Together 12 years married 7. Son turns 2 this year. Husband asked for separation in March and moved out in April, moved in with his former personal trainer 1 week later. I have avoided seeing them together all summer. My SIL is throwing her 1yr old a birthday party at soon to be ex-MIL house. Anyone else go through this and did you ever feel comfortable being around ex and his girlfriend in the presence of your child and ex-in-laws. I think my gut instinct is to say no thank you I prefer not to attend if she is going to be there. Am I being childish?
Do what feels right for you. Just do it in a positive way.
Sounds like a simple no thank you is perfect. If things feel easy next time say yes. But don't do what you don't want to do.
No you're not. If you are going to be uncomfortable then don't, I get the impression that it's too soon for you, and that's ok. I agree with other posters, I would definitely let my child go, and send a gift. You can be gracious about it, and decline.
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If it were me I wouldn’t go and just have my ex take my son. It’s too soon after your separation to be at the same party with your ex and his GF. You said soon to be MIL? Does that mean the divorce is not final? Even more uncomfortable.
Besides your son would pick up on your anxiety and that might make him anxious. Let him go and have fun.
I feel for you deeply. I don't think I would want to go if I was in your shoes. Also, how close are you to your SIL, I would think after 12 years pretty close. I would call her up and say you are appreciative that she invited you to your nephew's party however, you do not want to be around your ex and his new girlfriend. I think any woman could understand.
Can you decline the offer, but still see to it that your son is there?
Sorry for your dilemma. Part of me thinks my first response would also ne "no" like yours is. BUT, consider that your child is going to cause you & ex & (maybe) GF to be linked in lots of ways for at least 16 more years...do you think you could do it? Maybe she will have some sense of decency about her and if she knows you are going, might decline the invite?
It sounds as though the wound is still fresh. Why don't you decline and see if your ex-husband will bring your son. If he can't for some reason, I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. Just be sure to send a gift.
I would let my son go with his father to the event, and I would stay home.
I would not go because I know it would be awkward for me. I'm sure your son will be okay if he is going with his dad, but yea...I would stay home for sure. I try not to put myself in places or positions where I feel uncomfortable, and it sounds like your EX did a great job at making your relationship with your soon to be ex-inlaws just that. I'm so sorry for what you've been through.
I wouldn't go. Just let your ex take your son. I doubt anyone expects you to be there! I wouldn't put myself through it!
I am sorry he did this to you! I would only go if she is not going. You do not want the first time to be at a birthday party for family. I would graciously say no thank you. But if your soon to be ex is going, he can take your son. Good luck!
No. That's really a rotten situation. You don't need to talk about why you aren't going. "I am unable to attend," is always a suitable reply. Least said, soonest mended. If your ex wants to take the son so he can spend time with the family, that seems reasonable.
Hi S.N.,
Nope, you're not being childish. There is not reason for you feel uncomfortable and out of place. Your ex can take your child with him for the birthday party if he wishes, since it's all his family. You no longer have an obligation to go. If you really like your SIL you can send her a gift and come by on a day where your ex and his GF won't be around. No reason to put yourself through another heartbreak.
Good luck to you
I personally wouldn't go. The tension would be too great and I would end up looking like the bad guy. He should not bring her, but guys are stupid with things like that.
uh, no thank you. your son should go to these "family" parties but its the dads responsibility to take him, not yours. stay home and have some girlfriends over!!!
I think you are answering your own question; of course you don't put yourself in that situation its just too soon. stay way for the moments, if you get upset then your child will notice, and he will get upset as well.
Will your child be there with your ex or would he be coming with you? How will you handle events later for your son? How you handle this can/will set the stage for your immediate future.
For this event, were you specifically invited or were you invited so you could bring your son? You could always say "I would be happy to drop" son's name" off so he can attend. Or allow your soon to be ex take him.
Will it be uncomfortable? yes. Will it be worth it? only you can decide.
It is not at all childish not to go! You have been through a LOT and should not feel obligated to put yourself through what could be a difficult experience. Your desire not to be around this woman is perfectly understandable and your son will be fine going with his dad.
Hopefully at some point, you will be able to interact with your ex and his family in a comfortable manner -- since you are all your son's family, it would be great if you were able attend the same events, etc. without there being tension -- but that doesn't mean you need to be there NOW. My inlaws have been divorced for 3 years just now have begun talking again! These things can take time.
That being said, if you feel you'd be able to go and be graceful, I think it would be a truly beautiful thing to show your ex and his family that you are strong and doing wonderfully. I'm sure NO ONE expects you to be comfortable around the two of them, so I feel like there would be a little bit of revenge in showing up looking good and showing off how strong you are.
It just depends on how you feel at this stage of the healing process.
Dont go!! SIL probably invited you to be polite and doesnt expect you to go anyway. If STB EX visits with your son have him take son to the party.
This just my opinion. I would not go, it is to soon. They have not been together long enough that your child has to see them in family and friend gatherings. I am sorry, but I would at least give it a year or two before I would even want my to involve his girlfriend into my childs life. I have been on the other side where my current husband has two children and I never tried to get involved with any family functions until we were together at least 3 yrs. I felt it was not my place, since the children had nothing to do with them breaking up. I tried to keep it as normal as possible when it came to the children. I knew my place and respected his Ex when it came to the children. Now we are married with 2 children 8 and 3 and the kids are now 17 and 19 years old. I still give them there space. Of course the Ex and I do not speak, but I am okay with that. I would talk to your Ex about this.
