SAHM Asks: How Do You Juggle It All?

I too am SAHM with almost 7, 4 and 2 yr olds with some special circumstances...

I just about lost it a year ago with so much on my plate so I really spent some time deciding what was important and I needed. Chatted with my husband who did see my hysteric breakdown to set my boundaries and needs. If he wanted a sane wife and mother to his kids, he had to buy in.

So for me, I take 30min-1hr on the computer in the morning doing this and keeping touch with friends and just zoning out while the kids watch TV. I have 3 things on a daily to-do list that I shoot for with usual success but keep it flexible and add missed items to the next day if things don't go as planned. AND I play indoor soccer once a week again.

I agree with some others, keeping the kitchen clean and tidy makes a huge difference even if the rest of house is in choas.

I am still working on balance as I think all of us are because my husband is still neglected more than I want. Conscious improvement without expected perfection. Let go of any guilt. Life is as it is right now and will always change so take a breath and do what you can with sanity.

Well, I don't juggle it all. As some have already said, you just have to accept that life won't be as organized and peachy as you would like. I love my 3 kids more than I love having a clean house, so guess which falls by the wayside? I try to make time for myself to be without kids (trade off wtih friends, go out in the evening when hubby is home), and also make time (even if it means sticking the kids in front of the TV) to do some sort of productive activity like sewing or home improvement stuff each week. That makes me feel better about each day. I am not a schedule keeper, although it works for some people to stick to a schedule. Good luck and enjoy life!

When my kids were small I used FLYLady (a organization/routine system you can join, I think it is a yahoo group). I have a 13y daughter and twin boys that are 9. I homeschool them and with in the last year have started a business. FLYLady helped me learn how to juggle it all but I also had to learn to take care of myself, set boundaries, and even tell people no. I also watched others children very often and soon found myself going crazy...Getting in a daily routine is definately key.
Hope this helps.

Hi, A.! This sounds so similar to my situation . . . I have TWO kids (almost 3 and 11 mo), but I watch another 11 mo old baby all week and I also watch my little brother half days all week.
I've found that having a schedule and a routine works best. I'm NOT an organized person, but I've had to make myself (it's tough work!!). I also have a list of what cleaning needs done each day of the week.
A good morning routine for YOU is to get up early, exercise (run, if that's what you love), shower and do your hair and make up. Doing these things makes me feel good about myself and exercise gives me more energy throughout the day.
Having a routine with the kids works well too. We do the same thing just about everyday. We have morning play time (this is when I get cleaning done), we have lunch, then nap time and quiet time (the older ones usually watch a movie and I do something for me even if it's just reading a book), then we have play time (inside or out) and during this time is when I play with them.
I've done things both ways . . . no routine and with a routine . . . and I am less stressed about things and feel I can get everything done and give everyone (including my husband) my attention when things are organized.

Well, I hope this helps you out a little! Good luck. Being a SAHM is hard work!

A.

Hi, I'm a SAHM with three kids too. I think just about every SAHM I know battles with exactly what you are talking about. It is hard to juggle it all and feel like you are meeting everyones needs let alone your own. My kids are 10, 7, and 4 and now that they are no longer toddlers, I am finding that I am starting to finally have more time for myself. My 4 y.o. goes to preschool 2x a week which gives me a full 4 hours a week of totally uninturrupted time to myself! Just remember that the time you have with your children right now is very temporary. Even though right now it seems like an eternity, the time you have at home with them being little is very short and once it is gone, it is gone for good. Once they start school time just flies by. The biggest thing I can tell you is that you need to prioritize what is the most important things you need to do each day. Have a schedule- I know it makes me feel so much better when I do. You want these few short years to be happy memmories someday. I actually give myself 1-2 hours to get my house work done each day in the morning which means I have to work fast and I have to assign chores. Schedule time for the park, playdates, picnics, walks, hikes with the kids...whatever is free. It doesn't matter so much what you are doing as long as you are having fun with the kids. Have schedueled bed time- EARLY is best. If they are in bed by 8 you have a couple of hours to spend with your husband. You also need time for yourself. If you love to run, you should do it everyday. Or you should do something else for yourself everyday.You deserve to take care of yourself!!!! As for tight budgets, remember "the best thing you can spend on your child is time." You are investing in your kids. When I gave up my career as a nurse to be a SAHM it was tough but worth it. Now I wouldn't trade that choice I made for the world. Keep up the hard work.

