Schools Driving Me Crazy

L.,

Have you spoken to the nurse about it? There's no reason they should send a well child home. Let the nurse know that your daughter is playing games, because she knows she can. If the nurse isn't listening, then go to the school administrator. Your daughter is far from the first to pull this routine, and the school should have a method for dealing with it.

The problem is that they don't want to be wrong. If the child really has something wrong, they don't want to get blamed for not responding, either by the sick child's parent, or by the parent of another kid who catches something. They also don't want anything "Serious" to occur at school, because that involves incident reports and all manner of issues, and if the child says "I told them I didn't feel good, but they sent me back to class" then there's a problem.

All of that aside they can't just let a kid decide they don't feel like being in school, and cry bellyache. Ask the school principal to take a look at how often your daughter has done this, and notice that she hasn't been absent afterward, which would indicate real illness. There's got to be away to handle this problem within the school.

Jess

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Hi sounds like you have a sharp little girl! If you havent confronted her about this then definatly do that with all seriousness , then prepare a list of the chores she most hates to do and let her know if she comes home and you feel she is fine then she is going to be doing chores,home work whatever...and this is key because she certainly will test you, you have to be tough and make her completly miserable , you dont have to show any anger or stress just coldly lay out what you want her to do and enforce timeliness and consequences for not doing or getting it right. Look her in the eyes and treat her like a little adult , show no anger. Everytime she tests you must win with this strategy.

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I would start with your daughter's teacher. It sounds like she's being pretty lax about sending to the nurse at the drop of a hat. I was a second grade teacher for 6 years and any time a kid would come to me who looked fine, didn't feel warm etc, I would tell them to go to the bathroom, get a drink of water and put their head down for a while. It's amazing how often that worked! You might ask the teacher to do something like that the first time she complains.

I also had a system for logging any trips to the nurse to catch patterns like your daughter's. It was just an index card for each child with columns for date, time, problem and then one for to the nurse to fill out what the she did. Maybe you could create one to give to the teacher to keep track. If nothing else, you can ask to see it periodically and use it to show your daughter that she's been to the nurse three times in the last 2 weeks, what's going on. Or, look, you haven't been to the nurse at all in 2 weeks. I think we should celebrate! Good luck.
K.

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My sister ran in to a similar issue with her daughter, and sometimes her tummy did hurt but after she rested awhile she felt fine and could go back to class. She had to make a plan with the teachers and nurse to work this out.

I would suggest that you make contact by phone or email with the nurse and her teacher (since the teacher is sending her to the nurse)...and see if you can come up with a plan together. Maybe they aren't putting two and two together like you have and by talking it out you can come up with a plan where she can rest for awhile and if she feels better goes back to class.

The other thing you may try is when she does come home don't allow her do the "fun" things..if she's sick she goes to bed to rest no playing, maybe keep the tv off, or have her do some type of school work at home. you can pick up an activity book in any store, I have gotten some great ones at BJ's and they have math, reading, writing pages that she could do.

You may also try talking to your daughter about it, maybe asking some questions and see if there is an issue at school if this is a sudden change in her not wanting to be at school. My daughter was getting headaches all the sudden last year and after talking with her (and some suttle questions from me and suttle hints from her) I figured out she was stressing about her seating assignment (they changed them a couple of times a year) so I spoke with her teacher and she found a way to rearrange the seats again. Her seat was changed and we were as good as gold after that!

Good luck! I hope some of this is helpful.

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try going to the principle and explain the problem with them if it comes down to it when the nurse calls just refuse to pick her up tell them to send her back to class unless she is vomiting or has the runs or has pink eye or something like that trust me if you get harsh with them the tend to agree that she isnt really sick and her missing school on account she dosent want to be in school isnt the best thing for her just ask if she is vomiting or has the runs or pink eye a broken bone if they so no to all tell them to send her back to class you wont be picking her up

I've had that problem, as well, in Abington. In particular, when my son was in junior high, I'd get called for all sorts of things, and the nurse didn't even call. She put HIM on the phone! He was just trying to get out of tests and classes, and I knew it. One day I had enough and told him to put the nurse on the phone. I told her that having the child call home was completely unacceptable. I mean, really! It's quite conceivable that a child can call and just ask to go home. I know with caller ID, etc., that might narrow things down, but kids can be sneaky. I told her that I refused to come and take him home, that his illnesses were too often coincidentally timed to having to turn in projects or take tests, so I wasn't buying it.
My other two sons attend Catholic school, and yeah, they got the "lie-down-on-the-cot-for-a-while" treatment.
I guess everyone's too afraid of the liability if a child should actually be sick. But I wonder what happened to common sense? You're right. Parents can't often just leave work, or get to doctors appointments and/or pay for all those appointments -- AND health forms. I can remember a time before docs charged for every health form that had to be completed. But that's another peeve on a different subject.

