Seeking Help on Toddler Sleeping Habits

Ear plugs are really helping me break my daughter of that habit. The ear plugs just muffle the sound of her cries, so I am still able to hear her which is very important. It is easier for me to just ignore her cries then to sleep on the couch. Also, I have been very consistent. When she stands up and points to my bed and starts screaming, I roll myself over and cover myself up with the blankets. She gets no rewards for her behavior. I don't go to her,talk to her or get her a bottle. It’s been three weeks now and I have to say it’s getting better. She didn’t wake up last night and the night before she only woke up once.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this experience. My 14 month old son has rarely slept through the night and usually wakes 2-3 times before I just take him to my bed because I am so tired of trying to put him back down in his crib. I have been reading a book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers" and it's given me a lot of insight into why he's waking up. It also has a lot of ideas for getting them to sleep through the night, but most of them refer to children sleeping in a toddler bed so I have not tried them yet. I'll be interested to read the advice you get, maybe it'll help me too! :) Good luck!

J., Congrats on being a self-motivated person with school and 2 jobs and for still wanting to put your mothering as a priority. I have 2 boys, one whom I let "cry it out" at 11 months and he was fine sleeping through the night by himself every night since and he is now 6. My other son, who's 4 now, did what your daughter is doing until he was 3 and outgrew it on his own. I say just let her sleep with you. They're only little once and America is really one of only few cultures where this is socially unnaceptable. You are her mother and will use your own instincts to do what's best for your daughter. my advice is don't let society or anyone else tell you that you have to do things a certain way. Each child is a unique gift and has his/her own needs. She will eventually tell you too. When he could talk really well, our little boy was able to tell us about his dreams. Best of wishes, E.

I understand your dilemma. I too am going through a similar situation with my 14 month old. She has always been little so she slept in her bassinet until she was almost 7 months old. We got her to sleep in her crib two nights and she then came down with a serious cold, I was paranoid about putting her in her room because she was so stuffed up, so she slept in my bed and has been there ever since. Now with number two on the way she has to get in her own bed and room before her brother arrives in may. I bought her a toddler bed and she is adjusting well although she still wakes up at night. But we are working on it. I don't rock her to sleep because then she needs that to go back to sleep when she wakes up but she still seems to make it to my bed at some point she is getting better and it seems she is in her bed for a little longer each night.

My son is only four months but..i just started putting him in his own crib too. Tonight is night 4. Though it is easier at this age ..it is a challenge every night. I read a program called the sleep sense. It is online and cost money but a lady sent it to me. I will read what is says on toddleers again tomorrow for you and let you know a few things it suggest. It must be hard when she is old enough to tell you what she wants and fight you. I know that you have to be the mom still and try to be strong ...we give in alot. Especially for a few hours of sleep. I dont have much advice for you right now but i am here for support and will let ya know tomorrow what i find out. the program is really helpful. It was writin by a sleep expert(and mother of three). She had her kids in bed too and had the problem with the transition. Stay strong mom..L.

I went through the same thing with my son, only much more extreme, and every single doctor I ever went to said the same thing to me: Your child needs to learn to self-soothe. As hard as it is, and as tiring as it gets, you just have to let her cry it out; letting her figure out how to calm herself down is just as, if not more important than all the cuddles and rocking, but the earlier she learns this, the better off the both of you will in the longrun. Maybe this isnt what you were hoping for, and neither was I, when going through this with my own son, but speaking from experience- it DOES get better.

The only advice I have is this. I put my first daughter in a bed when she was a year old, reason was she had to wear a brace for her club foot at night and the crib was not allowing her to move around much. Anyway, she slept in the bed well and though we have to put her to sleep by laying next to her in her bed, she stays in her bed.

I am starting to do that with my second one now, she has been behaving so strangely lately that she has to touch me constantly at night time, the only thing I can think is it is partially night terrors and the fact that her top teeth are coming in.

