Seeking Advice on How to Tell 6 Yr Old Daughter About Plastic Surgery

Why tell her? She is little and it doesn't benefit her to know. Although its not the same, my mom had her tubes tied when I was a kid, I remember them telling me she will feel better and be home soon. I found out when I was older, I think I would have done the same.

I think this should be one of those things that is on a "need to know basis...and she doesn't need to know"

If there were financial issues or other "adult" matters, she wouldn't be discussing these things with her 6 year old either.

It would be different if she were 16, but she is 6 and probably doesn't understand.

I say mums the word...

C....I think your sister in law needs to stop worrying about the fact that her breasts are noticeably two different sizes and realize how "beautiful she is and to love her body "just as it is" ". How does she expect her child to feel this way about herself if she (mom) feels this way about her own body? I don't get it. Its like the old 'do as I say not as I do'. My apologies to every person here whom I've offended by my opinion but this day and age of fixing what's wrong with a little plastic has just gotten so out of hand in my eyes. Everyone is seeking perfection in how they 'look' rather in how they 'are'. I know she has an issue with how her bra fits or her bathing suit...but it could be much worse. Again, if I've offended, my apologies. Of course, if she does decide to do this, which she may, then I agree with those who say a little 6 year old is much too young to have to deal with this. She should be having 'fun' doing kid stuff...not worrying about mommies boobs.

Why does she have to know? Mom is going to the doctor to get well and leave it at that. My mom had her breast done and I never new until I became an adult.

C.

I had breast implants when my daughter was about 6 years old. I did not tell her. I was in surgery while she was at school and then when she got home I was in bed and my husband told her I was not feeling well. It is an adult procedure that children don't need to know about. The child can be told about it when she is older if the mom is so inclined to tell her.

beimg so young, she might not notice , if she does tell her aunyie bought some new boobs.
Don't make a big deal out of it.

I agree. There is no need ot tell her daughter about the surgery at all. She shouldn't see the acctual sores, and if she asks about the swelling, just tell her that it is part of that kind of ouchi and that it will go away. She will be in pain and have lifting restrictions, but what is wrong with simply saying, "Mommy isn't feeling well" or "Mommy got hurt, but she'll be fine" There should be no more explaination IMO. I too plan on getting mine "fixed" but I won't tell my daughter at least not until she understands what it is like to have natural breast. 6 is too young- not to mention the old Bill Cosby skit of "Kids say the darndest tthings." That could be fun to explain to the teacher at parent teacher conferences. Good luck.

till her that must women have that problem. I am one it does not mater to me.

i agree that it can be a delicate subject, and i'm against purely cosmetic surgery for that reason. but i think in your SIL's case, if they are very uneven, it's a valid reason for surgery. since her daughter is only 6, she could very easily tell her that mommy's breasts just need to be "fixed" because they didn't grow right. sounds silly to a grown-up LOL but to a child it will probably sound like a perfectly good reason to get them fixed! if she goes ahead with the surgery, i would encourage her, and anyone who is in earshot of her daughter, to not mention ANYTHING about beauty or feeling better about the way she looks or anything along those lines.
i hope this helps!

I probably wouldn't address it unless she asks more questions. I'd say that I was going to a special doctor and that I'd might be uncomfortable for a couple weeks, but that it's no big deal and nothing to worry about. I wouldn't get into specifics. Don't lie to her, just be evasive.

Good luck,

I have not faced this problem, but...I feel like honesty is the best policy. We are very open with our children about things and feel that opens the doors for them to be honest with us. If it was me, I would tell my daughter (she is almost 6) that mommy is having her breast fixed because they make her uncomfortable and that I would feel better once it was done. I dont see the problem with being honest about it. If the little girl asks why she cant get something fixed just say that it is only for adults and only if you cant fix it with other options...healthy eating, exercise. Again, if you are honest about all things, kids take it better and in turn are more honest with you about their feelings and decisions. She will probably ask questions and at that point you have to answer them honestly and carefully. Also if the mom is worried about the daughter telling her friends, just let her know that somethings are private and only talked about with mommies and daddies...again leading into a life lesson on what you should and shouldnt talk to your friends about.

In this situation, I'd tell my daughter I had a problem with my breasts and was going to the doctor to have it fixed. I would explain more in detail if she asked. There would be no need to bring up sex, because, hopefully, she is not aware of that yet. If my husband and I modeled an accepting attitude, emphasizing that he loved me the same before and after, I think that would confirm to my daughter that worth/lovability and physical appearance are separate things.

My daughter is only four now. But I know there will be a time when we will encounter issues with appearance, whether it's weight, acne, makeup, or something else. I plan to teach my daughter that loving yourself and doing nothing to change your body are not necessarily synonymous. The key is to not let self worth be dependent upon physical appearance. No one has a "perfect" body. But each person is amazingly, wonderfully made and infinitely important. I want my daughter to realize this and to be able to deal with physical problems with an attitude of acceptance, not esteeming herself lower because she has problems, but stronger because she's dealing with them. A woman's true value lies in her heart, mind, character, what she means to and does for others. A woman's body is merely a vehicle that carries her true self through this life. If the vehicle has a problem, we take care of it in order to enrich our own and other's lives. But the real treasure lies within.

I hope this helps! God bless.

"Favour [charm] is deceitful, and beauty is vain [empty, fleeting]: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised." Proverbs 31:30 (KJV)

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen."

