She Wants to Meet Her Dad!

I was raised by my moms husband, my dad in my heart. When I was around the same age as your daughter I wanted a relationship w/my bio dad. I think your daughter is old enough to decide for herself whether her bio dad is a snake or not. If he doesn't answer her letters then, she will know what kind of man he really is. I only see mine when someone in his family get married or dies.
My advice is to have your daughter write him a letter. Also see if Child Enforcement will send a letter written by her for you. This way they aren't breaking any confidentiality policies.
I know your daughters' pain. I feel for her. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with his family. This way they won't think you just want something. I hope this helps.
Good Luck
K.

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Dear M.,

I know how awful it is to see your daughter crying and wishing for one small nod from her father. It truly is a heartache that only he can help. I would suggest that you stop asking for help from the family - they have had their say - as mean as it is. I sometimes wonder how many lives and how many chances do people think that we have at doing the right thing in this life? That is a lot of people being mean to one little child. My family tried to do that too to my grandson's latest baby. Shameful. I just let them be that way and am being the best gr grandmother that I can be to her, and so is my daughter being a wonderful grandmother. We are happier than they are, for sure.

Anyway. I think that it would be good if your daughter wrote a letter to her father and included a current picture. Then you can look on the internet to see if you can find his address. You may be able to do it with the fee that they ask for special searches - I think that it is about $10 or so.

Good Luck, I was a preschool teacher too. It is a good life, but short on pay unless you can get a job with the local County Superintendent of Schools. Some counties have good preschool programs that they run. Also, remember HeadStart they probably have a good salary scale. You could even start out as an Aide and work your way up. I think that the Aides get pretty good pay too , and maybe health benefits and the beginning of a retirement. Try it, and call the elementary school offices too. C. N.

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Maybe your daughter can write a letter address to her bio father and mail it to a known address.
My bio mother left my sister and I when we were toddlers. My father has been with a wonderful woman for about 14 years now. To me she is my mother.
Although I don't know the details of your daughter's relationship. I some what understand her feelings.

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Let her call him. I didn't have my father around either. He didn't want anything to do with my sister and I. I think we saw him 5 times while growing up. If that. When I was about 12 yrs old I wanted to get to know him. My mom had me do all the work. (she found his number for me)Another thing I want you to understand is this... My mother never talked bad about my father. I am sure she hated him so very much, but she wanted us kids to figure out what he is. I called him.

I saw him a few times throughout the next 10 years and then one day I realized something. I didn't really want anything to do with him. After I got to know him I realized that he is a very selfish man. What kind of man doesn't want anything to do with his kids? I don't care what his feelings are about the mother. My last straw was when I e-mailed him and he told me he would call me. Two weeks went by and I got an email from him saying that he was sorry he didn't call me but he had to go to my cousins (yes, his NEPHEW) football game. Now, I know that football is not going to be every night for 2 weeks ;) At that point, I said I am done. If he wants to talk, he has my number. But honestly, I hope he never uses it.

Your daughter will see what he is, one day. Let her figure it out. I hope, for her sake, that he ends up a wonderful father. Because it stinks to be let down by your father when you expect him to be so wonderful.

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My niece has not seen her dad since she was about five. Her response was different from your daughter's in that when he tried to reunite she wanted nothing to do with him. However, one of the things we have done in her life is to reinforce over and over again how it is his loss to not be in her life. Her dad is the one missing out on seeing a great little girl grow up. I think that this is a great armor for a kid to have when they have an absent parent. If she is getting a good male role model from your husband reinforce that as well (as I'm sure you have) but point out how so many people love her that do know her and convince her that she is worth knowing and loving regardless of her bio dad's rejection. It doesn't sound like your ex is going to change his feelings and it might be better for your daughter to mourn his loss in her life and realize that there are a whole lot of other people that have a lot for her to offer. I know this probably isn't what you wanted to hear but it's just advice. My niece doesn't have a perfect life but she does know that it's not her fault that her dad is a flake.

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M., your daughter's story breaks my heart. The sad thing is, I don't think there is anything you can do to make her father want to see her. HE is the one missing out! From his actions in the past, do you think that your daughter would feel better if she met him? It sounds like she may be even more disapointed than she is now. I would just focus on her, and try to show her how important she is to you and your husband. I agree that maybe she should write him a letter, but once again, imagine her sadness if he doesn't respond. It doesn't make sense to me how someone could be so heartless to his own daughter. Maybe someday he will come to his senses, but I don't think there is anything she or you can do to make that happen.

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My daughter never met her father either. While she was still quite young I had to tell her that he chose not to have anything to do with us or her because he didn't know how to love, and didn't love himself. She accepted that. From experience all you can do is pray and be honest with her. The deep and desperate need to meet her real father may very well stem from something else she's missing. She may put her focus on him because that's what is obvious. I would take her to a counselor, and get to the bottom of what is possibly really bothering her, and also how to deal with the rejection and move on.

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Wow - I think you should let your daughter know you are trying to contact her father and let her read the letters you are writing and have her put them in the mail... that way she knows you are trying and then when there are no responses.... she'll understand you are doing everything you can.

I would also have her write a letter and mail it and maybe by the father seeing a letter from her, he'd be more enticed to contact her.

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i take it you do not where he is at? i think your daughter is old enough to face the truth-u've tried to get in contact w/o response...shoot-maybe SHE should write the next letter! She will have to learn for herself and no matter what you say (or dont say), she has to experience for herself. how do her siblings feel? thing is- eventually she will know how good she has it w/ppl who love her once she has explored. that hole she feels might not go away, but it might be able to be stitched closed instead of staying open. Just stay honest and understanding.
either way i wish you luck and feel for your daughter. i will keep both of you (& the rest of ur family) in my prayers. God Bless.

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