Seeking Advice from Moms'

My daughter has been the same way since birth! I have found that with her, the more you push the food issue the worse it becomes. I will put a plate with healthy choices in front of her and I let her explore- she loves to pick things apart but after she feels each thing she will usually eat some of it. If I tell her to eat something that is when she refuses. Try letting her explore and make it her choice to eat- maybe that will work for you. My daughter still doesn't eat a ton but she is a healthy and happy child. Don't force anything, she'll eat when sh'e hungry...

I had the same exact problem with eating with my daughter at that age. I talked to the docs and nurses pretty much every week. It drove me absolutely insane. She too only ate foods that were crunchy. I also was told by friends about the sensory issues (that another poster suggested) but when I mentioned it to the doc, they didn't seem phased by it, just blew it off to picky toddler eating. I was then concerned about her speech because it seemed as if other kids were speaking a lot clearer than her (I know every kid is different)....finally I convinced the docs to have her checked for sensory issues and speech. She was checked by a team of specialist and passed with flying colors...they couldn't offer any help as too her crunchy food issue. She is now 3 and a half and is STILL an awful eater. For juice (she refuses milk...all kinds and flavors) she drinks V8. Back when she did drink milk (from 12 mon-15 mon) I used to put pedisure in it. Today she only drinks v8 and eats only frozen waffles (certain kinds), crackers, peanut butter (not on bread), veggie chick'n...and of course junk food. She has gone to bed without eating because she refuses to eat/try anything new, she has an absolute meltdown....but I am sick of making a million different meals for dinner/lunch. I did finally get her to try ice cream but she needs spinkles for the crunch. I know that this doesn't exactly help but I just wanted to let you know that your child isn't the only one with weird food issues. If you do happen to find out something that works, please let me know. Good luck, I know it is extremely frustrating.
I don't have much to offer about the sleep, my daughter also went through a phase of screaming in the middle of the night at 18 months. I finally just went in calmed her by giving her a kiss and hug, rubbed her back or belly and then left the room. She would scream again when I left but after a week or so, she eventually stopped.

have you tried just getting her appetite to increase by buying her Mc Donalds every day?

Mac n cheese
chicken patties, fish sticks IN THE OVEN makes them crunchy

french fries

apple slices crunch
bread sticks, cereals

fruit cups

ice cream, frozen yougurt

ice pops

doritos, and chips

cookies. crackers
cheese chunks, turkey and ham cold cuts

pasta

rice

stewed beef and chicken

peas and pasta

corn on the cob

as for her sleeping,
have you tried getting up as soon as you hear her peep
giving her a pacifier, and rubbing her back or nose
( Don't talk because that stimulates them, and no lights)
have you tried putting a few pacifiers in her crib, and when she peeps, you run in and move her hand towards the paci, letting he know where to quietly find them.NO TALKING
have you tried bringin her in bed with you

keeping a bottle of water next to her crib, for night time feedings?

M

Definately relax and listen to your little girl.
She needs to be able to trust you and responding to her needs for comfort or anything else strengthens that trust. The more a child is surrounded with a secure environment the better off you all are in the long run. Disipline begins at birth and continues with the building of trust and nurturing. Not reponding to needs creates anger and confusion in a baby. I was always very tired at night when my son would wake up crying...so I would just take him out of his crib and put him in our bed and we would all sleep peacefully for the rest of the night.(This also got me through the infant stage-nursing him to sleep and sleeping together. He is three now and sleeps alone strait through the night. Your initial instinct is always right. Don't listen to what other people say. Don't have judgements or expectations of yourself OR your child. Have fun listening and learning and remember-every child is different and has their own set of needs.
On the food thing --sneaking healthy stuf into home made banana smoothies(no sugar) can work.
freeze your bananas and use soy or regular milk.
Add anything healthy(flax oil broccoli yogurt spinach etc.) I also like to bake my own french fries or sweet potato fries with olive oil.
Edemame is a fun and healthy food. Convenient too. Get it frozen and keep in freezer--steam or boil for a few minutes to prepare.
good luck
S. S