A.,

It sounds like if you could schedule some regular "A." time it would feel better to be home with kids and you'd have more energy to play and be fun. Claim one weekend day as yours. You can go on a run, do all of your errands (so you don't have to drag the kids everywhere), meet up with some girlfriends for coffee, encourage your hubby to take the kids out on a Sat. or Sun. so you can be home alone (when is the last time you got to do that?)You watch other peoples kids, can they take your for a spell? Do a trade?

I have 2 kids and go stir crazy when it is just us day after day after day. When I am cleaning I feel like I should be playing, and when I am playing I feel like I should be cleaning. It's like nothing is getting done like I feel it should. I find, though, if I can have some personal space I am more refreshed and relaxed and more engaged with my kids. I have many friends that institute a "quiet time" right ofter lunch. One hour of quiet activity. No fightling, loud play, TV, or demanding you unless someone is bleeding! Encourage reading, napping, art projects, legos, mellow things. You can do whatever you want. Clean, read, nap, chaton the phone....After an hour of reprieve you might be more inclined to go to the park or play a game.

As far as cleaning goes, I have a friend who has what she calls "cleaning hour". At 4:30 everyone in the family helps clean up or helps with dinner. She doesn't dictate who should do what. She just says look around, there is plenty to do. Just do something. That way everyone is working/helping and not being bossed around. Dad helps too!
We all make the messes we should all clean them up.

You are dancing the dance of motherhood...and we are all doing the same. Balancing all this is a hard thing to do, and I'm not sure anyone's way works for anyone else.

I've always seen it in terms of "needs." What do my kids "need" from me (vs. what they "want"), what does the house "need," what does my husband "need," and what do I "need."

Those needs must be satisfied first. And YOUR needs must be satisfied, or you will go insane. But only you know what those needs are. I have friends who NEED to be around other moms, who need to be involved in activities like knitting cirles or MOPS or church activities. I have other ones who NEED to exercise every day for their sanity. I recently discovered that I NEED time alone...no hubby, no friends, no kids...so that I can write. And I make time for that need as much as possible.

My kids know when it's "mommy time"...they are 3 and 7...and they ask for their own time and space when they need it, too. I clean my home when its messiness irritates me...and if it irritates my husband first, then he starts the cleaning and I join in.

If you love to run, as your bio says, maybe that's what you need to get out and do. If you need a date with your husband--and money's tight--do an exchange with another mom...that way she can go on a date with her husband, too.

These are just ideas...I hope you find some sense of balance...once you do, the trick will be keeping it! Good luck!

A daily and weekly schedule helped me manage...daily schedule involved things like a morning walk and a mid-morning project of some sort (finger painting, whatever) plus, of course, meals and nap-time. Then there were some standing engagements during the week...playdates with friends, a trip to the library, grocery shopping.

Of course, I only had one so you have the extra challenge of having to finding things that everyone is interested in but it can be done. Check your local paper for activities and events for kids...there's way more free stuff out there than you would imagine.

Look into family memberships for things like the zoo/aquarium or children's museum. It seems like a lot of money up front but it totally pays for itself and trust, you'll use it.

You might also want to check out Flylady.net for some tricks for managing your house. She's a bit homespun and that doesn't appeal to everyone but even if you just poke around the website for a bit and read some of her basic strategies it could be really valuable. I wish I'd discovered her when my child was smaller.

And forgive me for sounding preachy but absolutely you must remember that if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Even if it means getting up 15 minutes before everyone else or whatever, you must take care of yourself in the midst of all this. Keep some time and some activities that are just for mom. Set up a standing monthly Girls Night Out with friends, whatever, but as crazy as it all seems right now, these sweet little ones are going to grow up and not need you in the same way and you owe it to yourself to keep something that just yours. Same goes for your husband. Make sure you are creating time and space for the two of you to be friends and lovers and not just the parents of the kids. It'll make the job of parenting easier and you'll actually have something to talk about when all the kids leave home!

Good luck to you. Being an SAHM is the hardest and most rewarding job that doesn't pay money. The dividends are elsewhere. Peace.

Hi A.,

I'm a WFHM (work from home mom - not sure if that's yet an acronym - not too pretty but, there you have it) and I can't tell you how many times people have asked how I get what I do, done. I can't say, in all honesty, that I keep a perfect house or that I don't have out-of-control days. I do. However, I do have a few tricks I think have worked out well. So, for what it's worth:

1) I use this phrase a lot: "I am only one person." My kids can name that sentence in one note :-). I am not the scullery maid, meant to do endless piles of dishes and clean and cook and fold laundry constantly. I'm not the only member of this family so - even from as early as the age of 2 our children have had chores; age-appropriate tasks they can do on their own; tasks that a) help them feel important b) build esteem in a job well done c) understand their duty, value and benefit to the family, ideas we hope will one day transfer to community on a larger scale.

