Seeking Moms Help on Grandparents Babysitting

This is one of their biggest joys of being a grandparent. They get to spoil them rotten! I know it really got on my nerves in the beginning when my mom wouldn't go by my rules and then it finally clicked. Mom and Dad make the order and rules so Grandma and Grandpa can break them!

No "mom" rules for Grandma's house. I about made myself crazy with my step son and mother in law,and didn't bother anyone but me- So, with my son and my mom- it's her house and her rules, I utilize my mom weekly for babysitting when I work nights, and if I want her to continue- I will leave it alone. Go to Vegas, and have fun- the kids will tell Grandma if something is way out of whack- and, you can get everything back to normal when you get home.

If you trust her enough to leave your kids with her for 5 days, dont worry so much about what they are eating. That is the adventure of going to grandmas...give her some guidelines and bring some food, but give her the flexibility to have fun with the kids. If she is providing a safe, loving environment for them, relax a little. It is good for kids to adapt to new things.

I think that if you are lucky enough to be going on trips and have family watching your children, you should let them do it their way - as long as nobody is going to die from it, such as letting them eat things that they are allergic too or something like that. Let it go and enjoy your time away.

Honestly,

Kids are tough. They'll be fine. If your son was really hungry he would eat. I had kids at my daycare who the parents swore they were picky eaters and wouldn't eat anything and (GUESS WHAT). They ate my food!!! (The one little girl was 4 and her mom still fed her baby food fruits because she supposedly wouldn't eat any food other than McDonalds chicken nuggets...... and a couple other things.)

I don't like leaving my kids with the in-laws much either because she likes to spoil them rotten. They get all the candy and juice they want. At home that's a rare treat. But I've learned that Grandma is going to do things her way no matter what I say so I just limit the exposure to that. It doesn't sound like candy and juice are your issues though.

Either way, I think you can do your best. Tell her what you would like to see for the week. But in the end, it's her house so it's her decision. Your child will NOT starve in 1 week.

Have fun on your trip!!!

I don't think you can guarantee her following all the details you have set up. That is kind of the price that you pay for free babysitting. But if I were you I would focus on the truly critical things like if the kids need to be brought to particular activities or if there are specific safety related things. The food situation should be dropped. I think expecting grandma to do all the special catering to likes and dislikes is kind of unreasonable. It is your choice to provide that service to your kids but personally I think it is healthy to give them exposure to another way. My son is also a very picky eater due to some sensory issues and I know that I probably give him much too much leeway at mealtime. So I appreciate when he stays with his grandparents and for a few days they push a bit harder than me for him to try new things. Talk with your kids ahead of time about how things will be different with grandma there and help them to decide on 1-2 things they really need to stay the same. Then help them practice how to respectfully remind grandma.

I with the "let it go" responses. It is hard to control everything that the grandparents will do. You could pick I few things that are really important (non-negotiable) and focus on those. Maybe sticking to the schedule and relaxing on the food. Good luck.

Hi M.! I actually disagree with the "grandparents can do whatever they want" mentality. The grandparents job is to be supportive and not undermine the parents. Sure, treats are fine now and then and a later bedtime once in awhile is fine, but in order to have the kids best interest in mind the grandparents have to listen to the ones who know the child best.....THE PARENTS!!!!!
Now, you can't control everything that goes on at Grandma and Grandpa's house but you can set the expectation high and make sure that the reason you require certain things is for the BEST for your child.
My mom and dad have always tried to make sure that my kids are happy and healthy and get a fun treat now and again. BUT they have my kids best interest at heart AND they respect me and my hubby. We don't have many "rules" ,persay, but my parents actually ASK if my kids can have a treat. Now, my daughter was diagnosed one month ago with Type 1 diabetes at 19 months of age. I can leave her with my parents, FULLY trusting them to have my baby's best interests and health in mind. What a relief!
Grandparents don't have RIGHTS when it comes to our kids. They have privliges. Grandparents are a blessing, to be sure! But respect has to go both ways. You can respect that they want to give a little treat now and then and they need to respect bedtime and food guidelines as best as can be practical.
So, tell Grandma what you expect and explain why. Ask her why she didn't follow your schedule last time. Mabey she was overwhelmed with little ones in the house for a week. Talking it all out is the best thing. Mabey she *couldn't* follow the schedule or make special things for your picky eater. Mabey the 2 of you could sit down and compromise- a schedule that you approve of and one that she can easily carry out.
Just know that you DON'T have to just throw up your hands and say "Grandparent's will be Grandparents!". You can work it out!
Have fun on your trip!

I've actually given up any rules when my daughter goes to the grandparents. All I tell them is the amount of juice and milk she can have. Milk affects her bm's and I don't want her to have too much juice. I'm not sure if they follow it or not. I don't ask and they don't tell.

My daughter is definitely defiant and unruly from the spoiling, but it only takes a couple days and we are back into our routine!

Sometimes it's good for kids to have a different schedule and to try new foods. In fact, they may try foods for Grandma that they'd never try for you! Let Grandma be Grandma and let your kids deal with the differences. You should not try to dictate your schedule when it's she who's doing all the work. This is a good experience for your children and their grandmother as well.

I completely agree with Miranda W.

