Seperated & Then Gotten Back Together

Yes! My husband had some issues of his own that he needed to work out and we seperated for about 4 months. He moved back in about 4 years ago and we have been happier than ever since then. It seem that we appreciate each other a lot more than we did now. It can work but it does take work.

I can tell you that I have survived a separation...and several years of really difficult times during my marriage. Our separation came about 10 years into our marriage....it lasted about 6 months of actual physical separation and then a year or so of counseling after that. The actual re-establishment of trust and feelings of security took a while longer. But...I can happily tell you that we will be celebrating our 40th Anniversary this coming summer!! My husband is now retired and we are entering a whole new exciting phase of our marriage.
It CAN be done...it isn't easy...I dont know what circumstances have lead to your question...or what your current situation is...but it can be done. If you would like to talk more please feel free to message me and we can talk more privately.

My husband and I are going on fourteen years of marriage in February. Last January my husband told me he thought we needed some time apart. He had started distancing himself from me, and while he didn't cheat physically, he had started having a relationship with another person via text messages. He and she had had the same kind of issues growing up and he didn't think I understood, which I really don't since I never experienced anything like it. But he left for about six weeks. About the time I was emotionally ok with it and decided I didn't have to have him to live a productive life, and he started to realize that I was realizing that, he came to me crying and saying he would go to counseling and he really loved me and had stopped his phone relationship. I took him back, keep an eye on his texts, and have started trusting him again. Our relationship is stronger than ever. Our love life is better than ever. I do have to say though that once in a while I think about what feelings he shared with the other person and it bothers me a little bit but I don't dwell on it and let it get me down. But we are playful together like we used to be when we first got married and very happy. I will say too that that is easier to get back to when your kids are a little older and start to have their own lives, things to do, friends they want to hang out with. Ours are 12 and 9. Hope you can make a decision you will be happy with. I feel for you.

A., that's kinda a really broad question! i can tell you what happened to me, and maybe something in my story will help you out. my husband cheated on me when we were first together, a year or two into dating. i found out, and left him for almost three months. i honestly was not trying to punish him, but i felt that with a betrayal like that, i "shouldn't" be with him. i felt that i would be setting myself up for heartache after heartache if i stayed. but of course i still loved him.

then i had a long talk with a dear friend, whose hubby cheated on her when their son was a month old, and she kicked him out and never looked back. we had a long deep discussion about men in general, and i realized - she STILL hates him. and her son is now 25 years old. all this time later and she is still angry, untrusting of men, and bitter. at fifty years old, in some ways, i realized she is one of the most miserable people i know. SO i resolved not to become that, and to give it all i had. i went back, and now i couldn't be happier. we did do some counseling, but i really feel like in my husband's case, he was far from home and lonely and unhappy, and not feeling appreciated, at the time he cheated (being gone for weeks at a time due to work). i honestly don't feel he'd do it again - but when i came back to him, i laid down the law, that if he EVER did it again, whatever the reason, kids or no kids, no matter if i had family to go to or we lived three days away from my nearest friend....it would be over, no questions asked. being gone for that three months really got to him, and call it what you will, but i believe that people treat you how you allow them to, and i think i really got through to him that i wouldn't tolerate that treatment again. we have been together almost 8 years now and are still going strong, actually i think we get stronger every day.

at the same time, i know for a fact that everyone is different, and just because one thing worked for us, doesn't mean it will for you. all i can do is share my experience. i can say one more thing though, and that is, regardless of whether you have a family with this man or not, there are lots of qualities i'm sure you fell in love with in the beginning. if he's willing to WORK and so are you, i honestly don't think that divorce is ever necessary. i consider myself having gone through one of the worst tests of a relationship there is, and we made it. but both people have to be there, 100%. if either one isn't willing to work on their OWN issues, it'll never change. GOOD LUCK and i hope you find what your heart desires.

If you love each other anything is possible. Communication and RESPECT are key. Whatever you did the last time you were together, don't do that. Don't talk to your girlfriends or family when he's irritated you or made you mad. Handle problems between the two of you. You can only change yourself and your actions and reactions. If the two of you really want to be succesful here, you can do it.
My parents split up and got back together for 20 years(30 yrs total)and they had a horrible marriage, because neither one of them knew how to communicate properly to each other and didn't show each other respect. I watched my parents relationship until they divorced when I was 18 and Boy did I learn what NOT to do in a relationship. I have pretty much done everything opposite of my parents and I am very happily married. My mom like's to joke and tell people our marriage is perfect. We all know there is no such thing, but we do have an awesome marriage because we respect each other and treat each other well. You can succesfully do this, if you change what the original problem was! Good luck and congrats on getting back together!!

My husband and I seperated for about 2years. We both had another relationship during that time. We got back together and have been going strong for about 4 years now. We even had another child together. Our marriage is so much better and stronger than it ever was before our seperation. We couldn't be happier. We will be married for 9 years next week.

Yes! We separated when our daughter was a newborn. For about 6 months old. I moved out with our daughter and left him to fend for himself. We had had some problems before but I really think this was postpartum just exacerbating our problems. After our separation we got back together and have been sailing along just fine for the last 8 years. I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Good Morning A., I have never been where you are now. Married for 37 and a half yrs to HS sweetie. I can tell you though our youngest son & his wife have been on a roller coaster for 10 yrs. Have separated for up to 6 months and got back together. Is their relationship ok now? Not always, they are working on is.