I know where you're coming from. My son was/is the same way. He is now 20 months and just started sleeping through the night but only about 10-11 hours. And he sleeps with us still (even for naps). He just will not go in his crib, the longer he's in there the harder he cries. If he stops its only to build his strength back up :) As for eating he will not eat any vegetables except for the baby food ones. He picks up regular cooked veggies and just drops it. I only recently got him to eat pieces of apple and pears. The only meat he'll eat is chicken and it has to be chicken nuggets or fried chicken cutlets so he likes crunchy too. He'll put other stuff in his mouth but then will just open his mouth and let it drop out. Anyway he also is delayed in speech and I had him evaluated for speech therapy and while I did they suggested occupational therapy too because he seems to have sensory issues. So I think his sensory issues have a lot to do with his sleeping and eating. Just an idea to check out. My son also freaks out at the Dr., getting his haircut, and anywhere else that someone comes near him or tries to touch him that he doesn't know. He also doesn't like for anyone including me to try to manipulate his body to do anything like move his hand to turn something or at The Little Gym to get him to do a forward roll.

I didn't read all the responses - so you may have heard this already - but the best way I got my son to eat when he wasn't interested was to introduce foods that he could dip. For example, he went through a bread phase so I started making tomato sauces (just little tiny batches) with meat and extra veggies blended in and let him dip his bread in. Of course I kept pushing other foods all the time and eventually he got through that phase and started eating more. He got to the phase where he wanted everything Mommy and Daddy had so if we ate off his plate he would eat it too.
Hope it helps

the key is to be consistent. i had to use multple methods on my son at different stages to sleep through the night. if she is not eating enough, then she may be waking up because she is hungry. we give my son a bottle of pediasure (vanilla) before bed and it has helped. for sleep, use Ferber and stick to it and be persistent. it took me about 3-4 days to get my son to sleep through the night-he still wakes up at 5:30 but at least i slept all night. i found that if my husband got up, he did not do what i asked and would take him out of the crib etc so if you can, handle it yourself. you'll have a couple of sleepless nights, but the reward is sleep! for eating, try yogurt (whole milk) mixed with some applesauce. i also use ranch dressing for the kids to "dip" their food in-sometimes it works, sometimes not. the one thing they all like is canned green beans. it is frustrating and kills me how much food we waste.

Please consider reading...Ellyn Satter's .."Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense"
or ..."How to Get your Kid to Eat: But not too much"

As a Grammy I had used many of the methods you have employed. But watching my daughter with her now 2&1/2 yearold (my granddaughter) convinced me of the many errors and non-working methods I had used.

Ellen Satter's technique's are miraculous and make all the sense in the world. Children have an inborn awareness of what they need to eat, we so often cloak that ability by our own needs and beliefs, often leaving them to a life-time of not really listening to their bodies.

My granddaughter was never forced or cajoled to eat anything. A variety was put before her and she ate what she wanted. Somedays it would be just fruit other days she would home in on something else. Some meals she may have just barely touched but their was always a healthy snack provided a couple of hours later.

My granddaughter is a healthy little girl who loves to try new foods especially if grown-ups are eating it. She enjoys a wide variety of foods from vegetable sushi , broccoli and to fruit, pasta and of course cookies. We provide the meals she decides what to eat.

Ellyn Sater's books are just wonderful for understanding how to make meal times happy and healthy. I don't own stock in them I'm just a Grammy who has learned to Mother all over again.

As for the Sleep issues. I sadly let my daughter 'cry it out'. I now realize what a poor and devastating technique that was/is. You might want to read.."The No-Cry sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.

I wish you the best. Mothering...is the toughest job in the world. Grandmothering is the Greatest job in the world!

J.

Hi K.,

I have a 17 month old son and he's quite a challenge when it comes to eating, as well. Toddlers this age are starting to figure out what they like and don't like, and they tend to push mommy and daddy's button with food. Trust me - my little guy is great at it!

What I've done is give him a sample of something he doesn't like or recognize at the beginning of his meal. Usually it ends up on the floor, but he still gets it with the hope that one day he may try it. As far as getting your little girl to eat fruits and veggies, have you tried V8 juice? Or make her a fruit smoothie? V8 and avocados are the only veggies my son will regularly eat (sometimes he'll eat tomatoes and carrots, but it's rare), but at least I know he's getting some veggies. My son DOES NOT eat any meat. Nothing. And we've tried it all. So for his proteins, we give him cheese, peanut butter, eggs, hummus, beans, etc. at least once a day. And we're starting to disguise meat in his food, like finely slice ham into his mashed potatoes. He eats the mashed potatoes and doesn't even realize the meat was there!

