Sleep and the "Terrible Twos"

My sister had trouble with her oldest when he was 3 or 4 and she found a solution that worked in the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" - I think the advice is developmentally appropriate based on the age of the child. I'm reading the book now. Good luck!

I highly recommend Elizabeth Pantley's book "The No Cry Sleep Solution", it's great, and also since you are pregnant (congrats!)for the most up-to-date info about infant sleep, there's James McKenna's research website - http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/

Hi L.,

I am a mother of four. My kids stopped napping at one year,otherwise they were up until midnight and rising at their normal 5:30 to 6 AM. Unfortunately you might not be ready for the no nap thing but she is apparently. My kids would go to bed around 7pm and sleep to their normal time. You can have quiet time in the evening rather than your break in the day.
THis transition will work itself out in about a week. I found that toward the end of the week though they wanted a snooze though and my kids would get to go play in a cool bathtub to wake them up. You might give it a try. I hope it works. My kids were all very close. I had mine with in a 5 and 1/2 year span. It does get easier. I promise.

Hi L.!

Yes, it's usually the age where all the screaming begins. There are MANY things that a mom should be prepared for during this "stage" :o) Patience is a must, picking your battles, and consistency is a very key part.

Truly though, it sounds like you have been blessed with a perfect little sleeper for the first 21 months :o) She's just now more aware of what she's able to do.....get you to soothe her. And really....what's so wrong with that :o)

She may just be ready for a new bed routine. Something with books and snuggles, then sleep.

I'll be honest.....I took the "easy way out" at this age :o) I did errands every morning around 10am. By the time we were headed home, it was between 12-12:30 and my son would usually fall asleep for a short nap, and I would carry him in and put him to bed :o) We rocked together for a bedtime routine, so that's another story :o)

But, honestly, it wasn't too long after this (before 3) that he was ready for "no naps". We would lay down and rest (together), and he would only fall asleep every 3 days or so. This was his routine all the way through Kindergarten!

Anyway, all kids are different. It sounds like your daughter simply needs her mommy, and needs a slight adjustment in a sleeping routine that comforts her :o)

I'm sure you know exactly what to do :o)

:o) N.

Hi L.,
my name is E. and i am going through something very similar to you i have a 24 month old boy and i'm pregnant with another baby (4 months) since i got pregnant my son has been acting up alot. what i do is just let him cry i just tell him "it is going to be ok and there is no reason to be upset" then he cryes for a little bit when he is done he comes to me gives me a kiss and that's all but the more attention that you put on them then they make it more than what it really should be. i hope this can help you out.

Hi L.,

My oldest daughter quit taking naps at the age of 1. It was like all of a sudden it just did not happen. I could sit for hours rocking her and singing to her and it just did not work. At night she had to be in bed by a certain time or she would stay up until she literally fell over. I would put on a Disney movie and wait behind her to catch her when she fell asleep, and then carry her to bed. However, if I had her in bed on time, which was most of the time, she stayed in bed and fell asleep with no problem. My third daughter however, is a whole other story. She only slept in short bursts and then wanted to be up playing. Even when I was pregnant. My brother in law was like this and my MIL had to recruit help so that she could get sleep. I just suffered through it though as I did not have as much support around at the time. She is now 13 and can entertain herself when she wakes up, usually by reading. All of my other kids slept fine, never any problems and in fact had one that took naps until she went to first grade.
As for the tantrums, I have found time outs work best. I explain to my kids that their time out will not start until they are quiet. Yes, they do understand at this age. My nephew was over the other day and I put him in time out, he is 2. He was throwing a tantrum and hitting and kicking his Mom. Poor Mom just doesn't know how to deal with it. I took over and put him in time out, he listened to what I was saying and he calmed down. I told him that he needed to be nice to Mommy and not hit or kick or he would be back in time out. It took three trips to the corner, but he finally calmed down completely and quit throwing his tantrum. I did the same thing with my other nephew when he was little and he is now almost 10 and he is very respectful in my home. I also do a lot of baby sitting for friends, the kids love coming to my house. I am firm but kind and they know the rules and respect them. Kids need and believe it or not, want these guidelines. Good luck and god bless.

