Sister in Law Advice

I really don't think anyone should tell other moms what to do with their families. Each family has different needs and they raise their children the way they see fit. I don't think you have a right to be "appauled". Not really your place to say anything in my opinion.

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A., what appalls you? I could speculate that you are upset because you may feel she is a bad mom because she has ASKED for help. Maybe you are upset because she can AFFORD to hire help...or maybe you are upset with the price she is paying...I am not sure, but here is what I know:

I know that she is most likely more relaxed with her kids because she has help.

I know that the house is probably a calmer place for the children because house has help.

I know that if she can afford it, she should have it.

I know that the kids now have someone else to help them.

I know that if one chooses to work for someone, they also say yes to how much money they make.

A., I believe this is non of your business, unless the children are being hurt, but I venture to guess they are not, otherwise you would have said so. Let her be. It is her way to parent, not yours. You have the right to your opinion, but she also has the right to hers. My concern here is if you know your feelings will create "huge turmoil in the family" then why ar eyou even considering bringing it up? Maybe you need to look at WHY you are appalled... look deep, you may find an answer you are not looking for.

B.
Family Success Coach

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Disturbing, cruel, inhuman, shocking and shameful!
Find the woman a new job. I bet you can find a family who is willing to pay this illegal immigrant (under the table) minimum wage. Your SIL is repulsive, as are most of the ladies that replied. Turning a blind eye is worse than doing nothing at all.

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She must think she needs the extra help. I would just stay out of it and let it be. There is not a lot that can be done. I know it's hard when we see others doing things that we think is not the way we would do it. It's her choice. Don't create turmoil.
~~D.

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You could tell her it appears that she may be in violation of several laws by not paying her 'employee' a living wage, taxes and possibly hiring an illegal. Further, this sounds to me like this person is a FT employee and if your sister could actually be endangering her family by hiring a 'full time employee' and not doing it legally - seriously.

As her employer, she is supposed to deduct taxes and if she does not, than she is supposed to send her 'employee' a tax document at the end of the year indicating that taxes were not paid, and that her employee is responsible for paying them. Further, I don't know if your sister is aware of the law, but it's against the law to hire an illegal and people do face stiff penalties for that.

I'm not saying that an illegal is working for your SIL, but most Americans wouldn't consider working for below-living wages so that's what it appears.

This is about your SIL being in possible violation of the law and if she has children, she should think about the possible repercussions of her actions.

If she speaks with her accountant, to ensure she is in compliance with state and federal tax laws, and makes sure her FT employee is legal, to ensure that your sister is not breaking the law there as well is what I would recommend that to you.

IMO, you would be doing her a great favor because the IRS can go after someone for unpaid taxes, etc for far greater than the assumed 7 years.

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Never assume you know how somebody else is coping unless you walk in their shoes. Being a mother for some can be a daunting and overwhelming task. There may be post partum depression involved - lack of confidence and self esteem or so many other things. Or there may be none of this and it is simply her choice.

I think it is very dangerous to judge you sister in law - or anybody for that matter - for doing things differently from you. Employing a nanny DOES NOT MEAN YOU LOVE YOUR CHILD LESS. And if it provides the support she feels she needs then she will be able to be a better mother for it. How would you feel if someone came to you and told you you were not doing the right thing with your child - according to them? Please allow your sister in law to live her life the way she sees fit. Just as you should be allowed to live yours.

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What is there to discuss? Why is it your concern anyways? Your sister in law chooses to have a nanny and if she is able to afford it then good for her. If her husband is concerned, then he needs to bring it up to her, not meddlesome in-laws.

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I'm thinking that what bothers you is not that she has childcare for 70 hours a week - but that it is one single person performing all those hours of work and that she is horribly underpaid, and treated badly by your sister-in-law.

This situation would really bother me, too.

Is this your brother's wife or your husband's sister? Could you approach your brother or husband and tell them that you heard about this situation and that $300 is actually very low, etc. Maybe this might shame them into bettering the situation.