Anyway, I got a toddler bed for her and working on getting her to sleep in that, she has done a few hours here and there.

I would perhaps look to get her a toddler bed, or even a twin size bed (with sides that keep her from falling out of bed) and this is going to sound wierd but I would just put her in the bed and tell her that she is sleeping in a bed just like mommy....I would also encourage to take the curtain down for awhile and so she knows that youa re still in the room, but you no longer are going to share a bed because she has her new bed herself.

it may help a little but will take some training, I hope that you do get some sleep,. I can understand just letting her sleep in your bed when you are working two jobs and going to school because you need your rest, but know that this will pass and things will get better!

Keep being patient, it will get better. You just keep doing what you're doing. Go to her, lay her down and comfort her with a soothing voice. If she doesn't calm down just walk away. Then go back a little later and do it again, but start stretching the time out between visits. It helps to use a clock as time seems to last forever when you are listening to a screaming child.
It is worth it if you need to have your own space a little bit.

Hi J.,
Sleeping issues are so hard. Especially when you're trying to sleep! I read a book called the "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg when my 2 little ones were babies and it really helped us. If you have a second bedroom, I would suggest transitioning her to that now. Begin with naps and after about a week work on nights. Once you do it, don't turn back. If you don't have another room, then you leave and sleep on the couch when she in throwing her fit. In the middle of the night, as hard as this is, my pediatrician along with many other resources I've consulted said it's OK to let them cry it out. But never if they're getting hurt in bed. So, let her get worked up and then after a while go in and calm her down after 5 or so minutes and do exactly what you're doing. Tell her it's night night time, she needs to sleep in her own bed and you love her. I know it can go on for a very long time, but if you don't start now, it will be even worse when she it 24 months which is right around the corner. A week or so of this, will allow for full nights of sleep in the long run.
I wish you all the best and if you're able, look into Tracy Hogg's books. She has the "Secrets of the Toddler Whisperer" as well. Also, ask your pediatrican, mine was a big help.
Best of luck!

Unlike some respondents I believe that the parent child relationship is a 2 way street and when one or the other of you are unhappy with a situation it's time to make changes. That being said. My son was sleeping in a bed in our room but the first night I moved the bed into his own room he slept through the night. I think we were waking him up. Now I don't know your situation but I'm guessing that there is no other place for her to be. So perhaps you could try sleeping out in the living room one night and see if she sleeps through. You may be snorring or moving around and waking her. I also run a humidifier for white noise. We run it on high and it sounds pretty loud when you are awake but it's soothing. You may be able to drown out the sound of you sleeping in the room. Also try waiting until she is really crying before you pick her up. Some kids wake up and chatter and fuss until they go back to sleep. That is what my son does, I only go get him if he is really crying for something. Good luck.

Hi, I think it's great that you're taking care of her and working so hard for your future at the same time. It's totally fine if you want her in her own bed! She still loves you, and it won't hurt her to learn that mommy needs her own bed. If you really want her in her own bed, it's going to take awhile. Up to 2 weeks of your constantly doing the same thing...hopefully it will not take you that long, but it is normal for her to want what she's always had, mommy in the same bed. We started by putting our son to bed, and letting him cry 5 min(felt like 5 hours) and going in to reassure him every 5 min for less than 1 min each time. Then, we moved to 10 mins, and eventually he wore himself out with the crying.
Hang in there,
A.

I'm a co-sleeping mom of a toddler. DD still wakes sometimes at night, I pat or cuddle her back to sleep. We are not of the opinion that she should sleep alone. They will not be sleeping with us when they are older. We plan on having a mattress right next to ours, and transitioning her to that when she is ready. She has gone from sleeping on my chest when she was a newborn, to sleeping in the crook of my arm, then next to me, and now for the most part in her own part of our bed.

everything happens in time. If it is too hard for both you and her right now, perhaps give her some more time, and re-evaluate. If it is imperative that she sleeps in her crib, then I have heard good things about hte no cry sleep solution, though I myself are not much of a baby trainer.

