My husband and I want to do the Santa thing for Christmas with our 2 1/2 YO and our soon to be son but our neighbors who are really good friends don't want to and are going to tell their 2 kids that he doesn't exist. Their kids ages are 3 and 1 1/2 so our kids are really close in ages. How do we handle this situation without loosing a friendship just because we want to keep the spirit of Santa alive for a while? I realize there are going to be other kids that could possibly tell them the truth but I could find ways easier to get around that then I could if they are good friends of ours. Right now I feel like I have to keep our families as seperate as I can (since we do live right next door) during the holiday season in order to keep the conversation from coming up but then the girls don't get to play together.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Part of the problem is that kids talk. Not just on the morning of Christmas but for a week or two afterwards and a long time before it ever gets here. I do respect their beliefs and that is why I find it hard. I feel like if the kids did talk about Santa then mine would be saying "well if you believe then he will bring you presents" and that is not true. I just don't want the kids to get caught up in the middle of their parents beliefs and wind up thinking each other is crazy. I realize I probably have at least another year before this gets difficult but I just want to be prepared.
I have read the story about St. Nicholas of Myra and I didn't think to present it that way. Thanks everyone for the positive feedback.
Wow. Why would parents want to ruin it for their kids from the get go? I guess the only thing you can really do is ask them to tell their kids not to spread it around to other kids and not to ruin it for them. Personally I think it is really sad for their children. That is a really tough situation. I hope you get some good feedback!
I tell my kids that Santa only comes to the homes of those who believe in him. That way, if kids from a home like your neighbors tell them there is no Santa, I can say "how sad for them, Santa will not visit those who do not believe".
I don't understand why you have to keep your families separate, unless it's the other family that is being difficult. It's just two different beliefs. If you were catholic and they were jewish would you want your families to be separate? Explain to your children that not everyone believes in Santa and that's okay, but in your family Santa has been visiting for years. If you want to remain friends with this family why can't you both agree to respect each others beliefs and not make such a big deal about it? Unless they are coming over Christmas morning I don't see why it has to be an issue.
I agree that there are lots of families that do not "Do the Santa thing".
We always used the line "As long as you believe, Santa WILL come to leave you a gift or gifts.
To the parent asking about price of gift, even though a child may ask for something expensive.. we started off by explaining that Santa tries to give all children that believe a gift, so he cannot always afford expensive gifts or everything we want.. That is why, Santa does not give grown ups Cars or houses.. Because he then could not afford to give all of the other gifts.. Our daughter always understood this from the beginning..Saved a lot of explaining.
I also do not consider it a lie. It is make believe and magic.. Just like dress up.. As long as you believe you are a Prima ballerina while dancing on your toes.. You are a Ballerina.. If you put on your monster mask at Halloween, for as long as you have that mask on I believe you are a monster.. It is fostering the imagination and the magic of the moment and the season.
Ask your neighbors to tell their children that others do believe in Santa, so it's not nice to ruin it for everyone. Even though your child is a little young, always tell him/her that some people celebrate different holidays than Christmas and Santa stems from a Christian saint, so they get gifts for different things.
My parents always told me some parents didn't let Santa visit because they wanted all the credit for themselves. I've found that to be true a lot! If you're friends with these people, then just tell your child that you aren't sure why they don't want Santa to visit, but as long as he/she believes in Santa -there will be surprises on Christmas morning!
I know this is late lol and i didn't read the other responses but i just thought i'd let you know i'm kind of dealing with a simular situation.....
I live with my sister and her two kids and she doesn't do the whole santa thing well my two year old and i do do the santa thing. I will just tell him santa only brings gifts to kids who believe in him..... thats why aunt missy has to buy hunter and lily their presents. His father was also raised not believing santa and i told him when i was preggy that was the best time of my life as a kid so i wont take that away from my son....(me and his father aren't together) but he agreed and we decided at age 6 or so we'd tell him the truth if he hasn't figured it out by then :) good luck and i hope you have a nice xmas!!!
Wow. As someone who doesn't intend to do the Santa thing with my kids, I'm a bit shocked that you think you would lose a relationship over this. Really? How? And you want to keep your families apart because they don't believe in something you do? Your kids are going to be confronted with people who don't believe as they do on a regular basis. If you were Christian and your neighbors were Jewish, would you feel you needed to keep your kids apart during the holidays because they don't believe it's Christ's birthday? I hope not. Just explain to your kids that not all families believe the same way, but your family believes in Santa. In general, all four of the kids are too young to think terribly deeply on this issue. Good luck.
This is a tough question, although keeping your children apart and possibly ruining a friendship is not worth it.