How did you find out about this arrangement? Did she tell you herself? If so, maybe you could come back to her and tell her that you've been thinking and realized that she's making what is well below a living wage and see if that opens up a discussion.

Obviously you do not want a family rift, however, not trying to address the situation might make you think less of her and that might create one anyway.

Btw - I'm surprised at so many replies that seem to support this exploitation of a human being. I would never want to be someone that takes advantage of the woman who looks after my child.

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It's not your place to discuss it with her.

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A., don't let others try and steer you away from helping another human being! What your SIL is doing is wrong and she is taking advantage of her nanny. If she is truly paying her below minimum wage, and most likely under the table, you or your brother should say something.

For people to imply too that somehow only if she's cleaning too should she get more is kind of sad. Maybe you could think of a way to ask about it or discuss it with her and your husband, or talk to her huband too. Maybe they don't know what the going rate is (benefit of the doubt).

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Where can I find a nanny like that ....j/k

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why are you so worried about what your sister in law is doing? The only thing I see wrong with this is that the nanny needs to be paid more than $300 a week.

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Not sure what your main concern is, but imo it seems like a very low amount to pay (about $4/hour)- if she is doing it legally she should be paying all the payroll taxes (including workman's comp and unemployment and social security) for the employee too. You might just ask about whether they are filing taxes, etc. Or ask how she found someone who would work for $4. But the wage seems especially low. Maybe it's low since mom is home? But even mothers helpers usually get $8 to $10.

Since it's your sis-in-law, is there a brother or someone who is related to her and can talk to her?

It sounds pretty mucky- think about if you want to pick this battle. If you know the nanny you could certainly let her know her rights or help advocate for her (find resources online, etc.)

Not that you need more people chiming but you are RIGHT!!! There is nothing okay about that situation but if I were in your shoes I would not say anything to her or the nanny. This is both of their choices however wrong and forget your SIL, the nanny may not appreciate you butting in and potentially 'helping' her to lose her job. The pay is way out of wack I pay my nanny $12/hour and $15 if I ask her to babysit ANY night of the week beyond her usual 8-5. She is valuable to me, and my children are worth it! If she isn't happy, how do I know she'll treat my kids well?
If I said anything to anyone it would be your brother-privately and quietly.

I think is one of those things that is best that you don't say anything at all. If anyone should have an issue it should be the nanny and if she's fine with it who are you to say anything on her behalf. While it is majorly annoying and wrong, you need to let it go and put your energy into something positive in your life and let your sister in law reap her own bad karma!

Wait, is she a housekeeper or a nanny? I personally can't believe that the nanny is caring for the children 70-hours a week when the mom's an SAHM.

p.s. regardless if the help is illegal, this is a serious criminal offense. And even worse if she's illegal.

That's really awful how little that nanny is making. However, I'm sure your sister in law will find your suggestion of paying her more as intrusive. Perhaps you can say something like "You're fortunate to find someone who will work that many hours for that rate because the going rate is $10-15 an hour!". I pay my nanny $15 an hour and most of my friends pay between $10 and $15 an hour for one child. Is the nanny happy working for your sister in law? Or is she stuck thinking that this is all she can get? Is she a live in? I know that sometimes live in's will take less because their housing is taken care of. I feel badly for the nanny as well and hope your sister in law will see that the rate is too low for the hours she's making her work. Good luck.

I would not say anything those are her choices, not yours. It will cause more problems then its worth.

Although it is clear that the nanny is WAY underpaid, it is not your business. This is between the employer and the employee. So if the nanny feels she is underpaid, she should take it up with your sister-in-law. If the nanny decides she is underpaid and things will not change, she should quit.

I totally think you should stay out of this. It does not mean that you have to agree with it, but it is not your place to make an issue about it. Sorry, that's just my opinion.

