Seekng for Advice on How to Discipline 14 Month Old

Hi M.,
I'm going through this with our 17 month old...whenever she hits (usually in the face), I grab her hand firmly yet gently and look at her sternly and simply say "NO". Saying "no, you don't hit mom or dad" is simply too much talking on your part for his age.

It's so normal, a stage all 3 of mine have gone through...It truly doesn't last too long...they're smart and figure it out!! As a matter of fact, our daughter last week put her hand on the stove and turned the knob, so I (gently) slapped her hand and told her no...today she put her hand near the stove and looked at me...I gave her my "stern mom look" and she shook her head and rubbed her hand...they are TOO SMART!!

Best wishes,
J.

I learned once at a parenting workshop that children hear the action word...thus in the "don't hit" they hear HIT, in the "don't run" they focus on RUN...when my toddler hits me I say "ouch, you hurt Mommy" I don't make a big deal about it or fake cry(because then he would think I was playing a game)I just let him know I don't like that and if he hits one of his older brothers I say the same thing "stop! you're hurting your brother!" I agree that he is enjoying in figuring out what your reaction will be, they find much joy in knowing what will come next...even when it isn't pleasant. It really has helped me to focus my attention on what I want my boys to do instead of focusing on what I don't want them to do.....yelling "WALK!" vs "STOP RUNNING!" is simpler and more to the point...they get both commands in one word and it is an action word...stop,sit, and hands in your pockets along with walk are probably my most common phrases...although I am out numbered(5 boys....)Best of luck!

I read somewhere that babies enjoy new reactions. Even though you are being stern and clear, to him, it's an interesting reaction, and he probably doesn't mind. WHat do you do after you say no? Do you ignore him in an attempt to punish him, or do you re-direct him?

When my 16 month old hits, I also move her hand and say "no" But not loudly. Just a short, quiet, "no hitting" and then I immediately play with her or do something else so she is not tempted to try again. If you just say no and try to ignore him, he will keep doing it to get your attention. The goal shouldn't be to punish him, but to let him know that's not a good behavior and then do things with him that are good behaviors.

My daughter still hits sometimes, but i never make a big issue out of it and she rarely does it.

PS- Try "no hitting" instead of "don't hit mom or dad" That is too many instructions. Just use the word no and the behavior. Two step instructions. Good Luck

Dear M.,

Continue doing what you are doing and follow through with a very short time out. Put him into a chair and get down to his level, make eye contact and tell him no hitting. If he will not stay on the chair and you have a playpen near by put him in there and do the same with a firm voice say no hitting. When you take him out just tell him no hitting mommy and daddy and give him a hug so he knows you are not still upset with him. Be consistent and I am sure if you follow through with a consequence he will get it and stop. Remember he is young so a very short time out is age appropriate. Do not ever use his crib, the crib should only be used for sleep. Also changing your tone is key he will know you are upset by your tone. I am sure he is just testing the waters. Good luck!!