Should I Be Worried About My "Pre-teen"

I have a nine-year old who is in the 3rd grade because she had a Sept BD and she couldn't get into the school we wanted until she waited. So she's with younger kids. I make a concerted effort to keep her young - from the TV programs we watch - to the toys and activities we're involved with. We don't do cheer-leading or play with Bratz dolls, for instance. And she'd not in after school day care which can be sort of be unsupervised because there are so many kids. We read together and I encourage her to read classic books or quality reading - not TV based books. So even if your daughter's with older kids I think you can still exercise a lot of influence over her. I think it's also OK tell her that you don't want her to do something - have a boyfriend, for instance. She's looking to you for guidance - if you think even pretending to have a boyfriend at 8 isn't cool with you, tell her. I find that my daughter can act as if she knows everything but she's just a little girl under it all and needs me to set parameters. I think we can think our kids are so book smart that they know how to handle themselves in certain social situations as well but I think it's important to remind ourselves that they are kids and we are their moms. It's OK to say no and set them straight.

"I have noticed she is really unobservant lately, missing things that are right in front of her face or "forgetting" things within minutes."

My daughter does the EXACT same thing, and she is also almost 9. I thought it was just her, I'm glad I'm not the only one. Its very frustrating, and believe me I'm right there with you. I get mad at her because I never behaved in the way she does when I was her age and I just do not understand how she can be like she is (plays dumb, forgetful, rude, wont listen, has crying fits out of nowhere ect). Since she is also my oldest I cannot offer any advice to you, but hopefully someone else will be able to. Just wanted you to know you are not the only one going through this!

((hugs))

I, too, have a gifted girl-child who is 9, and starting in on talk of boys, etc.
As to question number 2: I like the American Girl books on Friendship, Caring for Your Body, etc. Just look in Borders or any big bookstore, and peruse through them yourself before buying. Give them to your daughter and say you'd be happy to discuss the book with her and any questions she has. I think you need to start sharing your views on boys, dating, flirting, etc. We teach our children everyting else - I think it's important to be clear about sex, values, and taking care of oneself.
Question #1: I wouldn't "crack down" on the forgetfulness. Try to think how you would like to be treated for similar behavior. Keep the reminders loving and playful, agreed- upon "punishments" (such as if you forget 3 things in a day, you've gotta clean the kitchen floor with me after dinner, or sort the clean laundry, or pick 5 books or toys (or both) out of your room to give to Goodwill)

You definitely need to be worried about her being with older kids, she is not ready for the things that they are. I hate to say it, but especially after reading up on advancing kids and listening to Dr. Laura, skipping grades just (normally) isn't a great idea with kids...in my opinion. For the exact reason that you state. I would have opted for advanced courses instead so that she is still with her peers. I do hope you find a happy medium, maybe you could find some sort of group where kids her specific age get together so she can relate to them better. What do you mean by not being socially retarded? I don't have a 9 year old but I do know my 4 year old does the same thing with being forgetful.

hi!

I was a very bright child, and like your daughter, I skipped a grade in elementary school - also like your daughter, I was very social and made friends easily in any grade at any grade level. So first things first - look at your daughter and forget that she is so bright, and remember that she is 9. When a girl reaches their pre-teens, they suddenly seem to "revert" to a toddler like state of thinking - the world revolves around them, the only thoughts that count are those that they have themselves, and they become very self absorbed (not to be confused with self awareness!).
Don't worry about her, she is just acting and reacting appropriately for her age. Also remember that this new found interest in boys is not a sign of any real interest: girls this age just talk about and do what they think everyone else of their age talks about and does. Right now, it is very important for her to feel like she is part of the "group" as opposed to that little girl that skipped a grade and is younger than everyone else so she will do and say what SHE thinks is appropriate in order to fit in and be accepted by her peers.
She is only going to become more self absorbed as time goes on: there is no way you can stop THAT particular train. Puberty will begin to hit in the next few years, and then youre in for it - her emotions will be all over the map, and she will take everything too seriously and drive you crazy with her attitude (and believe you me, the smarter the child, the more attitude they have). Many mothers, mine included, agree that the most difficult times with their daughters do not occur in the terrible 2's but rather between the ages of 9 and 12.
Don't worry about her: just take things as they come, and enjoy what the little girl parts of her that are still around. Girls are in such a hurry to grow up