A., I don't think the issue is with how she is being treated or the nanny's pay. I think you may be feeling a little jealous. (if I'm wrong I'm sorry) The nanny is a grown woman who can decide for herself what working conditions, hours of work and for how much pay she should be paid. If the nanny has issues with all of this than she can take care of that on her own. I don't think it is a good idea for you to be involved in any way with that matter. If you see your SIL being really rude and mean when your there, then it may be appropriate for you to tell her that it makes you feel very uncomfortable and ask her to be nicer. Other than that I wouldn't get involved. I have a SIL too and not too fond of her. There are many things I'd like to say to her but I know it's none of my business. Besides, I know if I say something it will end up causing a fight between my brother and SIL. Although it may be hard, keep it to yourself.

JY

i wouldnt get involved.

That's appalling! Unfortunately, it's not something you're going to be able to meddle in *AND* retain a good relationship with your family. And by family, I'm not just talking about your sister-in-law and her husband. These sorts of problems tend to spread and make everyone feel like they have to choose sides. Sucks, I know. So my advice is to avoid discussing it at all (even with other family members).

No matter what, the BOTTOM-LINE is:

no matter what you say to her and no matter how you say it... it WILL ruffle some feathers, and/or create a problem....big or small.

Then, #2 is: do you want a "problem" with her or in the family? Granted, some things just need to be corrected and is a matter pf principle. But, pick your battles.

#3) will you be "happier" when all is said and done on your part? Once you say this to her, will you be happier? Will it make things all better and with your in-laws or husband (or Brother, since I don't know on what side of the family this SIL is).

Regardless.... the Bottom-Line again, is:
It WILL create some friction. Your SIL sounds like an ill-mannered and rude person, ie: bossy and controlling. She will not like to be called on, on her behavior in her OWN household. She is getting a "Nanny" AND "House-Maid for the price of one, & less even. A Nanny's primary "job" is to provide around-the-clock child care assistance which may involve cooking meals, entertaining, providing emotional support as well as transporting the children to sporting and social events they may participate in. BUT again, the focus is the children. NOT being a "Maid" for the entire Household and Parents....
And it depends if the Nanny is a live-in or not, and is provided with insurance or not.
But again, everyone has free-will... and the "Nanny" can quit, file a complaint herself, or maybe find someone else to work for. You don't know what her situation is.

Again, the Bottom-Line is:
Your saying something WILL create friction. No matter what. AND, you need to decide if it is worth it to you... or will some other worthier cause be more beneficial.

All the best,
Susan

For what it's worth, I totally agree with you.
However, this is none of your business, and unless you want to start up a family rift, please stay out of it.

Now that i saw your posting, I'm changing my response. I agree with you that it sounds as if she is taking advantage. When I worked we paid our nanny $500 for a 40 hour week, and that was on the low side.

Nevermind... I just read your add on.

My question to you is:
Why do you think you NEED to get in the middle?
..
1. Its going to cause drama in your family. Someone WILL BE offended!
2. The nanny, I hope is over legal age to work, therefore, an adult, and can make her own decisions, on whether what she does is worth 300 dollars a week or not.
3. Your SIL is an adult, she has every right to do, hire whoever she wants. She might be rude, belittle people, etc, but, its her problem.. not yours.. really.
4. If she is a good mom, or a not so good mom, ONLY time will tell.. As long as the kids are cared for, that is all that matters... I'd much rather have KIDS be looked after a nanny, than a mother who's too busy with other stuff to properly look after them.

Um -- which part are you appalled about, that your SIL has a nanny for so many hours or that she's paying her less than $5/hr? The need for a 70-hr-a-week nanny seems odd but as long as her child is well cared for, that's her personal choice. However, to pay the nanny such an abysmally low hourly rate is practically criminal.

A.,
Stay out of it, unless it is affecting you directly. It is none of your business and your are simply going to create chaos between your husband's family and yours. Your main focus is your family.