I started them with simple tasks built around whatever I was doing - so, if I was in the kitchen, putting dishes away, they could be sweeping the floor, for instance. It wasn't a perfect job to start, but I didn't expect perfection - just their getting used to pitching in! They helped match socks while I folded laundry, refill the napkin holder, dry and put away their dishes, etc. I also have maintained cupboards way down low that have all kid-friendly dishes and utensils so, while I'm making dinner, they can do things like clear and set the table. Plus, if they're thirsty, they have the capacity to take care of that need without asking for help all the time. Anyway - I've found that if you turn every chore you do into a shared event, where everyone is valuable to the process of this great work, it's behind you sooner than later and you actually wind up with more energy to do other things with your kids.

Drastic times call for more drastic measures - when things got really messy, I have a fun thing they actually enjoy doing with me - I made aprons for each of our girls and we play "merry modern housewife" - I know it sounds like a scene from a movie that would cause valley girls to gag (giving away my generation, I know), but they love it and are eager to do things like scrub my kitchen floor with great big sponges (and they actually do a pretty good job of it!) - WHO can't use that kind of help, I ask you?!

2) In addition to not expecting myself to be the solo one responsible for taking care of the family when it comes to cleaning, etc. - I don't believe it's my job to entertain my children constantly. Kids are amazing! I keep a craft table up at all times - a place they mess and clean, themselves. I've told my kids from early ages that every human being needs time alone - it started with naps, then 'quiet time' and now it's a stretch of time they willingly seek out on their own - to read, create or whatever. When left to their own devices, they do very creative stuff. One week, they opened a restaurant called "The Golden Pepper" and invited me to dine - sign on the door, table and chairs, menu, a chef, a waitress, fake food and a singing toddler for entertainment. Lovely - whatever did kids do without t.v. and video games...hmmmm....!

3) In our house, we do tea time nearly every afternoon. It's a chance to sit and enjoy just being - talking, eating a treat and whatever. Just a space of time every day that is about these simple pleasures - a comfort thing I guess.

4) I encourage them when they're eager to learn to cook and sew - things I obviously enjoy but things that, as they learn them, give them skills and independence. They love being in the kitchen - last night, we made lollipops. Real, old fashioned lollipops - and that was very exciting, of course!

Okay - I could go on - the point is, life is messy. It's okay to claim some 'me' time in whatever way you can. It's okay to put your kids to work, to shut down the television and learn the old ways again. Something we started a few months back is, every Friday night, we shut off all the lights and appliances and pretend we have a blackout. Just like during a storm. We cook our meal on the gas stove and hang out by candle-light. As bedtime approaches, one of us hits the lights and we all act surprised! Wow! Got the power back!!! It's amazing how much fun you can have while helping the planet, too :-).

Enjoy your time. Spend it well. If you do, the energy will follow.

WR,
T. B

Hi A.,

Check out www.flylady.net. The FLY (Finally Loving Yourself) lady, Marla, answers a lot of your questions with regard to routines, figuring out all the house "stuff" like cleaning and meal-planning, etc. The house is divided into zones that you focus on one a week, etc. I use her system and it has really cut down on the feelings of being overwhelmed with trying to do everything and be a great SAHM. I now am working, and have even let the cleaning lady go because I can stay on top of things "15 minutes" at a time!

Good luck!

First off you need to decide what is YOUR priorities and only you can do that. Routine is important and yes, daily, weekly and monthly. Many books out there to help. Include your children in the "home stuff". Even at their age they can do so much. So it isn't perfect. They will feel so good about what they can do. And DON'T go back and do it "better". This is also time with them and it CAN be play. You need to trade off with those whose children you watch for your time to yourself or date night with your husband. Date weekly with him and there is much to do that does not cost lots of money. Hope this help even a little. Hang in there you are doing a great job just loving your children and husband.

Well, I've been a working mom and then a stay at home mom for the last 4 years. I find that this "freedom" to do what I want with my time is hard for me. I feel like I was so much more organized and on top of things when I worked out side the home. I think when you are home all the time things especially housework piles up quicker. So, I've decided that if I have a to do list it helps me get through the week. It's usually for the week and then I add to it and cross things off the list as I go. I also love to show it to my husband if he asks, "What did you do all day!"
I am never bored and I don't watch tv. I'm finishing up my masters degree so I can't even relax at night when the kids are in bed! Makes me want to get back to "work"!!! :)

Your kids are still young so don't expect to get it all done. You will have to prioritize. Kids needs are immediate, so that will take much of your time. When mine were younger, my housecleaning standards were lower and my expectations of what could get done in a day were minimal.