D.

Hi L.,
Sleep problems can be very frustrating - especially when you're expecting #2. The book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child has been great resource for me. It's nice the author splits up the sections so you can either read the book or just flip to the sections that apply to you. Another book that's helped me a lot is Your Two Year old (http://www.amazon.com/Your-Two-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames...
This book was written in the late 1970s, I think. But the information still applies. Whenever I'm frustrated with what's going on with my kids at a certain age, I go to these books (they have them for ages 1-5 I think). It helps give me a glimpse into my kid's mind and gives me ideas of how to change my approach to problems so that we're not battling each other as much.
HTH

Hi there,

Have you thought that maybe she is teething? Whenever my daughter starts really acting out I check her back teeth and sure enough, she has large molars coming in. I give her some pain reliever (tylenol) and 20 minutes later she is back to her normal self. Pain can cause a change in behavior. Knowing this also makes you have more sympathy. When I know my daughter is teething I indulge her a little more than I normally would. Hope this helps.

I feel that consistancy works best. Put her to bed at the same time everyday and give her a toy or something to soothe herself with. Terrible twos are nothing more than them learning to throw tantrums to get what they want. It is this age that they stsrt to learn how to control us and since it is just a different thing we intend to give into their every whim. Don't do it or there will be terrible 3'S, 4'S, 5'S and more. It is time to show her how it is going to be and that the tantrums aren't going to work. Good Luck

I'm going throught he same thing right now with my 2 year old and I just honestly don't know. I know she is an angel at preschool but they do not tolerate tantrums and I know I do so one thing I have started is explaining once why she can't have or do something and say no then let her throw her tantrum and walk away and tell her she may join us when she stops wining. She will try to get our attention but eventually she will stop and forget about the whole thing and move on. I think that if I can be cosistant I'm hoping it will show her tantrums don't work and she'll give up on them - so we'll see. If you get any tips on how to put her to sleep I'm all ears - she is wide awake at 9:00 and I want her in bed by 8 - 8:30 so we are struggling big time and I am at a loss!!!

Did something happen a couple weeks ago to change her behavior suddenly? For instance, did she figure out she's about to have a sibling? Or are molars coming in? My daughter was in a lot of pain with molars and it affected her sleep at around 19 mos. You can try homeopathic teething tablets http://www.hylands.com/products/teething.php and there's also something called Rescue Remedy http://www.rescueremedy.com/ for general upsets.

I think you're right not to let her get so worked up. Why not just rock her if that works? At that age, she is still a baby, needing adults on hand to help her adjust her emotional state.

I've found that my judgements of my daughter (like she's overreacting, she's too old for this behavior) get in the way of parenting her with a clear head. So I try to put them aside. After all, my judgments are just my opinion. So I try to accept that however she's acting is the best she can do at that moment. You might want to check with yourself if thinking of your daughter as "terrible" as in "terrible twos" is affecting your reaction to her. I read somewhere that toddlers must think parents are in our "terrible thirties," since we are oppositional to their wants and so intent on getting our own way!

Best of luck, I hope your daughter finds relief soon.

L.-
I am going through something similar with my son right now too. We have our usual routine which has worked well for over a year and 2 weeks ago he started getting so worked up when I leave the room that he vomits. Since then after we do the pat the back soothing thing, I sit on the floor next to his bed until he falls asleep. If I get up before he is asleep he jumps up right away and starts to cry...I hope this passes soon.
My DH seems to think it's some sort of seperation anxiety because I work F/T.
I am not sure that is the answer, as he may be going through something...definitely growth spurts. Could something in the room be scaring them or are they just worried that they are missing out on somehting when they go to sleep?
Sorry that I don't have an answer for you anymore than I have one for myself.

My son started doing this on and off at around 2 years, 2 months. It was frustrating because he too went down for his naps/bedtime on his own religiously before that and I relied on that (I work from home). Because I also have a 1 year old and another on the way, I instituted a quiet time policy. My son is still in his crib and doesn't know how to climb out. So, I give him some books/toys and tell him that if he can't sleep, it's okay, but he needs to have quiet time in his crib and he can pick the toys/books. I leave him there for an hour. Most of the time he falls asleep, but sometimes he doesn't. He resisted for a while (and sometimes still does). But he knows it's non-negotiable. I use this time to rest. The good news is that it comes and goes. He still naps more often than not, but may have a difficult few days or week here and there where he doesn't nap at all during the day. For us, the important thing is to stay consistant schedule-wise and tire him out with some physical activity in the a.m. That helps us. Swimming is great for that.