With the sleep issue - is there something that may be bothering your daughter? Is she teething or is she hot in the summer weather? Rule out everything to see if there's something she's telling you that's bugging her. I would also try giving her a lovey - a special blanket or stuffed animal - for her bed. Something to comfort her in the middle of the night if she wakes up. My son sleeps with his "magic blanket" and an Elmo stuffed animal, and it's really helped him with sleeping through the night. Right now we're dealing with the hot and humid weather (the place we're temporarily living in doesn't have AC and it's warm in here!), so he's been waking up more in the night because he's uncomfortable and sweaty.

I wish you the best! Good luck!

Having been on both sides of the picky eating issue-as a former VERY picky eater (now I eat almost everything, much to the detriment of my waistline) and a present mom of a 2 1/2 yr old girl-I think I understand both of you, at least to a point. From the picky eater point of view: She cannot be forced, period. My parents tried everything they could think of to break me, from letting me go hungry ( I didn't eat for three whole days once) to threatening daily vitamin shots at the doctor's office (I said that if that what was necessary, so be it), and none of it worked. All it did was make me dig in my heels, so to speak. What made me come around? I eventually started showing interest as I got older, and if an offer to try something came from anybody BUT my parents, I was willing to try it-my grandmother got me to try a lot of stuff that way. She'd take me out to dinner at nice restaurants and say that it was OK if I didn't like it, and also that she would never say a word to my parents about it if I did-telling them was up to me.

From the parent's point of view: My daughter isn't as picky as yours is, but she is frustrating nevertheless (often I have had the feeling that somewhere-both my parents have passed away-my parents are laughing hysterically and savoring their revenge), and I feel your pain...we have found that pushing, again, does not help. If she shows interest, we give it to her. Lately, if her father is eating something, she's willing to try it-she discovered pork loin that way. If it comes from me, it's got the kiss of death, so to speak. Make sure she gets a daily vitamin and hang in there!

Pick up the book called On Becoming Babywise. It is amazing. I have used it for both of my children and it tells you how to get them on a schedule so that they are sleeping through the night. The author is Gary Ezzo MD. It talks about the sleep cycles of babies. It also talks about introducing food/solids to babies.

hi K.;

my 3 yr old boy is very picky and my 16 mo old daughter is not picky at all. my son only just started sleeping through the night about 8 months ago and my daughter does not. both my children are tall, very verbal, are almost never sick, and are really, really happy and healthy.

which is to say this; the only person who will really suffer from "trying everything" to make a child eat or sleep is YOU.

the infant body knows what it needs, period. little children don't have logic and they don't have information and they don't care. what you can do is this; avoid snacks to allow her to build up some hunger, and then offer several different simple things in lots of pretty colored bowls at meal time, and leave it at that. she can try all kinds of fruits and veggies, simple meats like broiled chicken or turkey hot dogs cut up into half moon shaped pieces, cheerios, veggie booty, and plenty of cold water.

if you force her you will create a power struggle, and then you will really have a problem. women grow up with weight problems because our soicety is obsessed with food; your duaghter will not starve herself unless she thinks she has to in order to assert herself with you. i say let the hot air out of this struggle, relax, and stop worrying.

as far as sleep i will tell you this; CIO can actually cause a child to gag, vomit, burst blood vessels, and even go into respiratory arrest. some people may insist that it works but i think this is an extremely dangerous practice, and i belive that the only reason children sleep after crying is because they are exhausted and pass out, and that's not what you want. that's just a child collapsing after yet another power struggle. once again you are setting yourself up for more potential problems down the road.

what is wrong with comforting your child in the middle of the night so she can go back to sleep peacefully? i can't comprehend why hysterical crying in the middle of the night, and guilt and drama and less sleep for you, is ever the answer or any good at all. i think it's not only dangerous and mean, it's just impractical. it's also scary as hell for your child. please don't do this.

why not make things easier on yourself and your child? let go of all these demands that you have, give yourself and your child a break. as she gets older and develops more, she'll sleep through the night when she's able and ready. and she'll eat when she's ready to eat. is she healthy? does she poop and pee? laugh and play? cry tears? then she's fine, she's not dehydrated or underweight, right? she's not lethargic or yellow, right? so relax.

good luck to you.
J.

