Sex

OMG I am right up there with ya!
I literally stopped wanting sex when my daughter was born.
Before that, and while I was pregnant we had sex like two little rabbits, lol.
The only thing that kinda helps me is when i role play but that gets silly and boring after a while.
I've tried going to the OB and she tells me "its normal"
Well thats not fair, men get pills for this sort of thing and us women have to just "get over it"
I'm sorry that I dont have any advise, I just thought I'd share my compassion.
Good Luck!
-N.

not only do you have a stressfull job but you also have 2 small children and run a business you are totally stressed out to say the least. I went through this for abot 2 years and lucklie I have a very understanding husband because I know there was some times he probly wanted to throw me out the window but he understood and took alittle bit of the stress off of me. Go to your doc and tell him or her and they can put you on some meds and yes you are going to need them for a little while it is hard to be a full time mother/worker/bus.owner. your world is full and you ahve no time or energy for any of it huh? I am taking meds for my stress and my hubbie helps out at the house whne he is home no matter how many hours he works. it helps!!!!!!!!

Hi M., with all of your activities the body is tired and does not desire to do anything that is not going to give it proper rest. Sex is a mind thing and when the mind is tired it can't drumma up the sensation. Try to take some time for yourself every once in a while. Go and get a full body massage. Also, I'm not sure what your religious back ground is, but as a Christian, sex was designed for married couples and perhaps your inner self concious is convicting you on having sex and not being married. Its ok to wait until you get that special ring on your finger. I believe that you are a special a wonderful young lady, and you are worth waiting for. I hope this helps.

Speak to your doctor about it, she will probably prescribed you something that may help give u your sex drive back.

Please post any advice you have....I have the same problem!!!!

Hi M.,

It must be difficult to have no desire to have sex with the man you are going to marry. I haven't experienced that problem myself. In fact it is the other way around in my 18 year old marriage. But I have heard of the problem, and I am a nursing student, so I thought maybe I could help you.

The first possible reason for not wanting sex or not wanting to even think about it could be that your hormones are out of balance. You should probably see your doctor for a complete blood workup. I would check with my gynocologist first, and although this is hard to talk about, don't hold it back from your doctor. There may be an easy way to fix it.

Another reason could be the one my husband and I go through. We get so busy that we don't have quality time to spend alone together. We rush and rush all week, and then when we do have time, it feels like it is just another chore. Intimacy starts with conversation, not with just a jump into bed once a week. We have started trying to spend time together, even if it's just 30 minutes a day. One of the things we do during the week is read a devotional for couples. I highly recommend "Night Light" by Dr. James Dobson. Even if you are not a Christian, you can use this book to draw you closer together as you learn how to communicate with each other.

You haven't said how long this has been going on. I assume that since you have two kids, you have not always felt this way, although I could be wrong. But if you are only giving in reluctantly once a week, then you and your fiance should discuss why you might be feeling this way. It's no fun to have sex with a mostly unwilling partner. You should discuss your needs and his needs, and try to work out a compromise. Tell him what he does that makes you feel special, and I would almost guarantee if he steps up his efforts in making you feel special, the intimacy will come back and you will be more eager to have sex. Also remember that although this is an embarrassing subject, he is the one that you should be discussing it with. He needs to know, and although it will hurt him at first, he will come to see that the problem is not of his making, and that you genuinely love him and want to work this out.

Also, since you are not yet married it may be a sign that you shouldn't get married. If you are reluctant to have sex now, how will it be when you have been married for a couple of years? I would strongly encourage you to seek counseling before you get married to try to work this out. If everything else is good between you, counseling could help get this straightened out before the wedding and could lead to a better marriage.

I hope that some of this was helpful. I would really like to know what happens with your situation. I'm not being nosy, I just like to follow up and see how things have changed. Best of wishes to you, and I'm also praying that you will be able to talk to your soon-to-be husband and get your marriage back on track.

First you need to identify WHY you have no desire to have sex. But, in any case, are you still physically attracted to your husband? Do you feel sexy (to yourself)? Have you tried setting the mood-candles burning, lights out, soft music playing in the background, wearing lingerie that makes you feel super sexy.

M.:

I felt and still do feel that way. At first I thought it was just the post-partum period but my little girl is almost 16months and I still really don't desire sex. I want to feel loved; meaning I want my husband to hold my hand, hug me, kiss me, but yet the actual sexual desire is not there. My psychologist said there is something definitely wrong, but i do not agree with her. I seriously think it is normal, because when the kids are out with their grandma or in daycare and we spend a day to ourselves we have a great time. i seriously think you need to set out a "date" with your husband to get to know each other again because two kids and a full time job are time consuming! it helps with me, just wish it was more often rather than giving it up just to please him like you do, i feel cheated and feel he is being cheated. good luck!

Forget the mind thing, it's an energy thing! And with two kids & a full-time job, you're just tired! I was in your shoes too, although I only have one child, but four-year-olds are tough to keep up with too!

The best thing I ever did for my health, and my energy level, was to start going to cardio classes at my gym. I was drained the first couple of weeks; I really had to force myself to go. After only three months, I have more energy than ever & it's done WONDERS for my sex drive (and my waist line!). I've talked about this with friends, and they say that losing weight and/or exercising really does it for them too. I say just get in some regular cardio! Even if it's only a jog around your neighborhood or something. It will make you feel better all around, and especially where you're wanting the extra energy! Good luck to you!

I agree that medication might help, but often times medication to help with stress decreases sex drive as well. Stress is a big factor when it comes to wanting sex, at least for women. I can honestly say that if you have sex out of obligation, he is not enjoying it either. Are there problems in your relationship? Is he supportive of all your work outside the home? My husband appreciated when I worked, but I stay home now and can say without a doubt that my sex life is so much better now! I was always in a foul mood because I worked all day and then had to pick kids up and rush home so I could get dinner started and throw a load of laundry in the wash. All the while my husband sat on the couch and watched TV. It took a few years for me to realize that he needed that, but what I really needed was to stop working.
Do you not make enough with the consignment? Have you thought about giving that up?
Finding balance in everything is hard, but necessary for emotional peace. Obviously your fiance finds you attractive and loves you very much, or he would have left you months ago. The hardest thing for me, since I grew up being taught that women can do everything and do not need men except for having children, was understanding that you can't have a romantic relationship with a man and not have sex. There are times now that I want it and he doesn't. Boy that is hard to take. But, I enjoy it when he shows interest in me, especially outside the bedroom. Nothing makes me relax and get excited like when my husband just comes up behind me and hugs me and kisses my neck. Even if it is just a peck!