Sharing...

Don't worry. He sounds like my oldest did when he was his age. The first born doesn't learn to share as easily because he doesn't have other kids in the house to share with. Just keep exposing him to other kids and other times to interact with them. Eventually, he will want something they have and you can explain again why sharing is important. What I have found that helps is to provide praise any time they share ANYTHING. You can say, "Thank you for sharing the pillow with me. Now we can both lay here while I read you a story." You can also reverse it and when he wants something of yours you can say, "Of course I will share my crayon with you. We can both use the red crayon. Isn't it fun to share." I know it sounds cheesy, but the more you positively reinforce sharing the easier it will be for him.

Dear D.; Just like you can't teach him to walk until his body is physically ready, you can't teach a child about sharing until his brain is developed enough to deal with the concept. And sharing may seem easy enough to you, but it really is a big concept, like taking turns. Relax, talk to him about it but don't expect him to do it until he is ready. Grandma D.

Hi D.,

Two is a hard age for sharing, I think they are just getting into the "mine" stage. Something that helped me was a timer. They get it for two min and then the other kid gets it for 2 mins. Kind of hard to do at the park, but maybe when you are at a play date or something. I'm sure you'll get plenty of other suggestions from these great moms. Good luck.

K.

Sharing is not natural. Even as grown ups we don't share. We each have our own stuff, our own house, car, pillow, side of sink, etc. If he can't share his toys with the others at the park, don't bring his toys to the park, or bring a lot extra for the others.

D.,

It'd be nice if you could teach your son to share now, but it won't happen until he is older. You can show him by example, but it won't "click" until he is an older three but more likely sometime when he is four.

Don't bring his toys to the park, but if you must, agree with him to hold them out of sight so he is assured they won't go away. If he insists on having them around the other kids, and it becomes an issue, don't be afraid to take the said toy away--alternately, you can say (especially if the other child is a friend), "Son, you can play with the toy for five more minutes then Other Child will play with the toy for five minutes," then follow through.

Sharing his parents, the other share issue you mention, is a bit harder to do, but involve him. "Come and help me push Other Child on the swing..."

This all reminds me of a cute story involving my older daughter and my nephew, when they were four and two years old, respectively. My nephew's parents had been trying to teach him the concept of "share", and came to our house for a visit. My daughter was holding a favorite toy, when my nephew demonstrated his grasp of the concept. He yelled at the top of his lungs, "SHARE! SHARE!" and grabbed her toy and ran away with it. My goodness, my daughter was so stunned she just stood there (and we were all laughing...)

It'll come, D.. Just be patient. :)

~D.

2 1/2yrs. is definitely an age where kids want to express their autonomy and feelings of ownership. What worked for my daughter in these kinds of situations was to have her pick out a toy that she didn't necessarily have to share, but she also chose a toy she was willing to share. So, she was not only able to keep her "special" toy she was also able to experience the idea of sharing - seeing the benefits of sharing (it made the other child happy and more willing to play with her + verbal reinforcement from me) were wonderful motivators for future sharing. If she happened to still pitch a fit about sharing, then the consequence was a time out until she calmed down and was ready to share, or leaving the park if she didn't calm down. With consistency of consequences, positive and negative, she soon learned the pros of sharing far outweighed the cons, so problems soon disappeared.

M.

M.

Try using the wording "taking turns" instead of "sharing", and talk about after it's the other child's "turn" then it's your "turn" again. In their mind "sharing" is like giving it up forever. You could also try trading. He gets something if he gives something. This is totally normal stage for this age! :)

I am the mother of an only son who is now 26 years old. I remember those days so well, and loved every minute of them. I read a book by Edith Schaeffer called, "What is a Family." She advised to teach sharing by example. She said every time you get a cookie, break it into and give half to your child. Grab toys that require two to play, like a ball, and ask them to play with you. Every time you plant a flower, sit your child down and have them play in the dirt with you. Say things like, "This is so much better with some one to do it with me." or "Sharing with you is what makes playing so much fun!" It takes a little time, but it works. I remember the day I got our son a toy grader, excavator and a dump truck, if we were going to have a great construction zone we needed a friend to make the road, Randy needed to work dirt removal with the excavator and I needed to get the dump truck down the road. In the end those little boys were so proud of themselves for what they accomplished. We put stepping stones down the road, and planted flowers at the end. When Lonnie's mom came to pick him up he was so excited and couldn't wait to show her the park they made. Bottom line is we started small, then moved him to a relationship with just one, then two, then larger. We never placed him in a situation over his head, with to much to manage. By the time he hit high school, he was out doing Food Drives for the needy, building parks for poorer neighborhoods, giving, sharing and loving. Believe it or not you will wake up one day and say, "Wow, he is a man to be excited about!" Don't tell him what to do, show him, his love for you will inspire him to follow your lead.

I learned on the Discovery Channel that it has been studied that the brain does not know how to share until children are 4 +/- years old. Then it is a learned behavior. So let him have this time right now that does not require sharing and when he is older, 4ish teach him when he can understand better.

Pick your battles! It doesn't reflect on your parenting.

T.
www.tesabartell.myarbonne.com

kids at this age are just developing a sense of ownership of things....they really don't always want to share, and this is normal. instead of making him share his all his toys, try having several special toys that are for his use only.....he gets to pick which ones.....have other toys for sharing. remember, even we adults don't always like to share everything we own.....lol!! like everything in life, there needs to be a balance. as far as giving attention to other children, make sure that he's included....group hugs, group stories, etc.......let him see that you have plenty of love to spread around....show him that you're not "loving" someone in place of him, but in addition to him.....that you have more than enough love to share!!

hugs!
sally