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Hi C.,
I don't think she should say anything. If any questions come up while she's still recovering, then she should tell her she isn't feeling well. When my nephews ask me something & the truth isn't age appropriate, I try to come up with a response that isn't a lie, but also isn't giving them an inappropriate answer. If possible try to get someone to keep her for the first couple of days after surgery until she's up & around a little better. There will be plenty of time when her daughter is older to talk about what she did & why. If she really insists on telling her then she should be honest & simply state it. And this would be a good time to have the talk about what is ok & what's not ok to talk about away from home & with people other than mom & dad. But if it were me, I wouldn't tell her right now.

She should just let her daughter know that she needs to have surgery. She does not need to necessarily tell her why, but the daughter will definitely want to know what is going on......Be careful what you tell her because I can gurantee her whole class will know about it the next day!! Believe me, I heard many interesting stories when I taught first and third grades!!!!I doubt she wants her child's classmates going home and telling their moms about her new boobs! :)

DO not tell her. Six years old is way to young to even understand the issue. Most likely she will not even notice. My sister had hers done when her daughter was that age and she never even questioned the difference. Especially since it will not be too noticeable with her clothing on. It is not like it is something on her face, where she wouldn't have a choice but to say something. Her daughter is so young she would end up telling everyone around just because she doesn't understand.
Good Luck!!!!

I wouldn't address it as a "how I look" issue but a medical issue. She can explain how bras don't fit, etc. and a doctor is going to help her out so that she doesn't have to work so hard at getting clothes to fit, etc. I wouldn't say anything specific about implants or anything. Just that the doctor is going to help mommy fix her problem.

Hi C., the 6 yr old is probably aware of how difficult it is to find clothes that fit properly if she has a weight problem herself. Her body will be growing, developing and changing every year for many years. Her mom's body is finished growing. I would tell the child that it is difficult to find clothing that fits properly when breasts are different sizes. I would not make the issue about having implants, but that the dr. would make the breasts the same on both sides. The child probably doesn't know about breasts having a sexual factor. I wouldn't introduce that point until it is brought up. Avoid saying "pretty" and "implants" in the same discussion because to the child, that sounds like you aren't pretty without implants. Her mommy will feel prettier when her breasts are the same size. Then she can buy a bra, swimsuit, dress, blouse that fit her nicely. That will make mommy feel better and feeling happier will make her feel prettier as well. Personally, I feel referring to mommy as "sexy" and "hot" to a 6 yr old is premature. A child's main concerns are "Is mom sick?--No", "Is mom coming back?--Yes", "If mom is different, does she still love me?--Of course". HTH, C.

There is a new book out for children to talk to them about their mother's plastic surgery. The article below not only tells about the book but talks about why or why not to use it.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24187476/

I don't think that it's a good idea to tell her 6yo that she's having/had plastic surgery. She should wait until her daughter has established her own healthy views for herself; her self-esteem wouldn't know how to process this right now. As long as she's not making any major changes that the daughter can't help but notice, it'll do for her to explain that she's got some pain or discomfort that the doctor will fix for her. In about 10-15 years, she can tell her the truth of this process, when the daughter can understand why.

As for explaining the implants to the six year old, I think it is an adult issue that a 6 year old doesn't need to deal with. Explaining simply that mom had problems and the doctor had to fix her to make her feel better should suffice. It sounds like the real issue is her daughter and her self image issues. If she is already having weight issues then intervention needs to happen now to help her feel confident. The child needs to be engaged daily in physical activity for at least and hour and a nutritionist should help teach the daughter and the family better eating habits. When we eat well and are exercising, even if we aren't meant to be stick thin, it still makes us feel better, happier, and healthier.confidence building in her daughter should be her first priority.instead of telling her to accept her current weight, have her put activities in place to help her feel confident.My dear friend was told to embrace her weight her whole childhood and now she is obese with serious life threatening health issues before she is 30. She now wishes her parents taught her to take pride in her body by developing healthy eating and creating the habit for physical activity. The parents should also make sure to keep her away from the media and its influence. It is proven that women viewing celebrities on magazines and TV generate almost instant negetive thoughts about their image.
I am also scheduled to have an augmentation because after 2 children I am left as a 34 AAA and AA.I will be a 34B post surgery. I feel I have worked at getting into shape and looking and feeling my best and I am having help to just fill in what is missing and what I can't change.I only want to fit in women's clothes without the puckering!
All the daughter should really know about the surgery is that mom had a deformity that was causing problems and the only way to fix it was thru surgery.
I hope this helps and I wish her luck!

Your daughter is to young to even be told. Just tell her that her aunt is going to the hospital and will have some big bandads for awhile. That is all that she needs to know. When she is around 12 or so then she will better understand.

I wish her the best on her surgery if she decides to go for it. I would love the opportunity to have such a decision to make!!! I can see her delemma in respect to how to present this to her daughter. One thing to keep in mind is that kids often go to school and tell other kids and/or other moms everything when carpooling, etc. I have seen my kids do this as well as my kids' friends. It can be very revealing and embarrassing. This is a very personal thing in which I would guard my privacy if I were going through. Your sis in law may want to keep this in mind when explaining to her daughter about her upcoming surgery. Kids have a way at this age of not needing too much info just that mom will be fine and home soon.