I tried to get out and do one thing each day. That one thing might be grocery shopping, going to the park, library or to see friends. Sometimes we only made it as far as the front yard to chalk the sidewalk or to the backyard to play water. A fun outing used to be to visit Dad at work.

An idea that gave me some time to myself was to establish "quiet reading time" for an hour each afternoon. The younger kids napped (good luck) and those who didn't would read quietly to themselves. This was a time to "do your own (quiet) thing and think your own thoughts. After this time the kids watched a 1/2 hour video often chosen by them from the library. This gave me some time to get dinner going for the evening, so by the time dh got home, things looked pretty calm and under control.

Like one of the other suggestions, I do FlyLady Too. It is great, they set up small daily missions for you in a specific area of the house, there is a new area each week. There is also a new pampering mission for you each week to make sure you take a little time for yourself each day. My house stays so much cleaner now that I do everything in babysteps instead of getting overwhelmed, and I feel like I have a lot more time. They also have little daily missions for kids to help them help you around the house. Check it out! I love it. And the best part, if you fall out of the routine, it is easy to jump back in anytime.

Hi A. ~
I feel the same way most days! We just had our second child in December & it has changed our lives so much more than I imagined it would!
I have been struggling to get back on top of things around the house. I had to have an emergency c-section so I was down for several weeks after baby which made everything more difficult too.
The biggest thing I've found with the housework is just get done what you can or the things that have to get done (dishes, laundry, etc.) & then worry about some of the bigger projects for a time when hubby is home & can be in charge of the kids for a while. This has been very hard for me!!!! I am kind (husband would laugh at the kind of & say a lot) of a neat freak so a messy house bothers me more than I can even put into words.
We have a very flexible daily routine w/ the kids. Mostly it's our bedtime stuff that is very routine. Other than daily naps (Mom needs a little time too!), which even then it's not a set naptime but just as long as it happens.
We are on a fairly strict budget so I just try to find activies that are free. Like the local library does Storytime for the kids weekly. Also our library has movies that you can check out (so no rental fees) which is a nice rainy day thing to do w/ the kids. Trips to the park for a picnic & playing. Or even just walks around the neighborhood (which with gas prices is the best activity lately!). Check your local YMCA they usually have classes/activities that aren't too much for the kids.
Ok I know this is getting pretty long so I'll try to wrap it up. Time for myself is a tricky one lately. I'll be honest I have a gym membership that I'm paying for & not using. I just don't ever feel like I have the time or if I find the time have the energy. I've started trying to take at least one day a week during naptime to myself. So no chores around the house, no phone calls. Just whatever I feel like doing for a hour or so. Sometimes even a nap! Then I feel rested in the evening & can stay up a little later to watch a movie or just hang out w/ hubby (making time for him too).
I hope some of this helps you! Please pass on any suggestions that you get from others. I'm always open to trying new things & would still like to find ways to make a little more time for myself.

I recommend checking out Flylady (just google Flylady and you'll find the website)-don't know if you've heard of her but her steps (babysteps at that!) helped me get out of chaos and start enjoying my life, with four kids (two special needs) and my hubby. Hope this helps!!!!

Wow! You've gotten a lot of responses already. But boy oh boy does your scene sound familiar.

I'm a SAHM of 3 (5, 2&1/2, and 18 mos). Keeping the house clean comes down to just a routine and keeping in mind that a clean home is happier for everyone (kids, hubby and me!)

Oh, and I watch a friend's child 4 or 5 days a week, too!

I actually try to "schedule" time with the kids for play, reading, etc. Because if I don't, it won't "happen".

Time with hubby is touch-and-go... we might get a "date night" out about once a month. So I make a "date night" in after the kids are in bed. A nice meal, movie, and popcorn go a long ways with a man. I also try very hard to not say "no" or make too many excuses if I'm not "in the mood". Sometimes I just tell myself "just do it" and after a few moments I'm very glad I did.

I know all about tight budgets, so it's a lot of make-do and getting creative with what we have. And learning not to be afraid to ask for help (can I borrow a cup of sugar?)(Can Nana watch the kiddos for a couple of hours?) etc...

And as a special sanity-saver I go to a mothers' group at my Church twice a month. Getting together with other moms really saves me!