I don't know if this will help or not but this is what I did. I have a 2 year old daughter and a boy on the way in late Feb. My daughter would wake up in the middle of the night and want to sleep with my husband and myself in our bed. We also share a room. Every time I put her back in her crib she would literaly freak out. At 16 months we decided to put her in a toddler bed. She has been fine ever since. I think it was something about the bars and feeling trapped. Now she wakes up looks around, and goes back to sleep. There may be some crawling back in your bed but just put her back into her bed and pat her. Make a big deal about the fact that it's a big girl bed. They don't take up any more space than a crib, you can use the same mattress, and you can get a used one very cheap. Maybe this will help!

Hi J.,

As hard as it is- dont take her out of the crib. What I would suggest is waiting until a weekend (or a couple days off in a row) and do it then- that way you will have a chance to enforce this without having to try and go to work/school the next day on zero sleep. First make sure she is full before bed; we would give our daughter oatmeal or something like along those lines to "top her off" before bedtime. Instead of taking her out of the crib when she wakes up lay her back down and rub her back or belly and talk with her softly. It took me a few times of doing this before my daughter realized I wasnt going to take her to my bed. My daughter co-slept with us for over a year and trying to get her to stay in her own bed was very difficult to say the least; either I would buckle or my husband would and bring her to bed with us just so we could sleep. It finally happened when we agreed to deal with zero sleep for a weekend to make this happen. There were still times that she would wake up through the night and cry until I came in and helped sooth her back to sleep. It's a tought road and I wish you all the best. Hang in there and she'll be sleeping through the night and on her own in no time!

Hi J.,

First question for you is Why are you trying to change that? Second For how long has your baby been sleeping in your bed?

You gotta rememmber that if she has been sleeping in your bed for 19 months(if that where the case) then she doesn't want to let go of her routine. Babys are very found of their routines. If when she wakes up you are still working on homework let her hang out with you, you probably have little time to share with her with 2 jobs and school, I have 2 kids myself, a boy (7) and a girl (3). They have always sleept with us and still do, on a king size bed... I personally don't see anything wrong with sleeping with my kids, even now my son is getting older and will need soon to be on his own room and bed but don't think it will be dramatic for him. He went to Mexico last summer and slept alone in his room at his grandmother's house without any problem. When he came back he wanted me to come to sleep with him but I reminded him of his nights in Mexico so he fine sleeping on his own. My daughter sometimes wants me to come lay down with her but depending on what I am doing I don't always let her stay up with me. If you really want to change the routine your daughter has be firm and don't give in, its going to be difficult so reward her with a hug or kiss not food or candy or toys. Give her thanks for the nights she makes it without so much fuss. She understands. Good luck to you and remember that our children are a blessing from the God above, we need to good take care of them. They won't always want to sleep with us. Sometimes its hard to enjoy it because of the other things you got going on.
God bless you and your family.
I.

If you make sure she has a full tummy right before she goes to bed then you should not have any trouble with her staying a sleep! or you can also try not getting up because she knows how to work you, leave her there and ignore her and if you break first then she'll never sleep through the night!

How are her eating habits? My son is a VERY picky eater. We really had a hard time with getting him to sleep through the night because he wouldn't eat any solid food and he would wake up every few hours because he was hungry. He was 2 before he started sleeping through the night! And I found that it was around the same time that he really started eating solid foods. Before that, he pretty much survived on milk and maybe some fruit here and there. Does your daughter want a bottle or something to eat when she wakes up? Perhaps she is hungry. Also, I know it's not a popular thing, but I can testify that the "crying out" method does work. If you leave her in her crib to cry and don't immediately pick her up and take her to your bed, eventually she will learn that she is supposed to sleep in her crib. We had to do that with my son. It will probably be a week or two of crying and it can get pretty stressful! But once you get past that, you will be thankful!