I would agree with your husband. If they are willing to watch the kids for a week you should be thankful. Nothing you have said would lead me to think they were not safe. I don't feed picky eaters only what they like, that is silly! I make a meal and you eat or go hungry. When I leave Grandma in charge I expect my children to follow Grandma's rules and be respectful. If they aren't, then I have the problem not Grandma.

not to sound harsh, but if you trust them to watch your kids for 5 days and they raised their own kids fine i am sure they will survive. it is good for kids to have change it teaches them that not everything can go as planned or their(your)way
Have fun and Relax

I would pay (literally PAY) to have either of our sets of parents watch our kids overnight, much less for an entire week or even 4 days.

So, I would say, deal with the schedule and food issues when you come home - happily. Sorry to be so blunt and not understanding of your situation. But they are the grandparents and are not supposed to have to follow rules... the saying goes "spoil them and send them home."

As far as your child not eating - if he was really hungry he would eat what is served. You may not mind being a short order cook, but obviously your Mother in law does.

Please, just remember to be thankful for what you have. My husband and I haven't had more than 1 night alone for over 3 years.

I'd review the schedule with her again and then just let it go. I'd thank my lucky stars if my parents took care of my kids for a few hours, let alone 5 days! Be grateful, preserve the relationship, and pick up where you left off when you get home.

If you pay the grandparents to watch the kids then you can have rules but if they are watching the kids out of the kindness of their heart let grandma be grandma.

If your son is picky premake and bring the food to grandmas so she just needs to pull it out of the fridge/freezer to heat or eat cold.

I know I tell my mother-in-law the simple outline of what we do during the day ex:

She sometimes eats breakfast, but usally just likes a smoothie or the drinkable yogurt.
she eats a small lunch around 11:30am usually but whenever you think she is ready to eat is fine.
she naps after lunch or sometime before 2pm... and sleeps for an hour or two. I am sure you are a good judge off when they are getting tired.
she usually likes a snack when is wakes up so whatever you want to give her.
... and so on.

Leave the timeline vague and let the grandparents have fun... they will not starve your children and your children willl eat when hungry (if you bring along food they like you will know grandma will have things on hand the kids will eat).

They more you stress out about the scheudle the kids will read that and be upset too if things are not like home. Tell the kids this is grandma and grandpas house and they will take great care of you... also tell them if they need anything just ask grandma or grandpa (including naps, snack, meal or soon on... that is what kids do). If the kids can talk now they will let grandma know what they want and if you tell it is ok to ask they will have a fun week at grandma's(they won't hurt grandma's feelings).

M.,

Your MIL is doing you a huge favor. Either you need to let go of the schedule and rules for a week or find a different sitter. We had the same situation. My MIL has watched our kids more than once. Despite all of the information I gave her, we came home to kids who had eaten junk food and sat in front of the TV and had no schedule and screwed up naps for a week. And they were sassy and disrespectful, which is unlike them. And we delt with it. It took a few days for them to figure out that the normal routine was back in force and then it was like it had never happened.

I warned my MIL that it would be easier to keep with the schedule and family rules, but she wanted to do it her own way. When we got home, she couldn't get out of there fast enough and won't watch our kids anymore. We have to hire someone now when we want a trip alone. If you want someone to do it your way, you will probably have to pay for that luxury.

Good luck,
S.

I'd let it go. Have the schedule for the In-laws, but I wouldn't worry too much about it. I would provide a medical release form so the In-laws can take the kids to the doctor if needed & their insurance information. I also leave my daughter's passport & birth certificate with my Mom.
When my Mom takes care of my daughter, I provide things to do, places to go, foods she likes, etc. But, it is really up to my Mom what goes on.
Just be glad they are will & able to help you out.

I know what it is like to have in-laws that do things with the kids I don't. For example, as a family we do not go to fast food..Grandma and Grandpa come to babysit they take them to any fast food chain they want. No sugar before bed:our rule..they will dish out the sugar like it is the best thing on the planet...no matter what time. So here is what I needed to decide for myself..I could either stress out and try and change them or simply let go and be grateful for the time I have away. Here is what I would suggest: Present the schedule in writing and and food options and suggestions for your son. Then you could say something like this:.."Here is a schedule of what we do and I would really appreciate it if you would follow it as much as you can, however, I understand if you have other ideas and really, what ever makes it go smoothly for everyone. Thank you so much for your help and please call if you have any questions at all". That way you have given her your needs and wants in writing and she will then have a guideline to follow and she will also know you appreciate her time and effort with the children. Good luck and Have fun on your trip.

I'd say the grandkids are gonna have their own relationship with their grandparents, regardless what efforts you make to structure things a certain way. Give your MIL the info you'd like her to know, and tell your kids that you have your rules at your house, and Grandma has hers. They'll have to be flexible, and she'll have to deal with the consequences if she doesn't follow their schedule. Trust that everyone will survive unscathed, and enjoy your trip to celebrate your brother's wedding. :)

Grandparents are going to be grandparents - they will listen politely while you lay out your requests and then, after you are gone, they will do things their way. If the kids were that upset because of a change in their schedule, maybe it is time to relax the schedule at home a little bit. Kids are resilient - they will be just fine for the week with their grandparents who love them as much as you do.