Best of Luck to you!
-B.-

I too am a stay at home mom. I have 4 children (almost 10, 6, almost 3, & almost 2)I have given up on trying to make routine a part of my life. It just seemed like the harder I tried to keep it the less I got accomplished. The oldest is in school full time and the 6 year old is in Kindergarten, and the babies are home with me 24/7. I do my house work around the babies. I play with them, involve them in helping. I found that toddlers love to "help" mommy. I let my son throw dirty cloths into the washer, and take the dry cloths out of the dryer. I found that as long as I am in the same room with them, theyare generally happy. I also am a Girl Scout Leader for both of my older daughter's troops. Luckly I have a lot of family and in-laws that are willing to come and help me out every so often. I just take it one day at a time and try not to stress myself out about accomplishing all of the house work every day. I feel good If I get at least a load of laundry washed and folded. I also have a very supportive husband who totally understands if I can't perform miracles or have the house work fairy visit every day. We too have a limited budget. I have found that the library offers a good place to entertain the kids. And we watch alot of DVD's. They enjoy picking out what movie they are going to watch, Hope it helps. The best of luck and fun for you and you family.

Hi A.,

I'm a SAHM with 2 boys, 12 months and 27 months, and as much as I love it some days I just want to pull my hair out. I work a little from home, just 5-10 hours a week.

I struggle with routeins too - I've tried chore lists and sometimes they work but then sometimes I just get too busy and fall behind. I did tell my DH that I would spend time with him every other night so I get every other night to get online or go to bed early or whatever. This has eliminated arguements that we used to have about being too tired or busy for "you know what".

I like to take the boys out on walks and/or to the playground. We take picnics and play, then when we get back home they take a good nap, or watch a movie or something to give me some time.

One thing I started doing lately is going to bed shortly after the kids and waking up really early (4am or so). I used to love my morning time before kids and would find myself feeling a bit resentful that I had to be on the clock before my eyes were even open in the morning. Now I have a good 2-3 hours to do what needs to be done before they wake up and it gets my day off to a much better start.

I also joined a gym with a great kids play area where I can leave them for 2 hours a day while I work out and shower - this has been a life saver for me.

One last thing - look for a grocery store with a kids play area. Where I live you can leave kids over 2 at a play area at Fred Meyers while you shop - I admit I told them my son was 2 when he was about 23 months, they don't ask for proof of age. Hope some of these ideas help, good luck!

I have one room in my house that i have to keep clean...the kitchen the portal where the food and mouths and germs meet. Everything else I dont sweat. my hub and I clean the living room and kids room on saturday together but have learned that with kids as young and as playful as ours are still trying to do it everydayis an up hill impossible battle, especially because i am eight months rego and cant move as fast after them. So if you and your hub are ok with it just pick one room in the houe you have to have clean on a daily basis and do just that. You have to find a center in your choas. And as for time for my self...i demand it whether it be just to go walk around target for an hour by myself or out to dinner with a girlfriend. youare at home all day with your kids it is the least your hub can do is give the kids a meal while you go find your center. And as for cheap stuff to do with them just wait until it get nicers out and you can take them to outside water parks and walks on the beach and parks...the winter and rainy days are more stay at home and build fort times for us. or i have my family all chip in and get us season passes to like the childrens museums for holiday gifts and birthdays. And i have been both a routine mom and a non routine mom with daily life. I find that the kids prefer and cooperate more with me if there is schedule. when it isnt determined when they will get a nap or when they get to watch there tv time it gets rough my three year old doesnt function well and the 15 month old gets cranky and unbearable. but thats not to say the unroutine life wouldnt work for your family it is all family by family i think.

I think having a schedule in place allows me to keep my sanity if we get off track, because I know exactly where I need to jump back on to keep things flowing. I also think consistency gives kids confidence and makes them happier. If my kids didn't know that lunch was always after morning playtime, I think they would drive me nuts by begging and asking "when is it lunch time?". I also think a schedule helps them associate events and time sequencing. Since I homeschool, I am always looking for ways to incorporate learning into life and this helps. We use a "My Happy Day" chart that I made. It is round like a clock,and has a rising sun, full sun, setting sun,and moon at the 12,3,6,and 9 position. I have four kids under age five, so they cannot all read. In between the suns/moon, I have clipart or digital pictures that I have taken of my kids doing the job that they are supposed to do at that particular time. For example: Wake Up!, Make Bed, Get Dressed, Brush Teeth, Brush Hair, Breakfast Time, etc. The chart is laminated and I glued a large magnet to it so it sticks on the fridge. I laminated an extra sheet of the job pictures, and cut out and glued magnet to them too. When they complete a task, they place the matching picture magnet on top of the picture on the chart, and if they use all their magnets, they have had a "Happy Day". My kids actually love to do things on their own, and race each other to see who can get their chart finished first. This keeps me from telling them what to do. They just know what comes next on the chart, and can do it at their own pace. I too struggle with the juggle. I have days where my kids and I have a blast, but the house goes to pot, or vice versa. I just know that my kids are more important to me than the house, so I make them the priority. However, it is so much more fun to play hide and seek, or buid forts in a clean house.

