Screaming! - Mechanicsburg,PA

When my son does that I ignore him. If we are out somewhere and I can I will leave where we are at. If he is hungry and screams though I will give him for example a banana when we are in the grocery store so, he will be quiet. You can also put him in time out when he screams. my sons pack and play is full with toys so, I put him in his crib when he acts up. I let him sit in there and scream. after a few minutes I ask him if he is going to stop. If he says yes, I take him out and if he says no he stays in there. After a few minutes more I will ask again if he is going to be good and if he says yes then i will take him out. You have to be consistent,keep your voice down and be firm but fair. Everything will be fine. He is starting the terrible two behavior a few months early. It goes from about 18 months until around 3. Good luck. Just keep your cool and everything will work out.

ahhh . . . he's working on wanting his own way, but he doesn't have enough words to discuss this with you, so he is frustrated . . and it comes out in screaming.

Ask him, are you angry because you can't have a cookie? Help him by giving him words to express his feelings and this will begin to ease some.

You can also let him know that you can't hear him when he's screaming, and that if he wants to tell you something he needs to calm down and tell you in normal words. And then YOU have to obey that. You have to be sure that you ignore the screaming, and then REALLY REALLY listen when he calms down some. Let him know it isn't time for the cookie, but it IS time for this . . . would he like to do this ? :-) (make it sound good)

Children get very frustrated when they are trying to take a greater part in their growth (age 2!), and they are very good at telling us they have a need, but they don't know how to express it so we will understand. It's important to read your child, and even if you are putting words in his mouth, ask him if "THIS" is the problem ? If not, he'll say no. If yes, he'll agree. If he can then tell you nicely why he is upset, then reward him for it. somehow. something tangible and immediate (not stars on a chart, something that encourages him to respond appropriately next time, too)

Screaming worked very well for him as an infant, and in his frustration, he's just going back to what used to work. It doesn't work when you're 2, but in order to get rid of the response, or the cry for help, you have to help him to learn what is the appropriate behavior for his upcoming age.

Hi D.,

What is going on before the screaming starts? Give me
an example of the conversation(s).

Just want to know. D.

Ah yes, I know these days.

With my son, we started a "no screaming/crying in the kitchen (or living room, or whatever room) rule. If you are upset and need to scream/cry, then you go to your room. When you are done screaming/crying, then you can come out and tell me what's wrong." (obviously this only applies to temper tantrum crying, not hurt/other types of crying).

I started this around the same age your son is. The key is to put him in there, explain the rule, and walk out of the room. My son usually quits tantruming within a minute after I leave the room. As soon as I hear him stop, I go back in and tell him to use his words to tell me what he wants. If it's something he can't have, I try to come up with an alternative or a distraction. But he has to get control of himself first.

It may take walking out of the room a few times at first. My son would scream, and I'd walk out. When he quit, I'd come back in and he's start again. I'd then walk back out again. He got the point pretty quickly. Now, as soon as he's starting to tantrum, all I have to say is "do you need to go to your room to cry?" and he says no and calms himself back down. My little one is 3, and I still have to put him in his room every now and then, when he tests to make sure the rule still applies, but it's rare.

Good luck!
Diane

Thank you, these responses are helpful for me too. My son is 25 months and is such a screamer. He's my third child and so I've been doing pretty well up to now and just logged back into mamasource after 1 1/2 year just for this issue. My girls had tantrums but never this loud! Hope this advice works for both of us!

Hi D., Do not respond to your son when he is screaming when he isn't getting his own way! If you give into that behavior you are only enforcing it and it will only get worse as he gets older. Keep calm, and be prepared for those temper trantrums...once he figures out that you will not accept that behavior it will stop...but you have to be consistant and keep your rules/consequences simple. For example, if he starts screaming in the store for that candy or toy leave. Even if that means you may have to go back for thoes groceries....it will only take a couple of "events" for your son to figure out that you are serious and change his behavior. Stay strong! Best wishes.

You could try redirecting him by getting him interested in something else. At times when that didn't work on my kids I would talk to them in a calm voice to restate my position on whatever the issue was. I would tell them they could stop the tantrum and continue playing or I would take them to another room and they could finish their tantrum alone. If need be, I took them to another room to let them work through the tantrum, staying close by to make sure they were safe. When they were done I gave them a hug and they would go back to playing.

How vocal is your son? My kids' vocabularies were limited until just after their second birthdays. I noticed that once they added more words to their vocabs and once they started speaking in sentences they were better able to communicate their wants and feelings and the tantrums decreased. Maybe helping him assign words to his feelings could help. Maybe using a little bit of sign language would help if these tantrums are due to communication difficulties.