Is your issue that she is underpaying her? Or that she has excessive help? Basically she has a 5 1/2 day a week nanny -- and which of us wouldn't wish for that. It gives her a babysitter one night a week, and some help on the start of the weekend. If you think she's underpaying her -- then I agree, it's astounding she can find someone to work those hours for so little pay -- and a sad comment on our times. But if you want to discuss the moral implications of this, and want to encourage your relatives to give their nanny a raise -- then I suggest you have that discussion with your brother -- as dealing with sister-in-laws is always a precarious situation. Whomever you discuss this with, you'll will most likely be seen as intrusive and controlling. But if you feel like being a champion for the underpaid -- by all means enter into the fray. If, however, this is just you, passing judgement on what you deem to be your sister-in-laws excessive nanny needs -- then I would suggest you
stay out of it, grab a bag of popcorn and rent Mary Poppins (ah for a live in with magical powers!)

As much as it appalls you, it's not really your place to say anything. What goes on in her household is her business. And if the nanny agreed to these wages, than that is her business also... It IS very low, but I guess it all depends on how much work she does around the house... And again, if she agreed to these wages, you must assume she is happy with what she's getting.

Tell the nanny that she has the right to be paid fairly! You must be like me....I hate injustice! :)

Don't say anything to her. It's not your business, and you would just cause problems with the family.

I don't understand what the problem is if she can afford it. I would love to have extra help sometimes. Would you rather have the child/children in daycare? Good luck with approaching the subject.
Oh and I worked as a nanny for less, I guess fair wages can be determined on where you live.

Hello, This is a mom who doesn't want the job. It is unfortunate, but it is her business. Hopefully, the nanny is a caring person. It is too bad that the children are finding out that they can count on someone else to give them the things a mom should.
As far as the pay for the nanny, she accepted the job and must have known how much she was getting. I don't know how many children are involved, but, unfortunately, people don't think of caring for children as a big job. I do think it is the most important job in the world.
I would leave it alone unless you are asked for advice. It will probably cause a big family problem if you give advice when you haven't been asked for it.
Good luck with this.
K. K.

Why do you care and how will it change your life once she knows your feelings?

I have to ask why you even care...it is HER business-not yours.....it is HER child, not yours....sounds like you are more than a little jealous...if I read your message wrong...let me know....until then, be thankful for all that you DO have!

C.

What appalls you about this? It is not a choice you would make for your family, (nor is it the choice I would make for mine) but perhaps it is the best choice for hers.

A.,
Well at first I was just going to tell you that really it is not of your concern how she lives her life, but then I started to wonder why you are so appalled and perhaps is some jealosy. Are you a stay home mom? Do you know how much work that involves before you go judging your sis in law. Maybe they decided that having some help would be the best for their family. She probably has more time for your brother and is much happier than trying to do it all herself. You didn't really explain why you are so appalled by this so it makes you sound like a busy body who is getting inother people's business. If I were you I would mind my own business and be happy for them.

Hi A., I am late to this but ever since I read your post I couldn't get it off my mind all day. From what you wrote, I see that the problem has nothing to do with your SIL's mothering abilities but everything to do with the way she treats her nanny--the less than legal pay and her apparent disdain for her. If this truly is the case, then there is a good reason for feeling this way--her behavior is unconscionable. Should you do something about it? I am in the clearly in the minority here when I say yes. I grant you that it is so much easier to turn a blind eye to the situation, but there are so many more reasons to not ignore it. I am an American who grew up in the Philippines where human labor is cheap and more often than not treated with very little respect and regard. My dad raised me with American values and practiced them in his every day life--in the business he ran and with the employees who depended on him, and most especially, with the servants he hired to keep his home. He was generous and good to them, sometimes even to a fault when less scrupulous employees would take advantage of him. I know he knew but it did not stop him from being kind anyway. I never forgot that lesson and at try to treat well those who are weaker and have lesser. I am blessed and lucky because I was educated, I have a good family that supports me, and I certainly have the capability of being aware if someone treats me with less the respect and dignity that I deserve! Before I sound like some kind of saint, yes, I am guilty of many things, even mistreatment and I have turned many a blind eye when someone could have used my help. But unlike the times when I would do what I felt was right (regardless of risk or feeling foolish), somehow the guilt of not doing anything feels worse.

