 4). My pediatrician gave me the best advice ever...he said. Ignore him. Let him wear diapers. You can't make him poop on the potty.

And you know... he was right. I couldn't. After a few months of ignorning him...he went on the potty.

I don't know that I have the best advice for you but this is what I would do. I first off would STOP buying diapers for her to poop in. I would make her wear undies and if she poops in them, then she poops in them. The other kids at school are not going to want to sit by her or play with her if she smells like poop. Its one thing to not be a good wiper, as most kids kindergarten age are not, but its another to cater to her and allow her to poop in a diaper. I would pack her a few extra outfits for school and a package of wipes and if she poops her pants then make her fully responsible for cleaning herself up. This should be the same at home, if she poops her pants at home then hand her the wipes and tell her she needs to clean herself up and wash her own undies out. Feed her lots of food to make her regular. You cannot hold it if you REALLY got to go. Once she is comfortable going on the toliet it should be a breeze. But spend all summer prepping her for this, Again just my two cents but STOP buying the diapers. If she continues to hold it, then let her, its the one thing she has control over and once she figures out the conquence to not going [ painful belly ache, suppositories, dr visits] she may be more relaxed into going.

My Mother had a similar problem with me when I was about 3 1/2. She put me in cloth diapers and made me clean up the mess I made after I went in them. Cleaning up myself, dumping the waste into the toilet, and then rinsing out the diaper to get it ready for the wash. I still remember the shock I felt when she expected ME to clean up that yucky mess. Mom says it only took about 3 times befor I decided it would just be easier to use the potty. Good luck to your friend!

Poor little thing seems stopped in the anal stage of development (According to Freud)... The more mom exerts control over this child by pushing-demanding-punishing, etc., the worse this little girl will get. Children often develop this issue as a way to gain control over their environments. At their age, everything/everyone is controlled around them and when they feel as though there is nothing they get to decide for themselves, they decide to "control" the one thing that they can....their bodies.

Mom needs to lighten up - find out what is at the root of this little girls problem - i.e., why she feels so out of control - and fix it together...stop cramming "solutions" down her throat.

She can address it with the child in a way that respects her child's ability to choose what happens to her body and acknowledges that her daughter is ultimately the one that gets to say what happens with her body. She can start by saying.... "...we seem to hit a roadblock here...and it has gotten out of control on BOTH sides... I don't mean to keep pushing you and punishing you - I am worried for your health as all mommies are.... Can we talk about this??" And then LISTEN to what her little girl tells her. I mean really listen!!!!

If that doesn't work...I remember watching a particular mystery diagnosis in which the child had a problem pooping - holding, but this child "couldn't" do it - not didn't want to....

Good luck
Sandi

Has your friend taken her in for check up to doctor?
I am STILL Having this issue with my 6 year old. he is going into 1st grade! I have NO idea..We took him to the chripractor (Spelling) that didn't work - took him to a gastrologist - i need a new on that guy was a jerk. So far what we have done - he is wearing pullups and when he messes them HE Cleans himself up! He hated it at first - and still does - but he does it! Anyway - i am reading your suggestions from people on here and hopefully they will help me too! :) Let us know if it is solved!

You may have to do a really big reward. What is something that she is really into? I had a similar problem with my son. He was trained with peeing on the potty but would not poop. After lots of bribes we told him we would take him to Sesame Place in Penn. He was totally into Sesame Street. The very next day he started to go on the potty and it's been great since. Good luck!

At this point it is called "potty training resistence" and it is especially important not to force the potty when a child is showing that they are holding back BMs and becoming constipated.

Here is a link about potty traiing resistence that is used at U of M and other offices : http://www.cdl.unc.edu/link/toilettraining2.htm

Also, at U of M, there is a Nurse Practitioner who runs a toileting clinic. Her name is Judith A. Coucouvanis. This is for children with special needs, or who are resistence to potty training. Your friend might try calling for an appointment.

I say the following statement only because she's been to the doctors and have confirmed this is not a medical condition;

Throw out the diapers. Warn her that she has only one left and that mommy and daddy cannot buy anymore. Let her use that last one and then tell her again, "that was your last diaper". Simply do NOT buy anymore. She will most likely cry and scream the next time she has to go. But she will eventually have no choice but to let it out without a diaper. She'll get it, but it will take some tough love. They must not give in. They have the power - they just need to realize it.

Best of luck,
J.

Hi,

My son did the same thing. I give him a small amount of Myralax every day. To get him to poop on the potty I did this:

Supository. Put it in, wait 10 minutes, Sit her on the toilet. I would do that every couple of days over the summer. It teaches her that it is possible to go on the toilet. We did that for a couple of months and now he's trained. It takes a strong willed mom and LOTS of patience. By the way, my son didn't become completely potty trained until he was almost 6 and we've been to the ER at least twice for enemas because he was so impacted.

That's what worked for us. Its just an idea! Good luck to your friend!

Hi R.,

I had the same problem with my daughter. She just wouldn't poop in the pot. I finally told her one day that she had a cut off line. That when she turned 4 that was it no more diapers for her. I told her this for about 2-3 months, everytime she asked for a diaper I would say, no more when you turn 4, you will have to hold it or poop in your underware and sit in it. One day about a week before she turned 4 she went into the bathroom and pooped all by herself. She never said anything until she was all done. That was the end of it we never had a problem until now. She will not learn her ABC's!! But that's another story. Good luck, she'll get it, she doesn't have to start school this year, she can wait another year.

There is no magic potion. This is something that she can control. Throw away the diapers. Let her pick some cute undies. Be patient, but be consistent. Keeping her out of the pool or away from her friends is going in the right direction. You just have to out wait her. My only suggestion is to post/buy something she wants to have or somewhere she wants to go and have her earn a sticker each time she goes in the potty. It should be calculated that it takes her approximately a month or so to earn (30 stickers). If she starts going daily to earn the reward, I think that in two weeks she may be over her fear. Has anyone ever asked her what scares her about the potty? You may be surprised about her answer. Perhaps she needs a smaller toilet seat on the big potty. Tell your neighbor to keep being diligent.

If she is not wearing pull-ups or diapers all day then I would just let it go. My brother-in-law would not poop in public which included school until he was an adult. He would either hold it or my MIL would pick him up and take him home and then bring him back to school when he was finished.

I am a mom of a 14 month old and I am a chiropractor. It sounds to me like this is not just a strong will for this little girl,but as though her body is holding her prisoner and she can't do anything about it. If she was my daughter I would begin changing her diet to foods low in presevatives and high in enzymes.(Basically lots of fruits and veggies minus bananas) I realize she is at an age where that might be easier said then done. I would also take her into a chiropractor that specializes in pediatrics. That is important when looking for one. There is something called a Meric chart and it is a very basic layout of our organs and the nerves that help that organ do its job. From your description she could need to be looked at to help those organs work properly again. Especially if this child has had any significant falls or injuries.More info go to ICPAkids.org. Good luck and I know this will help.