School Complaining to Me About Daughters Problems?

Somewhere along the line you've turned this into you vs the school instead of you and the school working together to help your daughter. Why are they complaining to you? I don't think they are. I think they are trying to work with you to get your daughter educated so she can grow up to be a productive member of society. Don't you want that?

the neurologist didn't give a diagnosis because he/she is friends with the psychologist. He/she did the testing and that's the findings. Mild asperger. Another test on another day with a different outcome doesn't mean she doesn't have issues. It might mean she figured out the test from the first time and did better because of it.

I think maybe you need to talk to a therapist about your feelings of having a child with special needs. It appears that you are in denial about what her situation is right now. Maybe you need to come to terms with the fact that your daughter has challenges you didn't foresee and how that impacts your life.

Seriously? Why are you not more interested in finding out how to help your daughter? It's NOT all on the school to figure this out. Are you really too stuborn to drive 45 minutes to get the right evaluation?

Your school should be able to do a neuro-psych evaluation. If they don't have the right staff and resources for that at the school and are sending you to a clinician they know and trust DO IT.

Asperger's is not an either/or. It's called Autism Spectrum Disorder because there is a wide range of symptoms and behaviors that put a child "on the spectrum."

You need to get your child to a qualified professional for a complete evaluation and diagnosis so that she can get the support and education that she needs. Stop being stubborn and just do it.

If you really don't understand the hows and whys involved, then ask for the help that YOU need to understand what you're being told.

Sounds like you want to hand her off to the school and let them be the parent. You find it "pointless" to drive 45 minutes for your kid to go to a reputable hospital? I find that both odd and sad. Your daughter is willing to get out of bed and do homework for the teacher, but not when you ask her to? It's your job as a parent to put on your mommy pants, get her accurately diagnosed so the school knows how to work with her, and you need to do EVERYTHING in your power at home, to help her live a healthy, meaningful life. Once she is diagnosed, please research her needs and help her as best you can with healthy eating habits, fun exercise and activities, any therapies she needs and take any parenting advice the Dr. gives you, and most of all give her your love and patience.

i agree it's a waste of time for the school to 'complain' to you about their ongoing attempts to work with and educate your daughter. it's clearly a matter of very little concern to you. it's certainly pointless to drive a whole 45 minutes to a better hospital when the one with the bad rep is so convenient.

i can't imagine why they're so concerned about this little girl when her mother can't be bothered. no focus or whatever is no big deal, who cares if she does homework, and clicking on letters is so boring. she's already getting counseling at her school, so why on earth do they expect anything more from you?

slackers.
khairete
S.

You see the school as complaining and do not want to do as they advise for your daughter, how involved are you with your daughter at home? Have you noticed difficulty of focusing at home? How do you help her with homework? Do you just tell her to do it and then get angry when she cries? Please consider that she has difficulty doing homework because she's not able to focus. Do you sit down with her and in a kind and supportive way help her? Or perhaps you are unable to be supportive because you see homework as a school responsibility?

I suggest that your anger is a part of the problem. I suggest that your daughter is caught in the middle between you and her teacher. And that your inability to listen to test results because you're angry causes you to not understand them. You're angry about a 45 minute drive. You think the school is asking you to do their job for them. I would not be able to understand if I were as angry as you.

What do you do with your daughter at home? Does she feel loved? Do the two of you have fun together? Perhaps life at home feels like a chore. What do you want for your daughter?

I raised a special needs daughter. I have 3 special needs grandchildren. I know how difficult raising a special needs child is. I'm empathetic for you with this problem. I know how much time and energy it takes. Perhaps You're angry because You're overwhelmed and know you aren't able to manage the needs of your daughter. It's easy to let frustration into anger. It's especially hard to say you need help.

I know from experience that anger drives away the people who can help us. We think anger will protect us. We think being seen as angry is better than being seen as inadequate.

I urge you to see a therapist to help you feel less angry and more focused.

You really think driving 45 minutes is such a hardship for your daughters sake?
Just - wow.
I think your daughter needs help and the school is trying to tell you your daughter needs more help than she's getting.
The school is not her parent - you are.
Rather than shooting the messenger - do what ever you have to do to see that your daughter gets as much help as possible.
If you don't want to do that - then let CPS come and get her.

your kid cried when told to do homework? oh my gosh!!!! my kid does that DAILY. i just ignore his crying and make him do it. it gets done. i would never let my child just not do something because they cried about it.
i cannot understand why its such a horrible thing to drive 45 minutes for quality care... i would drive a thousand miles to help my child. maybe the school has a good point with wanting to call cps on you. you seem like you have dumped your child on the school and are ticked that they want you to be involved to help the child.
YOU should have been working with the school all along and i am bothered by the fact that you seem to have just gone along with whatever they say unless its an inconvenient drive then you don't wanna help. just complain that someone wants whats best for your child. step up, drive the 40 minutes, make her do homework. be a parent.