I do not want to alarm you but if it's types of food(like you said crunchy things)it maybe a sensory problem...talk to your ped and get her tested...the way I see it, if you get her tested and there is a problem you start to fix it and if you get her tested and there is no problem then you have eliminated one thing and move on to the next...I've had 2 of my 5 kids tested a receive services, it's really no big deal and a friend of mine just had her son tested for speech and found out that he has a sensory issue as well...she thought he was just being a picky toddler...you never know...don't worry, follow your gut...(and a sensory issue could roll over to sleep, the sheets to soft ....or it could be something as simple as 2 year molars reaking havoc on your life :) Best of luck!

Hi K.. I can't be much help in the eating department; my daughter is also pretty picky and I just offer her a wide variety of foods frequently. As far as the sleep goes though, I have had my share of struggles. When you say you've tried the Ferber and CIO, have you really done it to the letter? I have done it on and off half-heartedly myself, but it is so awful to hear your child cry. We did CIO when my DD was 10 months, and she started sleeping through the night and napping better. Just recently we did CIO again (my DD just turned 2). Due to some illnesses and travel, she had gotten into the habit of having us sit with her until she was asleep. She also had started waking up almost every night and needing us to stay with her for up to an hour until she could fall back asleep. I am expecting humber 2 in a month, so I really felt I had to nip it in the bud (after trying many other methods besides CIO). Anyway, we let her cry at bedtime for a few nights in a row, and from night one she has slept all night. It's been a week now and she still cries a little when I put her in the crib, but most nights it's just a minute or two. Both times we decided against Ferber because as you know, with a background in psychology, that intermittment reinforcement will only prolong the crying. It is a little reassuring for you, since you can go in there and not feel like you're totally abandoning her, but I think it just makes the baby more upset. We shut the door and don't go back. With all of this being said, I am well aware that every child is totally unique, and if you have already given these techniques an honest shot with no luck, you should ignore me entirely! I am just so impressed by how quickly and completely it worked, I had to share. And I also know that sleeping problems can make a mommy feel completely unhinged, so I sympathize with you. I also just finished my MA in Counseling so I had to jump in and say hey! Good luck to you.

We tried the CIO method when my son was about 9 months old and he has been sleeping through the night ever since. But every time he gets sick or if something happens to throw off his schedule we have to do it all over again. He doesn't cry as long as he use to (it may only take ten minutes now) but when we first did it he cried for almost an hour and then feel asleep and woke up 12 hours later. It was so hard but he really needed the sleep and so did we. I know you mentioned you tried this already but I know I gave in some times and had to start all over. As for the food issues I just want you to know that i also have a picky toddler who is very selective on what he eats. He loves fruit, rice, pasta, yogurt and ceareal But he refuses to eat meat and veggies. I get so despertae sometimes I give him stage 3 baby food. He loves it. But mostly I try to cook veggies and meat until they are very tender and then I put it in a chopper and make it very fine. i then mix it in with rice or pasta. I've been doing this for a few months and just recently I got him to eat ground meat (without chooping it) and small pieces of carrots. I remember when he was about 12 months old he went through a phase where he loved mixed vegetables and would eat them whole now I can't get gim to touch them. My doctor thinks it is just a phase and hopes it will resolve by his 2 yr old visit. I think i waited to long to introduce meat to my son (it was after his first birthday). I also give my son Pediasure on the days he doesn't eat well. I mix 4 ounces of Pediasure with 2 oz of milk and give it to him before bed. He loves it. But I try not to do this too often because he also needs to learn to eat what everyone else eats. Best of Luck!

Will she eat mac and cheese? I make mine with Barilla Plus Elbows- it is whole grain pasta, but not whole wheat so my kids don't notice. I use the Kraft Classic Melts shredded cheese and make the mac and cheese according to the instructions. Then I sneak in a few tablespoons of pureed butternut squash or cauliflower and finely shredded ham. It is a pretty well rounded meal and they love it.