We always had Santa in our house too but I will tell you that when my kids found out the truth they were so angry. They felt I had lied to them and really could not see the difference between 'make believe' and lying. And in all honesty, it was hard to justify the difference myself at the time. I was really shocked that my kids got mad and not just sad like I did when I found out. It made me question if we should have been truthful right from the beginning.
The ideas here of Santa only coming to the homes of those that believe are good IMHO as well as telling them the story of St. Nicholas. What's important is you and your husband being in a agreement about it and letting your kids know that not everyone thinks like y'all do or believes like y'all do.
Best of luck to you and Merry Christmas.
Children who want to believe do; regardless of what other children say to them. I would just say, "Well, our family believes in Santa. When you believe, he brings presents."
My fifth grader still believes and I know that there are children in his classroom who don't. Children have a funny way of only accepting information that they can handle.
I would only say something if you children ask. Good luck and Merry Christmas!
I'm actually looking to find a way to "have my cake and eat it too" with the Santa thing. I don't want to lie to my kid about something like this, cause that's what it amounts to in the long run. At the same time - Santa is based on a true historical figure, St. Nicholas of Myra who gave generously to the poor. (check wikipedia for a full background of the Santa Clause history and mythology). Perpahs you can have the fun of Santa while being truthful about the origin and spirit of santa. That way, you don't have to worry about him not being "real", because technically, he WAS real. This is what I'm going to shoot for, anyway :)
Also - I just read a question from a mom asking what to do when "santa" can't get the gift that the kids ask for. Since "santa" gifts are based on what YOU can afford, what happens when your financial circumstances change? Santa doesn't have a budget. Being truthful, but still celebrating the SPIRIT of the season saves some headaches on the financial side as well.
What do you mean Santa is not real? LOL
I never have admitted to my parents and grandmother that Santa was not real and to this day I still get presents from Santa. Of course, now they are delivered by a person in a brown uniform driving a big brown truck and I do not have to wait until Christmas morning.
My husband and I both could not wait to do the Santa thing. The look on our daughter's face when she first sees the tree on Christmas morning is so precious to us.
We do the same things that my parents used to do. She writes a letter to Santa and gets to visit him at the mall. Then it is Mom and Dad's turn, she stays home with a relative while we go out to "pay Santa Claus". On Christmas Eve she leaves out milk and cookies before she goes to bed. We stay up and put things together, wrap stuff, and arrange it all under the tree or in stockings. We even make a point of buying something for each other and labeling it from Santa.
As far as other children not believing in Santa, I plan to tell my daughter that it does not matter. They may not believe in Santa, but he believes in them.
We have also talked about donating to Toys for Tots and other programs. We have told her that parents are responsible for paying Santa for the toys that are delivered on Christmas Eve. Some parents do not have enough money to pay Santa, so other parents donate money and toys to Santa for them.
Do you know why they do not want to do the Santa thing? If it is religious or a personal belief I would not do anything. On the other hand, if it is a matter of laziness or not enough money, I would have to step in. A friend of mine had two children and could not afford Christmas. So I bought a cheap tree from Goodwill, made homemade ornaments, and bought some inexpensive toys. On Christmas Eve I waited until I knew everyone was asleep at their house and then set up the tree and everything on their porch. Her children were so thrilled and talk about it to this day. She still does not know that it was me and wonders about the miracle.
I've thought about this too since I have a 3 year old and a baby. If my 3 year old asks if santa is real, I think I will just explain to her that some people believe he is real. And what he represents is definitely real - caring and sharing and generosity and kindness. So, it may take away some of the magic, but it is a true answer without saying "no." Maybe you could have a ready made answer that works for you.
Fortunately your little one is young enough that she won't key-in to what they are saying. However... NEXT Christmas you should ask your friends to chat with their older daughter and ask her to "play along".
When you are together, try to monitor the conversation and keep the focus on spending time together planning for the holidays. Don't bring "him" up unless you have to and keep your fingers crossed.
Talk to your neighbors about it, and see if they will tell their children not to bring up Santa to your kids, because your kids play make-believe that there is a Santa, and they really believe it, and her kids would make them sad if her kids told your kids the truth.
That's how my sisters did it, and their four children are each one year apart from the next, so the age difference is similar to yours and your neighbor's children. It worked -- the children are now ages 9-12 -- and I think my oldest sister's children may still believe (even if it's just a "I'm gonna keep believing because I want to keep getting presents from Santa" kind of believing). ;-)
Talk to the other parents and work with them to create a solution for this.
However, at your child's age, if another toddler tells him "there is no Santa," you simply have to tell your child, "yes there is," and he will easily believe you.
