Son Wants Friends ALL the TIME

Hi,

This is just for the bad mom part. I have a 3 yr. old son that will say "I don't like you, you're mean" when he doesn't get his way. I just calmly reply with "That's too bad because mommy loves you". It usually works, because he's waiting for the way another 3 yr. old would respond. He's even said, "No, say I don't like you Everett" and I tell him I can't say that because I love him. By then he's usually moved on from what he was mad about.

I agree with some of the other posters about finding a hobby or activity he can do alone. Or do something with just him for a few minutes. Read a story and play a song and dance.

He's probably doing this because he hasn't learned how to entertain or to self-soothe himself yet. Sounds like over the summer, you kept a pretty fast-paced schedule and he didn't have to work very hard to find someone to play with or something to do.

With that said, I think now's the time to show him how to be alone sometimes and find constructive activities to occupy himself. I'd recommend providing him some quiet activities like reading, or hobbies like trains, simple machines or sometype of craft like paper airplane making, where he will learn to be responsible for his own happiness and enjoyment. He might find he enjoys time away from others if he has something to look forward to that he enjoys doing.

Lastly, I think it's really important to tell him that as he gets older he can not expect to be entertained by others and at his whim. Explain to him that as he gets further along in school, he will need to learn how to do assignments on his own, read on his own, etc. and so will his friends. Stress there is a time for play and a time for other equally important activities.

In the end, if you start gearing him this way now, he'll be better for it. He's not too young for this either.

If you're looking for places to start looking for hobbies and interests to develop in your son, I'd recommend taking him to the library and start with some books or videos and go from there. You can also get free passes to museums at the library to some great places like the firefighter's museum, and I'm not sure if they still have them, but also Science museum passes. He might really get into astronomy and star gazing with his own telescope, or bugs with his own microscope. In St. Paul there is a train museum and many clubs for kids into train collecting and sets. There are also chess clubs..even for toddlers as young as 4 and Lego leagues too (they meet only a few times a month.. the rest of the time your kid can work on his skill at home for the next meeting where he can show off). There are also tons of age appropriate things on the market for kids his age too to help develop interests and hobbies.

One of my favorite sites is www.fatbraintoys.com. You'll be amazed at what's out there to keep active kids busy but learning along the way.

I hope this helps.

N

Well I have a similar problem so I will be interested to see the advice people give. I have a daughter(just turned 5), and she does the exact same thing in asking to be with and have friends over 24/7. She doesn't make any rude or hurtful comments though(I can NOT even imagine having that problem), she just whines. I know I did it to myself because we used to be foster parents and ever since she was born we had a house full of kids but are no longer doing foster care now. Plus, since we waited so long to have a #2 child(just this past Jan. when my husband was finally ready) I always felt bad for her being loney with me being a SAHM so I would let her have friends over constantly and previous foster children would come over also and play with her. Now with her and a baby, I don't want her friends over constantly, she does just this year go to Pre-K 3 days a week for a couple hours and at least one day of the week she has a friend over all day, sometimes, 2 days of the week...but it is the other days she is whining. My advice and what I might try is finding something to distract your child. Find something creative that the child might have an interest in, I hate to say it, but maybe video games? or put in a movie or complete some kind of fun activity book(maybe even together) and start it BEFORE the behavior begins so he doesn't think he is getting to do those things as a reward for behaving badly. I know you probably have the same problem that I do in that you are probably busy with the 1 yr. old... :( Also, maybe show him a calendar and mark the days he will be seeing friends and the days it will just be family time/days...so he knows what to look forward to...sometimes if children know what to expect, it changes their behavior. hope this helps...I am going to try it myself now!

I don't have any complicated advice about this. Don't let him get you with his comments of "bad mom" - you know you aren't - and don't show you're angry or hurt about it. If he knows it bugs you, goodness, he's going to do it all the more! He's got you where he wants you, and he's in control!

Explain once why it won't work to see his friends that day. Agree that it's hard to change routines, and you like to see friends too. Then start your discipline routine for anything further. I would highly recommend 1-2-3 Magic, if you haven't read it.

If you want him to have more friend time, maybe consider having a family over for supper - you can still see hubby, you have social interaction, and he does too. Or look for other options.

Good luck!