Should I Give Teacher Heads up About Daughter Biting and Hitting?

I know it's not easy and even a little embarassing. It may also be age appropriate, but it's in no way as "common" as some of you seem to think. It's absolutely possible for a child to never do this at all. Some will, some won't. If a group of children does not have a biter in the group, it's possible to have a small intimate group of daycare buddies that never do this for years on end. I've seen my daycare go 3-4 years without a biting incident. Once it gets started though, it's terrible and hard to stop. I would be very upset if I knew I was lied to. Refusing to tell this is the same as lying.

I don't know how big this group is. But it's going to be much more fair to the rest of the parents and the other children to find out if they are having a problem with it. If they haven't had anyone bite in a very long time they might not even want to take on a child who bites.

Once a child bites they are a biter. I'm sorry that the term seems to offend some, but how often are the moms on here asking what to do about their child being bit in daycare. Usually several moms come on to say pull out their child. I don't agree with that either once it's already done. But speaking from a providers perspective, you really have no right to keep this fact hidden.

As a mom & a childcare provider, I expect this age group to bite & hit. It's a normal response to stress for many children. I would not "label" your daughter as a biter/hitter.......

If you're using a good facility, then they will know to expect this & will also know how to prevent & respond to these situations. Peace!

Do not tell. Kids behave differently at home and in the controlled setting. My little guy will never hit or bite me, behaves very well at scholl but will go for the throat with the older brother and the nanny! The only complaint I get from teachers - he doesn't like to share. Well, find a 3 y/o who does!

Give your daughter a chance of a clean start. Another thing, childcare providers only care about child being compliant and "comfortable" for them, they do not have your baby's best interests at heart. Always protect your baby.
I have an older son and I made a mistake of sharing TMI with teachers, always regreted it later.
Good luck.

I think a lot of kids your daughter's age are prone to biting and hitting in a fit of frustration. It seems to me that this just comes with the territory with being a toddler. If she bites and hits all the time, on a nearly daily occurrence, then I think it best to let the teacher know so that she could maybe think up some kind of reward/behavior system for your daughter. But if happens only occassionally, then I wouldn't mention it. I think this issue would probably for every child attending your daughter's class.

I think kids that age tend to bite each other and kids don't always do the things they do with you amongst others. Don't write that down. Talk about her personality. Does she suck her thumb when she is tired? Gives a lot of hugs, dances when she hears music...etc.

Ofcourse mention it. Wether on paper or in person. I would write it down. It's something the teacher needs to know. And if you explain it on paper how you explained it in this letter the teacher is not going to be prejudice against your child if she's a good teacher. In fact, I would think most teachers would know that children behave this way and would understand and could possibly head off a potential situation if she knows how your daughter reacts sometimes.
I am a daycare provider and was a nanny for many years and I would want to know. And it wouldn't make me feel any differently toward your daughter.
JMO

I probably wouldn't put it on the form, but might mention it to the teacher in person sometime. You do want her to keep an eye on your daughter so she can prevent any trouble - maybe even stop a bite before it happens.

Tell her exactly what you told us - that your daughter understands not to bite, she is verbal, and can be talked to about making better choices.

K.
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absolutely! they are common behaviors, and the hitting isnt such a big deal, but the biting can be. remember that it is dangerous for your daughter too, there can be blood exchange, you know. if the teacher is aware that it is a possible response from your daughter, she will be more attentive and proactive in avoiding conflict. kids always fight in school to some degree, and its good for them to learn how to work things out. if the teacher knows your daughter has been bitten and got it into her head that biting is in her arsenal, she will probably step in more quickly to avoid it. if you arent comfortable putting it in writing, just take her aside and tell her that your daughter was bitten a few times by one particular child and since then she has bitten a few times. believe me, she isnt the first or the last, and she will outgrow it. the teacher can help her to outgrow it sooner by not only helping to avoid a situation, but by being right there to help her learn other ways of responding.

Hi MJ,

I've worked as a preschool teacher and Nanny for many years, I would want to know as a child care provider.

I know that at this age hitting & biting is a result of frusterations they cannot verbalize, so if I know certain children are prone to it, I'd watch for signs of being overwhelmed closer.

You could say, "My daughter occasionally becomes overwhelmed and as a result may bite or hit. We have been able to control this well by____. If the rare occurance happens we _____."

Reality is that toddlers hit and toddlers bite, because they just do not have the words yet. It is not a reflection on her, but I think it's a good idea to tell.

R. Magby

I wouldn't mention it. Instead, you could say that she sometimes gets frustrated in such-and-such situations if you needed to, but I think you run the risk of prejudicing the care-taker against your child (and besides, most kids this age occasionally hit in frustration - I doubt mentioning it this early on will help the teacher). If it becomes a problem, you can try to catch it early and work together with the teacher. Good luck.

They might get upset if they figure out you knew this about her and didn't let them know about it. I would tell them you've had previous experiences where other kids have done that to her and that she has on occasion out of frustration after learning the behavior and that you are working with her. I would also tell them she knows she's not supposed to. It would give them a heads up if there is a conflict to be prepared and able to prevent it. They will also work with her. Our son has been pushed and scratched a few times now and is pushing back so we are all working with him. =)

Oh, if she's very verbal, stop any bad words in the house now. Our son doesn't say s*** or f*** (but has) but he is calling people poopoo head, coconut head, etc. He/and the other kids have come up with these kinds of words as name calling and they think its hillarious. Ugh!