I dont think you wanted me to find this thread. I jsut cant read and not reply.
Is there a reason that you wnat her so badly to sleep in her bed?
your daughter needs you at night, or she wouldnt be doing this.

It is NOT ok to let her scream and cry herself back to sleep. she trusts you to comfort her when she needs it. You are going against that.

Stop and think. You are missing alot in her life right now with your busy schedual. She may simply be using this time as her time to be with you. She will only be small for a very short time. It goes so fast, next thing you know she will be 16 and you will be wishing you could have those nights back.

J.,
Try making her crib very comfortable for her. My only suggestion for that is to make sure you have a nice mattress pad (for a crib) on the mattress and keep a heating pad handy to help heat the sheets before you lay her back down. Don't lay her ON the heating pad, make sure it's out of her crib before you lay her back down but the warm sheets could help. Good luck, hopefully other moms have better suggestions!
A.

You probably don't want to hear my reply to this but here it goes...

I used to be the type that belived kids should be in their own bed ASAP. My first 2 were sleeping through the night and in their own bed by the time they were 3 weeks and 1 1/2 months old. My youngest slept through the night at about 2 months and in her own bed as well but since we moved into our house about a year ago, she has been more and more fearful and wanting to sleep with us.

Now I will admit, she is a BEDHOG...we have a Clifornia King and she still has to touch us both at the same time and it is a pain sometimes. What I'm getting at is no matter how frustrating it is at times and no matter what I have always believed or what others believe, I realize that I missed something with my other 2 that I get with her. She is a VERY independent little 4 yr. old but when she is asleep and in bed with me...she counts on me for the comfort to help her sleep.

Now, we have told her she has to start sleeping in her own bed again and she agrees and understands but we live in a 2200 sq. ft. split wing and our room is down a somewhat long hallway so she feels so far away from us. Like I said, she agrees and understands what needs to happen but is fearful so she..herself...came up with a plan. She told me that she can fall asleep in my bed then I can take her and put her in her bed. THAT is what we do now but overall, I really love the cuddling and the head on my chest and the closeness we share at that quiet time...like I said...I missed that with my other 2.

So I say, unless there is another reason aside from it being what you believe or others tell you...SAVOR IT!! She will eventually be in her own bed permanently...it only last's for a little while. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to force it...'cause I believe she needs you and wants to feel safe with you and that is NEVER a bad thing!

~ S.

Hi, J..
It has to be hard doing all that you do, but more power to you. I'm guilty of having the kiddo sleep with me. She is older than your daughter, but this is what currently works for us. She LOVES her snuggle time, and by the end of the day I seem to think that I'm ready for some me time...my kiddo has a set time to snuggle with me 15-20 before her bedtime, when that time is up, she knows that she has to go to her bed. When I tuck her with her favorite stuffed elephant and put on some soft music, it seems to do the trick. However there are those nights that the snuggling is just what I need...then once she's asleep, I put her in her bed. It's hard being a mom and trying to make the right choices, you simply have to do what is best for you and don't let society choose for you. Those snuggle times are the best and it has truely bonded us.
Good Luck and keep up the good work.
T. E

Hi J.,
my daughter is 6 year old now. and Yes, it was hard to let her sleep along when she was about 1 and half year to 2 year old. I think most babies similary experience that. And it seems to be part of their grow up process. Yet she still sleep with me once awhile. You know as American culture, babies do sleep alone when they are little. but I think it is hard for babies seperate with their mommy. I remember my daughter didn't have a crib but her own twin bed. and at begining that we were going to let her sleep alone, I let her sleep with me then move her to her bed. and later, I sleep with her on her bed, I left her bed when she was asleep. and when she got about 3 year old. one day she told me that she didn't need me to be with her for sleeping. I know it must be very hard for you when your daughter awake often at night specially you got to have two jobs to do and yet school to go. and to still remain your calm and patience. but do take a deep breath when you need it. Good luck.