Now, having said all that, it does make a lot of sense to take the advice of some of these ladies and proceed with caution. You will need plenty of diplomacy and tact. Ask lots of questions and seek much advice from someone close to you and her (husband/brother, who is technically involved as well BTW). Make sure you are keeping the nanny's best interests at heart--if she is aware and happy with her situation, then there isn't much to worry about except maybe what a horrible lesson your SIL is teaching her kids. You can at least counteract that somewhat by being kind to the nanny when you're around (actions do speak louder than words). If you approach her about it, be firm but most definitely loving, she is your family after all. Even if they do things you don't like, it doesn't change who they are to you. I hope this helps. I just wanted to send support you way seeing how you felt about it--and knowing how every now and then in life I need someone to give me a bit of support and a nudge to do what I feel in my heart is the right thing. Take care and good luck.

Hi A.,
My advice: Please stay out of it. It's not any of your business how she and her husband parent, how many nanny's they have or what they pay them. You will only create a mess by getting involved.

As appalled as you might be (I am too) - I would stay out of it. The grief it could bring upon you and YOUR family is not worth it. I'd have as little to do with her as possible - and realize that it is not just her - that the dad, obviously approves of this.
I wonder why she even bothered to have a child?

The only thing that you can reasonably discuss is wanting to make sure that your brother's family is protected legally. It sounds like they are paying the nanny less then the minimum wage and there are legal penalties if they get caught (it sounds if there could me multiple legal concerns beyond the minimum wage issue). Regarding how many hours the nanny works that is between your brother and his wife.

I would say nothing...you are entitled to your opinion, but sometimes it is better not to act on your opinion or feelings about something. Unless the children are in physical harm or being emotionally or sexually abused, I would not discuss this with my SIL.

You cannot control how other people run their households. This is not your concern.

What she does in her house and with her money is her business unless for some reason it is affecting you personally. As long as they are not in serious debt or seriously neglecting their children why would you want to say anything? Are you just jealous or really concerned about the nanny or the kids?

As awful as that sounds, I would not discuss it with her. I think judgements of other family members- as right as you are to want to stop this semi-slave thing she has going on- will only lead to trouble for you and your family.
Maybe there is someone else who could bring up the idea of paying her nanny fairly?

Hey Sis...'Let Sleeping Dogs -- L...'. Not certain how this situation affects you , unless you are affected financially by what your sister-in-law is doing for her household. Where we come from...it is simple ..."mind your own business' Perhaps you should care less about what she is doing and focus on what you feel is right for you and your family. Hope this is helpful.

J. G.

Wow, I am appalled that your SIL thinks it is ok to pay some one a little bit over $4 an hour. It is ok to have help(although it sounds as though you sil is lazy if she needs someone full time and is a sahm) but to to pay someone so little is demeaning. That said, you should probably stay out of it.

Not everyone is a "good boss" and words may not come out nicely when people (maybe your sister in law) is stressed. Maybe ask her how she is doing and if she is happier she may treat her nanny better? you get what you pay for, so maybe she has to kina boss her around because a nanny who is paid better might work harder?? who knows. good luck

Stay away. You are not her. There are things there you don't know or understand and values you don't share. What ever the reason, it isn't your house or family and clearly having a nanny isn't wrong. Many famous people have had nannies.
$300 hundred a week sounds very under paid. Is it slave labor?

B. v. O.

Why? Honestly, it's not your place at all. It's her deal, not yours. Best to just keep out of it and move on.

My personal opinion is that some people need more help than others. Whether a person is a stay at home mom of not does not impact their need for assistance. I think if it were me I would not say anything. Every family operates in a different way. My suggestion is that your family will be better off if you don't give your opinion. Whatever you say will cause turmoil in the family. It is up to each family group to decide how to operate their own family. I was a stay at home mom and hired a nanny for several reasons, - it was another family member who needed the money and who had a wonderful perspective (different from mine) that was an asset for my children. Having her there allowed me to spend specific time with each of my children rather than always as a group. It gave me time to go to the doctor with one child while she cared for the others. She shared her love of reading, her awesome jump roping skills and made me life easier. It gave me the calm to be a better mother.