Good luck.
N.

I understand because I had the same problem with my daughter. Here's a question or a thought...is she ready to be in a bed rather then in a crib? I moved my daughter into her toddler bed and it seemed to "work".
Next, it's important she takes a nap during the day. Not only does it give a break but it helps her immensely to handle the rest of the day. Instead of rocking her, if you don't want to do that, I would try rubbing her back and sitting next to her bed. Bring a book or your ipod or bills to be paid, ect. so your not just sitting there feeling like you are "stuck". (o: And try just to keep repeating soothing words like, shhhh. And be very boring. Don't talk to her. She may continue to throw a fit, but it's consistancy that will win out.
I would also try just sitting near her bed at night until she is almost asleep or asleep. It may just come down to you walking away and letting her cry it out for awhile. If you have read books, rocked her, soothed her ect and feel like you are about to lose your mind, then it's time to let her fuss it out. My time limit was usually 30 minutes with going in at 5 minutes then spacing it out a little longer each time.(if sitting with her wasn't working).
Yes, this may eat up your entire evening for a week or ten days or so; but it will eventually work.
My daughter is two and half, and she is finally to the place where we can read books kiss her good night and I sit in her room for a bit, and she goes to sleep. Our whole routine from start (brushing teeth, reading books, ect)takes an hour.
I also recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Do a search for her and you can find more information about her method.
Good luck!

Hi L.,

Sleep is very important, statistics say that 1 out of 3 children have problems sleeping. They are finding that sleep issues are a result of behavior conditions, there are natural ways to help with this condition.

I am introduced to a Children's wellness Expo on Aug 2 in Sunnyvale. There will be 13 doctors from around the country sharing alternatives to address the needs of our children today. It is very exciting to have an event like this in the States. They have them in Europe and now here.

If this is something that interests you, email me and I will send you a flier and put you on the guest list as there is limited seating.

Wish you well.

N. Marie
____@____.com

Dear L.,
Whatever is happening for your daughter, it is real and so soothing seems the best idea. Babying is absolutely appropriate for her age! She is still a baby after all, even if a toddler.
She may be sensitive to the new baby who will come, or she may be teething...whatever it is, she seems to need reassurance of your love - and that's not a bad thing. Reassuring children at any time is putting down a deposit for their future self-confidence and sense of security. In a culture where a very high percentage of the population are emotionally/mentally disturbed to some degree, any and all assurance received as children can go a long way towards developing mental stability as we grow into adulthood.
Best thoughts with this issue.
J. Birns
Educator, mother of 2

Hi L.,
I read your post with a grimace as my daugher is 19 months and naptime has always been a battle ground for us.
I remembered something my pediatrician said about the terrible twos-- she believes the behavior and perhaps sleep changes are due to the intense discomfort of two-year-old molars coming in. It takes them a long time, they're very large and sharp and, in the MD's words: they hurt a lot.
Maybe try some Tylenol or Hyland's teething tablets? I would take a medical approach before I embarked on a huge sleep-training strategy.
Good luck. And I agree with you that she's too young to drop the nap and with a boy on the way, you probably really need the rest.
A.

my kid is a little older than yours, but we also have another on the way and i am not sure if that is a factor, but i think it could be. they definitely know something is up and things will change, and sometimes this is a way for them to get us to come back to them a little. my boy is having different sleep issues, but still just as frustrating, and my feeling at this point is that i am trying to make sure he is not overtired when he goes to bed for night or nap. i have noticed that days when he gets good sleep he seems to have less wake-ups screaming etc. so i would really try to keep that nap going and if you have to sit on the couch or rocker or whatever, it may just be worth it. she is young still, you will not be doing this stuff forever. i think in the long run you will be happy if you can keep her taking naps daily.