Siblings at Home Birth

I entertained the idea of having my older children at the homebirth of their sibling(s). For me, I like to birth in as much solitude as possible. #1 child was a chatty one at the time. I just didn't want to divide my energies. I would have been more concerned about them(even if someone was taking care of them, and I think there should be someone assigned to them) than I could handle while laboring. So, for me, I elected not to have them there. They made a birthday cake with the grandparents and brought it over as soon as they could. I have been to several births where there were siblings present and it was a great experience all around.

A friend of mine had her sons at two of her deliveries and she said it was a piece of cake. She said that she just talked to her sons who were 7 and 5 I think at the time about what to expect and what they might see. She also didnt CARE what anyone said or thought about their choice to have the boys involved with the birth. I asked her with her last one what the boys thought and she said that if she had even thought of not letting them in there they would have been hurt and sad. I think its a great bonding experience for whoever is in the birthing room and as long as someone is helping with your daughter all will go fine!! Have fun and don't sweat the iggnorant stares and comments.

Hi N.,

I think it would be a very nice experience for her, and it sounds like you are going to have allot of support there just incase she get's inpatient or needs to leave the room for a few so the doctor can check you out. I have a 10yr old Boy and a 5yr Girl who I am planning on having them at the delivery (Natural Water Birth) of my baby. My son is not really interested in watching birthing videos with me nor he wants to know were babies come from. But my daughter is the total opposite she wants to know the whole scoop. I am interested in reading what other Mom's think about this experience. Good luck to you here is a little tip.

STAY IN THE SHOWER WITH HOT WATER AS MUCH AS YOU CAN IT HELPS A WHOLE LOT. I DID THIS WITH MY SON AND THE WHOLE 18hrs WERE VERY CONFORTABLE.

N.,

We had my 3 1/2 year old and my 5 year old at the birth of my daughter. We prepared them like you. We also had my Mother with them and she brought them in and out of the birthing room. We had prepared them by saying that Mommy had to work very hard and that I may not be able to snuggle with them and that they could watch when the work got really hard and that they could leave if they needed to. I told them I would moan or sing very low and breath deeply I demonstrated many times before I went in to labor. I also bought them a few new coloring books and crayons to distract them if needed. Plus snacks and drinks for them just like Mom. They also had new baby slings and their baby dolls. They were wonderful and well behaved and very attentive. They massaged me early in labor and snuggled early on. As the work progressed, I had my Mom take them on a walk for a short time and they came back when I knew I was getting closer. They were there for the last half hour. My care provider said they were well prepared and better behaved than most adults. They loved the experience and they wanted to be a part of the birth we did not force them. It was a very special moment in my life.

By the way, I would assign just one person to your daughter and let every one else attend to you. You do not want a lot of confusion or distractions let her know who she can go with otherwise she will choose and that may not be the time to get into a power struggle. I hope that helps.

K.
Mom to 3 in the Western Suburbs

I didn't end up having my son at my second child's birth, although we considered it. It was a natural childbirth in a birthing center in a hospital. I do know a couple of people who have done it and it worked out fine - I think it depends on the support you can have on hand for the child, and also the personality of the child.

We decided against it for a couple of reasons - one was the unpredictability of the timing. My mom would have been with him, but I didn't want to drag everyone out of bed at 2:00 a.m. or something. And my first labor had be SHORT so I wasn't sure we'd have a lot of time. But the more important reason was because we took my son to one of the ultrasound appointments, which was just in my midwife's office, nothing all that medical about it, but he freaked out. It was very frightening to him, and since I had no idea why, I didn't want to risk him having a similar reaction during childbirth.

So I think it can be a great experience for the whole family, and the couple of people I know who have done it had a great experience. As long as you really think out all of the possibilities and the person watching the child knows how to react in case of some emergency, etc. I also would caution the friend not to force it - if your daughter gets scared or nervous, just exit and go play in the lobby. You don't want her to associate a new baby with scary things.

Good luck! It didn't work out for us, but I think it could be really cool.