None of your business. Seriously, that is the nanny's choice to work for so little, and how can you really ever know what the true business arrangement is between them? As long as the children are safe, well-cared for, and happy, I think you have no need to make your opinions known.

Yikes. She's lazy (and/or lonely). I don't think you should step in--her family probably notices that she's not exactly pulling her weight! No good can come of you voicing your opinion to them. Keep the peace. (You can vent to us, though. That's what we're here for!)

First Ave, you need to figure out exactly what you are appalled over.
That your Sister-in-Law has a Nanny? That the Nanny works 70 hours a week? That she pays her $300?

Respectfully, what business is it of yours?
Are the children LOVED?
Are the children being harmed or neglected? Are they clean and fed? Is the Nanny liked by the family?
In many cultures and nationalities, this is perfectly natural and enjoyed. Life with a Nanny can be enriching. There are women who need help, assistance for whatever reason and you, it sounds like, are being judgmental.

If you really think YOU need answers, ask her gently, she will certainly feel judged if you make the discussion more about what YOU don't approve of, instead of the reasons she and HER HUSBAND have brought in a Nanny. She could feel overwhelmed, suffer from something she rather not make public knowledge or simply not be the "perfect" mother and need an extra set of eyes, ears and hands. Consider it a safety issue. She may mask this with shopping or outings with "the girls", but again the positive side is, there is one more person in the home to love and care for her children, your Nieces and Nephews.

Embrace the idea that your Sister-in-Law is doing the best she can, you may never approve, but consider there may be other reasons for her employing a woman, who may really enjoy, need and be thankful for her job.
Good Luck!

OK, just read your response or clarification on why you are so appalled. Yikes. I think you are in a place where you have to tread lightly. It is horrible to know when someone is behaving poorly to another, especially one who is in an inferior position. If you tick off the boss what retribution will she take on the Nanny? Ask around, perhaps the Nanny is needed elsewhere? I have told a dear friend I was uncomfortable with the way she treated waitstaff while dining out and it has ended our friendship.
But it took a long time to work up to it, and it was not a family member.
Tread lightly, the Nanny may really need the work.
Good Luck!

Oh A.,
As parents one of our silliest mistakes is thinking that we have a "right" to share our opinion. You talking to her "will" negatively effect your relationship forever. Even if you feel "complete" with getting it off your chest and she is kind enough to hear you out, she may feel her privacy has been very violated. You did not go into how she relates to you (sister of brother, brother in law's wife)..and this may not even matter. I just know that I am a mom of 4 ranging from 17 down to 2 and the last 2 are 11 years apart. The way that I parent today versus 17 years ago is completely different. I had a nanny, was a stay at home mom and had a playmate for the older child. My last 2 were 11 months apart and I, at the time, felt overwhelmed and had little help from my husband. I was no less of a parent and we were all still at home. Now, today I look back and laugh!!! I have far more demanding responsibilties today than back then and would not even consider a nanny to help me out. I am a far different person but I have had the chance to see that without anyone's damaging or judging comments. I am probably the comment that you did not want to hear since I disagree with you getting involved but if you care about your family relationship more than being heard and right, then I do think that being nice and letting her be would be the better decision.

~J.

Ok, So I just read your addition of your concern being the pay. Unfortunately, not everyone is as generous and kind as you and if that is the way she is then she probably won;t take too kindly to you letting her know what you think about it. I would just stick with not saying anything and you just feel good that you do have integrity and respect for others and what they do for you.

A.,

Are you that close to your sister in law that it would even be appropriate to approach her about something that is personal like that? Just wondering what type of relationship you have with her. In my opinion this is a deal she worked out with the nanny and whether or not it is appalling to you or not, it is her business to be handled by her and her husband. I am not trying to sound mean, but sometimes our opinions don't really matter unless we are directly be affected. I just think it is best left alone unless she has asked for your opinion.

