Should You Invite Family to Graduation?

Sorry,
I'm a bit confused. You moved away...do you never visit or vice versa? Define "family" ...and who is wanting to come. Do you maintain a relationship with only SOME of the family or all? I would think that you do since they know about/want to come to her graduation.

This is just somewhat odd to me... If you maintain contact, why is she so awkward about them coming?

You've had some great suggestions, I hope you find a way to compromise and make the graduation a success.

If they aren't a family of serial killers and are reaching out to her, I would throw a backyard bbq Graduation party and invite them to that. Let them know tickets to the event are very limited but they can attend the party. If they are good people and taking an interest in her, she may have an opportunity to begin a relationship. I see no reason to exclude proud interested family members just because yall moved away from them. You got to make a choice as to whether or not to have a relationship with them, but she hasn't had that opportunity yet and everyone needs roots. Everyone deserves to know where they come from. She may learn some things about herself in getting to know them.

Please...it is not "her day." She didn't to this point by herself, she got there with the support of many people, especially you. If YOU would like your family to be there, she should be gracious about it. She sees her friends all the time, and they'll have all summer to be together before heading off to whatever their future holds in the fall. Part of being an adult is learning to be gracious and appreciate people in our lives, however distant they may be. It doesn't sound like you are estranged from you family, just separated by miles and therefore are a bit distant. Benign distance due to a move is NOT a valid reason to exclude people from participating in a milestone like this.

I think that if people want to travel to honor your daughter as she graduates, and you have no reason to *not* see you family, she should be gracious and mature and welcome them with open arms.

FWIW, this doesn't necessarily mean that they attend the graduation ceremony per se (many schools only allow a few tickets per family due to space constraints) but there is no reason to not invite family to a party and have your daughter stay for a respectable amount of time, then meet up with her friends later in the evening.

I think it is poor form not to send a graduation announcment. If limited seating that is the best way to handle it. If not limited seating, tough cookies, it is called being gracious and including people who are blood even if she isn't particularly close to them. If they really are that distant, they may not even be able to or want to come.
If they do/can come, a little cookout/family dinner is a good idea.
She is 19 , still learning and growing. She may be suprised at how instrumental some of these "awkward" family contacts are in the future - never know.
Best of luck with your decision.

Are you talking about the ceremony itself or the party or both?
You should first probably check with her school. I know a LOT of high schools have limited seating and therefore you may only have a certain number of tickets anyway.
When my son graduated last year I had a large family party the weekend before and opened it up to all the relatives who wanted to come. My son wasn't thrilled at first (he hates being the center of attention) but it turned out to be a wonderful day. The following weekend only our immediate family (me, hubby and our other two children) went to his actual graduation. After that he was off to Grad Nite so we literally didn't even see him until 24 hours later.
I think what we did is a fairly normal compromise that a lot of people do. It gives the families a chance to gather and celebrate, but leaves the REAL celebration to the kids and their friends, which is what they want, and deserve, IMO :)

Are you talking the graduation party? If so we had 2 for my son, one the day of graduation for the family and then one the next weekend for him and all his friends...it worked out great. Everyone got to have some time with him! Hope that helps.

I would suggest you all at some point right after her graduation have a big party for everyone. That is what we did for our daughter. All of the family, our daughters friends AND their parents, siblings, teachers..neighbors..

It was a blast. Graduation day and night here involves a lock in the night of graduation forball of the graduating seniors. The next day they wrre exhausted, anyway, so having the party, later that weekend worked out great.

We ordered custom beverage cups, we displayed photos all of the acceptance letters.. Her new College colors..

It was a great final party with the whole community able to see each other all together for one of the last times.

I would go ahead and invite them. Who it will be uncomfortable will be the family if they come. Maybe have a celebration later for you friends. Most of them probably will not come. I always figured the more invations I sent the more gifts I would get. I know that's bad. If you are limited in seating then tell them they can come to town but they can't attend the ceremony due to seating limitations.

Good luck with what ever you decide and God Bless!

I would tell them that due to limited space, they can't come to the ceremony, but that you're having a party afterward (or whenever you're throwing her party) and they are more than welcome to attend that. Then just make sure that you invite tons of friends and explain to them that family that she hardly knows is visiting from out of town and if she looks uncomfortable, to rescue her from them.

*hugs*

I completely agree with J.B. She has the rest of her adult life to throw her own parties. This one is about both her and you, friends and family.

Several questions need to be considered here, J.. How big is the venue? Do you get a certain amount of tickets because only so many can fit? Or is it a big place and anyone can come?

If it is by ticket-only invitation, that's easier. You and she decide together who should be invited. Not just because she likes them better, but by also who is important. Her grandparents trump her cousins. Her siblings trump her girlfriend. That kind of thing. Then you can tell everyone else how sorry you are that there is so little room, you are sure they will understand, yada yada. Most people really do understand this.

If the venue is huge and anyone can show up, then your daughter needs a reality check (sorry). She will be lucky that people will want to come sit through several hours of names being called out. She thinks that the whole family who are calling will really come, but push comes to shove, they probably won't. And if they do? So what! They will be sitting up there and will clap for her when she takes that diploma in hand, and afterwards she will hug them and say goodbye.