wow. you rock. i only have one daughter (3yrs old), and am a stay at home mama as well. our rhythm is pretty basic. we have breakfast, she has her solo play time while i pick up after breakfast...we do some kind of a.m. activity (painting, park, library, play date, etc.). we do lunch about 12:30-1pm, then do some around the house stuff (she doesn't nap). she'll help me make beds, do laundry, bake. she's at the age where she loves to help. even washing windows or cabinets is helpful. we usually go outside in the afternoon, even if it is raining outside. it is so needed! after that, we just play...at 4pm i start dinner. this is the hardest part of the day for me. but if i can get her involved with something like cutting veggies, coloring, doing play-do...it works. dinner at 5pm, sometimes papa will be home. play and read books...papa time. bath at 6ish. bed at 7ish. then i get my personal time if papa is out, or i get my partner time if he is in. her going to bed earlier has definatley helped me. who i am. i have more time to do what i want to. read, write, go out, do yoga, oh my god...be intimate ! i know you have three kids and it is so much different than one. but going outside, having them help you with house chores, and playing iwth each other are good things to consider. much luck to you. and keep your chin up. be strong. you'll make it through. you are doing what's best for your kids...and it's all worth it. ~s

I know this is late I haven't been on in a while but one thing that help us out a lot is we have a calendar (fill in the blank no dates type one) and have a 6 weeks schedule because of my husbands rotating schedule and we divy up the duties around the house i obviously have a few more then him through out the days and have a few nightly task those being (toys, and kitchen/dishes counters). On the days my hubby has off he has a chore to do that doesn't take more then 1/2 hour. and on the days he does work he has no chore just has to help with the nightly task. And then during the day I have one tasks/chore to do besides Cooking dinner and keeping up with the kids many many messes. ( a chore is usually something like bathrooms/computer desk/clean hardwood floors/vacuum/dust downstairs,upstairs/maintain kids drawers/kids room/our room....you get the idea) and each task/chore take usually no more then 1/2 hour so not to feel overwhelmed. I have found that this works really really well. The days my husband has off I tackle the bigger chores like laundry.

We do not really have a strict daily routine outside the norm we have as I stated before more of a weekly routine. And we do have mandatory time alone with each child for each of us for at least 1/2 hour (it is kinda a chore...lol)otherwise my husband would never have one on one time with the kids.

I've been working with flylady.com also, but on top of that I have been referred to and started implementing cozi.com to keep me on top of flylady stuff! lol... what an electronic worlld I live in! Cozi has a great interactive calendar that you can personalize for every person in your family. It helps keep me on tasks for the day and also to see what is coming up in the day. I have my children's chores (3 of the 4 are pre-teen/teenagers) and I also do home childcare so that keeps me on the ball as well. They have a web-based program or you can download it onto you main computer and both sync themselves on their own.
The very best feature on it that I have found as of yet is the list making feature. You can keep several ongoing lists and if you find yourself at a store that you had a list for you can call and it will txt itself to your phone! Hows that for technology! You can also text it to your phone if you are going to be going to the store to help eliminate paper waste.
Wait, that's not the best part. The best part is that is's all free.
Check it out, I don't know how I lived without it! cozi.com

Hi A. -
I have 3 kids as well and run a business from home. It's hard to juggle it all, but I have learned that some things just have to slide. SOmetimes my house is not as clean as it could be and my kids don't get as much attention as I would like, but think about the fact that you are home with them. That, in and of itself, is fantastic. Two of mine are in elementary school, so I guess my situation is a little different. Can you rely on family to watch the kids while you do other things like manage the house/spend time with your husband/run? I know you've probably heard this before, but ask your husband for help - ask specifically and often and I bet he will step in. WE don't have a routine at all - like is chaotic, but I think it's better that way.