It takes commitment, communication, trust, honesty, faithfulness and the desire to be happy for "Each Other" for a marriage to be successful. And sometimes Not all of these things are present at the same time. ;)

Sometimes it take couples counciling to be on the same page also. Nothing wrong with that either. I have been married a long time, but it hasn't always been peachy keen either. It's never gotten to the point we can't stand each other or want to divorce.

*Laughing* I told my hubby when he asked me to marry him that Divorce was not in my vocabulary, BUT Murder Might be!!!
He's still kicking so it's been a pretty good run. :))

If you want your relationship to work A., Work together to get it where you are both willing to give and take equally.
Goals, Needs, Desires one for the other. It's a partnership not a one way street.

Also our Marriage is and was centered on God. The Father, Son & Holy Spirit are always Welcome guest's in our home always.

God Bless you A., May you find peace and joy in the days, weeks and Years ahead.
K. Nana of 5

I know of several couples who have been seperated and filed for divorce, who have gotten back together. And now their marriages are stronger than ever!! I know that it takes a lot of prayer and patience. If you need someone to talk to let me know.

Hi A., I was 24 when I married my husband. We had a very rocky first 3 years and were separated twice for probably 3 months each time. Honestly, I didn't want divorce in my life, but staying with him felt like I'd have to chop off my right arm. I mean, the whole idea of staying was THAT painful. Anyway, frankly, after the 2nd separation, I realized that in the whole scheme of things, he's a pretty good guy and if I can't make it work with a decent human being, who in the world was I going to have a relationship with? And I also relieved him of the burden of making me happy. It really isn't his job. I love him, but also, love is a decision. I chose to love him and we've been married now for 14+years and have two great kids. We're not perfect. The perfect marriage isn't perfect. I relieved us of the burden of an 'ideal' marriage, whatever that is, because it really isn't fair to either one of us. We are who we are, neither one of us any better than the other but we're together in our imperfections. Good luck!

I don't personally.Some of my Friends have seperated thinking it would work things out and they are going through divorces.They have tried counseling,etc...I would just hang in there,pray,and talk to your pastor if you attend church.God Bless!

No, but as someone who has had a deployed hubby for 30/36 mos it almost seems like it. I know that because of the separations we are in need of couple couseling. Haven't done it before but couples I've talked with have said it is extremely beneficial provided you find the right therapist and to keep shopping if the first one doesn't impress either of you. Certainly, if you are both willing to give it another try I would go whole hog and do the counseling as well. A third party generally provides insight that neither of you may have ever considered issues. Good luck!

I acutally have education in this type of subject and as it may work it usually does not! There are so many factors to factor in like why you seperated in the first place! It would definitly take some counseling to work.

A. there are many types of seperation. There is the physical and then there is the emotional.

You were in love once, and there was a reason for that love. Sometimes we change after we get married, or maybe we have different goals, different expectations, or different values in life. For whatever reason couples grow apart, and they stop being able to find that love they once had.

If you want to get back together, it will not work. That is like saying you want to drive the same car that the transmission went out on, without replacing it. If on the other hand you want to stat over, then you have a chance of making it work. Before you can do that you have to communicate. What do each of you expect. What is it that created the problem in the first place. Begin by taking some time to just talk about your future. Where do you want to be in 5 years, in 10 years. Put you issues on the table, not pointing fingers, but talking issues.

The two of you can love each other, and still not make this work. If you fight in ways that hurt one another set some ground rules about how you will handle arguements. The fact is that you will not change him. You can not change him, and he can not change you. Only you can change you.

The fact that you are asking this question means that you are not sure. Would you accept a marriage proposal from someone that you were unsure about? My guess is that you would not. i would say that until you are sure, dont do it. Dont do it on a maybe, or a possibly. Do it on a YES we can. If you can not say that, then dont. This is just my 2 cents, I hope it helps.

I seperated from my husband. We got back together. It worked for 2 years. Now we're getting divorced. I don't want to be negative, but it's a long hard road and it takes a lot of work from both people. I know others who have successfully made it work but only because both people worked hard to be together. Good luck and if you need anything feel free to message me.
-E.

Well I wish I had some advice for you but I dont. My husband and I have seperated many times. We are still together, and I think I just do it for the kids. My girls are very much daddy's girls ! Some of the stuff we fight about are pretty stupid, but there are some things that I have been unable to overlook. My husband has made a few BIG mistakes throughout our marriage. Your not alone .... Good luck !

No but what was the reason for the seperation and can it be fixed? If your answer is NO then you know seperating was a good Idea. I dont know your situation you didnt explain into detail which is Ok. Its just some questions you need to ask yourself. Oh and are their kids involved? If your back together for the sake of not hurting the kids, kids cope they get by. If your fighting over stupid things can they be overlooked?

Good Luck hope all works out for you.

I can tell you that my parents were divorced for almost 25 years and they are dating again. It seems to be working out so far. They just have to get to know each other all over again. I think it is great. Good Luck! I hope everything works out for you.