Welcome to mamapedia....L. T.

so you would rather have your daughter being taken care of at a practice that has a bad reputation instead of looking for a different one? Just because a place has a bad reputation does NOT mean it will get closed. Not sure where you get your information, all one has to do is look at the VA Hospitals and see that your assumption is wrong.

Your daughter needs help. it is YOUR responsibility to get her that help as her parent. YOU need to work with your daughter on her homework. THAT too is your responsibility. So what if she cries? She MUST do her homework. PERIOD. If she needs 15 minutes after school - then so be it. Set a timer and tell her that she has 15 minutes to chill - then she will be sitting down to do her homework. Tears or NOT. PERIOD. YOU are the parent.

I don't know HOW the school is complaining to you - what do they say to you? Give us examples. they may be trying to HELP your daughter while you're busy making excuses for her and allowing her to get her way because she cries...your daughter's school has threatened to call CPS - that means they see a HUGE problem and you are part of it. You REALLY need to get your act together as a parent. You need to start advocating for your daughter. Get parenting classes. Get into a support group AFTER you have a complete diagnosis for your daughter - so you can help her through the experiences of other parents who have been in your shoes.

You have GOT to parent up. Stop allowing your daughter's tears to rule the roost. ENOUGH! Get her the help she needs with a REPUTABLE and GOOD doctor. If you don't feel your daughter deserves the best treatment? Maybe you need to re-think your parenting ideals.

It sounds pretty bad if they were threatening to call CPS.

If you've had differential diagnoses at this point, I would suggest getting a third.

Our child was misdiagnosed as being on the spectrum. In the end, it was something totally unrelated. Make sure you cover all your bases.

I would go where they suggest - if she's been struggling for at least 2 years, and unable to do school work at home .. she's not coming to school prepared. Sounds like she's tired if she is.

You and she need support - and you're not getting it. I think if you're on the same page as the school - it can only make things easier.

If the school stated that calling CPS is the next step, I would take that as a warning that it is going to happen soon. It means that your lack of participation in your daughters welfare has gotten to the point of legal neglect. I would take that as a wake up call.

Parenting is an overwhelming job, especially with a special needs child. Where is the father? Does he offer support?

Your statements of “I think it’s pointless” and “they weren’t asking anything of me” are very concerning if this is the attitude you have regarding your daughter’s needs.

I think calling CPS would be a good thing IF you were placed in the family preservation program. Then at least the badly needed services your family needs will be offered by the state and your daughter will be assigned a desperately needed advocate to make sure her interests and needs are met.

It is a huge reality check to hear that the state may do a better job to provide for your child’s needs then you can. Please hear this.

I hope if this happens you all are placed in the family preservation program, otherwise you have failed and abandoned your daughter again.

Please step up and get your self some support.

You are the parent, you are responsible for everything concerning your child, including her schooling. If you refuse to parent then of course she will refuse to do things like homework because she knows she can get away with it. You need to step up to the plate and work with the school to help your child thrive.

I suggest you think of the school and yourself as a team both working together to try to help your daughter. I would be happy if the school were making the effort to reach out to me and I would try my best to do what they say is best for my daughter. If you are confused about her diagnosis I think you should work with the testers some more to figure it out and/or get a 2nd/3rd opinion. It does take a lot of work from you at home as well to help your child be the best she can be. Start learning what you can do at home to help her. Get books from the library. Take a parenting class for parents of kids with the same diagnosis. Ask what you can do each day. Listen to what the school says, the testers say, and what they recommend that you can do. These are services put in place to try to help you and your daughter. It will take effort and work from your part too...every day. Good luck. PS - 45 minutes does not seem unreasonable. Where I live it is common to drive 2 hours to get to a major city with a children's hospital. That is what everyone I know has to do.

It is clear that you are very angry but you are not slowing down enough to clearly tell us **why**.

I am trying to decipher the beginning of your post - are you saying that the school put your daughter in special ed "against your will"? And now you are saying to the school that they are only "allowed" to discuss ("complain about") your daughter if they agree to put her back in general ed?

It sounds like you need to have a discussion with the principal about the school's plan for your daughter. And if your daughter will be going to a different school next year for 6th grade (a middle school), you should get a head start on meeting with that administration too.

In the meantime, just encourage a love of learning in your home, outside of school...read with your daughter, do crafts with your daughter, go to museums etc.

It sounds like you need to take your child to the doc nearest you. It's a hardship to drive so far away just to appease someone. If you are doing what you're supposed to be doing then tell the school to go ahead, call CPS. Sometimes they make that threat to make you do something they want you to do and by telling them to go ahead they will back off. They might call too, but if you are doing what's right then CPS might actually be able to help you get to the right doc to do the evaluation your daughter needs.