Hi A.,
You and I are in the same situation, maybe you and I can work together to figure out how to work out timing. I also have 3 small kids and my oldest is 3 with a husband that works lots of hours to make ends meet, so when it comes to the weekend he tends to take a break rather than help out. Me I do have a daily routine and weekly routine worked out, where there's things I do every day with extra little things I do once a week, I'm still trying to work out fitting exercise into my schedule, if I do that I need to fit sleep into my schedule better. So if you want, we can use each others ideas to make a good routine out for both of us, my e-mail address is ____@____.com if you want to reach me the easiest.
~A. S

I'm glad to see several references to Flylady.net. She has been a lifesaver for me for about 6 years. When I first heard of the site my sons were 6,8 and 11. I haven't followed it to the letter for the full six years but the principals I learned and habits I formed have stuck and made my life so much easier in all stages of my boys growth. Hubby appreciates it too. When I slip and let things get overwhelmingly chaotic I don't freak because I know that with just a couple of days of using Flylady's tips I can have my life and home under some semblance of order again. One caution - it's a big website, getting bigger all the time, so don't try to do everything. Just start at the beginning and take baby steps. Using a timer is one of the greatest tricks I've learned! Good luck:)

A.,

I think it's been three weeks since I last vacuumed (maybe more), but I do spend time with my kids. My house is not spotless, but it is clean. There is a balance here that has to be met. Often I ask myself "what's more important, playing with my kids or scrubbing a clean wall?" It's a matter of priorities in my book.

To keep things from getting blah at home I have my 4 1/2 year old signed up for various activities at our local YMCA throughout the week. We also have a VERY loose schedule. nothing is set in stone, and it's very flexible.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

I homeschool my 9 and 3.5 year old daughters and I am a stay at home Mom. I have to be honest and tell you that it is always a struggle to "fit everything in" and sometimes we just don't. Some things DO get short shrift. We have to focus on which items are the most important and our REAL reasons for staying home. In our house, that means that the housekeeping is often very minimal to keep the place sanitary and DH helps with chores like the laundry. You might need a family meeting with your DH and make a list of all the things that you feel that you must get to in a typical day. I'm sure you will both find that staggering. The Five and three year old children can help by setting tables, putting away toys, sorting laundry, and other simple chores. Your job will get easier as the children get older, especially as the toddlers get out of diapers and become more independent. I spend the lion's share of time schooling, playing with and just being with my daughters and DH works 4 days a week for 10 hours a day to get rid of one commute so that he may spend more time with us as a family. I always remember one of the older women in La Leche league that said that people need to come first, before things. I remember that when the beds don't get made and dishes may remain in the sink for longer than a few hours. You may also have to look at what types of things you can cut out. Watching other people's kids is one real time sponge that takes alot out of you and away from your own kids. I used to do pet sitting but after having my second child, I had to be honest and admit that with homeschooling, I didn't have any real time for that so I did away with that business until I do have more time and energy.

Good luck! Staying at home with your kids IS a full time job and should be respected as such. Doing a good job with your children is the most important job you will ever have and you won't ever have a second chance to redo it.

H.

It is hard to juggle it all! I am also a SAHM who also babysits and am in the process of starting a new busines w/my husband and father in law and trying to learn it. I try to keep charts to look at and have to have my phone ring to remind me to go to appointments and the bus stop. It is very crazy at times. I look at it that this is how life is at this point and time in my life and it will get better. Unfortunately time with your husband has to be scheduled in! But when the baby is sleeping, put on a movie or cartoons for the younger ones. Best of luck.
S.@

Oh how to funny, I am a stay at home mother of three also. (5,3 and 15 months) plus I watch another child from 1-4:30pm. From dishes to laundry how do I find time. I have to make it. I get up take husband to work with all three kids come home get my oldest ready for preschool then take her to school that leaves me with the two youngest and I lay my baby back down and my three year old gets to watch pbs until 11:30 when barney comes on them me and her have time together as baby wakes up then we play... I fix lunch then pick up my oldest and another child bring everyone home and we all go outside our play inside until we go to pick up my husband and at night kids go to bed at a set time and me and my husband have time to ourselves before we go to bed. The weekends is all family and friends time.. LOL I know I make it sound easy but, your kids are only young for a short while enjoy them while you can. I run throu puddles with my girls and teach them how to make mud pies and if my dishes don't get done, or the laundry doesn't get folded oh well. You will have great memories with your kids and your husband will love you more. LOL have a wonderful day.

Hi SAHM, Just a note to let you know you have the best years of your life right now. All 5 of my children are grown and married ranging from 36 to 26

# 1. First and formost is you and your husband, take the time for him. (The way I did that was every Friday nite put the kids to bed by 8:00 pm and then made a (romantic dinner with candles and all)(the kids need to see that your husband matters.

2. For you limited budget, you can take the kids to the libary. There is also church activities such as AWANA, that do not cost much, some time a small fee and if you are unable to pay sometimes they have a fund the people donate to help families that can not afford. I also took my kids for walks to see the beautful world God made for us. things as simple as a flower, bird, trees. Get excited be young again with you children. Get down to their level.