AND, they will give her gifts. Kids have no idea how wonderful it is to get an envelope with a check in it until all of a sudden, here come the envelopes. They DON'T get this, J. until they experience it. However, you are the experienced and wise mother. You need to tell her what's what. She makes a stink over people coming when there is no ticket restriction, and she will kiss a bunch of cards goodbye. Even when only a card, and not a check, comes in the mail, it lets a graduate know just how special and important finishing school really is. It helps them grow up.

And it is also nice that this family, who hasn't seen her since she was 2, is actually noticing and acknowledging. You don't want to hurt feelings - so don't! Forget your conflict and tell your daughter that sometimes we suck it up and act like a grown-up because it's the right thing to do. It costs us so little, and can gain so much. She will enjoy her day a great deal - she can say hi, and hug, and thanks so much for making the trip, and then go off with her friends.

Have you ordered the announcements yet? If it's a ticketed event, just don't put the venue on the announcement. If it is an open event, send out as many announcements as you can. It truly doesn't matter if they show up or not. But that announcement is a request for a gift, really and truly.

This is my suggestion. Your daughter will need to learn how to make nice with all kinds of people whether she knows them or not. If she would like to start now, she will make them happy and make herself happy.

Good luck, and congratulations for having a graduate in the family!
Dawn

I would just tell her it's a perfect opportunity to meet her extended family. It is a shame she doesn't know them. They are her family.

It will probably work out that they won't get to come in mass anyway...

I would tell her that she gets to see her friends every day and she is going to just have to smile and play nice with the relatives. They will only be here for a few days and then she can go be with her friends for the rest of her life.

You simply tell them that the graduate has requested a highschool focused event and is asking that the adults leave her alone :). Or you can tell them it is a low key event and SHE has requested to keep it small and low key. You can even say she, the graduate has made arrangements for the day/eve that does not include family time. My graduation was NOT spent with family because we were doing activities on campus all morning, went to our friends house (closest to campus), ceremony in the afternoon, dinner with the family and then it was Grad Night on a Yacht (maiden voyage, our valedictorian cristened it) for the rest of the night and a house party at my friend's the next day/night including a girls lock in. Honestly, it would have been a waist for my family to have come out, they would not have actually seen me.

Friends are family.. In my situation also~
It's her day... My opinion, let her have her day with her decisions :)
PS Maybe on another day, you can invite them over for a simple party..

She doesn't want to use up the few tickets you get or she actively doesn't want them at a post-ceremony event/there for the weekend etc? If it's the latter, geez. Not like she can't still be with her friends and all. That's so nice they want to come out. Traveling to a HS graduation is something I don't foresee wanting to do unless I have to so I think she's being ungracious and you need to step in. These people are family and as she grows up, she'll see that very often, blood is thicker than water. I assume you have a nice family given you dont' say there are bad feelings etc and the fact they want to do this indicates they are nice, caring people. Days like HS graduation certainly fade in importance as you get older while family tends to get more important.

You have to check with the school about how many family members can attend. I think in many places, it's just 2 people per kid because if it weren't limited, they'd have to find some huge space. Once you know, then start from there. And you can have a family party if you want, and then you can let her have a fun time with her friends as well.

My daughter graduates this year too and we are limited to 6 seats. 4 left after my hubby and I. All of our family DOES live here so we are in the toher boat and my daughter has to decide who gets to use the actual ceremony seats. But we will be having a backyard bash the following weekend.

If you plan a similar event, perhaps that is the best way to approach family. Send out Grad announcements regarding that, then perhaps explain to those who have specificially questioned it, that you are only alloted X amount of seats for the ceremony and daughter has decided who will attend that part (shes an adult and its perfectly reasonable for her to do so).

But as others said, you daughter will need to learn her balance and social nicey-nice skills at some point in life...hmm..about now could be good?? I know for my daughters party, we are inviting may of OUR friends who know her from her growing up years, but she mostly does not know THEM. But they will come to see her and us, out of respect and curiousity and all the things go along with these sort of open houses hereabouts. She will be polite and smile and say thanks for coming. If they give a card and gift fo any kind, she will send the appropriate Thank You card and use the item or money toward her college needs, as intended.

Best wishes with what you decide!

Normally, there is a limit on how many people can attend the actual ceremony. So, you could tell family that there are only enough tickets for you guys.

But I would throw a graduation party and invite the family as well as the friends who have become family over the years.

Congrats to you and your graduate!

hmm.. if she really doesnt want them there you could always say theres a limit to how many people u can have attend...i kno when i graduated they only gave us a certain amount of tickets.. i believe it was 4or6.. because if it rained they wouldve had to have it indoors and couldnt fit that many people but as long as it was a nice day u could show up and get the tickets as u went in.. we're close with my entire family but it was only immediate family that attended.. parents grandparents and my aunt that was it
..as far as a grad party goes i dont see why u cant invite them..everyone else she wants will be there too

I think you need to stop being in the middle of your relatives and your daughter. If she doesn't want them to come out then she should be the one to contact them and say so. Most graduations have a limit on the number of seats allotted to each participant so if that's the case then your daughter could let the relatives know that they would be unable to attend the ceremony.

Maybe having a party after the big day could be the way for your family to celebrate with your daughter but again that's something I would put upon your child.

At the highschool in my town we were and still are only allowed so many tickets to graduation because there isnt alot of seating for everyone under the sun so that could be an excuse to tell your family.