Seeking Advice on How to Get My 5Yr Old to Sleep in Her Own Room

We did the "Bedtime Fairy." Every night that my son went to sleep in his own room (and stayed there), the Bedtime Fairy would visit and leave a small gift under the pillow (a sicker, a stamp, lollipop). After he successfully stayed in his bed, the Bedtime Fairy wrote a letter saying goodbye and what a big boy he had become. Every once in a while the Bedtime Fairy will make an unexpected stop at his bedside. He still loves getting a sticker from the bedtime fairy. Hope this helps.

We used the good ole sticker chart method like they do in school and came up with cool prizes for every 5 nights, then 10, and so on...after 30 days, it's such a habit that the chart just goes away...really stick with it and it may work...good luck

I had the same problem with my son. My husband deploys often and my son would sneak into my room each night. I tried a lot of exhausting techniques before I finally discovered the problem. My son was afraid of the height of his bed thinking he would fall out if I was not there to catch him. We bought a bed that had a trundle portion and he has slept in his room ever since (other than when sick maybe). You can start out by trying a sleeping bag in her room to see if she stays there all night when she is low to the ground. I hope this helps.

Does she have her own room? Would it be possible to decorate it with a character or theme that she's really into right now? We decorated my 7 year-old daughter room with a bunch of Disney Princess stuff and painted it pink and purple two years ago, and she hasn't slept in our bed since.....

She won't be wanting to do that forever. :-) She'll eventually be the little girl that won't come out of her room. I used to lay in my daughter's room with her until she fell asleep. Then, I'd start laying with her and telling her, I'll be right back and do that over and over until she was asleep. She still did climb in bed with us later, but my husband and I had the time together that we needed. Childhood only last a few short years. You won't mess them up by making sure that they sleep in their own beds.

Have you tried a simple reward chart? Great advice in the Healthy Sleep HAbits, Happy Children book byt Marc Weislebluth I think his name is........anyway, he talks about consistency and sticking with it...even supernanny talks about doing it tough to start off with but then it is managed, so worth the hard yards. Seems like even though she was told it would be back to her room on her birthday, it hasn't been followed through with by the adults in her life.....always tough to do when it seems so easy to cuddle up together but she needs to learn to be independent at least in where she sleeps, and you will have to be very tough and very consistent to change a behaviour which is being controlled by the five year old at this point. You can expect a lot of tears to start with and a lot of protests, but she will learn if you stick to your guns on this. Use a reward chart where she can earn a privelige/ favourite activity by staying in her own room for a whole night and sticking to the sleep rules. Talk about what she is scared of if you think that is the problem, do a monster check if you need to, but the bottom line is when she goes to bed, she stays in bed until it is time to get up in the morning, and she really needs you to help her learn this skill.
Good luck.
D.

We used a sticker chart for my son, though he was almost 3. I made a chart with 12 or 15 squares for the first one. Each night he went to bed on his own without crying, etc., he would get a sticker in the morning. Then when he filled up the chart, he got to pick a treat (he loved Thomas the Tank Engine at the time, so he got a new train). For the next chart, I put 20 squares. By the time he completed the second chart (and got another treat), he was in his bed without incident every night. He asked for a third bedtime chart, but I conveniently "forgot" to make another one, and it was never an issue again. We also used this method for going poo-poo on the potty with him, and it worked there, too. Good luck.

Hi:

I've got a newly 6 year old who slept with us continously until about 6 months ago. Neither my husband nor I could get any sleep b/c she was such a wiggle worm and even with a king sized bed, it got way to crowded with 4 sleeping in it (her little brother had just gotten the idea that what's good for the goose is good for the gander so he was beginning to want to sleep with us as well). What we did was to make a routine of bed with brushing teeth, turning on the night light, reading a book, singing a song and then I lay down with her for "1 minute." For the first 3 months it was very hard b/c she wouldn't go to sleep or she would pop in our bed about 10 pm like clockwork. The key was to consistently get out of bed whether it was 10pm or 2am or 4am and walk her down to her room, put her back in her bed and lay down with her for "1 minute." I admit that I was very sleep deprived and wanted to give in about 30 days into it butI didn't and we are glad we stuck to it. Now the kids only show up at our bed in the middle of the night if someone has a nightmare and even then I give comfort, a little snuggle time in "the big bed", and then I walk them down to their own bed and get them settled in again for the rest of the night.

Our son was very close and hard to transition too. We took the moving chair approach it worked really well. We had already fixed up his room. We started laying by him while after reading books. After he was comfortable with that, we put a chair beside the bed. Over a couple of weeks, we slowly moved the chair farther from the bed. Once we were out the door, he was fine. Good luck!

