Seeking Advice on Dealing with Difficult Mother-in-law

why not J. say ohhhh thanks it looks awesome I'll try it on at home and if it doesnt fit i'll pass it on to my XXXXX...why say no? it seems like you're maknig it more difficult than it has to be, my 5'2 ex mil still gives M. all her clothes that dont fit her, i'm 5'11...lol...

I'd probably ask her if you were supposed to get her a gag gift too, and then propose that next year EVERYONE participates in the White Elephant gift exchange.

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Sounds like she needs ye ole white elephant gift. So ... go to your garage or your local thrift store. Find the funniest, old (but still working) item that you can come up with. Wrap it and tuck it into your purse or bag. If she springs the old jeans on you, pull that baby out and gift her the elephant. I doubt she will do it again :)

I think you might be making too much of this.
If she tries to give you the jeans, just say thanks, put them in a bag and you'll see if they fit when you get home.

Don't dread going to your mother in law's house over a pair of jeans.
Just saying.....

I have a friend whose mother just died. She gave me bags of her clothing. I graciously took them. It's irrelevent that I'm a size 2 and the clothes were size 12-16. It wasn't an insult to me.
As a matter of fact, she couldn't bear to get rid of the clothes herself and she knew that I would find someone who could use them or just let them go.
It was something she couldn't bring herself to do.

Now...I don't know why your mother in law wants to give you these jeans, but at least you have a head's up and you can thank her and let it go at that.
If she tries to get you to try them on just say that you'll try them when you get home and let her know if they fit. If it's OBVIOUS they won't fit, tell her that you will find someone who can make use of them and leave it at that.

Don't get yourself all riled up over it in advance.

Best wishes.

I *know* what it is that's annoying about this. I have a friend whose relative would insistently "gift" her things we'd all roll our eyes at: old curling irons were one of the most infamous.

I agree with Dawn-- just pack it up and blow it off. If she is wanting you to try them on, just remind her you are visiting with family right now and then ask:"Would you like me to return them if they don't fit, or should I just pass them on?" That's really all you owe her.

And ask your husband to back you up. Work out a nonverbal signal beforehand, so if she's getting insistent, your husband can move in and distract her an give her some attention-- it doesn't seem right that his mom is only showering her attention on you! :) It does, however, seem to me that she's either a little batty or trying to garner admiration by forcing you to receive a gift you don't want in the first place.

Hmm, I'd likely choose diplomacy over righteousness. Sure it's a little tacky to keep trying to unload your unwanted clothes on someone who doesn't want them; but so is refusing something someone is giving you. Is it really worth making everyone around you uncomfortable?

I guess I'd just graciously accept, and, as someone else mentioned, come up with some story about what happened to the item if she asks why she's never seen me in it.

Is there more to this story?

:)

I'm sorry to laugh at you, but that is too, too funny to me. Obviously, it's getting on your nerves, and you take offense to having this forced on you. it doesn't have to be so bad, though. Hopefully, we have provided you ample venting space foryou to mvoe forward without being bothered by this.

If she's gifting it to you, go ahead and take it. Ask her if she minds you passing it on if it doesn't work with your wardrobe or if she would prefer having it back. If she insists on having you try it on, tell her firmly that you don't want to, that you'll try it on at home. She might just stop if you don't play along.

I don't know how old your MIL is, but this might be a simple case of old and set in her ways. Maybe she just needs to give something, or just can't bear to toss the stuff. It doesn't have to be about overstepping with you.

Weird. At least your hubby warned you ahead of time so you can plan your response. I would just play it off lightly and let it be. When you open it, say "thanks" and open your other gifts. You can always donate them to a needy person. If she forces you to try them on, say "I will later" and then when she asks say, "they are great" and donate them later at home.
And if it were me...I'd find something I don't wear and wrap it for her...and ask her to try it on. But you'd have to keep a straight face the whole time if you do this. Good luck. Have fun with it.

Can you just accept the pants with a thank you, say you'll try them on at home later so you can enjoy her lovely party, and then Goodwill them? Some people just have a hard time giving things away. My sister always "gives" me her skinny jeans when she gains weight. The jeans are still a couple sizes too big for me; she just can't stand the thought of parting with such cute jeans... Surely your other family members realize that you don't share the same style as your MIL, so there's no real losing face.

I wish I had bit the bullet a few more times with my MIL when she would give me something I went (in my mind) OH MY STARS!!!! about. She gave me a denim jacket that had a leopard fur lining. I wore it every day for as long as I had it, I did wear it out eventually though. Everyone told me that it made me look like I weighed every bit of 300lbs.

She gave me a skirt set that the bottom was dark sage green, about a foot of the skirt, then the next color up was a sickly avocado color, then the top color was a washed out light yellow and it had a sequin every now and then all over the skirt. The top was a tight fitting tee that had the same color variation on it...it was way scary looking. She thought it was lovely.

I wore it maybe 2 times when we were going to her house. I hated it and dark sage green is my absolute favorite color. Every time she helped me by doing my laundry I would find lace sewn on the necklines or on the bodice to "draw the eyes up" to make me look slimmer. I would go rip it off in a snit....

I wish with all my heart I had never told her I didn't like a single thing she ever did or said. I miss her every day since she died.