If you're fine with it and she's fine with it, then that's all that matters! Make sure you get lots of attention for yourself to assist with your L&D. Respect her decision if she changes her mind and decides not to participate. I think childbirth is the coolest thing, so as long as everyone is onboard then go for it.

Hi, I just found this post and wondered how it went- I am having our third in May, a homebirth, and my boys will be almost 4 and almost 2. I'm wondering if they're too young to be at the birth. I'd love to hear your story and what you ended up doing.

If that's what you want and the child(ren) are willing to participate, then it should be your decision. If I had another child and my Evee was old enough, I would let her stay. The choice is yours, and it shouldn't be decided by anyone else. You only go through it once with each child. Do what makes you happy, if not, you'll regret it later.

hi! I have 4 children. All natural childbirth, no meds:)! You can too!

When I had my second baby, at a birthing center, on a Sunday in October in Oregon(in a beautiful vintage home 2 blocks from the hospital) our daughter was there. (And we did wake her in the middle of the night, because she wanted to be there more than anything!)She was 4 at the time, and very interested in the whole process. We watched birthing videos, looked at books, talked about everything related to the birth at her level. My mother-in-law was assigned to care for her, and took her on nature walks, and in general stayed with her through some of the less interesting parts of labor. My daughter "checked on me", to see how things were going periodically, and then was there during the birth, sitting in a chair with my m-i-l. My mom was there to support my husband and I, and of course the midwive was there for us as well! It was a great experience.

Having someone for your child like you are planning is great because then if for some reason there is an emergency or if things are frightening for your child they have the option of leaving the room or the hospital and doing something else for a little while.

For my third, here in Illinois, I had a home birth, and and we had the doctor and nurse, and then asked my sister-in-law to help with the older two. She took them out to dinner and then watched Mary Poppins with them in the basement. They were welcome to be there, but chose to just hang out together, and then cheered when they heard the news!I thought my daughter would have wanted to be there for my third's birth, but she didn't feel the need, and that was fine. It was just nice to know they were close by, and could celebrate the birth of our daughter with us!

My 4th was born at the hospital (Evanston), we had just moved here at the beginning of my pregnancy, and the house didn't feel like a good choice for me, no family around either, so... our 3 children went and stayed together overnight at a friend's house right before we left for the hospital. Our baby girl was born at 4:21 am, so it was comforting for me to know the older babes were together and being taken care of, and I didn't have to worry about them! I kept in touch with them by phone, and called them at a reasonable time in the morning with the news.

So, I hope that gives you some idea of how things were for me. It's good just to be flexible, go with the flow, and if for some reason, your older one isn't there(it's late, they were scared, needed food or a nap, didn't want to be there, and so on!)then that's ok too!

I hope everything goes well for you!

Best wishes for a speedy and healthy delivery!
gretchen

I don't have any advice for you but I hope it goes well. I plan to have my daughter at my son's birth in Jan/Feb. She will be almost two. I'm anxious to hear how it goes for you and your family. I think if you have snacks and coloring books and a stuffed animal or doll or whatever her favorite toy is she will be entertained. Also, I think that you've mentioned that you are still nursing her so that might be helpful too. Especially since it will get your contractions going even faster. IT sounds like you are going to have lots of support with you too so I think that she'll do great. Where do you find birthing videos? Library? I wanted to start watching some with my daughter to prepare her although she's only 20 months so I don't know how much of it she will absorb but it can't hurt, right? Anyway, good luck, I hope your birth is everything you want it to be.
Let us know how it went.

I haven't done this myself, but know people who have. We have considered the option ourselves (my son will be 2 when I deliver my baby in June). I think the key is to have someone whose job is to take care of the other child in the room during the birth so that you don't have to think about her. It sounds like you have this covered. I would also make sure whoever is taking care of her has a separate car at the hospital so that if she decides to "opt out" she can go home, out to get some food etc. Sometimes you just don't know how long things will take and 2-year olds aren't exactly known for their patience. Good luck with your birth!! May I ask which hospital you're going to be at?