Son's 1St Birthday Party, but I Don't Want My Dad's Wife There

Girlfriend everyone has an idiot in their family. You should just let her and your dad know that the party is for your son and that if she has any respect for your son, then she will act appropriately. Let her know that if she can't say anything nice, then she shouldn't say anything at all. If she is pissed, then so be it, she can stay her tail at home and be pissy. Don't let her come and ruin a good time for your son and the rest of the family, and make sure that she knows that you won't stand for it either. You just have to put your foot down. You should not have to be stressed over how an adult will act at a child's party, sister. Your dad should attend regardless. You would think that she loved your dad and respected him enough not to act a fool at his Grandson's 1st birthday party, and let her know that as well. Good luck, but be aggressive in what you will and will not tolerate, and make no bones about it.

I agree with Tracie about a non-family party. This past year I quit inviting all family--unless they are the same aged cousins as my kid having the party. Everyone gets along just fine (my family and in-laws) but it seems like it turns into a big competition to see who gets to be "in the middle" of the party between my parents and my hubby's parents. They all live in another town anyway so now they just make a special trip to see my kids for their b-day (at different times of course) and no one has to deal with any of it ---especially me!! Good luck!

Make sure there is lots of alcohol at the party! Make some jello shots and take a few for yourself before anyone gets there. When she shows up, because she will (you can't just invite your dad and tell her to f off), say hello, clench your teeth, then forget that she's even there. Let everyone else deal with her on their own - obviously, as long as they're married, you are going to be punished every birthday and holiday, thanks to having a kid! Trust me, I know how it feels

I would just tell your dad that his wife isn't welcome. I'd explain to him that with so many other family members uncomfortable with her, it would ruin the party to have such tension. And until things clear up (hopefully it will get better), you just can't have them all in the same room. If he says he won't come, then his loss. Maybe if that's the case, you can have a little birthday lunch with your dad and his wife somewhere else if he wants to celebrate it. The party is really for your SON, not for her anyways. Good luck.
I have a similar problem with my husband's stepmother not getting along with any of my family. I just had to talk to her and his dad and explain that we would really love to have everyone together, but it has to be civil and not uncomfortable. We are still working on it, but I think it's slowly getting better.
:)S.

I don't think you can do it.

I would have a party with friends and not invite your family, any of them.

Then, I'd have a family bbq or something outside in a park (where it would be easy to dispose of her body if you had to take care of her!).

At least then you'd just be irritated around family and not around friends.

Or you could start a tradition... "birthday is for kids only, no family or adults... family members are to feel free to visit and bring a gift another day... reservations suggested".

Good luck.... maybe he'll marry again sooner rather than later.

I think you'll probably need to sit down and talk to your dad alone, without your step-mother there. If she sounded like a reasonable person, I would suggest including her, but I think if you talk to her directly about this, it'll turn into a fight - at least on her end. Anyway, you'll probably need to just tell him flat out. Hopefully he'll understand! You have the right to invite who you want to your son's party and who not to invite. It doesn't mean he'll be happy about it, but you and your son both deserve to have peace and fun during a party. I hope it goes well. I have a mother-in-law who is very difficult to get along with sometimes. She says the tackiest and rudest things and I've had to choose to not include her in things or decisions we are making unless I'm in the mood for a reaction from her. Your step-mother sounds worse...and I didn't think it was possible! Good luck. I would just tell your dad flat out. Be caring, of course, but make it very clear.

Every village has it's idiot, right?? ;-)

I don't think you can invite your dad and not his wife. However, do have a very honest talk with him about his wife. If she can't attend and behave herself then he shouldn't bring her. I do think you should prepare yourself if he chooses not to attend because she isn't welcome. All that said, I do agree with the others--this day is about your SON, not anyone else. If someone can't respect that then they should stay home. Good luck!

hmmmm.....sounds like she's my ex-husband's step-mom! That woman is just absolutely HATEFUL!!

Honestly, if you want the entire family there, you are just going to have to state the obvious to your dad. That because his wife can not and will not behave at family getherings, she is not welcome to spoil your son's birthdays. Period.

If he says that he will not come unless she is invited, then tell him that YOU are protecting YOUR SON (and the other children), and that you're sorry that he won't protect his grandchildren. If need be, you may have to seek the advice of an attorney for a protective order if you feel like she is a danger.

Plan your son's birthday, but be prepared for your dad's absence. Your son will be too enthralled with all the other people around, and won't notice who isn't there.

I would be up front with your Dad. Say "I would really love for you to be there but "Helen" is really not welcome. I feel that many people would be unable to enjoy themselves in her presence"
If he says he won't come with out her, just tell him "I'm sorry you feel that way. You will be missed." - and let it go at that.

If you haven't already, I would have a serious sit down (calm) talk with him about your feelings towards his wife.
I'm not trying to say you should cut her out of the picture, but the person you described would most likely be unable to have a calm sit down talk.

Good Luck!! Let us know!

I would have a conversation directly with her. Were all adults, why cant you just say that its your sons birthday and you would love for your father to attend but you would like it if she made other plans for the day. Let her know that you want to enjoy the special day and not feel the stress of everyone not getting along. Then maybe in the future you and her could go to lunch and have a hear to heart as to why all the hatefulness. I used to be very shy about speaking up but then I realized that you can be nice about it and it is less hurtful then everyone gossiping about it. Good luck sometimes families can be emotionally draining. Remember you cant please everyone.

Here is my two cents and you may not like it, but it is just my honest opinion. I have a certifiable MIL that I would LOVE to completely rid of from my life, but I know that it would damage my relationship with my husband. I think that you absolutely can ask your father for obvious reasons to not bring his wife to the party, BUT you must then be OK if his decision is to not come himself. I can honestly tell you that when my husband and I first met, his family was having a reunion and his mother did not approve of our living situation (we lived together prior to marrying) and so she informed my husband that I was not family and was not invited to the reunion. It was my birthday weekend and I had JUST moved to Georgia one month earlier to be with my husband and I didn't really know anyone there yet. My husband respectfully told his mother that if I wasn't invited that he would not be attending. I felt terrible and told him that he should go, but he stood firm by me. I do not blame you for not wanting her there to stir up trouble, but just be prepared for him to stand by his wife. Good luck and I hope that things work out the way you hope for.

J.,

Here is what I would do and believe me I have had to do this a few times with my family....I would tell everyone involved THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU THIS IS ABOUT MY SON'S BIRTHDAY LEAVE THE DRAMA AT THE DANG DOOR. IF YOU CANT THEN DONT COME. Dont get me wrong I understand that your step mom is an evil one...I have had one and THANK GOD SHE IS NO LONGER AROUND AND I HAVE A NEW ONE WHO IS WONDERFUL, but I would tell your dad you love him and you want him there but his wife is welcome to come if she can keep her mouth shut. Tell him the first time she opens her mouth in a negative way she will be escorted to the door. They all need to realize this is your son's birthday not theirs and its not Burger King they cant have it their way. You cant control what people do or say but you can control if it happens in your house. Tell your dad if he has any respect for you or your child he will make sure his wife does not start any thing. Make sure that he does understand you love him but its not a day about him nor her. Good luck. Oh and by the way all of this will keep happenin till you stop it happening around you. Dont let anyone's feelings come before you or your childs. I spent to many years of my life trying to please my family and 4 years ago I figured out oh wait its not working and when I put a stop to them brining the drama to me my life is much more peaceful. GOOD LUCK

PRINCESS