T

Hi A.,
You probably can't talk with her about it directly. You may want to have whoever is blood related approach the husband. The children are the ones who will eventually suffer here, because they are not really being raised by their parents. Why be a stay at home mom if you are not at home?

My first response was like the other's (stay out of it) but when I went back to read what others had written, I saw your update. Perhaps talking to the nanny might help. She might demand more pay or less hours or both. If she got fired for asking she'd probably be better off. Maybe get work with someone more respectful.

I am a little confused....why is this a concern to you?

Not your place~sorry. Keep the peace in your family and keep quiet.

honestly, I don't think you have any right to say anything. People do what they feel they need to do. This may not be what you would want but, maybe she feels this is what is best for her sanity and therefore her family.

Oops! I just read your second blurb about not treating the nanny fairly. If I witnessed that the nanny was overworked and treated unfairly, I would tell her exactly how I felt. Heck, I would even go as far as helping the nanny get another job if she wanted me to.

Dear A.,

Although you are appalled by your sister in law's choice, I would stay out of it and keep your thoughts to yourself. Don't mean to sound harsh but I've learned over the years that situations like these are best left alone. Unless she is causing harm,( and I know that can be debatable ,) to the child or someone else, there is nothing you can do about it. If you bring this up to her letting her know your displeasure over the situation, it will cause family discord.

A., no matter how many times you'll tell us that your SIL is a good mom - I'm just curious to know WHEN does she take the time to be a mom if there is another person caring for her children/household 70 hours a week.
I'm assuming she actually sleeps sometime?
About the pay for the nanny - that is just insane.
Does the nanny live with them as well?
Granted she doesn't pay taxes on the money - still it is WAY below min.wage.
It makes you wonder if the nanny actually wants to be in this situation. Perhaps she thinks she has no choice?
Maybe you can enlighten the nanny a little.
Even if she is illegal - she does have human rights.

If she is not asking you to contribute to the nanny's paycheck and/or babysit, then why are you even getting involved? It's THEIR household - you should maintain your home.

Good luck!

whaaaata do you care if she can afford it nless your concerned about the chil not getting ennough mama time you might start by asking where have you taken your child lately and go frome there A. no hills

For one thing, she is obviously not declaring this employment, so the nanny isn't paying taxes on this. This is a typical issue in LA where I am where there are many domestic employees who are illegal immigrants. My biggest issue wouldn't be the ethical one of under paying this nanny. My issue would be with the quality of care her kids are getting for this price. Ultimately, though, it's none of your business, so no matter how wrong or annoying it is, I'd stay out of it, and I wouldn't even talk about it with other family members, Just stay out of it. But, NEVER let your kids go over there if they're going to be in the care of a nanny that is only worth $4.25 an hour.

Honestly, why is that any of your business? Not trying to be mean, but I would just stay out of it. Let your bro handle his own wife or you will just cause problems. Maybe that is what keeps her happy.

Hi A.
How many kids does she have?? If she has alot of kids and can afford it, then I understand. I would have a nanny too. As long as she spends the time with her children. She should be the one raising the kids not the nanny.

Hi, A.,

Do you understand the whole arrangement your sister-in-law has made with her nanny. Is the nanny a legal resident of the U.S.? Does she speak English? I suspect not. One thing that someone might do for her is give her a document in her native language that states her rights, e.g. minimum wages, if she is a legal resident. I'm not sure what else you can do. As I doubt that your sister-in-law is ignorant of laws, I doubt that talking to her will help. Assuming that the nanny is an adult, the nanny is responsible for making decisions regarding her own employment.

L. E

I would stay out of it. You will find her drudging up anything she finds "appalling" about you and your life. If it isn't affecting you just leave it alone. My sister in law started in on me and my parenting and we no longer talk to her.

I'm just curious if this is your brother's wife or your husband's sister? That has a lot to do with how it's handled. Also, does her husband not know about the nanny?