I know what you mean. My daughters day care does the same thing. I told my duaghter that she was not allowed to play with her friends that day because she was sick and she never did that again. Try it! it might work!

i went thru this with my son when he was in preschool the teacher would call and want him picked up the second he said he didn't feel good i sat down with the teacher and the principal and i told them if there is no fever or vomiting and no physical evidence i would no longer pick my child up and the doctor was on my side so i Had the doctor write me a note saying what would consitue my child not needing to be in school. also check with the schools sick policy they can be very strange.

Hi, Just to let you know, I had the same problem. I simply told the school that I couldn't pick her up and (next question) there was nobody else that could so she would just have to tough it out. After two or three times, the school stopped calling. They don't want to deal with things and take the easy way out. Call Mom! So if they don't get anywhere with you then they will handle it.

L.,
Let me tell you... After being called every single day (for 6 months straight)to go pick him up, I yanked my oldest out of that school. He was in 3rd grade at the time. Now I've learned that just because you change schools, doesn't mean you get a new nurse, lol...I learned that there is something else going on...Whether it's to get a free cracker from her, kids are picking on them, or that a teacher is making him feel terrible....Honestly L.,I'd sit your daughter down and say what's going on? Now that my son is in 6th grade, it started all over again...Finally, now that I'm a "cool" mom, lol...he told me that he did it this year because one of his teachers was making him feel worthless...see, he sucks his finger..always has..came out of the womb with his finger in his mouth...well, it started with this teacher telling another girl not to bite her nails because "you don't want to be disgusting like Jon do you?" I had a "chat" with the teacher, and ever since, he hasn't gone to the nurse unless he is very very sick!

The question is, what doesn't your daughter like about school? Could be she's bored (do NOT use that word with the school) and this is the way to get undivided parental attention at home. Could be that she's falling behind in school, and prefers to be out. Could be that she's not getting along with the kids, and prefers to be away from them. Though that she's quickly figured out how the system works, and how to manipulate it, leads me to beleive the "bright and bored" is the most likely possibility.

Sounds like you're in PA. Here, once you ask in writing for a gifted assessment, the school has 60 school days (more than a whole marking period) to do the assessment, which usually includes an individual IQ test and achievement tests (either individual or curriculum-based assessments). If the tests turn up giftedness, then the schools are responsible for creating an appropriate academic program for her, so that she's no longer "academically misplaced" (a.k.a. bored) in school.

Get your hands on chapter 16 gifted education mandate - the link is on www.hoagiesgifted.org/mandates.htm - look under PA. They'll send you a printed copy if you call Harrisburg and ask. Get a copy of the Gifted Guidelines, too - they're not "law" but much of them is included by reference in Chapter 16.

And ask your district in writing for gifted assessment; don't let them talk you out of it. By law, they must start identification as soon as the parents ask, and must identify beginning in Kindergarten. And join a gifted support mailing list, if it feels right to you (no testing required). TAGFAM or GT-Families are a great first list. Subscription instructions are on www.hoagiesgifted.org/on-line_support.htm

Hope this helps.

Hoagies' Gifted Education Page
www.hoagiesgifted.org

Don't blame or punish/dicipline her - she's trying to reach you. I only say that initialy because of some of the other advice you've gotten so far. It must be confusing and annoying but it's really your daughter who needs something and is trying to tell you in a way she finds is most workable. She maybe feels insecure at school. Maybe misses you. Have you ever observed her in class without her knowing. Does she smile a lot while she's there. Some parent teacher conferences are in order. If by the end of the meeting you haven't gotten any clues you could ask your teachers to see if they can recognise any other patterns. Try to really put yourself in your daughters position during different times of the day more than usual and see if you get some ideas.

well I am 21. And in high school I knew that our nurse was that way too. And it was nice cuz I was old enough to drive my car to school and all. Thats crazy that kids as young as preschool know these kinda things already. have you tried to talk to ur daughter too about this? like when she comes home is she allowed to play and stuff or do u make her stay inside and do nothing as if she were really sick? best of luck i would maybe call the school also and see what they can do about it