We are still in the process of this with our 4yr old. We started by putting his toddler bed in our room for awhile. When he got to the point where he wasn't asking to be in our bed anymore, we moved him to his room. He would still come down in the middle of the night but we wouldn't let him in the bed. There was a pillow and blanket on the floor for him. Keep it at just a pillow and blanket because you don't want her to be too comfortable. You want her to see that it is much more comfortable in her own bed than on the floor. After a few weeks of this and he again was no longer asking to get into our bed, we moved the pillow and blanket to the floor of the living room (not the sofa). For awhile he would come into our room still and ask to sleep in our bed or on our floor and we would redirect him to the living room and eventually he went straight to the living room floor. Our next step was to take away the pillow and blanket from the living room. This is where we are at and he does pretty good. He no longer comes to our room but will bring his own pillow and blanket down in the middle of the night and we find him on the living room floor in the morning, but not every morning. I guess this is similar to the "move the chair" approach but instead me moved the child further away each time!

what about putting her in the room with the 11 year old? I would have been scared upstairs if my parents were downstairs too.

My mom had a mat on the floor next to her bed for my sister and she had to go to bed in her own room but if she was scared during the night she could come lay down for half an hour in mom's room. Then when the time was up (or mom woke up and saw R was still in the room) she woke her up and told her it was time to go back to her room. It seemed to work well because my sister knew that if she needed her, my mom was always there.

S. (mom to four girls, three of whom share a room because they'd rather be together then apart.)

A friend of mine had this problem with her boys- the oldest quit sleeping in his own bed when he was about 4yo, so she put him in the room with his younger twin brothers, and that seemed to solve it for them. Not sure if this is an option for your or not, since your kids are older than hers..

Good luck! I hope you find the solution that works for your family.

Hi W. -

When you have more than one or two kids there is always one that seems to be more sensitive than the others. I think this is what you have.

I would talk to your daughter a lot on this subject. Ask her questions about how it feels to her when she wakes in the night and what else she thinks might comfort her - other than going into your bed. There is nothing like the security of parents but maybe she can figure out some other things to help. She may not be ready although you and your hubby certainly are. It is great that she falls asleep in her own bed. Since the operation she had, I think she has become dependant and so I think you need to talk about it with her and come up with solutions and gradually she will grow into being ready to be more independent. You can also introduce ideas to her about being ready for other things she already accomplishes in her life right now.

Get creative on this and remember to be patient. She will eventually learn to self soothe - but it's important that it's when she is ready. Just give her as many tools to cope as you can, the main one being love and understanding - and you can love and understand her while you also talk about what is expected and setting boundaries (that are appropriate for her, being a more sensitive child) - you will know what she can handle and what she needs time on.

Alli

My husband and I had the same problem with our little girl except she was nearly 7 yrs. old. We were at wits end trying to get her to stay in her own bed. Till finally she started begging my husband to take her for a ride on our new motorcycle. So he told her that in order to get to do that, she had to sleep in her bed so many nights in a row, but if she didn't he would not take her on a ride. Believe it or not, she did, because she really wanted to go for a ride. Granted she only got to go around the block 1 time. But it worked. The next time she wanted to do something special she had to do it the same way. After a while she got the hang of it, and now the only time she sleep with me, is when my husband is out of town.
So my suggestion to you, would be try a special occassion or special treat that she might enjoy, then encourage her to sleep in her own bed.

I've never had personal experience with this, but I was reading through an article not too long ago on this subject. Their advice was to start your child sleeping on the floor next to your bed, then in a week or so move her to the hall. Keep her gradually moving farther from you and closer to her room. The author advised that it might take several months, but that it works. Good luck!

Let her pick out a poster and sheet set of her favorite character. Cars didn't work, Spider Man worked but he would wake up. For some reason he likes his new SpongeBob sheets and throw. He wakes up now around 8 and comes down stairs - no tears!!!

you know nighttime can be a scary time for kiddos. start by praying. pray with her or get her to pray if she's comfortable with it and tell God what she's afraid of/why she wants to sleep in mommy's room so often. pray for patience and understanding. like another post said, it won't last forever and you'll miss this when she's not wanting to do as much with you and/or the rest of the family. one thing my aunt and uncle did that seemed to work with their daughter was to put a palate of blankets or a sleeping bag under their bed. she was allowed to come into their room but she had to pull that out and sleep on it and put it away in the morning. that way she's at least in the same room with you if she is scared.
having your husband gone might be a little scary for her as well. is he her father? if not, that could have something to do with her sleep issues. good luck.