3. As my mom told me the house will always be there to be cleaned and scrub, the kids are not with you that long. They will get to be teen agers and not want to be seen with you. (But always stay involved anway you can room mom, or what ever. I covered the spectom, cubbies mom, Sunday school mom, room mom, PTA mom and finally JROTC mom, it was the greatest of times. It is taught in the Bible that old women should help teach the young, I hope you will find this of some help, Your Email friend ____@____.com AKA (Cindy)

Hi A.,

I can relate! (-: Being a mom is a very hard job - espeically being a SAHM. I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 15 month old.

Some things I do to stay on top of things are - meal and snack planning. I play the Grocery Game (www.thegrocerygame.com) - you can get something similar for free from couponmom.com. This organizes my coupons and sales for the week. I do all my grocery shopping on Sunday when hubby is home and meal plan for one week at a time (including snacks). This helps me keep my grocery bill down and I feel more organized about what I'm going to make for dinner, etc.

I also have a few routine outings we do every week that are free or close to being free (mother's group at church, bible study, and MOPS www.mops.org). These places have free childcare and allow me to visit with other moms and let me have a few minutes to myself. In the summer time, I try to line up play dates in advance for picnics in the park or beach,etc. Also, Kirkland has free concerts on wednesday mornings for kids starting in July.

I found if I get out of the house, I have much more energy to focus on the kids and hubby the rest of the day.

Hope this helps!!!

Our kids are 7,5 and 4 and believe me, I know what you're talking about! We also homeschool and you know, you just have to resovle things in your own mind that it's really okay to not get everything done and if you are "doing life" with your kids then your house will be somewhat cluttered and WHO CARES, besides us. It's hard not to fall into the perfect mother/wife syndrome, but you have to define that for yourself and your family. Our kids are now old enough that we have incorporated chore charts for them and that really helps a lot with all the little things around the house. You're doing a great job and just know that we all go through times when we feel like you. Be encouraged in knowing that you're not alone.

I do a through clean of a room a day, except for Sundays which is my day of rest in which I don't do any housework except for cooking and washing dishes unless I really want to. When my kids were the ages then yours I would have one day of the month that we as a family went on an outing, a trip to a cool park, maybe the zoo, or going to Seattle and windows shoping at Pike's Place Market or the waterfront. Finding time for myself is something I am still working on. The trick for that is chosing something you want to do and scheduling in your life. Currently I am soaking my feet and at times letting become a home pedicure after every training walk I do for the Seattle Breast Cancer 3-Day. Where it comes to hubby I first aknowledge how hard he works day then I pionted out how he work day ends and how my didn't really end until I went to bed and asked him if he could do dishes after dinner and maybe some of the housework on his days off. Since then he does help out though he does need reminders at times.

A.,

I think the real issue here is how do you and your husband picture the house looking like in order for you both to feel comfortable. If you were in a business working for someone else you wouldn't let your paperwork or projects pile up would you? You are the manager of your house, so set your standards for how you want to run things. I would watch how long it takes for you to feel uncomfortable about items, such as; laundry, dishes/kitchen, beds/bedroom, toilets/bathroom, floors, walls, and etc.

Once you have established your standards you can decide how you want to go about accomplishing your tasks. Think about this in terms of you being the manager and you are establising the way you would like your business to run. You can set the example for the rest of the family and it will become the norm. You can also give tasks out to other family members when they are ready and you are ready to take the time to train them. It helps to make sure your husband knows how to do the task well first and then the two of you can switch off at training the younger ones.

I believe in this way of thinking because it puts me in charge of my life and lets me establish my way of living. What keeps me going and motivated is that I am training my children to be active in their environment and taking the steps to be responsible for their lives. My reward is meeting my standards and way of living and watching my little ones do the same. It doesn't get any better than that!

One more thing, please keep in mind that there are days when people are tired or have too much on their plate due to circumstances out of their control. This is the time to be quick on your feet and go out to eat to avoid a mess or plan a simple meal like soup. If you need to take a day off then since it's your business you should find a sitter and train her to do the tasks that are her duties as a sitter. This will give you a break when you are at your limit and give you a piece of mind to know you can rely on someone else if needed. If possible, pair up with another mom so you can share and support each other with your family values so you are not doing it alone. bouncing off ideas from places like mamasource and mom groups is an important aspect of sharing and planning ideas. Really, it's about you and your family, so work with them without giving up your standards and they will learn to do the same.

Take Care,
G.