I don't even think of my own mother very often nor do I miss her. I have never even visited her grave since she died.

But I miss my difficult obstinate MIL every single day and regret not just sucking it up and accepting the gifts for what they were, a gesture that she felt was something nice. I would have tried on the jacket in question here and told her it was lovely and thank you and I would have made sure she saw me wearing it at least once, probably more. When you treat her like she is important and show her the proper respect you are the winner in the long run, you are the bigger person because you let her give and you were gracious.

Being a good sport and a lady about the whole thing is the higher road here.

Does she force others to try on used clothing? Or just you?

Maybe she thinks if it doesn't fit you, she'll pass it on to someone else who could sure "use" it?

And if none of the above, I'm thinking she needs a lot of attention and praise when she gives something to someone. And this would be rooted way in her past. For instance, she was not given much as a child? Or was given used items as the grand prize?

I would not dread over this. Try to look at how entertaining it is to all. No one is going to think poorly of you if you accept the gift graciously and even try it on to please her. They will go away thinking, wow, was she ever diplomatic with that scenario.

And then just pass the items onto the Goodwill. Tell her it didn't fit after all.

My MIL is queen of doing this to me! I use to say ok and just take it and never wear it but now I just tell her no thanks. Its not my style. If she is giving it to you as a "gift" I would just put on a happy face and except it then not wear it. Its frustrating but if it keeps the peace... you do what you have to do. :) Just put it a closet till enough time as passed then get rid of it.

Good luck! :)

I have some relatives like this. Honestly, you were firm, but not firm enough for her personality. Ideally, you would not be put in awkward situations like this, if she was polite enough not to bulldoze and had common sense about younger people wanting her old outgrown clothes, but she is who she is.

If you can just quietly take the jeans and then donate them, fine. IF she tries to make you try them on, say "NO, I don't want to try them on." She cannot bodily wrestle you into the jeans. If she starts a bickering match by pressing you, just keep saying "no" calmly and nicely. She will look like the weirdo. Do not slink off to the bathroom to try them on. Do NOT. It will be a blessing if you make her mad and she stops giving you stuff.

If they're not wrapped under the tree, and she just hauls them out and asks if you want them, say, "No thanks, they're nice, but they're not my style. I wont' wear them." Leave without them. If they're a present under the tree, say thanks and donate them when you get home.

My MIL gives me weird old stuff too. AND she acts like I should be thrilled with an old, torn, smelly, shawl that her high school boyfriend's mom gave her 45 years ago. Like somehow I would find that sentimental. When I said, thanks, this looks ..vintage..she went on and on about it and how much it meant to her....yet...she wasn't keeping it.... I cant' remember if it went in the recycle or trash because it was in such bad shape. But don't get manipulated into trying stuff on. I hear you, It's awful. My MIL kept giving me items to decorate kids room with old curtains from a garage sale, etc. I told her I had taken great pains to decorate the room just how I wanted it and didn't need anything, but she just kept giving us old stuff for the room. It all got donated and she saw the room and saw none of the stuff was there and didn't say anything. We're not close though. I would be gracious about it if she wasn't a conniving alcoholic who is constantly trying to turn my husband against me. You have to look at the big picture. Is she a nice person who you don't want to insult? Or do you really not mind if she doesn't like you?

If it's appropriate, you might even say, "Hey, the hubs tells me you're thinking of giving me your old jeans, Please don't, I'm trying to get rid of clothes, they'll just go straight to the thrift store." It's bold, but these types of people speak no other language.

Reminds me of my mother. She will decide she wants to give you something, and will not take "no" for an answer. My hubby and I were visiting one day and we mentioned that we needed to get a new phone. Well, she had one in the closet. I told her that was okay, we'll get one, but she insisted on giving us this phone. I even said to her why is it in the closet? Seems to be if it worked, you'd be using it. (knowing that my mother does not buy something new just to have a "newer" one so if she bought a new phone, must have been because the one she had didn't work!) Like I said, she insisted we take it but also insisted that if it didn't work, we would return it. All the way out the door I kept telling her to just keep it but she wouldn't hear of it. So, I took it home and did plug it in and, of course, it didn't work so then I was on the hook to return it to her!

When my hubby and I moved into our home, we needed a new dining set. I told her that we would get one in due time, but that wasn't good enough for her. She insisted on taking us shopping and I really didn't find anything I liked, but she was insistent that she was going to buy us something so now I have a dining set that I really don't like and didn't want just to make her happy because she just won't take "no for an answer.

All this to say, I feel your pain! At least you have a warning so you can prepare yourself. Just take the d**n jeans and call it a day!

I think its funny that she thinks you would want your MIL's old jeans!! I agree...annoying. Definitely stand your ground that you will not try them on there but will give them a shot when you get home. Then tell her they don't work and would she want them back. It is just strange!

You could have a little fun with her. Only wear Dresses or really baggy sweats around. If she tries to pass the jeans off to you. SMILE and very kindly say THANK YOU, BUT AS YOU CAN SEE I ONLY WEAR DRESSES NOW. Or go to good will find something just as bizzare, bring it with you tell her a friend passed it on to you. And since you know how fond she is of recycling,you thought you'd see if it was something she wanted. Hopefully that will put an end to it. If not just take the jeans, when you get home put them in the as a donation to a charity.