This is something that will probably take a while. When I had to do it with my son it took several nights but slowly started to stay in his own bed. When she comes down in the middle of the night you have to get up and take her back to her bed and explain that she's a big girl now and big girls sleep in their own bed. You may even want to let her pick out a new bed set. I tried that with my son and it helped. He still tries to come down every now and then but he is more willing to stay in his bed once we have had the big boy talk even if it's as he's going to bed.

does she have a favorite cartoon character? if she has a favorite you might want to fix her room in that character and tell her there is nothing to be afraid of because (Example: Dora is her with you) or Angel if she likes angels give her an special present(an angel) and tell her that the special angel will watch over her while she sleeps. if worked for my daughter. it might just work for your? hope all goes well and good luck.
Sincerley
Msingleterry

Most people might not agree with what I did to get my child to sleep in her own room but it worked for us.My 6 year old daughter wanted a puppy real bad so we told her if she would start sleeping in her own room we would reward her with one.She had to do this for 2 weeks without once coming into our room.Well she did it and so we got her a puppy.She has slept in her own bed ever since.(LOL)The only problem we had with the whole situation is now the puppy is sleeping in our bed instead of our daughters!I wouldn't suggest a puppy but do you know of something that she wants really bad then I would tell her if she sleeps in her own bed for x amount of days then that will be her reward.Also in order for her to keep her reward she has to stay in her own bed,you may not have to go that far I know that my husaband and I didn't.

Bribery!
In our house we use the treasure box system.
Each night that my son doesn't
-wake me up in the middle of the night
- yell out @ bed time or other things that he shouldn't do
in the morning he gets to go to the treasure box.
In the treasure box put an assortment of her favorite things.(we have tatoos, pencils, individually wrapped candy, )My son loves it. He has even made up his own rewards and written them on paper. One big reward is if he goes 7 days w/out a bedtime problem ,he gets to sleep on the air mattress down stairs.
We have had bedtime issues since Oct.2006 when we moved from a one story house to a 2 story house.
Things have just started to get better.
Feel free to contact me if you have any ?'s b/c I know what you are going through.
Good Luck

Hi W.,

You probably won't think this will work, but it did for us. When we first moved to our house several years ago, my daughter felt uneasy about sleeping in her own room. Being in a new house, I also felt more safe with both my son and daughter in our bed. Well, that didn't last too long because we were ready for some alone time. It took a little while, but after a few nights of my daughter coming back and forth, we figured out a solution. My son, luckily, never gave us any issues. We would put her to sleep around 8pm (they have always had early bedtimes). She would just sorta lay there for a while, but I would assure her that I would be in to check on her several times. In the beginning, I would leave her TV on, or you can turn on a radio. I would make sure that she would feel me touch her arm or kiss her forehead the first couple of times I checked on her. This just let's her know that you are keeping your end of the bargain and let's her feel safe to doze off. I would still come in to check on her after I knew she was asleep because there were times that she would wake up. If she feels you still coming in, she knows that you are still keeping your word. Then by the time I went to bed, I would make one last check. Yes, she would still get up here and there during the night and slip on over, but I would find the engery to get up and walk her back and tuck her in. I would just wait a couple of minutes until she was asleep again. Just like anything else, they need to find this as a habit. It will not work the first night, but rest assured, it will not last too long. Once she understands and KNOWS that sleeping in her own room is okay, she will do it without hesitation.
ALSO, there will be nights that she does have a nightmare or feel uneasy during those stormy nights. Of course, allow her to sleep with you after a nightmare, if she chooses to. But, give her the option to go back to her room. During stormy nights, last night being one of them, would wake up in the middle of the night from the storm and carry my kids to my bed (my husband works nights). Then when they wake up, they are surprised to see that they slept in my bed. It's amazing what kind of a good mood they have after knowing that they slept safely with mom that night. I have to take advantage of this time because my kids are now 9 and 10 and there will come a day that they will not think that sleeping with mom was "cool".
Since my "cool" days are limited, I will continue to bring them to my bed during a stormy night and surprise them with McDonald's during lunch until Mom is no longer "cool". They are still my babies after all, but that is another post:)

Good luck!

Have you tried putting a mat by your bed so that she can reach out & touch you and you can do the same thing?

here is some old school advice from when I was that 5 year old kid still getting into my parents bed...my mom used to bribe me with Hello Kitty presents. I got to unwrap one every morning that I slept the whole night in my own bed. She used hello kitty wrapping paper and put all these trinkets in a basket. I got to pick one every morning and it worked for me, I take bribes I guess! Not sure if it will work for every kid, but good luck. I am going to have to do this when my daughter is old enough to "get it". She is 2 and always ends up in bed with me around 2 or 3 in the morning.